The U.S. Senate’s soon-to-be first Daoist monk Alvin Greene has been cleared in the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division’s (SLED) investigation into his finances, as was his destiny. As we’ve long suspected, $10,440 simply came into his possession and, with Greene having no need for such worldly things, the money became the first step in the path to Alvin Greene becoming our country’s savior. But in a weird way, the SLED investigators said, the government, without realizing it, chose Greene itself.
The source of Greene’s money is none other than the U.S. government and the S.C. state government, said SLED director Reggie Lloyd.
“That’s who bankrolled Greene’s entry fee for the primary,” said Lloyd, whose agency worked with 5th Circuit Solicitor Barney Giese in the investigation. “The U.S. government and the state of South Carolina funded his filing fee.”
The fee was paid with money received from the Department of Defense related to his discharge, with federal and state income tax refunds, and with unemployment benefits. In other words, our democracy provided our wise man with his filing fee organically. By default. From The Way.
Today The New York Times reports on visiting Greene and interviewing him for two hours. The reporter complains she got little out of him. The New York Times, like many other news organizations, fails to realize that language is a falsity that binds us in untruth.
Yesterday, a transcript of another interview with Greene appeared on the Internet. In 33 minutes, he says just 246 words, or less than 8 words per minute. In an interview.
If you had to lose one of your five senses, what would you choose?
Smell.If you were teaching an English class, what books would be required reading?
How about “Journey to Justice,” Johnnie Cochran; “Bad as I Wanna Be” — Dennis Rodman wrote that one; and “Moonwalker,” Michael Jackson.If you could punch one famous person, who would it be?
Grouchy Smurf. Hahahaha.Have you ever cried watching a movie?
No.On a scale of 1 to 10, how attractive are you?
Eight.
By their own nature, mountain trees are cut down. By its own nature, cooking oil is used up in a frying pan. A cinnamon tree is edible, so it’s cut down. Varnish is useful, so the trees that produce it are tapped. Everyone knows the usefulness of the useful, but no one knows the usefulness of the useless. [The State/NYT/AOL]
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I am an English teacher, and all I have to say about his book picks: awesome.
Sooooo, we are to believe the candidate never spent a cent of his military or other funds received from the gubmint and decided to wisely invest them in a senate race against an incumbent who has run multiple times? I wonder who on the SLED team was selected to deliver this news? I would imagine they would have to have taken some good medication to be able to recite that one with a straight face, as well as hours and hours of practice. Also.
Those who follow the Way desire not excess; and thus without excess they are for ever exempt from change.
[re=615080]Rotundo[/re]: My apologies to Reggie Lloyd for omitting him, I do wonder how much they had to sedate him to get through the statement without bursting into reels of hysterical laughter and losing bladder (and other?) control.
The reality between the real and unreal is itself unreal, which is why Grouchy Smurf must be executed.
If “Less Is More,” It Logically Follows That “Nothing Is Everything.”
I’d say more, but it’s my turn to kick that boy in the head again.
His name is Kwai Chang Caine, I think. (That’s Chinese for “Half-Breed Retarded White Kid.”)
Roshi Neilist
Good Monday Morning, Wonkette!
The distilled Wisdom of His Holiness Chairman Greene continues to Grace this material World with bliss, and the apparent ‘fact’ that our Dusky Bodhisattva is moved to vocally manifest the Enlightenment of The Way at a Mindful Pace of 8 ‘words’ per ‘minute’ speaks to the Ignorance of the Blind who cannot read the Import of the Mindful Silence communicated between these ‘words’ which serve only to coarsen the Sublime and Transcendental nature of The Message itself…
Right! Now back to my brekky of Whisky & Weetbix – the Breakfast of Drunken Champions on this cold winter day…
I believe….
freedom, equality, peace, joy, smurfs and Alvin Greene.
In 8 words.
It’s really too bad that Greene is apparently herterosexual. With his smooth approach to seduction, as detailed in the complaint filed against him, he could, should he beat demint, make all those old republican nellies of the Senate eager for bipartisanship.
