Gallup Comes Up With Solution To Social Security Insolvency

 
 There has long been a lot of pessimism over Social Security. Those good-for-nothing Baby Boomers are going to bankrupt the system, just like they did to Lehman Brothers and Groovy Acid-Tripping, Inc. back in the day. But something came out today: Gallup took a poll and quantified that pessimism. It turns out 6 out of 10 workers do not believe Social Security will be able to pay them a benefit when they retire. That quantification may seem like a simple statement of fact, but really it's a SOLUTION.

And that solution: Give Social Security to those who think they will get it, and don't give Social Security to those who think they won't! WE DID IT! THE SYSTEM WORKS!

The government should never try to operate beyond its citizens' expectations, because when it does, people get disappointed. But if it operates exactly to expectations, everyone is mildly content. Hooray!

The government just needs to casually ask this question of every American worker and record their response, and then we are home free.

The check for our $35 billion consulting fee can be made out to Wonkette Media, Congress. You're welcome, America. [ Gallup ]