TELL THIS FUCKING BIRD WE AREN'T NUMBER ONE. TELL IT TO THIS FUCKING BIRD.This morning you took a gasoline shower, ate a coal donut, and went off to work in your Hummer thinking your country was safely ranked #1 in the world. YOU THOUGHT WRONG. It turns out China is now tops when it comes to consuming the world’s energy, which is our most important job as Americans. How will we tell our children that the United States now burns less energy than Red China?

The figures reflect, in part, how the global recession hit the U.S. more severely than China and hurt American industrial activity and energy use. Still, China’s total energy consumption has clocked annual double-digit growth rates for many years, driven by the country’s big industrial base. Highlighting how quickly its energy demand has increased, China’s total energy consumption was just half the size of the U.S. 10 years ago.

Shut up! We are just fine. Obama is destroying our economy, but our economy is a patriot and is stronger than him. We can still burn fossil fuels with the best of ’em! LOOK, JUST LIT THIS LAPTOP ON FIRE WITH SOME LIGHTER FLUID! SEE? THAT WAS QUICK! QUICKER THAN CHINA! USA! USA! USA!

“The fact that China overtook the U.S. as the world’s largest energy consumer symbolizes the start of a new age in the history of energy,” IEA chief economist Fatih Birol said in an interview.


China’s voracious energy demand helps explain why the country—which gets most of its electricity from coal, the dirtiest of fossil-fuel resources—passed the U.S. in 2007 as the world’s largest emitter of carbon dioxide emissions and other greenhouse gases.

AHHHHHHHHHHH! Shut up, liberal world media! Not true! Not true!

The U.S. is still by far the bigger energy consumer per capita, with the average American burning five times as much energy annually as the average Chinese citizen

See! We have much more productivity than those lazy Chinese! We can do this! JUST UP YOUR BURNING OF ENERGY TO SIX TIMES THE AVERAGE CHINAMAN, YOU GUYS.


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  • chascates

    But have they invaded a country yet over oil? That’s when you get to be one of the big boys!

  • weejee

    We’ve passed the torch? BTUtiful day.

  • Come here a minute

    We’ve still got the best internets, right? Right?

  • Tommmcatt

    Way ahead in quantity and quality of porn, though. Waaaaayyyyy ahead. Trust me.

  • Katydid

    Musta been a Confederate boy who put together that war porn; the War of Northern Aggression was but a blip.

  • Gratuitous World

    we still take the most donuts from the break room. USA!

  • Swattie Swat

    [re=620740]chascates[/re]: too true, you ain’t nothin’ if you haven’t violated every principle you stand for just to invade a country for fossil fuels! China, might I suggest Russia, which is super loaded with the fossil fuels you crave, and no one has EVER had issues while trying to invade Russia, ever.

  • Jim89048

    Since dey took my jerb, I don’t have to drive fitty miles every day. So there’s that.

  • GOPCrusher

    Chuck Norris weeps.

  • iwillsavethispatient

    [re=620747]weejee[/re]: *Golf clap* Well done sir, well done.

  • EdFlinstone

    Oh sure, they may have passed us in energy consumption but they’ll never pass us in calorie consumption.

  • Extemporanus
  • Extemporanus

    [re=620747]weejee[/re]: Another fuel-ish crack like that, and we’ll have to start calling you “KoalRebel”.

    [re=620779]Extemporanus[/re]: Shut the fuck up, fucking redundantard.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    Yeah, well they still use human shit as fertilizer.


  • x111e7thst

    [re=620768]Swattie Swat[/re]: The Quin Empire fought a protracted border war with Russia between approximately 1640 and 1680. Most historians agree that, on balance, the Russians lost. So maybe China will be tempted to try again.

  • Troubledog

    [re=620762]Tommmcatt[/re]: Yet this silly “no fisting” rule, sadly, will forever hold us behind ze Dutch und ze Germans.

  • nappyduggs

    Also, Jack, “Chinaman” is not the preferred nomenclature. Imperial overlords, please.

  • SayItWithWookies

    China is a bunch of amateurs. Do they have a sandwich that uses fried chicken in place of the bread? Until then I’m not worried.

  • x111e7thst

    [re=620796]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: So do we. We just call it “post treatment dewatered bio-solids”.

  • Suds McKenzie

    So who wins when I microwave my leftover Crab Rangoon ?

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Actually, the the growth in China’s energy use is solely related to their purchase of Hummer.

  • DemmeFatale

    I was trying to spot a WWI reference (didn’t Mel do a WWI movie?), but was totally distracted by the goaty wobble of one of the sopranos in pt. II.

  • weejee

    [re=620791]Extemporanus[/re]: I wonder if for us to re-claim our rightful NUMBER ONE, if it would be in order for us to pay another entrofee? Or are we just dissed?

  • Tommmcatt


    You frequent the wrong sites, apparently…

  • Citizen Kang


    Trust is for commies. I’d like to have your research peer-reviewed. Please ship them in discrete boxes wrapped in plain brown paper…

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Leave your lights on for America tonight!!!