WHAT?! What is this Mr. Stuef?! Just as the Wonkette community was reaching a critical mass regarding the Palin Hookworm Conjecture in the previous post, a post that traditionally is left alone until Monday, you put up this weak distraction. We who have worked so hard to lift the veil of silence that has covered the Palin hookworm issue feel betrayed by your blatant attempt to diffuse our energies.
What are you hiding, Mr. Stuef?? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?!
THE POOR PEOPLES’ OLYMPICS IS OVER!!
Spain wins ‘futbol’ (soccer)!
[re=615088]Bearbloke[/re]: That’s pretty good! Now talk like somebody from Australia.
[re=615092]chascates[/re]: oh jeebus crist, now Wall Street is going to have a bidding war on the octopus for sure.
I don’t see how tax refunds and money from a military discharge, presumably part an employment contract, add up to the government ‘bankrolling’ his filing fee.
[re=615095]fatherfigure[/re]: That is because you are being excessively literal-minded.
I cried when Alvin Greene punched Grouchy Smurf.
Just an 8? The modesty of Senator-Elect-to-be Greene is hard to fathom.
[re=615095]fatherfigure[/re]: It was not so much as ‘bankrolling’ his fee, as much as at the moment the fee was due, Alvin happened to find the discharge money in a pile of TV guides and porn, it simply found its way into his hands. If it hadn’t done so, he would never have cashed it, as he has no desire for money.
This man simply must be a Senator.
[re=615095]fatherfigure[/re]: You’re obviously just a shill for Grouchy Smurf.
Only a haiku may redeem your being.
Hear mute Master Greene,
you will learn the divine truth:
Grouchy Smurf is mean.
I’ve always been a proponent of public financing of political campaigns. Mr. Greene is my new hero.
[re=615091]user-of-owls[/re]:
It would be irresponsible not to speculate on whether or not Palin has hookworms. Also.
[re=615092]chascates[/re]:
Best mugging/flopping I’ve watched since the Italians were sent packing.
If you could punch one famous person, who would it be?
Grouchy Smurf. Hahahaha.
Should have said “Jim DeMint. Hahahahaha
[re=615101]Oblios Cap[/re]: Absolutely irresponsible, especially since there has been no public denial of the Palin hookworm infestation.
This isn’t going to end well.
[re=615091]user-of-owls[/re]: You are of course correct, still:
Chun – Difficulty at the Beginning
Difficulty at the Beginning works supreme success,
Furthering through perseverance.
Nothing should be undertaken.
It furthers one to appoint helpers.
Dude drops five figures for the privilege of being mocked daily for months, culminating with a facefucking from Jim DeMint?
Sure, I see that happening. If you are Lindsay Graham.
[re=615107]x111e7thst[/re]:
Amen, brother.
Yours in Palin hookworms,
User-of-Owls
The average male US Senator would rate himself an 11 on the 1-10 scale of attractiveness, so our hero also rates high on modesty, probably an 8, at least.
As King of America (president), what would be your first priority?
Fixing the teen werewolf problem in America.
I think I have a new hero. Sorry Homer Simpson.
Unless some impropriety is discovered that would disqualify Greene from running for office, he is entitled to exercise his right. Find his evil handlers or stfu, already. He’s read at least three books, knows how to count money and to file papers work, and seems no dumber than some long-standing members of Congress. The shock that machine Democrats had over the Greene phenomenon came from his not being sold out already, not because he presents himself as intellectually vacant; dumb but sold-out is what they trust. Shocking how that hole in the political process was never seen before. Damn, next time, someone with ideas might actually do like Green.
Seriously, Jack, your denial of any explanation regarding the distraction from the Palin hookworm bandwagon is troubling. It’s almost as if someone was pressuring you to keep the Palin hookworm issue…and especially the breakthrough Palin Hookworm Conjecture…under wraps.
Answers…please.
My book report for Mr. Greene’s class.
