SarahPAC Handing Out Princely Sums To Everyone (Except Nikki Haley)

  money can't buy me love

$180,000 was spent on this PhotoshopperyHey, you guys, SarahPAC, remember that thing? The institutional arm by which our gal Sarah was going to extend her influence across the face of the Republican Party? Well, it’s sure made some sweet YouTubes, but what else has the PAC done with the, let’s see, $916,000 it received in the mail, in wadded-up $10 bills, soaked with tears and rage-spittle? And why are Sarah and Nikki Haley only BFFs in non-monetary ways?

Here are the large amounts of cash that Sarah has handed out to her Chosen Candidates:

  • Joe Miller, who is running against Lisa Murkowski in the Republican primary for Alaska Senate: $5,000. (Remember when Sarah beat Lisa’s terrible corrupt old dad in the Republican gubernatorial primary in 2006? Ha, that was the only good thing she’s ever done.)
  • Terry Branstad, a boring ex-Iowa governor who wants to be governor of Iowa again: $5,000. WOW WHAT A WEIRD BORING ESTABLISHMENT PICK WHY WOULD SARAH WANT TO HAVE ANY INFLUENCE OVER THE GOVERNOR OF THIS STATE?
  • Carly Fiorina, who is insanely wealthy and would use $2,500 to wipe her ass: $2,500.
  • Sharron Angle, who probably just robbed Sarah at gunpoint: $2,500.
  • Nikki Haley: $0, but she got support on Sarah Palin’s Facebook page, which is more valuable than the finest silk from the Orient.
  • “Consulting fees for grassroots and communication, media, national and foreign affairs, and coalitions consulting”: $210,000.
  • “Additional spending went toward air travel, car rentals and lodging, postage and mailings, and cell phones.”

Anyone who has experience setting up PACs, please contact your editors in regards to the creation of WonkettePAC post haste. We will endorse only the most hilarious candidates and will spend no more than 45 percent of your donations on “air travel” (private jets), “car rentals” (awesome muscle cars that we will drag race down New York Avenue), “lodging” (hotels in Vegas), and “cell phones” (pagers for our drug-dealing sideline). [AP]

Share This
Related video

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger