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The President of All Media.Have you downloaded Al Qaeda’s new summer jam PDF online magazine? No? Maybe that is because a) you’re not really “trying to decide whether to join the jihad against the West,” or b) the magazine sucks. Slate‘s Christopher Beam, last seen taking Liz Cheney’s Weeping Eagle Award home from a bar, has some helpful advice for the publishers of Al Qaeda’s Inspire. Like, you dumbasses, have you heard of HTML, or blogging? Who wants to download a 67-page PDF? Is Al Qaeda trying to kill us all by inkjet depletion?

Improve SEO. You’re harder to find than Osama. Type inspire into Google, and you get pharmaceutical companies, roofing services, and hair products. Search engines favor articles with keywords like jihad and al-Qaida at the top. Instead of vague metaphors like “The West Should Ban the Niqab Covering Its Real Face,” use straightforward SEO-friendly headlines like “Die Filthy Western Infidels Jihad Al-Qaida 9/11.”

This is good advice for Wonkette contributors, too!

What Inspire really needs is an editor as sociopathic and anti-American as what’s his name, Brietbart. A real Hollywood slimeball who will sit up all night pecking out Twitter posts against the United States! [Slate]

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