oily pelicans

Don’t Worry About the Tiny Bubbles On Day 92

  • I can't see through my sexy Wonkette glasses with all this oil.Now that the oil spill/disaster/catastrophe is finally over (?!), BP is looking into another option to seal the well called “static kill” or “bullheading.” Static Kill involves shooting heavy mud and ground-up chunks of Haley Barbour into the well. You can add these methods to “top hat,” “top kill,” and “junk shot” on the list of dirty oil sex maneuvers that you’ve been inspired to try by BP. [New York Times]
  • All those tiny bubbles coming up from the seabed and the wondercap are nothing to worry about, according to Admiralismo Thad Allen, because they’re probably not a big deal. Hell, they may not even be related to the BP well. Pressure is continuing to rise at the rate of 1 PSI per hour so keep the cap on for another 24 hours and let’s see what happens with this thing! Experts say that if it all goes boom, we’re sorry, because we’re really not sure what the hell is happening.” [New Orleans Times-Picayune]
  • Florida is sad it never got in on the whole offshore drilling thing because it would make the fouling of the state’s beaches, destruction of the fisheries and cratering of the tourism industry easier to swallow. [AP]
  • Now that nature is really angry at mankind, these oil drilling machines are gonna blow up even more than they did before the Deepwater Horizon oil spill/disaster/catastrophe. [Houston Chronicle]
  • Not only is nature God trying to kill the Gulf of Mexico and everybody that lives on its coast but so is our dear Manchurian leader Barack Obama. [National Review]

About the author

As the only libertarian at Wonkette Garrett is often the subject of scorn and ridicule by the rest of the communist staff. When he isn't snapping photos of furries in compromising positions he strings sentences together on Massachusetts politics and culture on Boston.com and is a contributor to WGBH radio & teevee. In addition to media he works for a small family owned environmental contractor in Greater Boston. He religiously supports the United States National Team, Boston Red Sox, and Boston Bruins.

View all articles by Garrett Quinn
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24 comments

  1. El Pinche

    Can we add chunks of Rush Limbaugh , too? The “Scat shot” method finally sealed the well!!

    Seriously, we have no fucking clue what we’re doing. The well is going to explode .

  2. Geogre

    Plug it up! Plug it up!

    So, BP is still in that opening scene from “Carie,” because “let it flow” means having to pay money for every barrel that they get out and consequently having to pay for every barrel that they let out.

    (Have they even tried a Pearl?)

  3. JMP

    Chris Horner (the National Review writer) needs to learn what the words “sane” and “rational” mean, since he keeps claiming we need a sane and rational energy policy while arguing against exactly that.

  4. Oblios Cap

    Who gets paid to think up those stupid names? Whatever they’re getting paid, it’s too much.

  5. ella

    Interesting that BP finally made progress just in time for Bunny Cameron’s visit to Washington.

  6. x111e7thst

    Wells in the Gulf have been blowing out for years. The drilling industry has successfully blocked any rule-changes that would reduce the frequency and severity of these blowouts. Lets work with industry. I propose leaving the current rule-set in place and simply hanging every third board member of the next corporation whose well blows. It’s what Jesus would do.

  7. weejee

    Ode to the NRO book fap:

    Little Chris Horner
    Grabbed on his Boener
    Fapping his his new book, he’s sly
    He took out is thumb
    Put it right up his bum
    And said what a good boy am I

  8. actor212

    “Bullheading”. It sounds dangerous. Maybe we should have Larry Craig do a test run…

  9. Mad Brahms

    “Bullheading”? To urbandictionary!

    [re=621212]JMP[/re]: My favorite was
    ” This has already prompted rigs to head off to friendlier shores — friendlier to energy production, at any rate, but (alas) not so friendly to us, or to the environment.”

    Oh, NOW you care about the Global Commons? Roffles.

  10. Imusthaveleftmyhouseat8

    [re=621214]Oblios Cap[/re]: They’re keeping us distracted from the real issues (environmental damage caused by the oil spill) with all this sexual violence at the hole. The strategy is working very well.

  11. Zorg

    The awl bidness has always been replete with naughty-sounding terms. Wonkette readers may know what a Rusty Trombone is and how it differs from a Cleveland Steamer, but how many can define tight hole, spudding in, down hole, mud logging, bore hole, bell nipple, tool pusher, frac job or POOH?

  12. Oblios Cap

    [re=621255]Imusthaveleftmyhouseat8[/re]:

    Then thye should call it “Blow Job” and leave it at that.

  13. lochnessmonster

    Am I the only one worried the Earth may implode? What fills in the space made by the oil gushing out?

  14. Jim89048

    I know everyone has already moved on from this sadly dated post, but I thought you should all know this, anyway.

    This morning I performed an entirely serendipitous experiment, for science. I poured off the excess bacon fat (it’s OIL, people!) into a container of neckbeard clippings and the oil never made it to the bottom! The neckbeard clippings absorbed all the oil!

    DOES BP KNOW ABOUT THIS???!!11!!

Comments are closed.