Shocker: Democrats Pass Popular Law, May Win Election

  this post is an emotional rollercoaster

IN YOUR FACE DEWEYIt will of course be physically impossible for the Democratic Party to keep control of the House and Senate after the upcoming midterm elections. This is because, after sneakily running as the more conservative of the two major American political parties in 2008, they immediately launched a full-on Marxist agenda upon taking office, by regulating the extremely unpopular private health insurance industry, and making changes to the regulatory apparatus governing the financial services industry that destroyed the world economy a few months back. And now every last American voter is just itchin’ to put Nancy Pelosi out of a job and make “lowering taxes” the only thing it would be legal for the House of Representatives to do and WHOAH HEY WHAT’S THIS? “Democrats this week have jumped into a 6-percentage-point generic-ballot edge for November’s election, according to a new Gallup poll.”

This news comes via the Politico, an elaborate pyramid scheme that funds an online political journalism sweatshop by selling ad space in a “print edition” that is flung angrily at fleeing Metro commuters. The Politico has been one of the main weavers of the “Democrats have no hope because they are being so liberal, fulfilling their campaign promises” narrative, so you can imagine their shock and horror when they heard the following:

In her analysis, Gallup’s Lydia Saad speculated that the generic ballot bump for Democrats this past week could be due to the passage of financial reform.

“The financial reform bill is the second-biggest piece of legislation to get through Congress this year, after healthcare reform, and it enjoyed majority support,” Saad wrote. “According to a USA Today/Gallup poll in June, 55% of Americans were in favor of legislation expanding government regulation of financial institutions — including 72% of Democrats and 56% of independents. Only Republicans were generally opposed.”

Don’t worry, though, because this poll only favors generic (i.e., nonexistent) Democrats. Once voters are confronted with the actual loathsome liberal attempting to win election under the “Democrat” banner, they will inevitably vote for Jody Hice or whoever. The fact that, as Bloomberg reports, Republicans are raising lots more money in races for open seats won’t help. Americans love money, and things that can be purchased with money! And Bloomberg’s own polling shows the generic ballot tied. So, don’t get rid of all those bright orange “Speaker Boehner” commemorative t-shirts just yet. [Politico/Bloomberg]

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

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46 comments

  1. rafflesinc

    I’ve always wondered about the accuracy of polls. No, not the kind of statistical babble spouted by BFF Nate Silver. More like typographical errors. You know, the transposition of two numbers and BAM. Narrative of talking heads changes.

  2. Mad Brahms

    Way to kick conventional wisdom while it’s down, Josh.

    In other news, Politico now has a Saad. (insert rimshot; i’m here all week, folks!)

  3. actor212

    Of course, this is good news for McCain’s Presidential campaign.

    It’s this: Americans believed the anti-Obama hype, searched for an alternative. They looked at the GOP and the people who are generally supporting them, and decided they didn’t like being teabagged, so they stuck with the lesser of two evils.

    This is why I support the party of Cthulhu: why choose the lesser evil?

  4. x111e7thst

    No Democrat will ever win anything, ever again because the American people love Jeebus, tax cuts and guns. Also no American Patriot (male) will vote for a candidate who does not at least offer to teabag him in an interstate rest stop.

  5. weejee

    an online political journalism sweatshop

    Does the OSHA require that Politiblo provide lip balm to their minions?

  6. ManchuCandidate

    Who knew that being pals with the odious Chamber of Commerce, the scumbags on Wall St and shitting on the unemployed, who are like the olds living on cat food and have not much else to do, might backfire?

  7. Gorillionaire

    I suppose this is nice news and all but mostly I just love the “flung at fleeing commmuters” thingy.

  8. Mad Brahms

    [re=621244]ManchuCandidate[/re]: You mean the teabagger “free market!” fundamentalists *aren’t* a representative sample of the american public?! Quick, someone tell CNN!

  9. hockeymom

    All I want to know, will Lindsay Lohan be out of jail in time to vote for a dem? Tim Pawlenty says felons love democrats.

