Deuces! Oh man, this site is going to be our photo wire service.We have infiltrated, the Internet’s top repository of Sarah Palin crap, and boy oh boy is it majestic. There are 35,000 blog posts to be written about what is in this thing. But we have to start somewhere. So how about presenting you with some of the site’s very best Sarah Palin poetry, which seems to be a common hobby for these people, along with some photos of Trig they’ve piled up?

Starting us off is Lennart Bilen’s limerick about Sarah Palin “A Limerick about Sarah Palin”:

A multitalented woman from the forty-ninth state
made Main Street Media blinded with hate.
She metamorphocised from Gov
to Mama Grizzly Bear. Se how her love
with God’s help will right this land before it’s too late.

Here’s one by John S. Groll, entitled “Peom: America cries out for Sarah Heath Palin”

B I U S America cries out for Sarah Heath Palin
With teeth a knashing
And the economy failing
America cries out against
The so-called man of hope
The Son-of-a-blank
Who used to smoke dope
Against the Son-of-a-blank
And his so called Healthcare Reform
Who would abort the healthy
Along with those who are deform
Who would impose higher taxation
On those who are are already born
Adds not to his praise
But to O’bama’s scorn
A son-of-a-blank who would
Take the position of America’s Enemies
To add to his list
Of his long list of infamnies
America cries out
For Someone with Heart
To elect Sarah Heath Palin, President
Is a good place to Start!

Here’s one about Todd by otlset:

Content in the background is our Sarah’s Todd.
Faithful and supportive, he thus serves God.
He’s got a big brood.
He hunts for their food.
He’s also quite handy with a fishing rod!

Lennart really likes limericks:

Sarah Palin from lakeside Wasilla
was said not to have one scintilla
of knowledge. But yet
her words just did set
to flight Washingtonians’ biggest gorilla

Sarah was speaking at Cal State Stanislaus
of learning and freedom and order in the house.
The protests were there
a hundred to spare
but she raised 200 K for their cause!

The uttermost part of the earth is right here,
and also: the end of the world is quite near.
Remember He said
he’ll rise from the dead,
so Proclaim the Good News unto all who will hear!

There once stood a corporate jet in Anchorage,
When Sarah took reins of the state she had courage.
Without a delay
she put on e-bay
that state-supplied jet on Ted Stevens, Anchorage.

With Glenn in late August on National Mall
our Sarah will be there with Patriots all.
She’ll help us remember
to vote in November
so of the Chicago Way remains just a mural.

Who is then this man we elected commander?
On hard, tough decisions his mind does meander.
All ideology;
can’t grasp ecology.
Not so Sarah Palin, I reins gladly hand her.

GOSARAH2012 joins in:

This one’s from Hubby. He insists it’s better than mine.
Sarah is home-spun and pretty
She’s not from a very big city
The dems hate her guts
’cause she crushes their n*ts
And renders their boxers quite shi(You get the point!)

As does otlset:

Sarah knows the 23rd Psalm.
She walks the walk in joyful calm.
She knows the key,
To really be free
Without writing it on her palm!

This is true art. But for some reason, when we started a thread about the hookworm rumors, the mods deleted it. Hmm. [Team Sarah]

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    Now I have to get a mop to clean the floor around my desk!!!!!!!!!

  2. And I though Snowbilly herself was the greatest torturer/buggerer of the English language….some of those homeschoolee’s got some serious game.

  3. So now that Owls has officially retired from the fray, a bitter and broken shell of his formwer self you finally acknowledge his most majesic creation (the Palin Hookworm Conjecture natch. Irony much.

  4. Okay, this is long and I posted it yesterday because I couldn’t go to work because of torrential rain, it’s kind of a poem, like on SarahPac, but different

    Sarah Palin, I’m Runnin’:

    I’m runnin’, I’m runnin’

    The post which I’m elected for will end up being nevermore

    I’ll quit it by half time, because it’s so mine

    I’ll be remembered for ever more for being Governor for a tenth of a score.

    But I’m runnin’, I’m runnin’

    Just to get elected but then I’ll be rejectin’

    The job; elected to by an angry mob

    Of teabaggers and tongue waggers

    Takin’ what’s mine is my new pastime,

    And it’s past time, for a new civil war, and I’m its’ biggest boor!

    I’m Palin, and failin’ is my MO; showin’ what I don’t know

    It’s made me rich, and yes I’m still a witch (thanks Reverend Muthee, for NOTHIN’)

    Queen of Walmart; a bumpit with no brain

    Sucking dollars from the stupid and insane

    Guess I do owe a shout out to Mr. John McCain

    One man’s lack of vetting sure did end up abetting

    A career of griftin’ and stealin’

    Darn it, you know his head must be reelin’!

    Suck it Couric and O’Reilly too

    Only Hannity and Beck are part of my crew

    (and VanSusteren, but hey, that’s a hard rhyme…just give me some time…)

    Got Murdoch in my pocket and Roger Ailes too,

    Got Malek and Rove and Krystol wooed.

    Just hopin’ that Steele knows his place in this world

    ‘Cause only for whites does the great flag unfurl.

    I’m Palin and I’m runnin’

    Levi’s spoils are won, even without the shotgun!

    Trig and Tripp and new baby make three

    more street cred for Focus on the Family (love ya Dobson ;-)

    If that doesn’t “sill the dill”, I don’t know what will

    Get used to it folks, y’alls now in the yokes of

    Palin 2012, hope my detractors don’t delve….

