Sometimes people ask me, “Sara Benincasa, how do you find the time to stalk Barry O. when you live in New York City, not in the swampy deathquake that is the District of Columbia?” The answer is that I telecommute, using the Internets! Once a week on the White House Blog, someone by the name of Arun Chaudhary posts an installment of my favorite pornographic serial, West Wing Week. Someone (maybe it is Arun?) gives each episode a name! This is so adorable. This week’s name is “6 Principals.”
Barack Obama went to Las Vegas last week to speak about the Recovery Act and environmental crap. He also talked to Harry Reid, in public, on camera. Then it was time, probably, for the titty bars! Just titty bar after titty bar, with Barry smokin’ his cocaine weed. Like all Muslin terrorists, Barry loves to make it rain on dem hoes!
And once a-fucking-gain, Arun & Co. leave out a few days in a highly suspicious maneuver! Is it really West Wing WEEK if I don’t know what the fuck President Obama was up to on Saturday or Sunday? The only answer is that he was still in the titty bars, which stayed open for 72 hours straight to accommodate Our Dear Leader’s unquenchable thirst for the champagne room.
On Monday, President Obama hid his titty hangover very well as he welcomed the Boy Scouts of America to the Oval Office. No, not all of them; just a few of them. Why? It’s the 100th anniversary of the world’s first NGO to combine rampant molestation with camping! Also, some Dominican guy showed up. He was initially denied access because he wasn’t wearing a baseball uniform, but Nobama explained that not everyone from Thank-God-It’s-Not-Haiti plays deportes. And then the titular “6 Principals” showed up, to give Obama detention, for the titty bars.
On Tuesday, he announced the appointment of Jacob “Jack” Lew to be the new director of the Office of Management and Budget, or something. It came as a striking blow to Edward “Eddie” Cullen, who brooded in his lair and then went out into the sun, to sparkle. Like me, his most loyal subject, Obamarrrr is Team Jacob!
On Wednesday, he had a meeting with the adorable Warren Buffett, who performs for legions of drunken white marijuana criminals under the moniker “Jimmy.” Then Obama condescended to meet with former President Bill Clinton, who said, “Titty bars, huh? Heh heh” and then told him all about something to do with the environment, or whatever (haha, go to 1:25 to see how thrilled Barry looks to be in Bubba’s presence).
On Thursday he flew to Michigan, our nation’s most depressing non-Southern state, in order to visit a factory site and hang out with foxy Jennifer “Aniston” Granholm. Why does Barack Obama crave the company of white women? Somewhere, a black lady is hysterically asking this question, on Twitter.
Then he went back to the White House and talked more about the economy. This time it was quite literally raining, which made Barack Obama smile, thinking of where he’d been only a few days before. “That one gal, with the curly blond hair,” he mused to himself. “There was something different about her.” He proceeded to fire America’s Wacky Grampa Vice President Joe Biden and appoint Nomi Malone in his place.
Have a great weekend, you sick fucks! I’ll be here in NYC, dancing like no one’s watching and pushing Gina Gershon down a flight of stairs, also like no one’s watching.
{ 39 comments }
Unlike his predecessor George W. Bush, who never took a vacation, Obama is taking another vacation this weekend, which will be decried by the non-racist Tea Party patriots.
“Is it really West Wing WEEK if I don’t know what the fuck President Obama was up to on Saturday or Sunday?”
it’s “west wing week”, not “west wing weekend.” he probably was not in an undisclosed location, watching brown-skinned people being waterboarded through a two-way mirror, and he probably wasn’t drinking beer and shotgunning his lawyer, and he probably wasn’t pretending to clear brush off a pretend ranch — so i say, let him have his weekend. he was probably doing innocent and wholesome things, like shooting hoops and planning a pre-emptive strike on iran.
1.25 is just a shot of Warren Buffet looking exasperated.
Those filthy boy scouts again — when is America finally going to tire of the rampant homosexual drug orgy that is the BSA? Fortunately you’ve got that Showgirls clip to keep my mind off the licentious immorality in the news. Mmm No Meme Alone.