  • Radiotherapy

    When is our refueldate?
    The MSM is so slanted.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    If only we could import Chinese citizens to burn in our power plants, we might start getting a handle on this whole problem

  • iburl

    President Palin will fix this. Just open all you windows, put the AC on full blast and crank the Nuge to 11. That way we solve several problems at once. We reclaim the energy title from the ChiComs, we shove a pacifier in Al Gore’s baby-mouth cuz we are cooling the global, and the painfully loud blasting of “Stranglehold” can piss off all the latte liberals and serve as a warning to them that we are bout to choke em out. We must continually hydragate the life roots of the libertree with the blood of unbelievers of Jesus. I believe that’s a Shakespeare quote. Celebrate it!!

  • Neilist

    I almost wept when Mel took the American flag and rammed it up British Petroleum’s ass.

    Or “arse.”


    Although those Pommies probably enjoyed it.

  • Neilist

    Oh, and the Unintentional Irony of playing “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” (a/k/a “John Brown’s Body,” etc.) in connection with patriotism/The War On Terror continues.

  • JadedDIssonance

    We shall defeat China by not-defeating them.

  • Jack Stuef

    [re=620805]nappyduggs[/re]: No, it is the preferred nomenclature. It’s my favorite.

  • user-of-owls

    This is deeply disturbing. Once, America led the world in burning witches, but eventually lost that title. Later, our proud nation led the world in burning Negros, but again we let our hallowed first-place ranking slip away. Frighteningly, we saw the same loss of USA leadership in burning draft notices, then burning bras, then burning disco records at baseball fields. Now we’ve relinquished our Number One energy burning status. What’s the next loss for our fast-fading empire of burning? Burned out teachers? Burnt toast? Burning Man?

    The small consolation afforded by our continued dominance in the book burning category is increasingly dwarfed by mounting setbacks in other areas. High time to replace E Pluribus Unum with Burn, Baby, Burn.

  • Lazy Media

    We don’t have a Chinaman’s chance of outconsuming those Red bastards. There’s BILLIONS of ’em.

    Our only chance is to embrace Alvin Greene’s energy plan. Energy surrounds us, so why must we strive to produce it?

  • zhubajie

    First, DO NOT trust any stats in China!! The local officials just make up what they think will please their leaders, then go out for karaoke and whores.

    Second, almost all bad development ideas in China (like replacing bicycles with cars) are excused with “that’s what they do in America!!” Of course, knowledge of America comes from movies like “Ghost” or “Sleepless in Seattle.”

  • nappyduggs

    [re=620897]Jack Stuef[/re]:

    (*note that these syllables should be intoned just as Florida Evans, proud matriarch of “Good Times” fame, would intone them. )

  • weejee

    [re=620875]Neilist[/re]: No shit, quite a disconnect that. Johnny was an insurrectionist, captured by then Col. Bobby Lee, and hung for raiding the Harper’s Ferry US Army Armory. Whether Brown, was morally correct is another issue. He was hung for being a terrorist. Supposedly, the tune though predates the “a-mouldering in the grave” lyrics as a church camp meeting song, but I think the lyrics “My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school” really came first.

  • sati demise

    [re=620740]chascates[/re]: No, but they are quietly buying up energy resources around the world with our fake money US of America treasury bonds.

  • sati demise

    [re=620796]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: (so do we, we just call it ‘water treatment sludge’)

  • dijetlo

    Bah, now your postulating an “official lie” gap that is bellied by every report that comes out of the Council of Economic Advisers. Mid level Chicom officials are every bit as reliable as their American counterparts, and a hell of a lot more fun to party with besides.
    Hand me another Shanghai girl and que up Desparado, it’s time for the “trade deficit” numbers to come out.

  • x111e7thst

    [re=620937]sati demise[/re]: Post treatment dewatered bio-solids.

  • sati demise

    [re=620947]x111e7thst[/re]: now with extra Prozac!

  • WriteyWriterton

    [re=620900]user-of-owls[/re]: Burning disco records on baseball fields? Nothing says Chicago like “riot on the diamond.” You betcha!

  • Tommmcatt


    Burning spliffs?

  • RationalMan

    You know that laptop you burned to prove that America is still superior?

    Made in China!

  • bflrtsplk

    Don’t they drink rice wine in China? Yuck! Maybe they put it in their cars.

  • Mr Blifil

    Ha, just wait ’til all the porn gets produced in China. That ought to slow their productivity down a peg.

  • tribbzthesquidz

    Soon enough all US electricity will be sold exclusively at the Wal-Marts. As well.

  • gonzalezevans

    Really liked your information. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. It’s compliments like yours which make writing here such a pleasure!

  • ethancox

    So what!! we are still ahead of china when it comes to power. So chill man!!

  • Prommie

    We rule, PER CAPITA, man, total consumption is nothing, nothing, we fucking rule, when it comes to per capita consumption! USA USA USA USA

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