    (too deeply, that could be bad…also too I hope that the Mayan calendar is not right and I get to be President for more than just a month and a half.)

    XOXO (don’t mean it)

    SP (but not really)

  5. I see a lot of using the wrong part of speech in order to fit the rhyming scheme.

    What the fuck is the 23rd Psalm, and why would anyone care if a politician knows it?

    John Groll, “bitch” is not really a serious curse, you don’t have to replace it with “blank”. Oh wait, you’re a teabagger; you meant that in place of the N-word, yes that one you really shouldn’t use.

    Lennart, the end of the world is only near if you consider about five billion years near; and even by the scale of the current age of the universe it is not.

  6. “Sarah Palin from lakeside Wasilla
    was said not to have one scintilla
    of knowledge. But yet
    her words just did set
    to flight Washingtonians’ biggest gorilla”

    No wonder they are so against racism. And awhlso.

  7. Isn’t Snowbilly’s next book going to be about poetry & authors & snowmobiles? Looks like she’s got all her material right here. Shudder…

    And not to be too bitchy (oh what the hell–it’s Friday), looks like they’re feeding little Trig a steady diet of Ho Hos, Cheetos & Orange Crush. Just put an American flag shirt on him & he’ll fit in with all the other Tea baggers.

  8. Spelin is knot nessesery four them
    They just rite what they feel
    Feeling feelings inspire them
    And meeter and feat go by feal
    Cause the rime is what makes a poem
    And Sarah Sarah Sarah go for ’em!!!!!111!

    I must say, we all owe McGonnagall an apology. Nothing in The Stuffed Owl comes close to this illiterate ejaculate.

  9. Lennart really likes limericks

    What Lennart does to the limerick makes me feel sorry for the form. If “really likes” means “hammers away at with the cinderblock of stupidiy, the sledgehammer of arhythmia and the cowpies of gloppy sentimental hero-worship,” then yes, Lennart really likes limericks.

  10. I can’t believe I actually read all that crap.

    I didn’t join the Team Sarah club because I didn’t want those bible-humpin’ patriot people having my email address. It’s too damn hot here to be wearing a tinfoil hat all the time to keep them from beaming in crazy clown talk into my brain thru my pixel screen thingy.

    I can’t believe I actually read all that crap. Really.

  11. Sarah Palin is stupid as fuck
    Politically, she’s out of luck
    her time’s come and gone
    now we have to move on
    and her fans’ limericks truly do suck

    Do not read the post, especially our favorite, vigilant night bird.

    Journalism takes time…and prose takes brains.
    Reading that is like looking at a nematodes wriggling in excrement.

  13. These people are just channeling e e cummings and his creative use of punctuation and sentence structure. They are the next Poet Laureates under a Palin presidency. ubetcha.

  14. And what the hell with the creepy Trig fetishizing? These people obviously think that being retarded brings you closer to God — but it’s clearly a chicken-or-the-egg issue.

  15. If I had a blank eyed drooling ‘tard grandkid, I would not put allow his picture to be platered all over my shitty .org just to squeeze a few more sympathy bucks out of my blank eyed, drooling followers.
    Fucking grifter.

  16. Ooh let me try…

    There once was a moran named Palin
    Who talked without saying a thing
    You would think when she slept
    Her mouth would be silent
    But even in sleep, her yap flapping is unending

  17. Dear Lennart Bilen, I don’t think that word (“limerick”) means what you think it means.

    User-of-owls, I leave it to you to create a fitting hookworm limerick.

    Jealous much?

  18. Silly Palinphiles, poems are supposed to be about Ants. Everyone knows that.

    The other day
    upon the stairs
    I met a Palin
    that wasn’t there.

    She wasn’t there again today.
    I wish Sarah Palin would go away.

  19. If God is for us, who can be against us?

    Funny, I bet the Koran has a similar phrase somewhere in its pages.

    If Dylan Thomas hadn’t already drunk himself to death this probably would have done it.

  20. Life in this country has become like watching the movie Idiotcracy in interactive 3D over and over and over again…strapped to the seat with my eyelids pried open.

  21. [re=619232]chascates[/re]: Good to know Bible Spice hasn’t given up exploiting her look-I-didn’t-abort-this-retard prop baby. As if being a retard and named after a horse isn’t enough for one kid to deal with.

    I couldn’t go to any of the links, except for the one from “my” wonkette. Tell me if anything good happens.

  22. God damn that really unsettles me that my name, which I thought was rare in the US, is now in this post and people are like “Lennart this!” and “Lennart that!” and I think they’re speaking about me!

  23. [re=619237]imissopus[/re]: An actual decent poet, unlike any of the Sarah fans or Bible authors, had a pretty good response to this (long, so just a few stanzas)

    Oh my name it is nothin’
    My age it means less
    The country I come from
    Is called the Midwest
    I’s taught and brought up there
    The laws to abide
    And that land that I live in
    Has God on its side.

    But now we got weapons
    Of the chemical dust
    If fire them we’re forced to
    Then fire them we must
    One push of the button
    And a shot the world wide
    And you never ask questions
    When God’s on your side.

    So now as I’m leavin’
    I’m weary as Hell
    The confusion I’m feelin’
    Ain’t no tongue can tell
    The words fill my head
    And fall to the floor
    If God’s on our side
    He’ll stop the next war.