Moonwalker by Michael Jackson
I read this book. It was a good book about Michael Jackson being able to walk on the moon and stuff. He also sings some songs in it. It was a very good book and I reoommend it to anyone interested in the moon or in walking.
This candidacy is a republican conspiracy — not to help DeMint, but to give our retarded senators an excuse not to renew the unemployment extensions. Why do you think the investigator said the government bankrolled the fee? He could have said Greene used his own savings. Greene is made to look like a welfare queen.
[re=615088]Bearbloke[/re]: “Wheatbix.” Is that anything like vegemite? I’m just guessing, cuz yer an Aussie.
I actually have friends who have worked in Antarctica and traveled through New Zealand who like eating vegemite. I’ve never encountered it in my travels. I’m only familiar because of the line in that song about the land down under
“I asked him do you speak my language? He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich.”
What is vegetmite? Is it good?
[re=615116]Cmoney[/re]: Yeah, that’s the shocking thing, that he didn’t use corporate America to bankroll himself. And what could be more American and for the troops than a former soldier using some of the money he earned protecting his country to pay his filing fee? My fantasy is the way he’s playing it now is all a ruse to let DeMint off his guard so he can slaughter him in a debate. And maybe expose the Palin hookworm scandal at the same time.
“If I could grant you one superpower for this weekend, flight or invisibility, which would you choose?”
“If you had to lose one of your five senses, what would you choose?”
Another case of AOL giveth, and AOL taketh away.
[re=615123]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: Very well put! Your scenario is shaping up to be a ‘triple win.’
–DeMint sees his wretched self ignominiously deposed;
–Alvin Greene Goes To Washington; and
–Palin suffers wholesale public humiliation when the Palin hookworm issue is revealed.
Hip Hop Hooray!!
[re=615116]Cmoney[/re]: No man, the SHOCK is that the man didn’t campaign, didn’t run one ad and not one person in SC outside of his family and TWO REALLY GOOD FRIENDS ever heard of him and he still won by a landslide! This ain’t about how a common guy somehow beat the dem machine, it’s about how in the hell could he POSSIBLY have won! I think maybe he did get pissed at the army, scrape the money up and file, but then someone thought it would be funny to use him to make the dems look like a joke. I mean it stinks to high heaven and the smell is pigmeat, so that means Rove gotta be behind it.
of course he’d give up his sense of smell. something is rotten in the state of south carolina.
[re=615121]HedonismBot[/re]: Familiar with the book Big Dead Place about working in Antarctica? Here’s a piece from Modern Drunkard magazine (really) that convinced me to buy the book:
http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/issues/08-04/08-04-southpole.htm
It is not that; it is this. The Tao Te Ching teaches us these things. Similarly people could have realized this sooner if they had accepted Greene’s candidacy from the beginning.
Dear Mr. Stuef:
I think that, for once, I speak for most of us in here in here when I say that, on a Sunday night, we would prefer to get back to Ms. Benincasa’s “Munching The Loofa” and/or “Odes of Sappho” presentation.
Albeit, this time, with more pictures. Or Live Action Camera Feed. Or Pay For View. Whatever.
Respectfully submitted,
Neilist
Community Organizer for a Better, More Heavily Armed America
The Double-Wide With All The Radio & Satellite Antennas
A Trailerpark Somewhere Near You
Wins without running
And answers without speaking:
It is being Greene.
[re=615126]serj![/re]: Maybe Greene is None Of The Above personified?
WE MUST NOT ALLOW A HOOKWORM GAP!!1!
[re=615135]imissopus[/re]:
MRS. PALIN, TEAR OUT THAT HOOKWORM!!1!
I think it would be suiting if wonkette had a gong sound play anytime we click on an Alvin Greene link. Namaste.
If Obama had the ability to penetrate the veil of mana like master Greene, we would have those 8 million doll making jobs we need already. I honor the place where we meet.
8wpm — he should have tapped out his responses in Morse Code; he would have qualified for Technician Class.
[re=615136]user-of-owls[/re]: Hook the worms over there so we don’t have to hook them here!
