Chuck Norris Is Hot On the Trail of Obama’s Boy Scout Conspiracy

  internet joke

Makes more sense than an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger at least.Martial artist and famed Mike Huckabee supporter Chuck Norris has some sort of column on WorldNetDaily, and in the past few weeks he has exposed Barack Obama’s secret hatred of the Boy Scouts. Obama, you see, refuses to acknowledge the Boy Scouts, who are apparently very important in public policy and global affairs, and he also refuses to attend their anniversary jamboree thing. BUT THAT IS JUST THE TIP OF ICEBERG.

Over the past months, a widely circulated e-mail has reported that President Obama is not signing Eagle Scout certificates, which only 4 to 5 percent of Boy Scouts attain. Categorically, Internet watchdog sites like Snopes.com and TruthOrFiction.com have classified the claims as “hogwash.” But I have found a steady stream of White House whitewashing when it comes to the Boy Scouts of America.

This is how “Part 1″ begins in this long “three-part series” of articles on this very important issue. Yesterday Norris published “Part 4,” and who knows how many parts there will be, as this conspiracy goes very deep. Don’t be surprised if things start to get tense by “Part 8″ and Norris has to give up words in favor of roundhouse kicks.

So why the tardiness? The BSA says the primary reason was due to an administrative delay authorizing the president’s signature – something they say occurs every time there’s a change in the presidency. Fascinating how I don’t recall any “administrative delay” with the host of presidential signatures on a wide variety of issues and legislation from Obamacare, further stem-cell research, additional federal liberties for abortions or increasing the U.S. debt to bailout banks, the car industry, Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac, etc.

VERY FASCINATING. WE ARE DROOLING OVER HERE.

But the real reason Obama seems to be dragging his feet is that he doesn’t want to be the honorary president of the Boy Scouts, something every U.S. president has done since Taft, according to Norris.

I suppose it’s also coincidental that Obama was unable to attend the 100th Anniversary Gala of the Boy Scouts of America in his own backyard (Washington, D.C.) on Feb. 9, 2010. Why? Because that evening he had his first national press conference! Is it just me, or would you have delayed the press conference to any other evening in February to attend this unique centennial celebration of one of the oldest and most influential boys’ organizations in U.S. history? How about at least a quick shout-out at the press conference? No such luck.

HMM, VERY COINCIDENTAL. It is so coincidental that a president would be busy. It’s almost as if he didn’t want to hang out with a bunch of 8-year-olds and their dads for a few hours. Chuck Norris hangs out with Boy Scouts all the time and even sends them recognition letters, he says, because he is hip and children know who he is and like him.

In “Part Two,” Norris notes how WorldNetDaily’s White House correspondent (WHAT?) asked Robert Gibbs about this Boy Scout thing. Gibbs pretended to not know what the reporter was talking about and brushed it aside by talking about his own son’s pinewood derby car. VERY INTERESTING.

President Obama became the honorary president of the BSA in March of 2009, and the White House didn’t even mention it. And ever since, any discussion or interactions with the BSA have been “don’t ask, don’t tell.” And how could they, since the president would then have to publicly acknowledge that, as honorary president of BSA, he affirmed the Scout Oath, belief and policies, which prohibit atheists and agnostics from membership, and “avowed” homosexuals from leadership roles?

As honorary president of the BSA, Obama swore to uphold the Scout Oath and Law, on his honor:

On my honor, I will do my best to keep myself morally straight.

On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country;

On my honor, I will do my best to obey the Scout Law …;

On my honor, I will do my best to help other people at all times.

On my honor, I will do my best to keep myself mentally awake.

One thing is certain: This is one more example of how Obama has difficulty following oaths. The other is: “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. So help me God.”

BOOM SHAQ-A-LAQA! Chuck Norris just blew this whole thing wide open.

Just as Pontius Pilate washed his hands of any buy-in to Jesus’ execution, so the White House is continually whitewashing its connection and responsibility to the BSA. And just as Pontius Pilate’s action prompted us to question what good came from his position, so we wonder what good has come from Obama’s role as honorary president of BSA?

GOOD QUESTION, CHUCK. Nothing good has come from it. Because Obama has broken his Scout oath by associating with HOMOSEXUALS and AGNOSTICS and ATHEISTS.

Norris goes on and on:

I know, I know: I shouldn’t expect so much. After all, Obama is probably too busy trying to fix the economy, the border problems, the Gulf oil crisis and the Afghanistan war, right? Such is the case also with deadbeat dads across the country: too busy to support or do anything with their kids. Know what I mean? (Why don’t you try that explanation on the Scouts and see how well it goes over.)

YOU ARE A DEADBEAT, OBAMA. STOP SECRETLY HATING THE BOY SCOUTS AND REALIZE THEY ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR JOB BEFORE THEY RESENT YOU AND TURN TO DRUGS, ALCOHOL, AND HOMOSEXUALITY. [Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4 via Wonkette operative "Michael"]

Share This
 
Related video

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef