SarahPAC Handing Out Princely Sums To Everyone (Except Nikki Haley)

  money can't buy me love

$180,000 was spent on this PhotoshopperyHey, you guys, SarahPAC, remember that thing? The institutional arm by which our gal Sarah was going to extend her influence across the face of the Republican Party? Well, it’s sure made some sweet YouTubes, but what else has the PAC done with the, let’s see, $916,000 it received in the mail, in wadded-up $10 bills, soaked with tears and rage-spittle? And why are Sarah and Nikki Haley only BFFs in non-monetary ways?

Here are the large amounts of cash that Sarah has handed out to her Chosen Candidates:

  • Joe Miller, who is running against Lisa Murkowski in the Republican primary for Alaska Senate: $5,000. (Remember when Sarah beat Lisa’s terrible corrupt old dad in the Republican gubernatorial primary in 2006? Ha, that was the only good thing she’s ever done.)
  • Terry Branstad, a boring ex-Iowa governor who wants to be governor of Iowa again: $5,000. WOW WHAT A WEIRD BORING ESTABLISHMENT PICK WHY WOULD SARAH WANT TO HAVE ANY INFLUENCE OVER THE GOVERNOR OF THIS STATE?
  • Carly Fiorina, who is insanely wealthy and would use $2,500 to wipe her ass: $2,500.
  • Sharron Angle, who probably just robbed Sarah at gunpoint: $2,500.
  • Nikki Haley: $0, but she got support on Sarah Palin’s Facebook page, which is more valuable than the finest silk from the Orient.
  • “Consulting fees for grassroots and communication, media, national and foreign affairs, and coalitions consulting”: $210,000.
  • “Additional spending went toward air travel, car rentals and lodging, postage and mailings, and cell phones.”

Anyone who has experience setting up PACs, please contact your editors in regards to the creation of WonkettePAC post haste. We will endorse only the most hilarious candidates and will spend no more than 45 percent of your donations on “air travel” (private jets), “car rentals” (awesome muscle cars that we will drag race down New York Avenue), “lodging” (hotels in Vegas), and “cell phones” (pagers for our drug-dealing sideline). [AP]

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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83 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    I’m surprised that Sarah even let Nikki near her in the first place, being of a tinted sort whose first name isn’t even Nikki.

    Hell this PAC almost seems boring. Where’s the “clothing” allowance disguised as consultant’s fees? Where are the kids listed on the payroll?

  2. SayItWithWookies

    So she spent less than 30% of her disbursements on other races, and the rest on herself and her image. As Roy Scheider said, “I think we’re gonna need a bigger lipstick.”

  3. SlouchingTowardsWasilla

    I believe a fair chunk of those consulting fees went to Bristol Palin’s PR firm. Seriously.

  4. Terry

    Most of the donations to SarahPAC appear to be spend on “consulting”. I wonder if the personal shoppers at Nordstrom, Nieman Markus, and Sak’s are considered consultants.

  5. LakeLucilleLoon

    She spent a quarter mil on Postage! Postage! Guess Facebook and Twitter just aren’t good enough anymore.

  6. Snarkalicious

    [re=615325]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Sean Hannity must be SO disappointed with her right now. Over 10% is a got-dam disgrace.

  7. comicbookguy

    Sarah: So, honey, what should we do with our donations?
    Bristol: YouTube video!
    Sarah: Good girl. Here’s another $20,000 consulting fee.

  8. El Pinche

    “Sharron Angle, who probably just robbed Sarah at gunpoint”

    Speaking of spittle, that one made coffee spray out.

  9. El Pinche

    You’d think Nikki needs it them most . La Quinta Inns and condoms don’t grow on trees.

  10. actor212

    “Consulting fees for grassroots and communication, media, national and foreign affairs, and coalitions consulting”: $210,000

    Say, isn’t that amount the exact same that Todd ran up on those 1-900 numbers in 2008 while his chick was out doing that old man on the campaign trail?

  11. Roach

    Benny Hinn has met his match. Have they met? Well, either way, this is sad. Some poor kid’s lunch money went to a new pair of Sketchers for that whorey little Bristol. I can’t wait til Bristol gets fat.

  12. Geogre

    She spent $210K for consulting fees for her PAC.

