Part of the MaoBama Obamacare Pelosicare SOCIALISM SOCIALISM SOCIALISM Plan was a 10 percent surcharge on the use of tanning beds. Smart conservatives are now beginning to figure out that this is yet another example of Obama’s “reverse racism,” which is racism against white people, as it’s impossible to be regular racist against white people because they are so awesome. The only people who go to tanning salons, you see, are white people. Our president, who is privileged with beautiful brown skin, has oppressed the poor underprivileged pale people of our nation, who only want to get skin cancer and look like they work in the fields all day.
“I now know the pain of racism,” said some guy filling in for Glenn Beck on the radio. Obviously that guy is not good enough to be a real conservative radio host. Real conservative radio hosts have felt it many times from Obama. GROW YOURSELF AN IMAGINATION, GUY.
The case can seem deceptively simple: Since patrons of tanning salons are almost exclusively white, the tax will be almost entirely paid by white people and, therefore, violates their constitutional right to equal protection under the law.
But does the argument have any merit? Not remotely said Randall Kennedy, a professor at Harvard Law School specializing in racial conflict and law.
“There is no constitutional problem at all, because a plaintiff would have to show that the government intended to disadvantage a particular group, not simply that the group is disadvantaged in effect,” he said.
I’m sure this Harvard man will have a good example of this happening to other races.
For example, laws that impose higher penalties for possession or trafficking of crack cocaine as opposed to powder cocaine resulted in far harsher sentences for African Americans compared to whites.
Oh, crack cocaine. Yes, that is a good example, sir. Now we see. White people tan, black people smoke crack. We get it. And black people get harsher sentences for crack because they pay less tanning salon tax. So everything evens out!
Everything is terrible. [WP]
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Back in graduate school we had this guy that just needed to pick up some upper level courses for some USAF bullshit and during a break after a discussion about how men and women have been treated differently in adult education, he confided to my friend and me that, “The white man is the new nigger of the world”. We were stunned…didn’t know whether to hit him or cry. Fortunately we fell back on old reliable – Mocking him. We sing spirituals when ever we were near him or tell him how “smart” he was. What a dick.
Imagine my pain, if you can. White, gay and atheist….it’s like my own country hates me. Oh wait, gay and atheist are my choice. Never mind.
We need a tax on the dark-skinned to make up for the fact that they do not need to use tanning salons to darken (and orangen) their skins. The darker, the taxier!
[re=614573]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Waitaminnit, John & Yoko told me that WIMMEN were the niggers of the world. Molto confuso.
Reverse racism? Is that like the kind of racism practiced by reverse vampires? I knew it, I knew Obama was in league with the reverse vampires, and of course that drags in the saucer people.
What next–taxing hockey and caramel soy macchiatos? Outrage!
Three words: “Tan Crack Tax”
BAM! Problem solved!
If you don’t want yer future melanomas taxed, just slather on some peanut oil and go fry in the noonday sun!
[re=614588]Prommie[/re]: Damn! Where’s a reverse cowboy when you need one?
[re=614588]Prommie[/re]: The aliens in flying saucers are drag queens. Who knew?
As a proud black man who’s spent his entire life here in America, all I can say is it’s payback time. Ya’all got away with that three hundred years of repression shit but now we’re fixed to tax the orange outcha! Suck it bitches!
As a discriminated-against white person, I say give me a leathery, cancery skin tone or give me death!
[re=614579]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Ha, I say “ha” to your claims of victimhood. I am a white, lazy male, irresponsible, protestant, hetero, drunkard, who has no ambition, and no desire to work hard to get ahead. I just want to doze in the sunshine with a good book of the commie-socialist variety, waking occasionally only to cash welfare checks, drink fine wines from France, and pop chocolate bon-bons in my mouth. In colder weather, I would burn flags for warmth. Can you imagine the scorn heaped on me? They hate me, I tell ya.
So you’re saying my plan for an ugly sweater tax wouldn’t necessarily be discriminatory against public school teachers?
Isn’t the guy on the right the weeping Indian (sorry, Native American) they used in that hippie socialist ad campaign to get white people to stop throwing trash out of their car windows back in the 70s? I can’t remember the tag line. But basically, the Indian was crying because of litter.
This was before we gave them casinos.
There is no constitutional problem at all, because a plaintiff would have to show that the government intended to disadvantage a particular group, not simply that the group is disadvantaged in effect,” he said.
What this jerkoff doesn’t tell you is that the intention to disadvantage can be shown by a pattern of behavior that has the effect of disadvantaging racial minorities. Certainly tanning salons display such a pattern by the complete absence of black and Latino customers.
Well, in fairness, tanning salons and crack cocaine tend to serve poorer populations,* so the two policies discussed above mostly just screw over poor people.
But then, why is today unlike all other days in America?
*With exceptions for orange members of Congress and at least one disgraced former mayor of Washington, DC.
