• May 27, 2012

Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Will Not Be On the Ballot

by Jack Stuef  1:59 pm July 16, 2010

Hoooomo-sexxx-u-altyOh look, it’s our favorite blog, host.madison.com/wsj/news/
local/govt_and_politics/blog. We’ll just take a look-see at what’s happening at the old blog this morn — OH GOD. “Dear Wonkette: We love you so. But we have some terrible news for you. Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. is not actually a candidate for U.S. Senate in Wisconsin.” It seems Pagels somehow failed to get in his required nomination signatures before the deadline, so he will not be on the ballot. But we called Ernest, and he plans to move forward. He is a candidate for U.S. Senate. AND WE WILL MOVE FORWARD TOGETHER.

Ernest was taking it well and was actually blazing the “campaign trail” when we called, receiving psychiatric treatment at the Veterans Affairs hospital. “I’m at the Y. I mean, at the VA hospital,” said.

Ernest fell a little short of the number of signatures he needed, netting himself just 104. But he will continue as a write-in candidate for anyone who wants to vote for him. He said he is planning on airing a new ad in Madison in August and one in September in Green Bay, so it’s only a matter of time before at least three places in Wisconsin have the “Pagels Panic.”

It’s obvious that most of the people of Wisconsin were too busy ruining their lives with homosexuality or drugs or porn to be able to sign Pagels’ nomination paper. But come November, those people will be too busy ruining their lives to go out and vote. And Pagels will defeat “Dead Wood” Feingold, as Pagels calls him, in a landslide. [Wisconsin State-Journal]

{ 25 comments }

memzilla July 16, 2010 at 2:03 pm

No locks on Pagels?

chascates July 16, 2010 at 2:09 pm

The Y and the VA hospital are pretty much the same thing.

V572625694 July 16, 2010 at 2:10 pm

This is all fine but why isn’t our Wonkette live-blogging Steve Jobs apologia conference? Dontcha have any idea what real news is?

Sharkey July 16, 2010 at 2:24 pm

Yeah, and what about that mess of a Noonan today?

JMP July 16, 2010 at 2:25 pm

Noooooo; this is a the saddest day for comedy since that Alabama guy who liked to chat with dudes dressed up as the founding fathers lost. Ah well, at we’ve got Angle and Paul until November.

Lascauxcaveman July 16, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Dang. This star shone so brightly, but so briefly.

Insane ‘write in’ candidates are a dime a dozen; which means this guy isn’t interesting anymore.

Extemporanus July 16, 2010 at 2:31 pm

Oh my god, really? A shout-out on “host.madison.com/wsj/news/local/govt_and_politics/blog”?!

YIPPEEE!! Our wee Wonkette has finally hit the big time! Pagelshots (pee + antifreeze) for everyone!

SayItWithWookies July 16, 2010 at 2:31 pm

Good for Pagels — only sissies do things the easy, government-sanctioned way. Not Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. — he’ll annoy, harass and wheedle his way into Wisconsinites’ hearts one write-in vote at a time, just the way the early Christian martyrs did.

DC Hates Me July 16, 2010 at 2:33 pm

Why didn’t the Wisconson Street Journal help Ernest get the help and attention he needs to become US Senator? Doesn’t the WSJ care about their citizens with special needs? Cheese packers!

GOPCrusher July 16, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Ernest needs Dale Peterson to bring his trusty rifle to Wisconsin and shoot at the people that were too busy to sign his nomination petition.

V572625694 July 16, 2010 at 2:38 pm

How are Prommie and I going to get our yucks if the comments on Sara’s post (next) are closed?

Dolmance July 16, 2010 at 2:42 pm

I hate to seem cynical, but I think he wanted to criminalize licking your wife’s ass so he’d have an excuse not to lick his own wife’s ass. In fact, I think all these Republican platforms criminalizing licking your wife’s ass are being inserted in the state GOP platforms so when their wives are disgruntled over their husbands not licking their ass they’ll be able to say, “Sorry, baby, but that’s illegal.”

What this indicates to me is that licking Democratic wife’s ass is much more enjoyable than licking a Republican wife’s ass. And I’m not the least bit surprised.

JMP July 16, 2010 at 2:53 pm

[re=619065]V572625694[/re]: Maybe she’s trying to avoid the slightly creepy comments on her appearance?

Radiotherapy July 16, 2010 at 2:53 pm

At least he didn’t quit!

MarSF July 16, 2010 at 2:55 pm

[re=619065]V572625694[/re]: What is up with that?? Maybe Sara is getting too much attention?

V572625694 July 16, 2010 at 2:58 pm

[re=619078]JMP[/re]: Good point!

gurukalehuru July 16, 2010 at 3:56 pm

Ernest J. Pagels is not on the ballot. But Alvin Greene is!

Troubledog July 16, 2010 at 4:01 pm

It’s fun to stay at the Y and VA
It’s fun to stay at the Y and VA
You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal
You can do whatever you feel

sezme July 16, 2010 at 4:08 pm

New teabagger strategy: get the poors to cash in their government cheese for a place on the ballot (or not!), then

Profit!

Jukesgrrl July 16, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Ernest, if you’re still going to run some TV ads, there’s a guy in Alabama named Tim James who can recommend a great camera operator.

Mad Brahms July 16, 2010 at 6:27 pm

Where in the hell is he getting the money to run these ads in major markets like Milwaukee?

Jim89048 July 16, 2010 at 8:21 pm

I smell a lawsuit!

just pixels July 16, 2010 at 8:41 pm

Who will ever forget where they were when they heard the news Earnest J Pagels Jr would not be on the ballot?

(note to self: was in kitchen near toaster … as usual.)

facehead July 16, 2010 at 11:16 pm

I just woke up from a nap (which strangely resembled sleep) and had deja-vu when I read this.

Creepy.

oneholebuster July 17, 2010 at 10:15 pm

Stoof, did you pick on the retarded kid in school?

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