[re=615091]user-of-owls[/re]: Wonkette is obviously part of the conspiracy to hide the truth. Sure they’ll throw us truthseekers a bone to quell us in that other thread but just as the truth is about to be revealed….disruption!
[re=615141]OhCrapIHaveACrushOnSarahPalin[/re]: You hit the hookworm right on the head there. I’m just dumbfounded that Wonkette treats the Palin Hookworm Conjecture with so much scorn. It’s like the latest tactic for dealing with ‘disruptive’ protesters by cordoning off a small section and declaring it the only ‘legal’ site for demonstrations. Except here when the unbound anarchists (i.e., the Palin hookworm truthers)dash by, the keepers of the secret don’t send flying squads to run them down but rather slap up a post on Alvin Greene as a journalistic sock puppet to draw attention away from the main issue.
[re=615135]imissopus[/re]: [re=615140]Darkness[/re]:
FIFTY-FOUR FORTY OR PARASITE!
I have to say, on Mr. Greene’s behalf, I think that’s two more books than Sarah Palin has read.
Another snow job from SLED. Maybe ICE should get involved. Or the Regents Of Senate Ethics Boundaries Undercover Division.
[re=615145]user-of-owls[/re]: Some of our more serious than an ankle sprain, funnier than thou commentors have not piped in as to the importance of the Palin Hookworm Conjecture yet. They know who they are. Oh it’s so easy to make fun of Boehner’s orangeness, or Mr. Greene’s arid vocabulary, or even Palin’s griftin’, simpleton ways. But realize ye at your own risk: google or yahoo ‘palin hookworm’. Wonkette Rules!!1!
Eyelids will be torn off when $arahPAC buys off the google algorithm. Stuef and Layne may have already got a “call”. Cheney-stye dismissal and internet scrubbing are always her first defense.
What we need is, as weejee mentioned earlier, is an intern to get up to that snowy hellhole and get Trig’s or Trich’s diaper for a stool specimen.
This is more than just a public health crisis. This is Palin’s Watery Loo.
Admittedly, he sounds more rational than most Teabaggers.
[re=615087]Neilist[/re]: No, retard is sha guo, white person is bai ren. If you mean pale-face foreigner, like a white American, that would be waiguo ren or laowai (in Mandarin), maybe guilo (in Cantonese). A black American, like Greene, would be hei waiguo ren or hei laowai. (Hei is black color.)
Neilist, I suggest a couple of semesters are Harbin Polytechnic’s Chinese for foreigners program. 2, 000 renminbi for a semester and the local dialect is Mandarin. Drink lots of baijiu but don’t pick fights.
Zhu Bajie
[re=615148]Radiotherapy[/re]: I too await the reaction of the vertebral commenters on the breaking Palin Hookwrm Conjecture issue. If they sidestep the Palin hookworm issue, should we assume that they have been brought to heel by the editors? Like the infested Half Gov Herself, Wonkette could do itself a good service by simply posting a denial of involvement in keeping the Palin Hookworm Conjecture under wraps. Both the editors and Palin should just come clean on the issue, understanding of course that for Palin that advice should be taken both figuratively AND literally.
As to her ‘Watery Loo’ (hee hee!) could we also say A Midge Too Far?
[re=615095]fatherfigure[/re]: If you’re a soldier, in a combat zone, your income is tax free, including any bonuses. There’s also extra pay for combat duty, hazardous duty, etc.
“It would be irresponsible not to speculate on whether or not Palin has hookworms.”
How about tapeworms or flukes (blood or liver, makes no difference to me). Maybe loa-loa peering out her eyes? (That might explain a lot about Mrs. P. Or let’s just go whole-hog: does she have 3d stage syphilis of the brain???
“It would be irresponsible not to speculate on whether or not Palin has hookworms.”
How about tapeworms or flukes (blood or liver, makes no difference to me). Maybe loa-loa peering out her eyes? (That might explain a lot about Mrs. P. Or let’s just go whole-hog: does she have 3d stage syphilis of the brain???[re=615123]BlueStateLiberal[/re]:
Hell, just punch DeMint in the face, knock him out of the race that way. Don’t tell me Mr. Greene doesn’t have some martial arts skills.
