• At least I am not a turtle on fire!Seepage and “undetermined anomalies at the well head” are being reported during the extended test phase of this fancy new wondercap. There are no pictures of this legendary seepage but the mere mention of the word is reminding everyone of watching uncomfortable Depends commercials with their grandparents. The Coast Guard is going to let BP keep the cap on anyway, for some reason. [New Orleans Times Picayune]
  • The fancy new wondercap was designed by the latest Joe the Plumber to take this country by storm. Soon he’ll be running for president and getting paid by people to blog about Israel and Palestine. [Christian Science Monitor]
  • Read Thad Allen’s latest letter to BP’s Chief Managing Director Bob Dudley. Allen doen’t like it when you don’t call to tell him you’ll be late for dinner. [Deepwater Horizon Response (PDF)]
  • It’s hard out there for a weatherman trying to track an oil slick the size of Texas. People hate you when you screw up the weather forecast but they really hate you when you tell them their beloved beach is going to be fucked FOREVER. [Mobile Press Register]
  • Being a shrimper sucked before the oil spill. Hell, it even sucked before Forrest Gump made it cool to be a shrimper on the Gulf of Mexico. [Miami Herald]
  • The Islands of Doctor Jindal are being constructed several miles off the coast of the Gulf of Mexico but they probably won’t do much except create some jobs for locals and make Jindal feel better. Of course the federal government said “no” to the idea and that made Louisiana want to do it that much more. [Washington Post]
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  1. Like the moon, the Gulf of Mexico is ours. We need a president with the courage to drain the Gulf with her genuine American can do spirit and get down there and fix the leak herself.

  2. Not only will the Islands of Dr Jindal not do much good, they’re predicted to cause a slew of other problems. But Bobby gets to have his photo taken on top of a man made sand berm so he can look like he’s in control of all this.

  3. The “seepage” comment reminds me more of that late-90s fat substitute that could enable people to eat like a pig and still lose weight, with only the side effects of “anal leakage” “increased bowel movements, and the inability to control them”. Somehow, the wonder product never caught on.

  4. [re=620043]JMP[/re]: [re=620050]x111e7thst[/re]: That was “Olestra.” The Food Puritans couldn’t countenance the idea of guilt-free potato chips, so they caused every product that used it to be plastered with warnings, although plenty of other foods, natural and otherwise, can have equally creepy side effects.

  5. Is this what Chappelle called “mud butt?” Ha ha, very funnies, seepage jokes, but this is, sadly, confirmation of the worst possible case scenario, that the well is essentially fucked, the oil has gotten outside the pipe, and has now become an unstoppable spewing machine, which will spew forevermore, for technical reasons beyond my ken, but discussed in boring detail at the oil well drilling blogs.

  6. Jindal’s sand booms are perfect — they’re like giant booms that take weeks to deploy and that you can’t move after you’re done with them. Hell, who needs a degree in environmental engineering when incredible certainly-not-impactful ideas just shoot out of your head all day long? I can’t wait for the giant air-conditioned dome over Louisiana.

  7. [re=620054]V572625694[/re]: GASP! A fellow sham-science / public-anxiety skeptic, in my Wonkette? Last week, HuffPo ran another ridiculous article on how Aspartame is totally horribly deadly and Stevia is just so wonderful, and I had no one to snark with.

    Also, call me Machiavallian, but one good reason to let BP go ahead is so they can royally, horribly fuck up and Obama can say “see, I *told* you this was on the corporates, not me”, though whether or not it would convince people as far into the echosphere as some of these teabags is beyond me.

  8. [re=620137]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Who exactly DID they consult? I mean, if all the “scientists” and environmental engineers and so on are like “Jindal, man, this is a crazy idea”, who convinced him to do it?

    Maybe it was someone at the Creation Research Institute. They’ve got tons of interdisciplinarians over there!

  9. [re=620087]actor212[/re]: That would be bad, though, as Palin’s brane would be the same as ours, being the 3-dimensional brane within the 11-dimensional bulk that all non-graviton particles that make up our universe are attached too. If it started seeping, we would be in deep shit.

  10. [re=620214]JMP[/re]: I’m not convinced. First, she’s THREE dimensional? Second, even if she is, she’s certainly out of sync with our space-time continuum.

    Which raises the question, is she possibly a leak from the advancing army of a parallel universe, where right is wrong, might is weak, and stupid is smart. A sort of Idiocrativerse.

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