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THE HOMOSEXUALS ARE COMING!Do you find yourself to be “gay and Jewish,” but wish you could shake the “gay” part? Well, then just remove your pants, stand in front of this mirror and stroke yourself for me, and you’ll be the lady-romancing “Eric Cantor” of your local shul before you know it! The senior counselor for JONAH, (Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality … no, really!), the nation’s largest Jewish “pray away the gay” group, which actually exists, has been caught using extremely creative and sexually abusive methods to de-gay his clients.

Truth Wins Out (TWO) released an exclusive video statement today from two former clients of “ex-gay” life coach Alan Downing. The clients, Ben Unger and Chaim Levin, alleged that during individual therapy sessions, Downing made them undress in front of a mirror and touch their bodies while the significantly older therapist watched. Unger and Levin call the sessions a “psychological striptease” and believe they were harmed by what they consider unprofessional behavior and sexual misconduct.

Downing, who admits he is still attracted to men, is a major player in the “ex-gay” industry and a practitioner of so-called “reparative therapy”. He is the lead therapist for Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality (JONAH) and is listed on the People Can Change website as a “Senior Trainer” for Journey into Manhood, which is a controversial “ex-gay” backwoods retreat designed to supposedly make gay men more masculine.

Journey Into Manhood, of course, spells “JIM,” because these guys always name their ex-gay ministries after the last guy to bang them into sweet guilt-ridden oblivion. (Also, they settled on JONAH because it was too hard to come up with a name that spelled out “SHALOM!”* Also, whales swallow.)

“He was encouraging me, ‘it’s okay Ben, you can take your shirt off’ … here was a man that was much older than me, and I was around 20,” said Ben Unger, a former client of Alan Downing. “At that point, I was just staring at a mirror with my shirt off and he was right behind me staring at the mirror with me at my body. Then telling me to look at my body and feel my body. It was weird.”

There’s video below, but allow me to sum up this method, which you can feel free to try with your nearest penis-having buddy at your earliest convenience! First you have to decide which one of you is going to be “the counselor” and who is going to play “young, strapping, guilty and Chosen.” Got it?

Okay, now, the counselor stands behind the sexy student and encourages him to talk about things that make him feel Less Masculine, and remove an article of clothing for each one. For instance, yours might be “my teal belt,” and so you’d remove the patriotic cock ring you put on that day “just in case.” Now, once you are naked, it’s time to RE-GRASP YOUR MASCULINITY, so please re-grasp your masculinity in front of this mirror where I can see you. (Hint for slow learners: Your masculinity is on your penis.) There, very good! You are a very good student!


Now comes The Awful Part, where you put your clothes back on until next time. Lather, rinse, repeat. See, now you’re not gay, thanks to Science.  Mazel tov!

Also of note: This “JONAH” outfit was co-founded by the Bernie Madoff of 1989, so it’s a complete surprise that they’re gross. [Truth Wins Out/YouTube]

*Semitic Homosexuals Avoiding Licking Other Men. S-H-A-L-O-M! That will be $9.50, please.

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