  10. JMP

    Why isn’t the Republican strategy of using the filibuster to block extensions of unemployment benefits and letting the insane take over the party’s public message helping them in the polls?

  11. SayItWithWookies

    When the polls are in your favor it’s because you have the finger on the pulse of the American people. When the polls are against you it’s because your opponent is a substance-free windsock who focus-groups every policy decision before adopting it. And all good Republicans know that if Obama was a real leader, he’d have a 23% approval rating like that previous guy who made the world safe for Jesus’ return.

  12. BlueStateLiberal

    If Wall Street had burned down the entire country, and the governmnent had at great expense rebuilt it, and then tried to pass a law banning Wall Street from burning things the shit down, at least 56% of Repubatards would be against it, that’s how retarded they are.

  13. Katydid

    This news comes via the Politico, an elaborate pyramid scheme that funds an online political journalism sweatshop by selling ad space in a “print edition” that is flung angrily at fleeing Metro commuters.

    Best, most accurate, description of Politico ever. Also funniest.

  14. Monsieur Grumpe

    I’m sure this bill passing will soon be the reason that Golden-Saks profits are down 83%.

  15. just pixels

    OH NONO. Does this mean the Republicans may not be able to return us the magical George Bush (#43) policies? He kept us safe (except on one particular day). He left no child behind (except a few did get left behind). He cut taxes then grew government and the deficit and the debt — coulda used a tea party or two back then, lemme tell you. And he only ignored parts of the Constitution, unlike certain Kenyans I could mention.

    Come on GOP – take us back to the good old days!

  16. freakishlystrong

    Look for 100% “yay” vote this afternoon on the unemployment extension. Ummm..Yay!?? Then they’ll go right back to screaming about DEFICITS!!1

  17. mustardman

    Oh yea, if your not happy with Pelosi you gonna luv Bohner! That is the choice and you know what. I gotta believe people are not that stupid but they did elect Bush Jr…TWICE soooooooo…I give the survival of the human race a 50/50 shot.

  18. dijetlo

    No, no, NO! The cake is baked, I heard it on Harballs, Charley Cook (Right Nut) of the Glorious and Infallible “Cook Report” was telling Tweety (Left Nut) that it’s over, finito, do-la the Democrats have failed the aged Social Security recipients who vote in the mid term elections with their rampant Maoisms and now will be tossed on the ash bin of history as we elect the new and improve Republican Party, dba The Tea Bagger Collective, now with more Constitutionalification!

  19. V572625694

    The gods may deem it impudent to ascribe too much importance to the generic Repub/Dem poll data, since it has no meaning whatsoever. Most people will vote for the incumbent hacks who lavish local pork on them. Of course that isn’t “news.”

  20. Zadig

    [re=621271]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: Not only that, but mainstream media outlets would swear that passage of such a bill would be political suicide.

  21. JMP

    [re=621259]hockeymom[/re]: Lohan is a bit confused and unsure if she’s a Democrat, a Republican sometimes attracted to liberal policies, or bipartisan.

  22. charlesdegoal

    Saad is obviously a Muslim plant, judging by her name, and accordingly deserves little credence.

  23. Come here a minute

    Fortunately my district’s Democratic House candidate is a generic Democrat, so he should have no problem holding on to his seat.

  24. Aurelio

    Democratic Party…launched a full-on Marxist agenda …
    If this is the dictatorship of the proletariat, I’ll eat my twat.

  25. SmutBoffin

    Jody Hice = Tim James + Mike Huckabee. He’s a fucking Voltron, but of made of piety and guns that still have the price tag on them, not lions

  26. BobTheBuilder

    I don’t understand. Everyone knows the Republicans would do a better job regulating oil exploration and the financial markets.

  27. Jim89048

    [re=621286]V572625694[/re]: HA! One of Sharron Angle’s new ads bemoans the fact that Harry Reid hasn’t brought home enough pork to Nevaduh. In this case, I can only hope the people will vote for the incumbent hack, then start recruiting his replacement, immediately. Love the guy, but I’m tired of being “governed” by the olds.

