OILY PELICANS  11:09 am July 20, 2010

Don’t Worry About the Tiny Bubbles On Day 92

by Garrett Quinn

  • I can't see through my sexy Wonkette glasses with all this oil.Now that the oil spill/disaster/catastrophe is finally over (?!), BP is looking into another option to seal the well called “static kill” or “bullheading.” Static Kill involves shooting heavy mud and ground-up chunks of Haley Barbour into the well. You can add these methods to “top hat,” “top kill,” and “junk shot” on the list of dirty oil sex maneuvers that you’ve been inspired to try by BP. [New York Times]
  • All those tiny bubbles coming up from the seabed and the wondercap are nothing to worry about, according to Admiralismo Thad Allen, because they’re probably not a big deal. Hell, they may not even be related to the BP well. Pressure is continuing to rise at the rate of 1 PSI per hour so keep the cap on for another 24 hours and let’s see what happens with this thing! Experts say that if it all goes boom, we’re sorry, because we’re really not sure what the hell is happening.” [New Orleans Times-Picayune]
  • Florida is sad it never got in on the whole offshore drilling thing because it would make the fouling of the state’s beaches, destruction of the fisheries and cratering of the tourism industry easier to swallow. [AP]
  • Now that nature is really angry at mankind, these oil drilling machines are gonna blow up even more than they did before the Deepwater Horizon oil spill/disaster/catastrophe. [Houston Chronicle]
  • Not only is nature God trying to kill the Gulf of Mexico and everybody that lives on its coast but so is our dear Manchurian leader Barack Obama. [National Review]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 24 comments }

El Pinche July 20, 2010 at 11:15 am

Can we add chunks of Rush Limbaugh , too? The “Scat shot” method finally sealed the well!!

Seriously, we have no fucking clue what we’re doing. The well is going to explode .

Geogre July 20, 2010 at 11:16 am

Plug it up! Plug it up!

So, BP is still in that opening scene from “Carie,” because “let it flow” means having to pay money for every barrel that they get out and consequently having to pay for every barrel that they let out.

(Have they even tried a Pearl?)

JMP July 20, 2010 at 11:24 am

Chris Horner (the National Review writer) needs to learn what the words “sane” and “rational” mean, since he keeps claiming we need a sane and rational energy policy while arguing against exactly that.

Oblios Cap July 20, 2010 at 11:25 am

Who gets paid to think up those stupid names? Whatever they’re getting paid, it’s too much.

ella July 20, 2010 at 11:27 am

Interesting that BP finally made progress just in time for Bunny Cameron’s visit to Washington.

Kodos July 20, 2010 at 11:34 am

Let’s call it the “money shot”.

x111e7thst July 20, 2010 at 11:44 am

Wells in the Gulf have been blowing out for years. The drilling industry has successfully blocked any rule-changes that would reduce the frequency and severity of these blowouts. Lets work with industry. I propose leaving the current rule-set in place and simply hanging every third board member of the next corporation whose well blows. It’s what Jesus would do.

weejee July 20, 2010 at 11:46 am

Ode to the NRO book fap:

Little Chris Horner
Grabbed on his Boener
Fapping his his new book, he’s sly
He took out is thumb
Put it right up his bum
And said what a good boy am I

sati demise July 20, 2010 at 11:47 am

[re=621222]Kodos[/re]: Oh yeah. hey, BP, what yew doin’?
and the obligatory:
FU*BP

actor212 July 20, 2010 at 11:51 am

“Bullheading”. It sounds dangerous. Maybe we should have Larry Craig do a test run…

Mad Brahms July 20, 2010 at 11:54 am

“Bullheading”? To urbandictionary!

[re=621212]JMP[/re]: My favorite was
” This has already prompted rigs to head off to friendlier shores — friendlier to energy production, at any rate, but (alas) not so friendly to us, or to the environment.”

Oh, NOW you care about the Global Commons? Roffles.

SayItWithWookies July 20, 2010 at 11:56 am

I like how BP apparently chose the chemicals they used to flush out the well right before it exploded: “Hey, we’ve got hundreds of barrels of this junk lying around, why not go with that?”
http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/07/contractor_bp_pumped_unusual_chemicals_into_well_b.php?ref=fpi

Imusthaveleftmyhouseat8 July 20, 2010 at 11:58 am

[re=621214]Oblios Cap[/re]: They’re keeping us distracted from the real issues (environmental damage caused by the oil spill) with all this sexual violence at the hole. The strategy is working very well.

bago July 20, 2010 at 11:59 am

[re=621230]x111e7thst[/re]: Chinese Jesus.

Zorg July 20, 2010 at 12:01 pm

The awl bidness has always been replete with naughty-sounding terms. Wonkette readers may know what a Rusty Trombone is and how it differs from a Cleveland Steamer, but how many can define tight hole, spudding in, down hole, mud logging, bore hole, bell nipple, tool pusher, frac job or POOH?

lawnorder July 20, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Damn, rick rolled by that bubble video.

You meanies!

BobTheBuilder July 20, 2010 at 12:47 pm

“Static kill”? “Bullheading”?

Needs moar sexy.

Oblios Cap July 20, 2010 at 1:23 pm

[re=621255]Imusthaveleftmyhouseat8[/re]:

Then thye should call it “Blow Job” and leave it at that.

lochnessmonster July 20, 2010 at 1:44 pm

Am I the only one worried the Earth may implode? What fills in the space made by the oil gushing out?

Mad Brahms July 20, 2010 at 2:12 pm

[re=621437]lochnessmonster[/re]: Used copies of The Politico, of course.

Jim89048 July 20, 2010 at 3:22 pm

I know everyone has already moved on from this sadly dated post, but I thought you should all know this, anyway.

This morning I performed an entirely serendipitous experiment, for science. I poured off the excess bacon fat (it’s OIL, people!) into a container of neckbeard clippings and the oil never made it to the bottom! The neckbeard clippings absorbed all the oil!

DOES BP KNOW ABOUT THIS???!!11!!

user-of-owls July 20, 2010 at 8:43 pm

[re=621616]Jim89048[/re]: Ross Douthat

user-of-owls July 20, 2010 at 8:44 pm

[re=621616]Jim89048[/re]: Tomorrow’s Drudge: Ross Douthat Saves America!

judo_zhu July 21, 2010 at 5:12 am

They’re keeping us distracted from the real issues (environmental damage caused by the oil spill) with all this sexual violence at the hole. The strategy is working very well.http://www.shox-footwear.com

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