Despite Ernest J. Pagels, Jr.’s brilliant campaign against homosexuality, abortion, and pornography, the Wisconsin GOP Convention endorsed “Oshkosh businessman” (the place or the child overalls?) Ron Johnson. This afternoon the DSCC e-mailed us a press release letting us know that Ron Johnson owns stock in evil oil spiller British Petroleum. This is supposed to make us want to support the Democratic candidate Russ Feingold. Yet, the fact is, Russ Feingold also owns stock in businesses, some of which are probably also bad sometimes. You know who doesn’t own stock in businesses? Ernest J. Pagels, Jr.
Well, we don’t know that for sure. But he probably doesn’t. It’s a fair assessment based on our WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW with the man. Oh, you want details from this interview? Hmm. Maybe. It would be more fun to just tease this thing for the rest of the week. Here’s a detail: Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. does not accept outside donations, funding his campaign himself from funds originating in very similar places to those Alvin Greene used. OOH, YOU HAVE BEEN SO TEASED. (Yes, we are probably going to get sued if we ever post that thing.)
Johnson is one of two Republican candidates running for the seat held by Democratic U.S. Senator Russ Feingold. At a public forum in June, both he and challenger Dave Westlake criticized the federal government’s treatment of BP.
Johnson accused the government of circumventing “the rule of law” in its treatment of the oil giant, according to an Associated Press report. And he has said it’s not the time to be beating up on oil companies.
First of all, Wisconsin State Journal, there are more than two candidates in this race. There is also Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT.
Second of all, yes, Ron Johnson, now is certainly not the time to be beating up on oil companies. Global warming is advancing and the Gulf of Mexico is all covered in sludge? Yeah, that doesn’t seem like the right time. Perhaps we can pencil this beat down in for a few decades from now when the oil is pretty much gone and Ron Johnson is dead and there are fewer profits to be made.
This all just shows how much America needs Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. in the Senate right now. He would pass a bill outlawing the Gulf of Mexico. [Wisconsin State Journal via Wonkette operative "Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee"]
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Now that you mention it, I probably own stock in BP or one of those. Who the hell knows how your 401k investments get chopped up?
Not me.
Yes, cause god knows the pain BP endured was so great after it shot US America in the face with the Deep Horizons oil spill that it needs another boot licking oil fucker to defend them.
Scum.
[re=615471]Joshua Norton[/re]:
“When asked about his involvement in the BP scandal, Joshua Norton seems to have a lot of different stories. First he said, I probably own stock in BP. But when angry constituents began demanding answers, Joshua Norton claimed to have no idea where his money was: Who the hell knows.
Say NO to Joshua Norton because the last thing we need is another slick operator.
This message paid for by PalinHookwormConjecturePAC.“
[re=615476]MarieDeGournay[/re]: Just because Mr. Pagels abuses steroids, dogs and small children does not mean that you need to get all up in his shit like that.
Most pensioners in Great Britain own stock in BP so they’re evil as well. In fact, anyone who owns any stocks is part of the dominant capitalist paradigm or something like that.
The mean US government, beating on an oil company just because their gross negligence caused a horrific environmental disaster that still hasn’t ended. I’ve said it before, but I love how so many Republicans have somehow decided “The Democrats are being too mean to BP!” is a good campaign talking point.
If Ernest J. Pagels sees two gas stations across the street from each other and they’re selling gas at exactly the same price, does he pray to his god, Yahweh/Texaco, for guidance? Or is it such a minor thing that he just invokes the aid of the aborted fetus he keeps in a plastic container in his trunk?
I bet he owns stock in them litigation-happy ambulance-chasing law firms that advertise on the back of the phone book.
Oshkosh is really a place, though the only things there of note that I can think of are airshows and “UW-Zero”, as those of us from other UW schools called it. Oh, and they have outlet malls, maybe?
@JMP
I think the logic here (that seems to be working among some of the Republicans I’ve seen whargarrbling all over the place) is this:
“See how awful Obama is to BP? This is just the beginning. If we let this keep going, he won’t just be mean to the oil companies — he’s going to be mean to your small TruckNutz manufacturing company too!”
Of course, most of these people don’t even have full time jobs, let alone small businesses, but ONE DAY they will get really bootstrappy and own the best TruckNutz business in the world, and then Obama’s awful socialist business hatred will bankrupt them.
Who would guess this gal’s the same one who writes all them books about the Gnossdicks and their Godspells? Life shore is funny (sometimes).
[re=615471]Joshua Norton[/re]: You have a chopped-up 401k? Luxury. Every morning I wake up and have to lick the road clean with my tongue.
[re=615484]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: No, no, no. The relationship he has with those firms is referred to as ‘Retainer’. He’s one of the, like, 29 assholes in America for whom PrePaid Legal is a better deal than car insurance.