  28. Libbygirl

    [re=621252]Mad Brahms[/re]: And please mention it to NPR while you’re at it. They can’t shut up about the supposed teabagger ‘phenomenon’ either.

  29. bureaucrap

    Everyone knows you can’t win an election legitimately taking the side of the average americans. That’s why FDR had to steal the 1936, 1940 and 1944 elections (In 1932 he was *pretending* to be a bastion of Wall Street hegemony, so it doesn’t count as stolen).

  30. pdiddycornchips

    Anthony Weiner’s NY office is literally across the hallway from mine. I see him all the time. He actually talks to me on occasion and I can report he’s not worried about being in the minority. He knows the wingnuts will overplay their hand like they always do. They will gain some seats probably but it won’t be enough to shift control and it will likely fall far short of expectations. Glenn Beck will cry, Wolf will spin this as bad news for liberals and Democrats will continue to miss every opportunity to actually govern this f*cked country in a responsible way.

  31. Manos: Hands of Fate

    Say what you want pollsters, but the GOP is going to take back Congress this November and it’s going to awesome. By 2014, we will likely resemble the world of Mad Max and by 2020, we will be in Thunderdome territory.

  32. Libbygirl

    [re=621274]ArkansasFred[/re]: LOL–you hit the nail on the head! One of the most obnoxious Republitards I ever worked with back in the Reagan years had a mail-order bride. She left his lard-filled fugly mean-spirited ass once she learned enough English to escape. I think of him every time I read some Tea-tard ALL-CAPS rant.

    Thanks for the memories!!

  33. Mad Brahms

    [re=621329]Libbygirl[/re]: I know! But I think maybe they’re trying to give them airtime so that they can a) rightly claim not to have “ignored” them when conservatives bag on public radio again and b) give them an opportunity to embarrass themselves, on the radio, though only we bleeding heart libs listen to / care about NPR anyway.

    Or it could just be morbid fascination.

    [re=621339]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Can’t we just get *beyond* thunderdome? (Sorry, I’ve been waiting to use that joke since, well, I first saw it on TV)

  34. mcc

    Quick, run ads against Tim Geithner until we convince everyone the wall street bill is some sort of betrayal

  35. GOPCrusher

    Despite all the polls and the poutrage over the economy, watching last Sunday’s Press The Meat, it was hilarious to watch Cornyn and Sessions squirm when pressed on the issue of just what are the Republiklans going to offer to get people to vote for them.
    The American public still blames The Idiot Prince for our current economic woes and a return to those policies don’t appear to be palatable to the voting public.
    The calls to “take America back” is falling on deaf ears. Sadly enough, if the Republiklans gain one seat in the House we are going to have to listen to their bullshit for another two years.

  36. Capitol Hillbilly

    This poll is an ephemeral oddity. The GOP will be back in business when they unleash their “Drill Baby Drill!” ad campaign.

  37. GreyPanter

    [re=621267]JMP[/re]: [re=621244]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Brilliant, exquisite snark! God bless you, in a secular sense. Perhaps the applicable dynamic in play here is that the working class folks were willing to vote against their own economic interests to save the lives of unborn babies in 2000 and 2004, but in 2010 are not willing to vote against their material interests for the vague idea of reducing the influence of the federal government. Their attention span permits the Repbubliclowns one issue only, and the Repubs may have chosen the wrong issue.

  38. Can O Whoopass

    No American GOoper will vote for a Pug who does not at least offer to teabag him in an international airport in Nummnuts, Idaho.
    No teabaggin’, no vote, Morans!

  39. Rush'

    [re=621267]JMP[/re]: Ah but you also forgot their most astute calculation of them all: blocking 30 billion in unemployment because it will add to the debt while arguing no readjustments should be made for 700 billion in tax cuts for the rich because as we all know, it’s just “liberating” the poor and abused wealthy, and who could ever force a readjustment for such a noble pursuit?

  40. Mad Farmer Manifest

    [re=621339]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Fucking awesome. I’m stocking up on guns, cheese, and canned dog food. Also, the juice. The sweet, sweet juice.

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