Because the Senate is full of sick old people, there is actually an established policy about how long you get to clear out all of a senator’s stuff, after he dies. You get 60 days! This is fine for your ordinary senator who burned everything incriminating, but what about Robert Byrd, a man who was in office longer than any other Senator, and who literally never threw out a single letter that he received or sent over the decades? It takes a long time, and it is very emotional, because you keep stumbling across precious keepsakes, like uncaptioned photos where you look at them and are all like “Seriously, who the hell is this,” and also mash notes. Did Robert Byrd have a scorching-hot sex affair with a prominent advice columnist! Find out after the jump!
Robert Byrd did not have a sex affair with anyone, as far as we know, but the following letter, found at the bottom of a box full of expired coupons and loose change, implies that he could have:
“If you ever decide you’ve had enough of the Senate (which would be the country’s loss) you can always model men’s wear for Brooks Brothers,” one female admirer wrote Byrd in April 1978.
Byrd’s correspondent was none other than Abigail “Dear Abby” Van Buren, who wrote to Byrd, then 61, to compliment his “perfectly stunning” photograph in Time magazine.
And that is more than you ever wanted to know about Dear Abby’s sex fantasies. Anyway, he also had 2,800 cubic feet of other papers, just piled up everywhere, that will be shipped to his vault deep below the Appalachian Mountains, where they will remain in a climate-controlled chamber as a monument to his legislative career, until it is destroyed in a year or two when someone blows that mountain up looking for coal. [WP]
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Only the good die young.
Dear Abby wanted to be Lady Byrd?
For possible sale on ebay, Did Byrd keep one of the few copies of a autographed photo of Lyndon Johnson’s erect Johnson?
A 61-year-old man would be a good underwear model? Interesting.
This posthumous architectural digging is a source of personal encouragement.
My sister is a horder, too. I lent her an mp3 player nearly a year ago, and had thought that I would never see it again. Now I know: All Is Not Lost.
I just need to get her elected senator first.
So Mitch McConnell thinks that his memoirs will be national treasures on a par with Ted Kennedy’s, eh? Somebody’s being delusional.
Mmmmm… grey flannel. So haaaawt.
JOSH! You are FREAKING ME OUT with your posts today!
I live literally right next door to a hospice care facility. They even have one of those “Death Cats” that sits on your bed when you’re about to die (and personally kills you if you don’t.) Whaddya think some orderly joker (or administrator?) named one of their unprotected WiFi accounts?
That’s right: “GREY GARDENS”!
Dun-dun-DUNNNN!
(At first I thought it might be Jane Harman’s personal account, but it’s not in Hebrew so I’ve ruled that out.)
Basically it would be like having sex with Yoda, no?
[re=614513]Snarko Marx[/re]: [re=614515]Larry Fine[/re]: Nice one-two timing ya got there! Ever consider taking your “Byrd Johnson” act on the road?
He can still model — not for Brooks Brothers, but maybe Aberzombie and Fitch.
And I always thought the Byrd was chasin’ the skirt of Abby’s evil twin sister Ann Landers.
The WaPo made a whole article of this? Robert Byrd sounds like a dirty old man who never showered and collected lint. Hose down the office and get it ready for the next creep.
I refuse to believe Robert Byrd was ever as young as 61. He was just like Laozi and was already 62 years old when he was born. In fact, I understand the two of them were college roommates. This proved a little awkward, as Byrd kept calling Laozi “Mister Ching Chong,” while Laozi called Byrd “白魔鬼猴.”
[re=614535]Mr Blifil[/re]: “Tongue bathe gingerly my 900-year-old flesh saber you will, mmm-hmmm.”
[re=614543]SayItWithWookies[/re]: That’s the real reason East Coast AF stores are all being shut down right now — not bedbugs, but brain shortages.
[re=614558]Extemporanus[/re]: Ewwwww. Fucking ewwwww.
Byrd’s correspondent was none other than Abigail “Dear Abby” Van Buren, who wrote to Byrd, then 61, to compliment his “perfectly stunning” photograph in Time magazine.
PROTIP: Lunch does nto taste as good the second time…
All of this dirt coming out on Byrd will make it harder for me to vote for him in the next election. But I will anyway.
Don’t trust anyone over 30 having sex.
[re=614584]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]:
Even if they’e having it with themselves?!
[re=614584]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Don’t trust them, but do have sex with them. Please?
So Byrd’s office smelled like cat pee, right?
[re=614558]Extemporanus[/re]: Why did I not see that one coming? DAMN YOU!
[re=614558]Extemporanus[/re]: Why are they shutting down? It would be a great service to infect all of the annoying douches who wear A&F.
[re=614582]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: When the dirt goes on, the dirt comes out. Something like that.
[re=614519]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: Brooks Bros is not renowned for underwear, as I recall.
I’ve also learned from spellcheck that “underware” is not a word, although it seems to me that it could be. Must check UD.
“Underware” is how we’uns pronounce “underwire”.
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