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  • The apocalypse BEGINSBP’s futuristic space-age technobox dingus has gone nearly two whole days without leaking, or exploding, or going crazy and bursting off its mooring and burrowing further into the sea floor and opening up yet another leaky hole in the Earth’s crust, which probably means that this whole thing has been solved and you can stop caring. Huzzah! Just in time for Wonkette to launch its daily oil disaster roundup, too. Everything is fixed again, isn’t that right? Let’s confirm with a reaction from out-of-work Louisiana crabber Jeff Ussury: “It’s like putting a Band-Aid on a dead man in my opinion.” That’s … that’s not really a productive attitude to take, sir. [NYT]
  • All you unemployed hobos will probably get your precious unemployment checks back, as soon as West Virginia Governor Manchin appoints a warm Democratic body to Robert Byrd’s seat, so just hold off on getting a new job for the moment. [Fox]
  • Do you live in or near D.C., like your morning editor? Were you awake at 5 a.m., like your morning editor? Then, like your morning editor, you probably felt the extremely exciting magnitude 3.7 earthquake, then moved on with your morning, which mostly consisted of “Why am I up so early why why why”-type thoughts. [WP]
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