Of course this is an example of Obama’s racism, because he wrote every sentence of the health reform bill himself, it’s not like this was a congressional compromise that he had absolutely nothing to do with.
But we do need taxes on the white man. Besides the tanning booth, we can enact special taxes on country clubs, tickets to NASCAR and ice hockey, ski gear, and Confederate flags.
Actually, working under the assumption that “racism” is defined as “white people hating black people” (or at least “white people hating non-white people”) that conservatives seem to have, reverse racism would be “white people liking black/non-white people”. What they’re looking for, “black/non-white people hating white people”, is INVERTED racism.
Reverse = action is switched
Inverted = positioning is switched
How about state lotteries — aren’t they a tax on stupidity? We shall overcome!
Georgia doesn’t have much going for it besides Phil Gingry, but you gotta admire the way they use lottery proceeds to fund college tuition.
Let’s see this for what it really is. More tanning = more getting laid. You know it, I know it, and the American people know it. We can’t survive without our banging each other senseless because the tan skin is such a turn-on. Dude looks like he works and plays outdoors in the sun, but not really! He buys that tan just like he buys his gym membership, which also makes him appear to work and play in the sun.
[re=614606]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: No just fucking Bill Cosby. He can afford it.
I agree 10000% (!!!) percent with that fucking host. That is why you never see black people on the beach sunning themselves. Black people live in caves in Alaska! I have a picture of Obamer shirtless with swimtrunks to prove it!
[re=614606]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: It would be discriminatory against Bill Cosby.
[re=614611]Joanie[/re]: The screwing-over-poor-people bit was the original reason for the tanning tax; the bill originally had a tax on elective cosmetic surgery and botox, but rich middle-aged white women complained and have a lot more power than young working class white women.
[re=614609]Troubledog[/re]: Iron Eyes Cody (actually a full-blooded Italian). Bill Conrad said: “People start pollution; people can stop it.”
[re=614597]Extemporanus[/re]: Well played. Insert rimshot here.
[re=614606]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: That would be discriminatory against lesbian cat ladies, a subset of public school teachers. Insert that colored pencil drawing of Boehner as cat lady here.
Hmmm. Surely the news media can locate a tanning salon owned by a non-white.
I predict there will be a terrible accident someday, when John Boehner is trapped inside a tanning bed for several hours, then mistaken for Chicken McNuggets and devoured by Michelle Bachmann, who will develop into a flesh-eating zombie and attack and gorge on Newt Gingrich while $arah Palin tries vainly to blame the rash of cannibal conservatives on the mainstream media until she, too, is devoured by the rotting, brain dead corpse from Minnesota.
Or maybe he’ll just get skin cancer.
You think the tanning tax is racist? The Capital Gains Tax is basically apartheid, the Holocaust and slavery all wrapped together.
In Shakespeare’s time if a woman’s breasts were dun (tanned) it was a sign she was an irredeemably vile slattern who probably smelled like fecal gas mixed with queef. Now tanned tits are all the rage. WEIRD.
We could solve this whole problem with a weed tax, but what do the powers that be say to that? No, they’ve got too much integrity to make money off of something so blatantly wrong — the overly-tanned, warmongering, oil-spilling, moutaintop-blowing-up, porn-addicted oligarchs don’t want to send our children the wrong message.
Hmmmm, let’s see. Being whipped and sold like property vs. paying a dime on every dollar to get a fake tan. Yeah…they’re just the same.
[re=614629]TheCoolestGuyInTown[/re]: The way you phrased that it actually sounds sort of delicious.
Everyone knows black people can’t use tanning beds! It would create a feedback loop that would destroy Cleveland and…
Wait. Sorry. That was Lebron James…nevermind.
[re=614573]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: I’m fascinated by the way white Republican males, who undoubtedly see themselves as The Real Men of America, whine like prepubescent girls, cry in front of their blackboards, and imagine they have lost ALL their power every time they perceive a tiny slight. Not to mention, how manly is it to tremble at the sight of a black president? A college educated member of our Air Force, who presumably is healthy, fit, has access to airplanes, fire-power, and probably secret codes, sees himself as a “nigger”?? Do you suppose he got himself a tiny Asian wife/servant, or maybe a couple of Mormon girls, to make himself feel bigger? The twisted combination of fearfully low self-esteem and overly developed feelings of entitlement would be hysterically funny if it weren’t so dangerous. You took the right road, just mock the bastard.
I say we repeal the tax, give the fuckers coupons for all the free tans they want, refuse to pay for their health care when they develop skin cancer and let them all die. The average IQ of the American public would increase at least 10%.
This just balances out all the toxic waste dumps, interstate highways and abattoirs that have been built in black folks’ neighborhoods. It’s called equality, man
The Minority Leader will know the Obamatards are out to get him when they propose a Boner Tax.
[re=614609]Troubledog[/re]: Yes, that is indeed first generation “Native American” Iron Eyes Cody (née Espera Oscar de Corti), son of Italian immigrants Antonio de Corti and Francesca Salpietra.
If memory serves, his famous tagline was “Dat’sa spicey meataballa!”
I plan on filing a racism against dogs getting free doggy biscuits from my local Indian/Native American smoke shop, at my state tax commission. Those bastards! My dogs are in tears at not getting their Milk Bones when Mamma gets some smokes. This is America? It sucks. I have yet to figure out why giving a dog a bone is now against the law.
And screw those orange people. Do we need more John Boehners (whatever) and Snookis? I say NO.
[re=614600]pdiddycornchips[/re]:
Yes, it’s amazing that a tax on nuking oneself is on the same level of oppression as overt racism and slavery. Who knew? That’s some sneaky shit – I never saw it coming.
Obviously yet another example of American Exceptionalism!
Tell me that the average readers of WP aren’t like this rodeo clown:
From the comments –
“White Americans are getting sick and tired of being spat upon. Obama has awakened a sleeping giant. White America.”
W.T.F.?
[re=614658]Oblios Cap[/re]:
Word. Plus everyone knows all those tanning salons are owned by my brotha’s and sista’s. We’re all waking up feeling like Diddy now.
[re=614624]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: [re=614650]Extemporanus[/re]: OMG now the kids know we are all olds shhhhh
I say TAX REBATE for any citizen who spends three hours in the tanning bed in a single session. The more you burn, the more you save!
What a break -”Undercover Brother” is on right now. Now I’ll get the lowdown on “The Man”.
[re=614624]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: [re=614650]Extemporanus[/re]: Thank you for going back in time and posting that comment and making me look oblivious and stupid.
I knew there was a vast African-American conspiracy! This tax must be part of their nefarious scheme. Thank you, Malcolm Lee, for opening my eyes.
You can just SEE his lacrimal glands straining to produce that single, solitary widdle tear.
[re=614621]JMP[/re]: Yeah, I remembering seeing the whole cosmetic-surgery-tax-becomes-a-tanning-tax thing in the news. How appalling.
If you can’t tax an organized, wealthy group with a lobbying presence on K St., you can tax a diffuse population with little-to-no political representation who everyone just sort of makes fun of anyway. That way, no one complains, which is totally the point, really.
Heart American democracy. Heart!
[re=614624]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: I thought the line was, “Every litter bit hurts.” Or “Keep all America Sparkle City. Put litter in its place!”
[re=614640]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Funny you should mention his search for a woman. A year or so later I was kibitzing while a friend of mine was perusing her matches on Match.com and USAF Hero’s picture came up. I couldn’t help but laugh…asking her what the hell was in her profile that HE came up as a match. I explained his douche-baggery (his picture showed him in front of an american flag for Dobb’s sake!) and upon reading his profile, we learned that he still matched my initial impressions.
What a douche.
[re=614671]Troubledog[/re]: But you used “OMG,” so the subterfuge can continue.
Rock Ripsnort: There were probably variations. “My” quote came from the wiki, famous now (with the advent of handheld phone-internet thingamajiggies) for settling bar bets. Or killing the phenomena of bar bets completely.
In fairness to this professor, smoking crack is probably less unhealthy to tanning.
[re=614605]Prommie[/re]: Ditto & I like to smoke pot to boot. You and I do less damage to this country than John Boehner does.
MR. PRESIDENT, SOME WOULD ARGUE THAT YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN IN FAVOUR OF THIS TANNING BED MONSTROSITY BECAUSE YOU ENFORCED THE WHISKEY ACT OF 1791, WHICH WAS ALSO AN EXCISE TAX USED TO PAY OFF OUR SPIRALLING MILITARY DEBTS. A LEGITIMATE FUNCTION OF GOVERNMENT. CORRECT!?!?!? (HEAD EXPLODES)
burn baby burn
Re: alt text. Pfft, Eyetalians ain’t white.
I dunno where to come down on this one until we hear from former white guy and tanning professional George Hamilton of Hollywood. Assuming he’s still alive and still tanning his leathery ass off.
Boehner isn’t orange because of tanning beds. It’s because he spends every single daylight hour on a golf course. For realz. He’s an awesome golfer.
[re=614667]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Sadly, I cannot tell you that average readers of WaPoo are not douchenozzles.
Clearly, this can be fixed by imposing an onerous tax on whatever procedures Michael Jackson put himself through.
Clearly we need a tax on Watermelons and fried chicken……to even things out.
Hold on – Wealthy Arizonans are the niggers of the World. Ask Gubbner Cheesetwat Brewer, Senator Mr. Magoo, or Zombie Barry Goldwater! It’s a GD shame wealthy people have to hire 3rd World Banana Repubs when the rich want so much to wash their own cars, dust mite the den, carry their own golf clubs, and pull their own radishes by the cement pond and hump 80 miles a day with a 100 lb pack in Iraq.
Damn pot smokin’, evil Eurekans (where Reagan went to college on affirmatve action for kiddie lifeguards).
[re=614873]Pandy[/re]: Grill baby grill.
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