Each American Spy Worth 2.5 Russian Spies — USA! USA!

  it's morning in america
  • She is so smart and spy-clever that her head is too big for her bodyEveryone who misses the Cold War, with its moral simplicity and its ever-present threat of complete nuclear annihilation, is over the moon this morning as America and the Russians kicked it old school and swapped spies! America gave up ten sexy suburban Russian spies for a bunch of Russians who had actually spied for America. The trade-off took place on the tarmac at Vienna’s airport, for no reason other than that’s where we used to do this sort of thing. [AP]
  • The new head of Central Command is a radical feminist who said that it was “fun” to shoot members of the Taliban, because they abuse women. In his defense, he said this in 2005, when the whole Afghan war thing did seem like a lot more fun. [Fox]
  • It looks like West Virginia is going to have a special election for Senate in November after all! The Democratic candidate will probably be Governor Joe Manchin, who is the only Democrat anyone is West Virginia likes anymore. [NYT]
  • The racially fraught trial of a white transit cop who killed a black subway rider in Oakland ended with the cop convicted of manslaughter, which in turn led to some fairly half-assed rioting. They sure looted the hell out of that Foot Locker! [San Francisco Chronicle]
Related

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

41 comments

  1. Geogre

    Betcha the spies we get don’t look half as good in a negligee as the ones we’re giving them, even if they started out good looking. That’s the whole point of the Gulag — little known fact — it’s to make every Russian dissident look like Solzhinetzin, and he looked absolutely terrible in leopard print.

  2. ivenson

    Just imagine if North Korea had the ability to genetically engineer redheads with Jennifer Aniston noses. Then we’d really be fucked.

  3. red sky

    So we’re trading hot pretty Russians for old ugly Russians? And we’re giving 10 for 4? We’ve really lost all concepts on how export/import markets should work. No wonder the Chinese own us.

  4. 4tehlulz

    Does anyone know what the other nine look like? Cuz I’d rather fantasize about spies that don’t have old-school Russian antisemitism.

  5. MarieDeGournay

    Shooting them should only feel good if NOT ONE Afghani woman dies by American weapons.

  6. JMP

    And the hot spies will probably not be hot much longer; they’ll be afflicted as all Russian women actually in Russia are, where they turn so haggard they look to be about 50 or 60 the second they hit 30.

  7. Oblios Cap

    One American spy is worth 2.5 Russkies? So Bullwinkle = Boris + Natasha + 1/2(Mr. Big).

    American Exceptionalism at work.

  8. Johnny Zhivago

    I hear NBC is firing its entire political staff and hiring Octopus Paul to exclusively cover the 2010 midterms and 2012 national election. He’s also going to host Meet the Press.

  9. chascates

    The Russians claim they have a sub that could plug the danged oil spill hole but now we’ve pissed them off with this spy deal so that’s probably off.

  10. 4tehlulz

    [re=614272]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Paul would show more spine than David Gregory ever will.

  11. JMP

    Reading the article on the Oakland mini-riot (what for when the cop was actually convicted for once; because it was manslaughter instead of murder?), it’s good to see the rioters going after relatively trendy, expensive places near their city hall, instead of following the usual pattern of poor people destroying their own neighborhoods.

  12. 4tehlulz

    [re=614277]JMP[/re]: Thing is, that means the rioters probably came from Berkeley, not for Oakland.

  13. PabaBritannica

    [re=614277]JMP[/re]: They need to follow the Weather Underground model. Just destroy the first thing you come to on your rampage, hoping its a bank (though it’s really a homeless shelter). Discernment is secondary in times of revolution.

  14. Neilist

    Did I mention that I have a Valuable State Secret in my pants?

    Just stayin’.

    I mean, if she’s not busying “banging” Talis.

  15. Vulpes82

    Never will I understand the mind of the straight male. This “hot Russian spy” is about as hot as Siberia in January.

  16. Malketeer

    All this talk of the good ole days fightin the russkies gives me an excuse to bring up my favorite Dick Cheney story (as recounted in Richard Rhode’s Arsenals of Folly). You know, just in case your morning didn’t have enough terrible in it:

    When Mikhail Gorbachev came to power, Cheney tried to get Reagan to back the Soviet hard-liners who were attempting to overthrow him.

    I’m just gonna let that roll that around in your noggins for a bit.

  17. JMP

    [re=614326]Malketeer[/re]: Well, duh; Gorbachev was a disaster for the hard line hawks, his ending of the cold war was the worst thing that could happen to them, that’s why they spent the next twelve years flailing about to find a new Enemy until finally 9/11 gave them one.

  18. JMP

    [re=614326]Malketeer[/re]: [re=614332]JMP[/re]: Damn, hit post before I was finished; the hawks need an enemy, an Eastasia or Eurasia. Cheney desire to back the coup is just like the conspiracy of Federation and Klingon hardliners who together tried to prevent the signing of the Khitomer peace accords.

  19. ManchuCandidate

    [re=614320]Vulpes82[/re]:
    Actually, as a straight male I agree (probably in the minority here.) If she’s like a few of the Russian women I knew then kinda bitchy, annoying, arrogant and feels she’s entitled to whatever is in your wallet.

  20. Geogre

    For y’all talking about the dreams of the good old cold days, I saw the Coen brothers’ “Burn After Reading” for the very first time just a few nights ago. Wonkette is no place for filem criticisme, but it seems to me that the film’s grand joke is this:
    The US/USSR Cold War ending is exactly like a couple having a divorce. Spycraft is a metaphor for infidelity.

    If you watch the movie keeping in mind that all the “couples” are mirrors of the grand Couple, it gets funnier.