[re=615131]Neilist[/re]: Few may have known you are like the Meryl Streep of the 2nd Amendment — what range! On the previous thread you covered the firepower needs to take down a grizzly, and then the delicate assassin like arms needed to take out a hookworm. Not bad for a lib-loving, loofa muncher, loaded for bear (or hookworms.) I wonder if Palin’s poop-eating people care.
I fear that Mr. Greene is too intelligent for the US Senate.
I like this Dowtist take on things.
[re=615146]Sparky McGruff[/re]: I’d have guessed three.
[re=615157]Radiotherapy[/re]: I don’t understand your post.
All True Conservatives respond with unbridled approval to the image of Smoking HOT Lesbos having sex. This is, after all, a free country. The government, state or federal, should not intrude on such consensual sexual activity between adult women.
On the other hand, male homosexuality is a crime against nature; a violation of the Judeo-Christian morality on which thie Nation was founded; is harmful to unit integrity; and is generally disgusting.
I hope that clears it up for you.
Now, when does the Loofa Munching Video start? I need more popcorn. And possibly some butter.
[re=615156]zhubajie[/re]: LOL you think she has a brain!!1!!
The thing is, thus far I see no evidence that Alvin Greene is any less qualified than any sitting Senator — well, with the rare exception of Al Franken or Bernie Sanders, maybe one or two others. Sure, he needs some Toastmasters public speaking lessons, but otherwise, he seems smarter and better qualified than your average US Senator. Which does not speak well for the quality of our elected representatives in Washington. Also. Hookworms for Palin ’12!!!11 Invertebrate Americans deserve representation!
Neillist: Sara Benicasa has videos on her blog/website, but no gun porn. She interviews some people in a bathtub. Also.
[re=615126]serj![/re]: everybody thought they were voting for Al Green, the famous singer.
srsly.
[re=615153]user-of-owls[/re]: Yeah but see, the Wonkette editors aren’t going to be doing that, because they are all tacit shills for the pro-asthma lobby. In fact, the entire topic of asthma is utterly silenced by the editors at Wonkette, because they NEVER talk about it (probably because they all have hookworms themselves)! This media blackout is just like Jim Crow against us hookworm conspiracy factualists! I have a dream, children, that all hookworms will be seen as content of their carriers and not just for the transluency of their membranes!
[re=615152]zhubajie[/re]:
In Cantonese, a black person can be called “ha-goi” (black demon).
Which isn’t so bad if you consider white people are “ba-goi” (white demons) or “hung goi” (red devils).
When they call you “gui lo” (old ghost), they think they are being polite.
There are uncounted thousands of ways to say stupid in Cantonese, so ha gai (stupid black chicken) and of course, the all purpose “toon lo” (old stupid) might find favor among Cantonese meeting Senator Greene.
I use “Tsi-Tau” (shit head) when the need arises or “Aa Tsi-Tau or Di lo Tsi Tau” (Mr Shit Head/Senior Brother Shit Head) for those occasions that a level of respect seems prudent, though I gather while it’s easily understood, my Cantonese friends and family consider it unimaginative and reflecting my over-all poor language skills.
[re=615169]OhCrapIHaveACrushOnSarahPalin[/re]: No doubt. Next thing you know Ken will label you a “hookworm concern troll” and ban you. In fact, the following PROVES what Ken and the rest of his stormtroopers don’t want us to know:
Sarah has
A
Really
Awful case of the
Hookworms.
Q.E.D.
[re=615093]gjdodger[/re]: Hey Mate, I’m not on service as your bloody Ocker stereotype – in fact I’m tri -lingual… I speak Strine and Kiwi AND English, plus I’m practising my ‘Merikin here on teh Wonkette machine – so go find a Rolf Harris record if you’re looking for Aussie diction lessons & naff off!