  24. [re=619247]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: From the site: “Keeping in mind that many people are still using “slow dial-up ISP connection” and thus can not easily view the videos online, if posting a video or a link to another website, please provide a BRIEF DESCRIPTION of what information is contained in that video or other website article.”

  25. My dear good Christ, that poetry is horrible. How is it even possible to write a bad limerick. They write themselves, look:

    Team Sarah, political prigs,
    Danced their self- congrat-lu-tory jigs-
    For rhymes which, to the letter,
    Would have come out much better,
    If they all had been written by Trig!

    That took me four minutes, people! FOUR MINUTES!

  26. [re=619219]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It’s an attempt to cover up their revulsion. In the future, there will be a BDSM niche of black people in brain injury helmets, just for the Sarahjugend.

  27. In each of the pictures, Trig is looking at his relatives thinking “Look at that fuckin’ retard. They’re family, so I better just smile and play along until I can feed myself”

  28. For our next event, can we have a poetry reading at Solly’s? That would be fun. Of course, I’d end up drinking their entire stock of Jack just to make it through the evening.

  29. As a multiple-award winning limericker, I would like to say that those things are not even remotely passable limericks. Well, except for the one that should end in “shitty”, but they didn’t actually spell it out, so fuck them, not even that one has the proper rhyme scheme or rhythm or number of syllables.

  30. It was a brave soul that read through these to sufficiently copy/paste for this blog. Grossest thing I have ever read on Wonkettes!

  31. [re=619237]imissopus[/re]: If God is for us, who can be against us?

    Have you noticed that in answer to that question, Trig is pointing at Sarah?

  32. Can someone write “i’m with stupid” on his shirt in the first picture. And also too, Sarah you are not the Birth Mother!

  33. [re=619302]Extemporanus[/re]: And that’s the last fucking time I’ll ever create — or link to with “tag FAIL” — stupid shit like that again!

    Team Sarah’s deviously ingenious, Down-low display of special need-y, self-desecrating humor has rendered all of our past — and future — efforts utterly. Fucking. Moot.

  34. Jeeez, I hope none of those poets have quit their day jobs. It’s like they made a list of words that rhyme and threw them at the paper.

  35. Snowbilly grifter, born and raised
    Mayor of a strip mall, she spent her days
    Until a guy named Wally took her under his wing
    She became the next Governor before the next spring

    Once she was there, her and her man
    They fleeced all the people any which way they can
    Used state funds to travel and play
    Screw the snowmobile dealership, we’re here to stay

    Came a summer day, John McCain called
    He said, “Sarah, I think you’re a fine ass broad”
    Come join me in my run to be Pres
    I need a hot MILF, Cheney’s daughter’s a lez!”

    So Sarah and Todd and their whole brood
    Got on a plane and with McCain they stood
    While WALNUTS McCain spoke from his stump
    Sarah the Hottie used her Bible to thump

    When WALNUTS’s stock dropped and went out of vogue
    Sarah chose to rise up and go rogue
    Her bibles and baby and blustery mom-ness
    Nailed a sweet advance from Harper and Collins

    She turned on old WALNUTS once she sallied forth
    The same way she turned on Wally up North
    Agents and money and speaking fees rained upon her
    She grabbed with both hands and oh yeah, her daughter

    Is getting married pretty soon to a young lad
    His name is Levi and he’s known to be bad
    Sarah would like to give the toast at the wedding, you see
    But the kids can’t afford her speaking fee

  36. “Meter? I’d LOVE to! Virgil! We get to meet ‘er!”

    I had to shut my office door and read this meterless poetry aloud to myself, just to get the full, halting, stuttering flavor of the things. My mouth now tastes like a mix of Slim Jims and despair.

  37. [re=619213]Radiotherapy[/re]: Hookworms. I think those are hookworms. Also dangling from the nose or trig or trag or whatever that is.

  38. Poor Sarah went to college, and then she went again. The third time was a winner. She turned down Oxford then.

    She had to stay in ‘laska and kick some Liberal butt. Although once poor she wanted bucks and power (such a slut).

    So she got old Gramps a thinking and with Senatorial lust he thought of giving up on beer and thought of grizzly lust.

    Course Gramps is dead and buried (he just doesn’t know it yet) and Sarah wears red bustiers and rakes in millions yet.

    Hey Sarah follwers, you morons, you haven’t got a clue. Cause Sarah laughs each day and week at making fools of you.

  39. The worst thing about Sarah Palin, and I mean the worst, is how she is absolutely ignoring the Special Olympics which starts today in Lincoln, Ne.

    Yeah, celebrities and famed athletes from all 4 corners of the world are arriving in Lincoln as we speak to celebrate Special Needs Athletes. Harrison Ford is even flying athletes in on his jet!

    So where is Sarah?

    I guess she is too busy flying all over the world in her own private jet to raise money for herself than she is to come to Lincoln with Trig to help raise awareness for Special Needs Athletes.

    She would be the perfect person to be at the Opening Ceremony to give a message of love, understanding and the thrill of athletic competition for these Special People.

    But it’s clear that Sarah cares more about her own self than she does about her beautiful child.

