vulgar displays of power

Jody Hice Cruises Into Runoff; Who Will Wonkette Make (Or Break) Next?

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Couldn't find another picture, but then nobody ever needs to take another picture, of anybody, ever againIt is hard not to become drunk with power when, less than 24 hours after you issue an emergency endorsement on a whim of some Georgia nobody with a funny website, said nobody finds himself toe-to-toe in the runoff with the chief staff of the guy he’s running to replace, with the Tea Party-backed supposed frontrunner home crying so much, because he lost, to Jody Hice. But we will try our hardest to remain sober with power, and use our powers only for good/hilarity. Let’s find out more about the man who would be Congressman, and, if all goes well, President in 2012.

First, PROOF from reputable publication “the Hill” that Wonkette’s endorsement upended conventional wisdom in this race:

In a surprise Tuesday, the former chief of staff to retiring Rep. John Linder (R-Ga.) finished first in a crowded Republican primary, but it wasn’t enough to avoid an August runoff.

Rob Woodall won 37 percent of the vote with radio host Jody Hice coming in second at 26 percent. State Rep. Clay Cox won’t even make it into the August runoff finishing third with 20 percent of the vote.

Cox was considered the frontrunner in the 7th District, though most observers thought a runoff was likely. Cox was a favorite of Tea Party groups in the state and had the backing of the state’s GOP establishment including Gov. Sonny Perdue and state House Speaker David Ralston.

Ha ha, sad Tea Party maniac got beat when Tea Partiers, reading their #1 source of political news (Wonkette), saw that Jody Hice loves the hell out of the constitution, and owns a rifle.

Now this is the part where, having built Hice up, we destroy him! Hice was in the news back in 2008, when he got in trouble with the IRS. Seems our boy Jody is a preacher of some sort, on the radio and in person, and when he told his parishioners they should vote for McCain, this was a violation of some arcane law about “separation of church and state” that threatened to undo his church’s tax dodge status. The Black Entertainment Network’s news blog had the story, along with a snide comment about how the Revolutionary War era, which Jody loves so much, wasn’t so good for black people, especially the ones who were owned by white people. Typical negative nellies, living in the past! What does Jody have to say about mixing politics and religion, as he skulks around the kitchen of his vast mansion?

That’s right, fancy judge man who tries to take away Jody’s tax-exempt status! You’re gonna get impeached!

In other Georgia primary news, the Republican governor’s nomination will also go to a runoff between some dude named Nathan Deal and and a lady named Karen Handel. Handel has been endorsed by Sarah Palin, but is in trouble with Georgia Right To Life because she supports abortion being legal in cases of rape and incest, which, seriously, Georgia, Jesus Christ. [The Hill/BET/NYT]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Troubledog

    Real Name: Jaquinto Haciado. Deep cover agent. The Mexicans mean us no good.

  • Mr Blifil

    Gay as hell.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=622111]Troubledog[/re]: Code name: Senor’ Lensflare Crotch.

  • JooJoo Bee

    So, we’re absolutely sure this isn’t just Jim Belushi ragging on us, right?

  • cheeto_jeebus

    Okay, what in hell is going on with Jacquinto’s pants? and why the hell is there Close Encounters light sparkle trails all over his crotch?
    It’s like alien splooge.

  • JMP

    Speaking as one of the “militant atheists”, I want to ask Mr. Hice why he hates the Constitution.

  • weejee

    Josh, thank you for all your clickies. You learn so much in the clickies. For example at the BET clickie, I learned that Jody Hice is the force behind the Black History Month Lynch and Learn movement. Thank you for that, but won’t that help bodacious Bode Jody get elected in Georgia’s 7th District?

  • fictional character

    pour one out for all of the good people of georgia who are currently unable to escape the state of georgia.

  • Decker

    Judging by his pants, he’s watching Sarah Palin and Nikki Haley trade long, soft, wet kisses.

    Wait, he’s a Republican. So it’s probably McCain and Graham tonguing while Steele cups them.

  • fictional character

    also, when did people start thinking that government officials can get impeached for actually literally following their job description?

  • x111e7thst

    [re=622124]Mr Blifil[/re]: Minces and flounces most unappealingly. My prison wife was twice the man Jody could ever hope to be.

  • ttommyunger

    As a legal and full-time Resident of the Sovereign State of Dumbfukistan for the last 41 years, I can truly and succinctly state that it really doesn’t matter which beady-eyed, sweaty cousin fucker you elect down here; they’re all about the same. I mean, really; in a run-off between Larry, Moe and Shemp, why bother? On the bright side: “Summmmmmertime……and the women are eaaaasy!”.

  • Lazy Media

    That’s Nathan “Steal and” Deal. Resigned from Congress in March so that the Ethics Committee would back off on his little habit of leanin’ on the Georgia Leg to benefit his sole-source state contractor bidness. So he’s for the Constitution and liberty!

    Of course, Newt Gingrich has endorsed him, as will probably the other two major losers in this four-way race, because girls, ew.

