NEW STUDY PROVES IT  12:58 pm July 19, 2010

Shocking New Poll Shows D.C. Elites Not As Bummed Out As Poor Old Teabaggers

by Ken Layne

To Infinity, and beyond!Free Washington Metro Station paper The Politico exists for one reason: To sell advertising to D.C. lobbying firms and interest groups so that D.C. government professionals will see the ads while flipping through the tabloid on the way to work. “Oh,” the cubicle-bound factotum with the graduate degree in public policy will mumble to him/herself between fantasies of having sex with Ke$ha and/or the cast of Twilight, “Saudi Arabia is leading the way in something or other.” But the Politico also pretends that this same “D.C. Elite” is somehow separate/different from “the exact demographic of The Politico.” That’s why this new poll is such big news: Educated, employed white-collar Washington seems to have a rosier view of things than uneducated, unemployed blue-collar America At Large. Shouldn’t Sarah Palin just become president, because of this?

Politico commissioned some survey of 1,011 Americans and another 227 “D.C. Elitists.” But how do you tell the difference? Counting teeth?

To qualify as a Washington elite for the poll, respondents must live within the D.C. metro area, earn more than $75,000 per year, have at least a college degree and be involved in the political process or work on key political issues or policy decisions.

Washington elites seem conscious of the fact that they have a different point of view than the rest of the country, as 74 percent said they have felt the current economic downturn less than most Americans.

So yeah, counting teeth.

The biggest crime of these mincing prancing cosmopolitan-sipping communist fruits who only stop exercising and fornicating long enough to go to Whole Foods and get a “hot rock massage” is that they aren’t impressed enough with Sarah Palin and the Teabaggers, even though Sarah Palin has won more than 500 national elections and the Tea Party represents a solid 100% of the American Electorate.

In their opinions on policy and politicians ranging from President Barack Obama to Sarah Palin, elites in Washington have a strikingly divergent outlook from the rest of the nation, according to a new POLITICO poll released Monday.

How different? Experts say D.C. Elites have opinions that are strikingly similar to other educated, employed people in cities across the nation. When will the Politico kill this nation’s evil elitists and let Sarah Palin’s Twitter be the Politico? [Politico]

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comicbookguy July 19, 2010 at 1:09 pm

You can get a hot rock massage at Whole Foods now? Alright! But I’m still waiting for that Starbucks hand job.

MissyLissa July 19, 2010 at 1:15 pm

[re=620349]comicbookguy[/re]: A Starbucks hand job is just like the kind you can get anywhere else. It’s just twice as much money and has a slightly bitter aftertaste.

ella July 19, 2010 at 1:15 pm

That definition of “elite” would exclude the media, except for the ones who try to act all impartial and tough during the day and then socialize with the people an policy makers they cover at night. Which, now that I think of it, is about 98% of them.

chascates July 19, 2010 at 1:16 pm

What constitutes ‘being involved in the political process’? I get the idea it has something to do with taking money from wealthy lawyers to do their bidding.

SayItWithWookies July 19, 2010 at 1:17 pm

You don’t need teeth to think. You can gum ideas like Sarah Palin does.

Manos: Hands of Fate July 19, 2010 at 1:20 pm

“To qualify as a Washington elite for the poll, respondents must live within the D.C. metro area”: Yep
“earn more than $75,000 per year”: I don’t really deserve to, but check
“have at least a college degree”: 1 and 1/2 actually with the loans to prove it! check!
“and be involved in the political process or work on key political issues or policy decisions”: I post to Wonkette, so check! I’m a DC insider, I can’t wait to tell my parents.

RoscoePColtraine July 19, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Starbucks = elitist. Teabaggers rely on Dunkin.

Monsieur Grumpe July 19, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Were these the card carrying union DC Elites or just some wannabees?

SmutBoffin July 19, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Politico should submit this to, I dunno, American Sociological Review or something. It’s really revealing that people with better material conditions and more influence on the decision-making apparatus of our nation have different opinions! Politico is surely the first to discover this! And maybe there is even some…political party…that could take advantage of it for election purposes!?

x111e7thst July 19, 2010 at 1:29 pm

[re=620358]chascates[/re]: Don’t forget the concomitant fellatio

Extemporanus July 19, 2010 at 1:30 pm

[re=620356]MissyLissa[/re]: I associate a slightly bitter aftertaste with an “Applebee’s blowjob”.