  21. I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    I see a bright future for her in Russia’s one and only growth market: porn.

  22. qwerty42

    So isn’t a spy exchange supposed to happen in Berlin at Checkpoint Charlie, with searchlights all around, American MPs and East German Vopos and Soviet officers and maybe the Brandenburg gate in the background? And is Karla involved? It just isn’t like the good old days.

  23. McDuff

    [re=614326]Malketeer[/re]: Holy Godzilla-Took-A-Crap-On-Tokyo, Batman! Cheney is pure evil!

  24. Terry

    [re=614333]JMP[/re]:

    I just had a thought. What if Cheney is actually a Klingon? Maybe all those trips to the hospital are for plastic surgery to make sure those forehead ridges don’t appear again. No, a Klingon wouldn’t have had a slew of deferments during Vietnam. Maybe Cheney is a Ferengi, urging on war so he and his friends can profit from it. Closer to the truth.

  25. Charlie Bucket

    Per comments on her looks: She photographs inconsistently. Some pictures I’ve seen of her are “YOW” and others are borderline “YOWFF,” the latter being particularly those that factor in her anorexic arms coming out of her surprisingly buxom trunk. Personally, I think she’s beautiful, but I may be growing up: Hearing her vapid “climbing the social ladder” comments are the biggest turn off for me.

  26. Geogre

    [re=614355]Charlie Bucket[/re]: Everyone on her beauty…

    She has fine bone structure. The end. Symmetrical features, pretty eyes, delicate nose, and hence Classical “beauty” as it is currently defined.

    Past that, people are getting into whether or not she’s sexually attractive, and that’s going to depend on what point they occupy in the Western insanity. Is she too thin? Well, the angle of the shot helps her look thin, and her garment accentuates her bust, so she’s going to look “wrong” and “mismatched.” Were this 1970, she’d be “thin.” Now, she’s too thin. Everyone wanting to speak objectively about her sex appeal is just explaining how fully encased in the amber of the zeitgeist he or she is. The woman herself is a gender victim, but the pose, the clothing, and the ad told us that.

    Russian women can have a tough time with Russian men, and not a few of them can default to mercantilism with their looks and insane fretfulness over sex.

  27. BklynIlluminati

    Considering the lamness of their spying technique i think the ratio is pretty good. All they managed to do is buy homes and schmooze a bit. At least ours were in nuke plants and double dealing in the thick of shit. Anyway the hot one is so getting a talk show on the rusky tv

  28. qaf

    [re=614272]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: A guaranteed improvement, then. Good news!

    Re Oakland, at last we know that there can be consequences (other than corpses) when you gratuitously shoot a restrained person in the back, as opposed to gratuitously Tasering them.

  29. Oblios Cap

    After Bush looked into Putin’s soul and announced him a great feller, I thought that we had quit spying on the Russians. I guess Palin leaving Alaska and ignoring Vlad’s looming head required that we start up again.

    [re=614289]V572625694[/re]:

    Who is guarding our mooseberry crop? We can’t have Grandma Bullwinkle’s fudge cake recipe fall into Fearless Leader’s hands!

  30. marley

    Re: Oakland. There is a lot of anger over the verdict because many believe he couldn’t have mistaken his gun for his taser. The gun is heavier, black (as opposed to yellow), harder to un-holster, and on his right (taser is on his left). So it should at least have been voluntary manslaughter.

    Oakland has a mixed at best relationship with the police; OPD has had corruption scandals (where some cops planted drugs and extorted people in black neighborhoods) and race relation issues for a long time.

    PS the looters and rioters were mostly not from Oakland and not related to the actual situation, just taking advantage of it.

  31. Formerly Fred

    [re=614345]qwerty42[/re]: Yeah, the did the exchange at Starbucks, theree was a barista named Carla, and a guy over in the corner named George staring at his laptop with a really creepy smile.

  32. Enslave the Whales

    [re=614480]marley[/re]: I also think some of the anger arises because the DA charged 2nd degree (if I remember correctly). This seemed to me to be almost a PR-driven charge, to try to defuse the understandable anger that followed the actual killing.

    I am not defending the BART cop, or trying to minimize the seriousness of the situation, or the irreversibility of the death, but I don’t see how they were ever going to get a 2nd degree murder conviction out of it. By charging 2nd degree, though, it created the impression that it would be a possible verdict; hence, the current anger at the cop “getting off”. Exacerbated, of course, by memories of previous instances where cops have actually been acquitted after killing unarmed suspects (with less video evidence).

    IMO, the correct verdict would have been voluntary manslaughter — I cannot accept that a trained LEO can employ lethal force “by mistake”. It might have been his subconscious drawing the weapon, but it was still him. OTOH, it is generally the case that even when LEOs are convicted of something, the conviction is always at least one notch down from what it should be. Jurors have a fundamental respect for authority — prospective jurors that don’t are weeded out during voir dire.

    Sorry to have no snark. This was a shitty deal from the get-go.

  33. bakeneko

    The cop skipped town after the event, never claimed to have mistaken his gun for a taser until days later when it was suggested by MSM asswipes, and if not 2nd degree murder (a hard sell for a white cop) should at least have been a slam-dunk as voluntary manslaughter. The guy at the very least had to release the safety on his f**king gun before he fired, as can clearly be seen in the videos.

    Sorry for no snark here as well…

    Suffice to say it pisses me off to see punks from out-of-town who appeared for nothing better than to trash the city characterized as “anarchists”, when no doubt not a one of them has read Orwell’s “Homage To Catalonia” or anything else about historical anarchism.

Comments are closed.