I am hopeful that Jack Stuef showed the man some respect during the interview and did not reference Geocities, Prodigy, or AOL.
Since I can’t comment on the Bill-Clinton’s-marrying-folks-page for reasons beyond my ken, I want to note here my outrage that the link to Daily News, etc., for the picture of the stylin’ moleman and bride sent me to the “Washington Post” site. I object! I thought this website was, and is, Politico-free. These days, the WaPo makes Politico look like a paragon of scrupulous journalism. Well, no, it doesn’t, they both eat &^%$ with both hands, but, still…please!… not more sendies to WaPo from Wonkette!
Here’s my shareholder vote for a donation of 1000 whore diamonds from WonkettePAC just so he has to go though the trouble of returning them.
Ernest J. Pagels is a tire pee-er, a TIRE PEE-ER sheeple!
[re=615512]freakishlystrong[/re]: That tire really tied the car together.
Ernest J. says that he is a born again Xtian, so I believe him. Aborted once, but born again, dammit!
So the Dairyland GOPers have to choose between Johnson^2, that be BP’s with with first name of Ron, and Alvin Greene’s melanin-impaired twin Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. My-oh-my. Will they vote or just swallow their Glocks?
Ernest Pagels pees on cars. Rob Johnson pees oil on America. Rusty Feingold pees on Ron Johnson. And Wonkette leaks the interview.
I used to own stock. I might still have some, but I’m too damn afraid to open the envelope from E-trade. I wrap them in a ziploc bag, then put them in the neighbor’s trash can. Because I’m pretty sure it’s just full of bad news, or perhaps anthrax powder.
[re=615512]freakishlystrong[/re]: [re=615515]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: As stipulated at his sentencing hearing, every time a tire is micturated upon in this fair city, Ernest J. Pagels, Jr., has to compensate the owner.
[re=615493]Aerox[/re]: Actually, their logic, such as it is, is based on a flat out lie, as it often is.
They start with the lie that the president forced, by law BP to create the $20 billion fund. They assume that, since they would use Executive power for everything from lighting a fart to lighting the crust of the Earth on fire, that Obama used the power of the executive to compel a settlement. If he had, it would be without a basis in law.
He didn’t.
That doesn’t stop them. They say he “must have” and proceed from their own granted premise that, since he “must have,” it “must be” a shake down, etc. The problem is way, way, way back in step one.
BTW, I don’t own stock. To me that actually is capitalism, and I wouldn’t participate in stocks if I could have a pension fund. As it is, TIAA/Cref owns stock, and they guarantee my 401(k), but hundreds of thousands of us flushed Wall St. full of money without deciding that that’s what we wanted to do when the “pretax 401(k)” was created and every company stopped offering pensions. (So much for how the stock market “created wealth.”)
[re=615523]Sparky McGruff[/re]:
Envelope? Does it arrive by stage coach?
I look at my statements on-line using an unsecure wifi hook-up.
That way, all the world shall know when my stocks and I have come back.
And come back we shall, dammit.
My wife shakes her head that way, too.
LEAVE ERNIE ALOOONE!
[re=615496]Katydid[/re]: Actually I may or may not have a 401k. They keep taking out the deduction, but I haven’t opened a statement in over a year. Since I was diagnosed with a slight heart murmer I’ve been afraid the shock would outright kill me.
[re=615499]WriteyWriterton[/re]: I know. I had to pick one, though.
What’s wrong with Mr Pagels running for the office and expressing his (apparently) heartfelt views? We need people like him to give voice to unconventional ideas, to anchor the debate to fixed rhetorical points, to make us uncomfortable in our assumptions.
OK, I’m just kidding. He really just helps us feel sane, despite our obvious psychoses.
But someday we may need Ernest Pagels Jr. It’s like in “The Dirty Dozen”. Those guys were killers and in war you want killers. Sure, today there are no unurinated tires on the Senate floor. But al Queda is a wiley foe. They could sneak one in. Is America ready for the spectacle of Harry Reid peeing on a tire on P-SPAN? I think not.
[re=615496]Katydid[/re]: You get to lick the road? Luxury! I’m up all day every day polishing rocks in the dusty lanes, my eyes propped open by sludge-covered toothpicks that are always slipping and poking me eyes! All this for a crust of bread every fortnight. Haven’t slept in 5 years or thereabout, and ma tung ith thore…
Oh Wisconsin State Journal (which happens to be my local hometown newspaper and to which my parents have a subscription), you only just ran a story about all the marginal candidates for Governor and Senator who MIGHT JUST BE preferable to the “endorsed” candidates to at least some of the voters. But now you badly state that there are only two Republican candidates for senator? I just read in your very pages that there are like 13! Or wait, maybe that was the governor’s race?
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