    For you Team Sarah members that are peeking over here to see what’s going on, I want you to think about Sarah and why she has turned her back on the Special Olympics.
    Ask yourself why she is so uncaring? Why has she ignored the Organization that needs her most? Why do you support someone that is that cold?

    I sure hope the “Lamestream Media” asks the same thing also.
    Truly disgraceful behavior.
    Shame on you Sarah Palin!

  40. O Sarah! My Sarah!
    The grifting has begun
    Sister has shaken us all down
    Now she wants our guns

    The fundies’re here, their money is dear,
    The people are revolting
    With crazy eyes, a crazy sneer
    The grifter grim and daring

    But O tard! tard! tard!
    O the grifter has no cred
    On the floor the the tard does lie
    She dropped him on his head

  41. As governor, her achievement was the pits,
    As candidate, her rhetoric was the shits,
    Now she’s grifting in the millions,
    While sitting on her pillions,
    Still for ten bucks she’ll show you her tits.

  42. Today, we are all poets who don’t even know that.

    [re=619199]JMP[/re]: “What the fuck is the 23rd Psalm, and why would anyone care if a politician knows it?”

    To the members of Team Sarah, the “23rd Psalm” holds quasi-religious, chromosonally-related significance.

    (Don’t believe me? Google “21st Chromopsalm”, and prepare to have your mind fucking blown, dude.)

    [re=619320]justthisonce[/re]: The sublime subtly of Jack’s “Mama Grizzly”-esque ungrammatical hanger headline almost makes up for the absence of alt-text.

  43. [re=619199]JMP[/re]: 23rd Psalm, one of the nicer psalms actually, is the one that starts “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…” and has the famous part “Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.”

    What I don’t understand is why knowing this psalm, familiar to most anyone who’s ever attended a funeral (I’ll bet that even Barack Obama knows it too!) qualifies one for…anything.

  44. Stanislaus DOES NOT rhyme with house! I don’t know why, but that bugs me more than anything else up there.

    Also: what is the deal with that guy’s shirt?

  45. Whoa… that’s some neat stuff. I love the confusion of “Main Street Media”. Does she really think that is what the radio people are saying? Try to remember, write it on your hand: Main Street=good, Main Stream=Bad.

    I’ve never read an apocalyptic limerick before. And its sincerity and fervor make it even more exciting. Can we translate all of revelations into limerick form?

  46. Ugh, neither does it rhyme with cause. That one just blew past me because I can’t make any sense of that rhyming scheme.

  47. Faux wonk poets say tee hee
    Not seeing the dichotomy
    Of logging onto other sites
    And trying to turn out their lights

    They spam the forums with their scat
    It makes their hearts go pitty-pat
    Idiots, I’m sure they would confess
    If they read the fucking TOS

  48. There once was an ass-cancer from Idaho
    Whose pops moved to Alaska dontcha know
    She ran and became governor
    and all the bitches be lovin ‘er,
    that craven ass-cancer from Idaho.

  49. My two daughters are a complete disappointment to me. I don’t care if they are both hard working nurses. My failure in life is that I didn’t have a little Triglette. It’s the perfect accessory and forces people to like you and stuff.

    Wonder if I can get my tubes untied? At age 47, I am pretty sure that my ovum are uglier than homemade soup by now. Be back later. Time to throw my “good robe” in the dryer with some Febreeze. Jeff!

  50. There was once a half-term Governor in Juneau
    Who used to say “Doncha-Know?”
    She ran for VP
    Became as popular as VD
    And set the bar for politicians really low

  51. [re=619352]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Speaking as a former (and now — owing to assorted, sordid, Wonkette-related activities — likely banned-for-life) Special Olympics “Buddy”, I’d like to thank you for your entirely out-of-character, utterly humorless, highly moving, emotionally inspiring indictment of not only Her Holy-mess, but of her hollow, hypocritical horde, as well.

    Everyone’s a winner, but you most of all.

  52. [re=619366]Obamas Left Testicle[/re]:

    Look everybody, it’s a Friday night troll.
    A poop-eating, lamely named, fuckface payaso.

  53. What rhymes with “refudiate”?

    [re=619368]NYNYNY[/re]: Oh, I like yours, especially that last bit about “ass cancer”

    Also, posting Trig pics, daaaamn Steuf, you are just beggin’ Mama Bear to post an angy twit / facebook rant about us. Which is good, because if she does, it’ll be funny, and then you’ll get two posts for the price of one.

  54. Jack finally committed the crime.
    Wading through Palin paeans that don’t rhyme.
    Started a hookworm thread,
    That wound up quite dead.
    But it’s true: Journalism takes time.

    –PalinHookwormConjecturePAC (ret.)

  55. [re=619243]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]:My husband always asks if people have seen the documentary, “Idiocracy.” Here in the Dust Bowl, we got there ahead of those of you in the developed states.

  56. [re=619256]DC Hates Me[/re]: “Soon he’ll go to retard school and learn stuff.”

    Are you high? He won’t learn shit at home school. The Palins aren’t qualified to teach a retard stuff.

  57. [re=619359]populucious[/re]: It is sort of lovely, but a bit disturbing when you think of Team Sarah!’s engagement with, say, poverty. What do you mean, civil / civic / moral duty? If the lord loved them he’d provide, clearly! Just like he plugged that big ol’ leak in the gulf, eventually (that was god, not engineers; he was a little busy torturing homosexuals and apologizes for showing up late)

  58. Ode to the Palinjugends

    One must understand speeling is not a Palin supporters forte
    they’d rather bitch and whine about that Kenyan’s plans to abort
    Trig’s little vegitated ass, oh what a loss of a campaign prop!
    Yet even though her cash bag keeps getting larger the grifters ratings continue to drop
    Just like when gravity makes turds hit the toilet water a-plop,

    These inbreds worship her as their queen
    and flush with boy sex Rush verily does preen
    while Bill O’ orders new loofas
    To rub longingly on the Grifter’s stormtroopa’s
    Jesus I should just get over with and rhyme King Koopa….

    Glenn Beck sure does love his fake cries
    Haley Barbours cardiac bacon sure fries
    Then they all get together and make up some good lies!
    While the tiny brains in the ‘baggers do die
    It would be nice to deport them all and say goodbye…

    So Palin is an idiot with a hustlers sense
    Toddster is probably closet gay just like Mike Pence
    Working their con they hope to make Hopey’s life full of suspence
    but when 2012 comes Sarah won’t run so hence,
    Why do these racist, idiotic ‘baggers waste their lives on this rank nonsense?
    Oh I wow I just looked over her fence….


  59. Hi Radioperson, I would be delighted to trade flames with you, but I sort of insist that you provide a bit–just a tiny bit, a *sliver*, really–of wit, intelligence, or irony. You are welcome to try again.

  60. [re=619313]Troubledog[/re]: For me, what truly put your “doep-azz peom” over the top was the De La Soul-like, super-slick switch-up you just stone cold dropped at the motherfuckin’ buzzer:

    “She grabbed with both hands and oh yeah, her daughter / Is getting married pretty soon to a young lad…”

    [re=619383]Mad Brahms[/re]: “What rhymes with ‘refudiate’?”

    “Um, all of them, Katie.”

  61. There once was a troll, a flame.
    She brought along poems, to maim.
    A command of form, she did lack,
    And her dislike of blacks,
    Was apparent in her choice of name.

  62. Obamas Left Testicle, you see,
    Has some damage to chromosome 23.
    It has affected her mind,
    So please, try and be kind.
    Also, she is missing an apostrophe.

    July 1, 2010
    She said that changes in society, especially Obamacare, are going to hurt the special needs community….She said that with Obamacare, there will be fewer providers, fewer choices, increased enrollees and as a result, rationing of care. She said that faceless panels of bureaucrats would be making decisions about who would get care….She said that Trig is the best thing that ever happened in their lives.

    Not that she would use Trig in any way but he does come in handy at times.

    Governor Palin said all things are possible as we lead our country to God. She ended with, “God bless you, and God bless America!” The crowd stood to their feet and cheered as Governor Palin, waving in her characteristic way, walked to the back of the stage and exited, still waving.

  64. Her fans make her look like a genius. I don’t think I can compete with the banality of their poetry. But oh, why not at least try on the write-only-memory that is a blog.

    O wookie of the North
    Heart of a grizzly,
    A mama, with her cubs.
    She growls, she tweets.
    She reads not, Katie.
    Fear the bear.

  65. There once was a sports anchor in Anchorage
    Named Sarah Baracuda, t’was her hankerage
    To report on the Iditirod
    When an idiot named Todd
    Decided to pull some fancy wankerage

  66. Quick hard summary:

    Whole lotta words
    By a whole lotta turds.

    [Have I ever mentioned my full name is Longfellow Lerong? Sad, I know.]

  67. [re=619222]JSDC007[/re]: and Jukesgirl:
    I tried. It’s important, see, to repeat the name when you can’t fill out the line, because that shows how much you feel the feelings, and poems are all about how much you feel something. If you just think something, then that’s something you write, but if you really, really feel it (see that? that’s poetic right there), you have to make it a poem.

    There, friends, is the Palin Patriot Poetic.

  68. Just yesterday I happened to catch the trailer for a movie coming out about Alan Ginsberg and the writing of Howl and everything that went on around its publication (bannings, obscenity trials.) Now that was a guy who could write poetry. I might have to read it again this weekend just to get the fucking Palin poems out of my head.

  69. There once was a twat from Wasilla
    Whose lady-parts smelled of gorilla
    Levi in the hamper
    Thought he’d been sniffing the pamper
    Of a modern-day female Godzilla

  70. [re=619352]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: She can’t be seen at Special Olympics. It was co-founded by Eunice Kennedy Shriver, started-up with a donation from a Kennedy family foundation, and lots of dangerous radicals like Jon Bon Jovi, Sheryl Crow, and Stevie Wonder are involved. I’m sure she considers it too partisan and not jesusy enough.

  71. [re=619359]populucious[/re]: “Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.”

    Ah, so it’s a woman, or gay man, talking about how much they need some dick. OK, but why is that a positive for Sarah Palin to know? Or was that alleged poem just about the author illustrating his sick fantasies about that hideous old lady?

  72. Of dumb and the woman I sing, she who, exiled by grades,
    first came from the “coast” of Idaho to Alaska, and to
    Russian-viewing shores – hurled about endlessly by air over sea,
    by the will of the god, by cruel Baptist Jesu’s remorseless anger,
    long bragging also over war, until she was found by McCain
    and brought her god to the mainland: from that the dumbass people
    came, the lords of Tea Baggia, the rants of ignoble Fox.
    Muse, tell me the cause: how was she offended in her self-believed divinity,
    how was she grieved, the Queen of Stupids, to drive a man,
    noted for virtue, to endure such dangers, because he was black

    trials? Can there be such anger in the minds of the gods?