    Handel’s nowhere near crazy enough for Georgia Republicans, but Sarah likes her, so it could go either way. Regardless, good ol’ Roy Barnes is probably going to win in November (commuter trains for Atlanta!), and maybe this time he won’t piss off the teachers. The teabaggers hate, hate, HATE him, mainly for taking the confederate battle flag off Georgia’s state flag, but they’re outnumbered by blacks and Messicans (although most Georgia Messicans can’t vote, because of a little paperwork issue).

  • doxastic

    So wait, the Tea Party is now getting Tea Partied by even crazier factions with their own fringe radio shows? Will establishment God’n’Gunners then get split on birther/truther lines? How far can the regress go?!

  • actor212

    We got him into a TIE?!?!?!?!?


    ¹ Because we’re liberals and according to the right wing smear machine we want everyone to win so no one’s feelings get hurt, a tie is as good as a win.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    He’s going to need more red, white and blue if he’s going to pull this off.

  • PlanetWingnuta

    [re=622145]fictional character[/re]: When they started with Clinton over a blow job…that opened the floodgates in thise morans minds.

  • An Outhouse

    Jodie’s magic penis protector has a hole in it and the magic is leaking out.

  • ZombieRichardFeynman

    I finally figured out why the sound track sounds so familiar. It’s a generic video game first-person-shooter soundtrack.

  • Boojum

    [re=622151]doxastic[/re]: The Tea Party vs. Republicans feud will continue to fracture until each of them is against every other one and they are all sitting at home, shouting at the TV and FRANTICALLY TYPING ABOUT THE TREASON OF THE MUSLIN ABORTIONIST COMMIE SOCIALIST JOHN BIRCH SOCIETY111!!!!!11

  • Radiotherapy

    I’m apologize to anyone whose musical cortex is poisoned for the rest of the day, but this guy is no, Mike, Mike, Mike….Mike Weinstein

  • fictional character

    [re=622174]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: but at least it wasn’t clinton’s job to get blown. …officially.

    i just keep seeing all of this ‘impeach obama for signing a bill into law’ or ‘impeach pelosi for holding a vote on the floor’ talk. those things are exactly the things that they are supposed to be doing…

    certainly a far cry from ‘impeach bush for consciously circumventing the federal court system to tap my phone without proper authorization or oversight.’

  • JMP

    [re=622145]fictional character[/re]: It’s in the Constitution; “The President, Vice President and all civil Officers of the United States, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, Oral Sodomy, or the making of decisions a Member of the House of addled mind does not agree with”.

  • DoktorZoom

    Wow, the music! Is he running for Congress, or for Magic Elf Gold Quest Leader?

  • detective bennett

    Whatever, I’ve seen the latest Rush Limbaugh newsletter that photo-shopped his fat ass riding the back of a giant freedom eagle. The ball’s in your court, Mr. Hice.

  • PlanetWingnuta

    [re=622162]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: and more magical crotch lights! (isn’t there a word for it in stephen king’s novel IT? oh yeah Deadlights!!!

  • user-of-owls

    “Whom the Wonkettes would destroy, they first make famous.”

  • Geogre

    I brought up his “victory,” before.

    This is a good sign for Wonkette’s power over its vast audience of far right wing fundamentalist Republican primary voters in Georgia, but it’s a bad sign otherwise, as it again says, “Radio crackpot is the best qualification for office you can have.”

    Hice’s constitutional views are unconstitutional, but that just puts him in the middle of the pack for the GOP.

    McBerry (the candidate for GOP House primary who wouldn’t say the Pledge of Allegiance because of the “indivisible” word) lost, but McKinney won in the same district, and this guy claims to be a Tea Party candidate. So far as I could tell, he was just the boring old establishment GOP candidate, with the full machine behind him.

    I’m incredibly disappointed that SaraPAC has a “win.”

  • GOPCrusher

    Sounds homophobic. The IRS goes after Jody Hice for using his pulpit to influence how his parishioners vote, but yet they give The Coral Ridge Ministries a free pass? Obviously the IRS has an anti-gay agenda.

  • bago

    [re=622184]ZombieRichardFeynman[/re]: Little known fact, many of the DOOM tracks were actually ripped off from alice in chains basslines.

  • Jim89048

    Way to step up, Wonkette, since no Colbert Bump may occur while Colbert is on vacation.

  • Brendan

    Everytime the judgemans do theyre job, I forgot what Jesus is! EEEEK! This reminds me of the time I met an athiest and immediately forgot how to get to my church or even put on my Klansman uniform. It was just awful. Intolerant, oppresive mind powers!

    The black robed Judicial tyrants probably want to make the pledge leave out the words “under God” like the original, athiest version! Once Kagan is confirmed and the court is almost ideologically identical, she’s going to change it to say One Nation in turbans under Allah .. oh. . what? The court is still ideologically conservative and regularly decides important constitutional questions by incredibly slim margins and conservatives have nothing to worry about?