    Let’s think about this for a minute. This either means that she spent that money hiring a pollster/Madman Luntz to give advice to her favorite dahlings or that she spent that much money to script/spin makers so that she could come up with profound thoughts like the “major bombshell” that Bill Krystol hyped in advance about how the BP disaster was caused by “extreme greenies.” I know which one I believe.

    (“Extreme greenies” are those vegetable based treats for dogs that end up choking them, but these are made of jalapeno peppers and are meant for moose.)

  13. facehead

    It would be amusing to send 10 cent checks from the “Wonkette Hookworm Foundation” to various crazed candidates and see which ones cash them.

  14. Ducksworthy

    Got to admit this though, SarahPAC is the super-absorbent PAC. Might come in handy in the Gulf.

  15. Katydid

    Wow, has AP become crap. That story reads like a press release written by the Palin Hookworm Consultancy itself.

  16. Extemporanus

    [re=615358]Ducksworthy[/re]: It’s apparently not super-absorbent enough to soak up that cum puddle Sarah leaked all over the map in its logo.

  17. weejee

    Josh, I don’t see your point. Her overhead/donation ratio is better than a lotta “legit” charities. And don’t you knowz that when running a PAC, charity starts and stops at home. Are you thinkin’ Mamma Griz shouldn’t take her do?

  18. sati demise

    [re=615338]LakeLucilleLoon[/re]: oh god, there is speculation this means a Snobilly Grifter run for potus.
    Why else would you send junk mail to everyone?

  19. Katydid

    [re=615362]Extemporanus[/re]: Ya know, I never really looked at that picture before. Why is Alaska just slapped into the midwest like that? What does that even mean? Is that supposed to account for her weird Fargo accent? What is she planning? WHAT IS SHE PLANNING?

  20. chaste everywhere

    [re=615361]Katydid[/re]: *Become*? Also, SARAHPAC scrambles to AP HAS CRAP; here lieth naked truth.

  21. rmjag

    [re=615330]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: a fair chunk was *laundered* thru bristol’s pr firm .

  22. the problem child

    [re=615360]Extemporanus[/re]: It’s time to Sikh evidence of that theory.

    Speaking of which, whatever happened to all the evidence that Darlin’ Nikki was hot for blogger?

  23. Surfeit O'Hubris

    [re=615361]Katydid[/re]: Oh, AP’s been like that for a while; they’re Fox News for people who can read.

  24. Redhead

    [re=615324]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Well Bristol’s on WIC and baby Algebra is on medicaid, so they’re taken care of.
    More money to fight soshulizm!

  25. comicbookguy

    [re=615346]El Pinche[/re]: Sharron Angle calls it “Second Amendment fundraising”

  26. user-of-owls

    [re=615351]El Pinche[/re]: [re=615357]facehead[/re]: [re=615361]Katydid[/re]: Friends, it is time, nay, it is past time that we unite to form the PalinHookwormConjecturePAC! Can we count on your help? Can we count on the help of all the Palin hookworm factualists here??

    Together, we can make a difference.

  27. user-of-owls

    [re=615360]Extemporanus[/re]: [re=615375]Nappied Hypotenuse[/re]: Agreed, hands down.

  28. TheWaltonFirm

    NutzPAC will be dedicated to supporting only the candidates that are incompetent to the level of vulgar hilarity.

  29. Extemporanus

    [re=615368]Katydid[/re]: “Is that supposed to account for her weird Fargo accent?”

    Oh, you mean the accent that didn’t even fucking exist prior to her being tragically stricken with Intermittent Gunderson Syndrome?

    [re=615373]the problem child[/re]: Hey, dot’s not funny! She was only trying to curry his favor in hopes of receiving positive coverage.

    [re=615375]Nappied Hypotenuse[/re]: Don’t ever stop — your avatard & username crack me up every time.

  30. user-of-owls

    [re=615386]user-of-owls[/re]:

    p.s. A post explicitly about Palin that fails to mention the ‘trivial nematode problem’ by the Wonkette whitewash team? Mr. Josh, Mr. Jack…you’re just taunting us now.