  73. Faded dreams of anchor glory
    lay wasted upon Idaho land, fallow
    as the wind from Wasilla that carried the call.
    Her return went unnoticed
    save for a few who would profit
    Ambition did suit her
    and unlike her senses did not take leave
    This PTA queen and ‘vangie princess,
    the Mayor of this place and that place
    Like Foursquare checkins and about as hard to acquire
    To let the fox in the henhouse is a matter most dire
    Learned slowly and much too late they did
    that their harmless MILF had a mind of her own
    Later in life they’d call her a rogue, but rogue she is not
    rogues have spirit, and drive, but alas, poor Sarah
    can only connive; and things a man might do
    if he believed in what’s right are not what you see
    when you open the door and turn on the light
    Those good ol’ boys got more than they bargained
    A pig wearing lipstick or a mama with cubs, folksy applause lines
    Led to signs and lines and Bibles and guns,
    the Bubbas and ‘vangies and rednecks and haters
    all hewed to their Savior,
    united by the things they don’t like,
    wanting their country back as if they had the right, or had forgotten
    that the money says In God We Trust,
    because some postbellum preacher rammed it through their weak guts,
    and that the Pledge of Allegiance didn’t come from the Founders,
    it was a buckle under move by a simpering Congress,
    chased by ’50s era demons and Reds in their closets,
    launched branding to differentiate our Holy mission
    from that of the godless Communists.

  74. Most sensitive lines in the poems:

    “Who would abort the healthy
    Along with those who are deform”

    Ah, John S. Groll, we’re dying to know: Into which of these categories does young Trigg fall? (As they say in Wasilla, I’m waiting with “baited” breath.)

  75. [re=619440]My apostrophe![/re] You got me there!
    In the corner I should wear
    My dunce hat. But, I noticed that
    Your poetry is very flat. They have this
    Thing called meter, son–it is not there
    Just for fun. A lowly ball I might be,
    Missing my apostrophe. But there’s
    One thing that I lack–
    You’re the one in Obama’s crack.

  76. Egad, some of you idiots can’t write for shit. And X, really, “hankerage”??? The gorilla parts limerick was good though.

  77. There once was a mayor from Wassila
    Her mooseburgers, man, they were killa
    Her next biggest caper–
    To pick White House wallpaper
    For her kids Trig, Piper, and Willa

  78. [re=619543]Obamas Left Testicle[/re]: Yes, Edward Lear is credited with popularizing the Limerick form of poetry, and he often used neologisms. Wiki it.

  79. Her son-in-law is a true deviate
    Ethical violations she must expiate
    Her thoughts are mere tweets
    Little Trig at her teats
    Racist thoughts she cannot refudiate

  80. Out on the stump Todd held her coat
    While her tweets she’d recite by rote.
    Though she was hot
    He found he could not
    Get big ideas down her throat.

    In Newsweek we saw her in shorts
    And with babies she never aborts
    But her governor’s term
    Did not come from sperm
    Now Fox is where she cavorts.

  81. [re=619544]Obamas Left Testicle[/re]: Needs more “hill-billa” and “godzilla.”

    But you last three lines are right on: Running for president for her would be a caper. She isn’t called Snowbilly Grifter for nothing.

  82. Although it’s a little bit rough
    To call it illiterate guff
    At Wonkette we can
    Because of our man
    The incomparable, Team Sarah Stuef!

  83. We get eight years of total fucking horror out of being lead by a fascist retard, and somehow the american people are monsters for freaking out about the prospect of another eight years of Palin that would make Bush look like Clinton. Right. Yeah, we’re shitting our boxers, I’ll admit that. But to these whack jobs that makes her a GOOD choice? I can just see these teabaggers wouldn’t have made it through the dark ages. What? You in your liberal city are terrified of that ship because everyone on board has the plague? Because you hate that ship, that makes it a great one! We’ll let it dock at our town then! Nyah Nyah Nyah! See how you like that!

  84. Alaska was once Seward’s Folly,
    Now this harpy proves it, by golly.
    She quit on her state,
    Mixes stupid with hate,
    Is she Antichrist? I dunno, prolly.

  85. [re=619567]Darkness[/re]: I’m gonna get more serious than a raw bag of dicks and say: there is no way Palin will be elected president of the U. S. of teh A.

    If people were that cockfaced crazy over her, Walnuts would be in office right now. TBH, I hope she does get the nomination, because then the demofags will win, and ZOMG I wub me some demofags.

  86. There once was a woman named Palin
    Whose English was oft somewhat ailin’
    She dropped all of her g’s
    Oft stressed all of her “me’s”
    And in the polls ended up trailin’

  87. [re=619576]facehead[/re]: At one time, I said the same thing about a D student, draft dodging with daddy’s help, aristo fuckwad from Connecticut with a fake Texas accent. People are stupid enough to put someone completely incompetent in charge if they think the bastard son of the invisible man who runs their lives wants them there.

