WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Interview

We all learned a lot about Wisconsin Republican candidate for U.S. Senate and future President Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. last week. And since then, we've had the chance to speak with him, for over a half hour. It was an entertaining interview. Did you know that Pagels is well-versed in most of our favorite conservative issues? In addition to being opposed to homosexuality, abortion and pornography (the "Pagels Trifecta"), he is also a birther, for example. Yet, completely coincidentally , he tells Wonkette in this exclusive interview that he's also a paranoid schizophrenic!

Pagels also notes how he financed his campaign against Jim Sensenbrenner and his current campaign:

Pagels stand firm against the creeping socialism of the Obama administration, too. And he has an idea for what the government should do with people (like himself) suffering from mental health problems:

Pagels also spoke for over 10 minutes about his various lawsuits. When asked about his suit against McDonald's, he said he had worked at one of the hamburger chain's locations at some point and the corporate giant refused to put his correct legal name on his pay stubs.

But what about Pagels' legal battle against the general manager of WVCY, a fundamentalist Christian radio broadcaster, Victor Eliason:  

Pagels tried to get police to prosecute Eliason for "unlawful use of a telephone," which Pagels said was part of the Wisconsin "disorderly conduct statute." (And he should know, as he was cited for disorderly conduct for public urination.) When the police refused, Pagel said, he sued Eliason for $10 million. Later, he went to one of Eliason's "friend's churches" and was kicked out by the pastors, he said, because of 1 Corinthians 6: 1-4. Pagels was defeated in the lawsuit but kept appealing until he ran out of money.

When Pagels was asked about the charges against him for public urination, he said he made a poor decision when he urinated between his car and another in the parking lot. "I did wrong. I did wrong," he said.

Pagels is admirably forthcoming, at least, and that will certainly take him far with the voters of Wisconsin (and later America). As he and other conservatives have said, the people of Wisconsin and the U.S. want laws against homosexuality and abortion and perhaps even porn -- so come November, expect Pagels and his brethren to sweep into power. It's about time we had another paranoid schizophrenic in the Senate, and Pagels seems like the right man for the job.

NOTE: We can now say that ThinkProgress and Alan Colmes and Huffington Post giggled at the mentally ill. HOW DARE THEY?!