Dance like there’s ass in your pants, Sara.
[re=619089]chascates[/re]: BP on the other hand has just fixed the entire Gulf. Drill Baby Drill.
[re=619093]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
Wait, what was that “homosexual drug orgy” thing again? Do you have pictures?
Just remember, Sara darlin’, there’s always someone younger and hungrier telecommuting down the Internets after you.
I’ve been ignored by better than you, dammit. Those things I said, I didn’t mean it, I was trying to make you jealous.
[re=619097]Tommmcatt[/re]: I’m just going by what my friends who used to be scouts tell me — and if you knew my friends, you wouldn’t be asking for pictures.
Of course the titty bars were open 72 hours straight; this was Vegas, where the strip joints and legal brothels never close.
Obama had Boy Scout representatives at the Oval Office? But just a few days ago, Chuck Norris told us that he was intentionally slighting the Scouts, to appease the gays and us atheists:
http://wonkette.com/416631/chuck-norris-is-hot-on-the-trail-of-obamas-boy-scout-conspiracy
Hanging with Harry Reid in the kitchen after a hard night on the strip. Now thats a party.
Actually, I think the first NGO to combine molestation and camping was the Continental Army.
Re: meeting Boy Scouts. Where’s the link to the Chuck Norris column?
jeez, those school principals made him spit out his Nicorette!
Mean!
and the hot blond in the electric car?, he better watch out, man.
Make sure you always have a witness, Barry!
[re=619118]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: I think Sparta might have something to say about that.
During the seven years I lived in DC, I struggled in vain to find an entirely accurate description of Our Nation’s Capital. But you nailed it with “swampy deathquake”.
[re=619115]Edywin[/re]: they had milk and toast!
A good time was had by all.
“Nomi Malone” —
thank you, ma’am. i gots me a spanking new aneurysm now.
I am officially gay for Sara. This is what did it: “Also, some Dominican guy showed up. He was initially denied access because he wasn’t wearing a baseball uniform, but Nobama explained that not everyone from Thank-God-It’s-Not-Haiti plays deportes. And then the titular “6 Principals” showed up, to give Obama detention, for the titty bars.”
Well Sara, I’ve been stalking Barry since…..forever. So I love your weekly summary of all his sexy activities.
I want him to be my new Klaus Nomi
He was probably playing golf.
Golf is a disease. It should be quarantined, as no one can touch it without becoming commensurately douchefied.
[re=619113]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
Words cannot express how disappointed I am to hear you say that.
Please don’t push anyone down the stairs! Try
“You’re a pain in my ass! Stop being that!”
- M Gibson.
Sara, you rock! Dance the night away — you deserve it!
Sara Benincasa, are you going to dance the night away as yourself? Or as one of your many alters?
[re=619198]Katydid[/re]: Hey, how you doin?
So does this mean that Barry will get all furry and howl at the moon. Good, cause there are some turkeynecks he needs to rip out.
Crap. Harry only invited me to a UFC fight. Maobamao gets to go to the titty bar?
I demand Sara Benincasa’s hand in marriage. Or to at least accompany me to one of these “titty bars” of which she speaks.
he met with not all of the Boy Scouts; just a few of them
No. I think that was all of them. Unless Chuck Norris blew them off. (I mean didn’t show up.) Then they’re one short.
[re=619426]BarackMyWorld[/re]: oh yeah! Well I demand both her hands in marriage.
SHOW US YER TITS!
[re=619466]honkyman[/re]: OK, but I doubt you’ll be impressed. Let’s just say I’m one of the reasons tops were invented.
“Six Principals”, sounds like the new Dan Brown novel where a secret society of Kenyan born Hawaiians catch Dr. Robert Langdon spanking the Sphinx while reading the Wonkette.
Push Gina down a second flight for me! All in the spirit of fun, of course.
Seeing “titular,” “titty bars,” and “Twitter” all so close together makes me feel all funny inside.
Dancin’ ain’t fuckin’.
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