  88. With longer hair and a touch of eye shadow,
    She’s like a female version of Rachel Maddow.

    (From: Ode to a Grifter’s Labia, submitted by Little David Vitter)

  89. There once was a racist from the North
    A politico of little worth
    She did know how to hate
    And of God she did prate,
    Cheering on all the rancor called forth

  90. I need a palate-cleanser. John Milton, Sonnet 13, On the Same
    I did but prompt the age to quit their clogs
    By the known rules of ancient liberty,
    When straight a barbarous noise environs me
    Of owls and cuckoos, asses, apes and dogs.
    As when those hinds that were transformed to frogs
    Railed at Latona’s twin-born progeny
    Which after held the sun and moon in fee.
    But this is got by casting pearls to hogs;
    That bawl for freedom in their senseless mood,
    And still revolt when truth would set them free.
    Licence they mean when they cry liberty;
    For who loves that, must first be wise and good;
    But from that mark how far they rove we see
    For all this waste of wealth, and loss of blood.

  91. Said one generous Teabag donor,
    “When she smiles, instant boner!”

    (Campaign jingle submitted by performance artist Lennart Lennart)

  92. Hard work and no money made her bitter,
    so lying Sarah became a Quitter.
    Everyday’s a new drama,
    she’s still pissed by Obama,
    “Why doesn’t he follow me on twitter?”

  93. [re=619544]Obamas Left Testicle[/re]: Thanks to you, I now realize that even intelligent people can be have bad taste. And I also now know what the word payaso means. So thanks for that too.

  94. [re=619647]Troubledog[/re]: I suspect an inside job too. Hookworms wriggling inside his excrement.

    [re=619650]Pandy[/re]: He is not just any payaso, he is a poopyhead payaso.

  95. [re=619655]Radiotherapy[/re]: He’s probably still sore because the Sindicato de Payasos Local 537 wouldn’t let him join. Because he’s not funny. And the poopyhead thing too.

  96. [re=619558]Hello[/re], sezyou. Buddy, you wouldn’t know what a limerick needed if it popped up and hit you wih a shillelagh.

  97. Live streaming the Teabag poetry debate:

    “No, you’re a poopyhead.”
    “I know what you are, what am I?”

    *Three days later*

    “No, you’re a poopyhead.”
    “I know what you are, what am I?”

  98. Think I got this sussed. I went to “I Write Like” and pasted in some of Obamas Left Testicle’s posts. It said he writes like Sara Benincasa. The rest, immediatly, fell into place.

    Sara Benincasa is Obama’s Left Testicle.

  99. [re=619689]user-of-owls[/re]: Last week you made Red State mad and they blam-whatevered you, now you’ve got the MF’n Son of God crying and frustrated.
    I cant wait to see who’s next.

  100. Hi Troubled-dog, I pasted some of your posts into a Flesch-Kincaid grade level checker, and it says that you write at a third-grade reading level. Sussed, indeed.

  101. Hi again X, I am indeed a Puffington Host blogger, one of the only conservatives in the stable. I will reveal my identity when hell is a cold, grey, snowball.

  102. Somewhere up there, X said [re=619256]the following[/re]:

    “Trig is getting big.
    Soon he’ll go to retard school and learn stuff.
    I know you were expecting this to be a peom.
    So was I.”

    You are aware, surely, that there is no law that says you *must* hit the ‘submit’ button. In your case, someone with your prose skills, I recommend a modicum of introspection before posting, lest you look even more a dumbass.

  103. Hey owl-fucker: I can’t think of anything that anyone could possibly do to make this putrid forum even more unusable. Thanks for your contributions to the cause.

  104. Well Mr. Testicle, you sound unhappy about Wonkette .. care to discuss it? Conservative but not republican? One of those libertine teabaggers perhaps?

  105. [re=619718]Radiotherapy[/re]: Fun to have you around. Not many could use payasos to such effect. Felicitaciones, mi colega ilustre!

  106. Hey X, you can call me Lefty. I would be delighted to have a philosophical discussion with one of the insightful, deep-thinkers here. Unfortunately, there aren’t any.

  107. [re=619757]user-of-owls[/re]: Usted también, mi amigo plumoso fino, mi diafragma dolorido gracias a usted.

    [re=619756]DC Hates Me[/re]: Mr. Testicle is a poopyhead payaso.

  108. [re=619761]Obamas Left Testicle[/re]: Listen, let’s cut to the chase.

    [Insert hologram here]

    I’ve asked everyone here for advice and still, no relief for this fungal infection on my penis. Help me, Half Full Ballsack Master, you’re my only hope.

  109. Anyone else feel like requesting the long-neglected ban hammer? This troll just has no flair, no panache. It used to be we could bat the trolls around like a cat toying with a mouse, now it just feels like even the cat can barely rouse any interest.

    Wonder where his soaring riposte from a couple of weeks ago, when he invited someone here to “come on over and suck my dick, bitch” would rank on the Flesch-Kincaid grade level checker.

  110. [re=619247]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: The 28K and a dial-up connection? “Welcome, you’ve got mail!,” and the fucking porn-sites that would freeze up the computer, and you can’t turn it off?