[re=615121]HedonismBot[/re]: Weetbix are NOTHING like Vegemite! As for me I’m on-off with it, but my Senior-Bear lurves the stuff – he even gets it for his chips from the takeaway!
Now then – can we please return to embodying the Purposefull Serenity that springs eternal yet unbidden from the Contemplation of the Profundity of Sri Alvin Greene’s 8-word/8-fold Path?
1. Is Greene a Republican plant? Well, SLED managed to hit Republican talking points — “government” instead of “savings.” The SC GOP is saying, “Greene/Sheheen” to try to (teehee) associate the Democratic candidate for governor (har har) with (oh, hee hee) a black man (ain’t it hilarious?).
2. SLED was only supposed to find out if Greene got the money from an operative, and they determined that he didn’t. Do we trust people who come out with conclusions that are riddled with talking points? Sure. Why not?
Greene does one thing (sorry this is un-snarky): he takes all the light from Nikki’s bedroom. That makes the state of Atwater happy. That makes “Raghead” happy. That really helps the racists and rednecks sleep at night, with whatever creature they’ve managed to coerce.
[re=615090]Birdcrash[/re]: he’s a smoooth operator
To let understanding stop at what cannot be understood is a high attainment. Those who cannot do so will be broken on the lathe of Heaven.
After reflection, and calculation, Alvin surely spends his unemployment benefits on consumables, and never got a very large tax refund.
The contemplative man can now observe that Alvin is not a creation of a democratic political system, but is instead the creation of Teabaggers. We strive to keep our work subtle, in the shadows, and cloaked. But the hour is late, and some among us are becoming sloppy. As the election of Alvin has effectively outed our existence, we can now take credit for one of our prouder accomplishments.
We deflated Barack’s rear bicycle tire and installed a really stupid-looking bumper, before sending him, via Michelle, to the store to buy feminine creams and other health-care products. The helmet too, is ours.
[re=615121]HedonismBot[/re]: Vegemite is the most vile, foul tasting, pasty food product on the planet. In Britain it’s called Marmite, so you can’t say it’s just the Aussies who are weird.
[re=615169]OhCrapIHaveACrushOnSarahPalin[/re]: [re=615171]facehead[/re]: It’s getting heavy now, friends. We all know there has been a lot of ‘turnover’ here lately, starting with lower level operators and moving steadily all the way to the top: Newell. What does this mean? As many have noted, we need to follow the money. But we also have to follow the personnel. As the Palin hookworm crisis builds, is the coverup devouring more and more of those editors/contributors who are in on the secret? Or are they simply fleeing a Wonkette ship that has hit the Palin Hookworm Conjecture and is taking on water?
When we first started peeling back the layers of the Palin hookworm issue we had no idea how deep and wide it would be. Now the scale of the scandal seems to increase almost exponentially by the hour. Stay focused, Palin hookworm factualists, stay true.
[re=615133]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It isn’t easy being Greene.
Everybody thinks they’re an 8.
Two hour interview and no ‘boxers or briefs’? FAIL!
[re=615186]user-of-owls[/re]: Is this a David Letterman type thing?
[re=615173]Geogre[/re]: The obvious thing is for Greene to turn that around on its head and say he got the filing fee money primarily for serving in the U.S. military PROTECTING OUR COUNTRY (sorry for the all caps). What could be more patriotic and for the troops than that? The guy earned his filing fee the hard way.
I’m sure on I’m late on this, but Alvin Greene = Chance the Gardener. Yeah, I’m sure I’m late. It’s probably teh hookworm infection, slowing down my synaptic firing.
The thing everyone is missing is how Alvin has never cried at a movie. not even Old Yeller!
I’m not sure Alvin Greene is people.
I must now google “Palin + hookworms” to see if AG plays a role in the vast Palin Hookworm Conjecture.
[re=615197]An Outhouse[/re]: No Edward or Jacob either. Or anything on the Palin Hookworm Conjecture.
This can not be considered a hard hitting interview.
ALVIN GREENE FOR PRESIDENT.
Are there ANY other pictures of this guy?!!?!
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