  31. user-of-owls

    [re=615373]the problem child[/re]: [re=615395]Extemporanus[/re]: How can you defend her, what with all the mysterious goings on. She’s like some sort of modern Mata Sari.

  32. Manos: Hands of Fate

    Did anyone read the New Yorker profile of Huckabee? He’s a crazy Christian, from the south, been a governor for more than a decade and is actually smart and telegenic. And the GOP establishment hates him, while lovingly courting this mumble mouthed, half-brained rip-off artist.

  33. wilbro

    Where’s the line item for trips with young mama grizzlies to Voyeur in LA? And office supplies.

    Orifice supplies, also.

  34. Hopey dont play that game

    I look forward to 2013 when President Palin’s America has an Alaska-sized hole in the center

  35. Capitol Hillbilly

    WonkPAC!

    Bingo!

    First you get to pay a person who asks for money, ie a fundraiser.

    If you want, you can pay somebody who has a law degree for legal advice, making sure you file all the required forms etc – a lot of which are online these days.

    Then you can pay every Wonkette commenter for “social media” promotion.

    Office, supplies, transportation – how could WonkPAC operate without these things?

    “Expenses” for fundraising events – use your imagination.

    “Consulting fees” etc – you aren’t trying hard enough!

    Whatever is left over can go to the candidate who is responsible for the most page views.

    Makes sense.

    Does it to you?

  36. Oblios Cap

    The way her lips are pursed in that picture, one can just imagine that Palin is sufering from the epigastric pains, indigestion, nausea, vomiting, constipation, and diarrhea that can occur early or in later stages of hookworm infestation.

  37. Radiotherapy

    [re=615403]user-of-owls[/re]: re: PalinHookwormConjecturePAC®.
    First we need a maudlin, Casio-sappy soundtrack infused, video montage depicting palin and poop-eaters and a parasitologists pontificating about proofs and samples from Lake Lucille.

  38. WriteyWriterton

    Where’s the line item for “rough beast, slouching toward Bethlehem, waiting to be born”?

  39. Ducksworthy

    [re=615404]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Yes. You think they want smart? Their heroic icon had advanced alzheimer’s. He would do whatever they wanted regardless…..

  40. Roach

    Hi! I’m Troy McClure you might remember me from such Consulting fees for grassroot campaigns such as “Ron Paul doesn’t cut taxes. He kills them with his bare hands!”

  41. Lilybart

    [re=615335]Terry[/re]: If only she used actual stylists. I think Snookie is giving her advice now.

  42. Ducksworthy

    [re=615419]Oblios Cap[/re]: Could also be symptoms of Giardiasis, quite common among those who drink the waters of Lake Lucille as it is contaminated with beaver shit.

  43. Lilybart

    [re=615368]Katydid[/re]: She wants to show you that she has already governed an area almost as big as the whole USA so please, please think I can do the whole country!!!

  44. Lilybart

    Most amusing is that only one lone Alaskan donated to her PAC. THAT is how they all feel.

  45. Lilybart

    [re=615373]the problem child[/re]: Doesn’t matter, as long as she hates gays and abortion, then nothing else matters. That is today’s GOP.

  46. Neilist

    Christ On A Codfish: Do you Commie Pinko Liberal Scum know how many GUNS I could buy with that kind of money?!?!?

    And how much AMMO?!?!?!?!

    (Ammo: How to change money into loud noises.)

  47. chascates

    [re=615386]user-of-owls[/re]: Get that domain name from GoDaddy before the Palinistas beat you do it. I’ll PayPal you $20 as a donation.

  48. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=615360]Extemporanus[/re]: NICE.

    [re=615466]Neilist[/re]: What kind of a comment is that? I could buy lots of sex with Japanese schoolgirls, too, but what does that have to do with anything?

  49. Hooray For Anything

    How much of that money went to bribing Levi Johnston and his mother into shutting up for the next few years?

  50. Neilist

    [re=615490]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: “I could buy lots of sex with Japanese schoolgirls . . . ”

    :::Sigh:::

    Haven’t I TOLD you people not to post things like that?

    At least, not without a link to videos or pictures?

    [Oh, and one more thing: Sex with Japanese schoolgirls is but the thing of a moment. Guns are FOREVER!

    RICHARD RODRIGUEZ: PREDATORS!!!!!]