  111. Shitfire, my routine drug binges always make me late to the best posts. Well, the Palintards’ poetry has somehow done the impossible: it has deepened my existential depression. People are fucking nuts, that’s the only explanation. Who the fuck writes obsequious drivel-poems to/about anyone, let alone the snow-mongoloid ice-witch herself? I’m talking about earnestly written poems, not ones for larfs. I noticed in most, if not all, of the poems at least one reference to god. These people are so smugly delusional that they have to shit their magical thinking on everything they write or say. I guess pathologically saying “god” all the time is like a retarded dog whistle that lets other retards know your one of them. Damn, I really rambled away from the sole reason I was leaving a comment, which was to say: Obamas Left Testicle’s login name fucking sucks, his(?) comments fucking suck, and I have a sneaking suspicion he has never consensually reached an orgasm with another human. OLT fucks goats.

  112. Friends:
    Give a parasite a stomach lining and you feed him for a day. Feed a parasite already attached to a stomach lining and you provide nutrients for an oral-fecal transmitted Palin hookworm for a [thread] lifetime.

  113. [re=619827]user-of-owls[/re]:I know feeding the trolls is unwise. But, I just had to give him what’fer. You see, I was gently coming back down into a state of sobriety, laughing at all the clever comments, etc. Then, like a huge, moldy bag of turd-covered rat vaginas floating in a punchbowl, OLT showed up and befouled this classic Wonkette thread with his oozing mediocrity. OLT ought to use his natural gift of being lame-as-fuck by writing jizz-stained creep letters to Reader’s Digest mailbag instead of molesting us with his horror show of dullness.

  114. [re=619833]Ye Olde Fap-Smith[/re]: Your sentiments are well-placed and well-understood. Try, though, a sort of Wonko-tantric strategy for dispersing your angst: Ohm. Poopyhead. Ohm. Poopyhead…etc.

  115. [re=619827]user-of-owls[/re]: Yes, Obama’s Left Etc. is a poopyhead, but let me just say ..
    Neda’s dead, that’s what I said.
    Everybody’s misused her, ripped her up and abused her.
    Another junkie plan, pushin’ hope for the Man.
    If you wanna be a newsjunkie why, remember Neda’s dead.
    Don’t wanna be like Neda now.
    Cause Neda’s dead.
    Ha Ha Ha Ha Neda’s dead.

  116. [re=619845]DC Hates Me[/re]: Curioso que la manía sobre ‘Neda’ dentro ejes ultra-derechas gringo (Hola querido Poopyhead!) esta centralizado en una tema anti-religiosa.

  117. [re=619224]x111e7thst said: “If I had a blank eyed drooling ‘tard grandkid, I would not put allow his picture to be platered all over my shitty .org just to squeeze a few more sympathy bucks out of my blank eyed, drooling followers. Fucking grifter.”[/re]:

    I think you’ve hit on why the TeamSarah denizens feel such kinship with little Tri-G.

  118. [re=619374]BlueStateLiberal said: “She metastasized from Gov to Mama Grizzly.” Fixed.[/re]:

    “She metastasized from Gov to Sow Grizzly.” Fixed even better.

  119. [re=619852]Jack Stuef[/re]: The troll has become self-aware!!1! Situation critical! For it was prophesied in both testaments of the Bible(Terminator I, II) that when the artifically-intelligent(Aramaic for retarded) become self-aware, then all kinds of shit happens. Robots with guns. Unfunny trolls raping comment threads with gross troll semen. OLT must be obliterated, for the troops! And the babies, also.

  120. [re=619852]Jack Stuef[/re]: I need to figure out where this banhammer is

    It’s right next to the ‘enflame the right-wing blogosphere’ button.

  121. [re=619792]Obamas Left Testicle[/re]: Self-deprecating Poopyhead is self-deprecating.
    Also, poopyheaded self-deprecator is a poopyhead.

  122. From the National Weather Service:

    “The low pressure front that moved into the area overnight brought slightly lower temperatures and a slight chance of rain on Sunday. The front pushed the high pressure system that lingered over much of the past week out of the area. As a result, the NWS has let the Poopyhead Watch to expire. While scattered poopyheads remain a possibility, they are expected to be isolated and well below the severe threshold.”

  123. [re=619850]WesternCorrespondent[/re]: TRI-G=trisonomy G??
    That’s pretty funny. And I apparently live under a rock, I never heard that before.

  124. (back to the subject, late as always) VOGONS! people! Sarah’s followers and the teabaggers are really Vogons! It’s that horrible, horrible Vogon poetry that drives entire civilizations to mass suicide! The End Is Near! The Gulf catastrophe was only the warning shot!

  125. Awesome. We have sucked in the troll. Soon, we shall saddle it with Trisomy-G Nutz.

    Now I must go mourn my cousin, Spina Bifida (Spibi, to her family). If only she’d shown some more backbone!

  126. It feels like Christmas Eve at my house tonight. I am SO looking forward to the Wonkette powers-that-be posting about the Palin Twitter crap that went on tonight. I feel like my mind is all on fire with knowledge with what I want to say.

  127. I dunno, was thinking of captioning the lede pic, but I’m a little stoned by this time of nite. Best I can do on short-notice is “Trigg, what’s Mommy’s IQ?”, although that begs the maternity issue. Damn me for failing to come up with a really non-PC and twisted comment.

  128. No matter what I paste into I Write Like, it always comes back David Foster Wallace. For a while I was sure the retarded application was glitched.

    Then I pasted in a lurid story I’d written earlier today about a MMF threesome. That one came back as Vladimir Nabokov.

  129. [re=619940]ImBarb[/re]: You know she only referred to Shakespeare to piss off educated people. Don’t give her the satisfaction.

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