(Handjob + aftertaste = UR DOIN IT RONG!!)

user-of-owls July 19, 2010 at 1:31 pm

“Factotum” Brilliant!! One of those marvelous words that usually falls under the sofa cushions, but occasionally gets found. Hoorah, Ken!!

The post made me laugh this way, ho ho ho.

Work in Progress July 19, 2010 at 1:36 pm

[re=620363]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]:
Hello fellow DC Elitist! I’ll also one-up your elitism by stating the I’ve paid off my college loans with my vile, ill-gotten public funds. This leaves me with more money to buy super fancy energy gel shots for running. But I don’t have, nor want, a Blackberry, which I think is about -50 points right there.

weejee July 19, 2010 at 1:36 pm

[re=620369]SmutBoffin[/re]: Perhaps American Scatological Review?

Ken, the results for the Dee Cee poll, by that publication that will remain nameless – pitoo, seem ’bout what we get here in C’Addle in the realz Warshington. Too many degrees, also.

V572625694 July 19, 2010 at 1:36 pm

So the “Politico” link ban has been rescinded? Did they promise to buy ad space? Or perhaps because their insightful analysis lead them to deduce that educated people with incomes above $75K/yr are happier with life than poor people.

Okay, that’s good enough. Brilliant, in fact!

freakishlystrong July 19, 2010 at 1:38 pm

So all those dreadful gasbags, I believe we refer to them as “pundits”, are NOT the Washington elite? Really, Politico?

Sharkey July 19, 2010 at 1:45 pm

In related news, dirt is still brown.

Mr Blifil July 19, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Where’s Byron York in this whole scenario?

Ted Kennedy Breakdancing July 19, 2010 at 1:55 pm

People in DC with jobs that pay more than 75k feel they aren’t as affected by the dowturn as the average completely screwed factory worker? Get the fuck out of here! Pulitzer 2010 is over bitches.

dijetlo July 19, 2010 at 1:59 pm

The part I find difficult to grasp is what is this “Politico” creature and how does it manage to consistently report pointless political minutia nano-seconds ahead of it’s competition, which primarily consists of The Washington Post and Hardball(s) (Neither SFW, BTW).

nappyduggs July 19, 2010 at 2:12 pm

No kidding. I’m still itchy from their “two for twenty” special.

Hooray For Anything July 19, 2010 at 2:54 pm

I got laid off as a member of the elite and want to get my job back with the elite so I can go from checking the news everyday to see if unemployment benefits have been extended and being angry that Obama won’t do another job stimulus package to bitching about people on unemployment benefits and running up deficits.

GOPCrusher July 19, 2010 at 3:52 pm

DC Elites isn’t a soccer team?

Lazy Media July 19, 2010 at 6:37 pm

[re=620356]MissyLissa[/re]: SLIGHTLY bitter? What do they make their coffee from, anyway, clean coal?

zenferret July 19, 2010 at 6:44 pm

[re=620389]weejee[/re]: American Scatological Review?

Is that where the NAACP plays there violin race card thingie?

[re=620363]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]:

Hey I’m an elite Woo hoo!!!

Whatever Blows Your Skirt July 19, 2010 at 7:06 pm

[re=620363]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: [re=620387]Work in Progress[/re]: [re=620391]freakishlystrong[/re]: the problem seems to be the REAL insiders in DC live OUTSIDE DC. The people they describe sound like the hipsters and hill clones, I mean flunky’s, (present company excluded of course) I see on Metro everyday, not opinion makers…

Oh, Wait, never mind.

ladymacbeth July 19, 2010 at 10:35 pm

[re=620507]Hooray For Anything[/re]: HA! this is exactly my career path only i am in that ‘checking to see if unemployment benefits have been extended again’ part.


mustardman July 20, 2010 at 12:36 am

Clearly there is some Impeachin that needs to be done over this! Get a rope….errrr lawyer.

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