  51. Geogre

    [re=615508]Lazy Media[/re]: Bristol is an expert at media.

    She has experience at network television (ABC Family) and public service. She is also in touch with millenials. She is synergistically moving forward with the next generation paradigm of real time communication strategies. Bristol even named herself after the headquarters of ESPN — another ABC/Disneyplex company.

    Indeed, between her outreach efforts at young mothers and her strategizing for forward leaning communications strategies via Facebook, such as, it’s hard to know how she finds time for her many client.

  52. GOPCrusher

    First we had Truthers and then Birthers. Now. We see the dawning of the Hookwormer Movement.

  53. chascates

    A Google search of the terms can hookworms cause down’s syndrome returned about 525,000 results. Could Trig have been more like Track if Sarah Palin had better hygiene?

  54. finallyhappy

    [re=615354]Roach[/re]: Benny Hinn- does he still wear Nehru jackets and what is that all about?

  55. lochnessmonster

    We may need to organize now if she has plans to move Alaska into the middle of our lower states! At least she has left Illinois out of it!

  56. Barrelhse

    I was going to read the article when, for some reason, my body rebelled at the thought of more S.Palin, Former Half-term Governor, and I barfed like Ayn Rand.

  57. chascates

    NPR analyzes and:

    “I don’t think that Palin is really looking at a 2012 bid,” says Andrew Langer, a longtime conservative activist and president of the advocacy group Institute For Liberty. He says Palin has a longer timeline than some of the other possible contenders.
    I think she recognizes that if she wants to be president of the United States someday, it will take a considerable amount of effort to really work on building from a base of strength, and not just the 18 months that we’re sort of looking at right now.”

    Which means a really unpleasant next decade or two.

  58. user-of-owls

    [re=615783]chascates[/re]: Oh great, just great. So the 1970s was the Me Decade, the 1980s the Greed Decade, etc.

    And now we find out that the 20-teens is going to be the Cunt Decade.

  59. Geogre

    [re=615783]chascates[/re]: NPR is great at just coincidentally having far right analysts on call, isn’t it? I enjoyed today’s edition, when, you know, just to find out how other conservatives felt about Kyl’s comments that unemployment checks keep people from looking for work, they gave a far right wing economist a platform to be the “voice of reason” by insisting, “There’s a basic truth in it.”

    Scott Simon is wonderful. I’m so glad that they have him to kiss up to the conservatives who run the place, because now we can be sure that, in appreciation, conservatives in Congress will increase funding to public broadcasting. They’re wonderful about repaying public media they take over.

    Never forget, “Sarah Palin, who is obviously a star in the Republican Party” — unsolicited editorial by Scott Simon.

  60. chascates

    [re=615800]Geogre[/re]: I had to post on the NPR site this evening that maybe instead of simply not extending unemployment benefits they think of forcing the unemployed to live on the streets and give up their cars so they would have more incentive to take the first job that comes along.

  61. Darkness

    [re=615800]Geogre[/re]: “Sarah Palin, who is obviously a star in the Republican Party”

    Not that I’m defending the increasingly unlistenable Nice Polite Republicans, but the above statement, with no context, is certainly supportable. Followed by an audio essay on why that’s such a hysterical notion, well, that’d be worth listening to. This is the party that tried to make Michael Steele a star. And Bobby bob-walking Jindal. I mean, really. What does it it mean to be a republican star??

  62. NYNYNY

    [re=615830]Tommmcatt[/re]: Ditto

    (pagers for our drug-dealing sideline)

    Let me guess: you are around or over 35.

  63. imissopus

    [re=615813]chascates[/re]: Give up their cars? We’re not barbarians. Besides, the unemployed can sleep in them so the good taxpayers don’t have to subsidize any homeless shelters.

  64. zhubajie

    [re=615338]LakeLucilleLoon[/re]: Wasn’t it a postage scam that destroyed Rostenkowski?

  65. RPolanski

    Sarah’s channeling Dubbya now. Last night on Hannity she said that President Obama had to say something in opposition the NAACP resolution that some tea partiers are racist. She said that he had to “refutiate” that statement.

    That woman is an idiot.

    Show us your tits, Sarah.

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