Your editor is drinking cocktails alone in the revolving lounge of some highrise hotel in Pentagon City, due to a liberal mishap at “Reagan” National Airport. What to do, what to do? Make fun of David Ignatius’ latest op-ed about how much better America would be if it was overtly run by spies and international gangsters? No that will take too long — we’ve only got about five minutes before this part of the circular barroom passes the boring stuff (elevators, teevee showing LeBron James news about “The Heat”) and then opens up on the whole National Mall stretched out in the night like some elaborate bowling lane lined with shining white stone monuments. Oh yeah, let’s announce the Weeping Eagle Award Winners!
Seems like just last night when we were gathered together in the sweltering heat of an upstairs tavern on U St., handing out little patriotic eagle statues with glittery red nail polish tears dropping from their sad, dumb eyes. Alive Blingees, that’s what they were. What they are. Wherever they are. Only the Daily Caller sent representatives to claim their trophy, and the Daily Caller wasn’t even nominated for anything.
There’s the Pentagon, hulking 3-D diagram of evil and Boeing contracts. Anyway, it was a good five-hour-long “happy hour” we had last night. We all met lots of readers and neighbors and media sleazebags and even some brave Wonkette commenters. (Very few people in Washington are commenters, for obvious reasons.)
And the winners are ….
History’s Worst Congressperson:
Michele Bachmann
Most Awful Political Twitter:
Chuck Grassley
Washington Post op-ed columnist most likely to cause “Cancel my subscription” calls:
Charles Krauthammer
Most Loathsome Cable-News Regular:
Liz Cheney
America’s Bright Young Rising Star of American Political Insanity:
Sharron Angle
Party commander Arielle Fleisher, morning editor Josh Fruhlinger and summer intern/scary cartoonish Benjamin Frisch all try to work the broken mic. More pictures plus some video coming next week!
{ 57 comments }
That WaPo columnist category was probably neck & neck between Krauthammer & Dicky Cohen. But all are much deserved winners.
As for your venue, I can’t help but wonder if someone spills a beer on all that wire if the entire building explodes, crackles or the lights go out for the entire city block.
I’ll bet not a single one of the winners thanked the Academy. Ingrates.
Thanked Ken, I mean. KEN.
I demand a recount!
[re=614194]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: And did you see the specially made sign? THAT’S where all our hard-earned click throughs are going?! It’s time we took America back.
As a Philadelphia Inquirer reader who is subjected to Dr. Cabbagemallet’s bile every week, I approve of this award heartily.
Is anyone seeing millions of Pink Elephants today, or is that just Conservative Hockey Mom/Grizzly Bear/Grifter, lipstick wearing pit bull, Sarah Palin?
Did Sharron Angle serve anyone in the crowd that had be raped some pink lemonade? Or maybe kamikazis?
Did George Will cry because he wasn’t nominated for anything?
s/b “been” – damn. I hate a drug induced typo. Leave Lindsay alone!
Moar Arielle pix plz
I wanna see the size of the clothes dryer on the other end of that ductwork.
(Plus-size appliances are a hobby of mine.)
I betcha you need Bounce the size of a bedsheet.
Damn whoever writes Chuck Grassley’s twitters. I was so expecting Fred to win that hands-down with his twitter-ghostwriter’s endless stream of nonsensical and inapplicable wisecracks. I’m sorry I didn’t make it up there, as the bitter disappointment would’ve taken my mind of the heatstroke-induced delirium and nausea that kept me entertained for the evening.
Steve King was robbed!
Liz Cheney is on cable news regularly? Other than being extruded from between Lynn Chenys thighs, what has she ever done to make her opinion noteworthy ?
Admittedly, her purported father is evil incarnate, a soulless cyborg unleashed on an unsuspecting populace whose vast diversions of the public treasury into the coffers of his business associates is the stuff of legend, but Liz? Liz is just a whiny bitch.
In a hundred years when you kick your mother down a flight of steps for the insurance money, people will call you a Dick, not a a Liz.
The Int’l noozfeeds tell me the entire San Francisco Bay metro area is ENGULFED IN FLAMES – so, are any members of the Wonkette Weeping Eagle nominating committee monitoring the kablenooz channels to see how their honoured nominees are responding to this society-rending urban crisis?… other than blaming that Commie Fascist N0bama, of course…
I demand Arielle Fleisher’s hand in marriage.
The only fair election held in America in decades.
Well, that was anti-climactic
Ha! The circular bar — I almost got thrown out of there one night. Serves me right for crossing the moat to Virginia!
Breaking! Minneapolis Zoo Wins Judgement: Michelle Bachmann You Will No Longer Rape Our Baboons- Bachmann: They Were “Begging For It”, Will Appeal
FLEISHER: “Yes, Tucker, that is indeed a smart bow tie. And no, I would not like to come over there to find out whether it’s a clip-on or not. Now, please pull up your pants and immediately vacate the premises, or I’ll slap your foppish fucking face so fucking hard you’ll taste cock you haven’t gobbled since St. George. ‘Kay? Thanks. Toodles!”
FRUHLINGER: “Were it not for my Lincoln-esque eye horns, my orb-less skull would be utterly incapable of curmudgeoning comics with such unvarnished honesty. Wait! Where are you going? You haven’t even finished your drink yet! Ah man, I knew wearing the ironic Monica polo would be a mistake…”
FRISCH: “So then I says, ‘Hey Nobama! Wanna get your big black balls off my chin? Whaddya think this is, a townhall meeting?’ Hahaha! Amirite, or am I right? Whoa…tough crowd. Hey, is this thing on? Can I get a mic check, one-two? Sibilance…sssibilance…”
[re=614200]Jim89048[/re]: Who are you? Norm Coleman’s fucking attorney?
If not, I deeply apologize for my rude manner. If so, COUNT DEZE-NUTZ.
Nice exposed brick and duct. Certified kewl hipster party.
If I were still young and pretty and free I would’a been there. Looks like it was a blast.
Where was that photo taken? Looks rather like a church basement.
“Only the Daily Caller sent representatives to claim their trophy, and the Daily Caller wasn’t even nominated for anything.”
That, my friends, is the true spirit of these awards. I hope you gave them a statuette.
How come Arielle looks you nice and the guys dressed like bums? Both have cute knees, however.
Well, I’m glad cartoon guy on the right is wearing a plaid shirt and not plaid shorts. Sociological observations lead me to state that plaid shorts are a super-duper red-flag indicating “douchebag inside.”
Wow you even had a banner! I hope y’all had fun!
Please schedule the 2013 Weagles to coincide with the Safety Patrol trips to DC for Alachua County, plz.
Is the wiring in that joint up to code?
Ah, the old broken microphone excuse. It seemed to work fine at the start of this FINE presentation. But, as our hosts drank more and MORE the mic issues seemed to get worse and WORSE.
Hhhuuuummm, direct correlation? I think so.
It was good to meet all/most of our Wonkette gods. Though there were alot of beards there. (OW hot and prickly, stop that)
[re=614209]SayItWithWookies[/re]: sorry me missed you and there would have been much bowing and scraping (I know that contact lens is around here somewhere)
[re=614230]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Very HIP, though a few of us olds showed up anyway.
[re=614208]JackDempsey[/re]: NOT BIG ENOUGH. Was hotter inside than out there for awhile. Good thing there was lots ‘o cheap beer.
[re=614248]Rentboy.gov[/re]: Probably not, see above.
[re=614249]Whatever Blows Your Skirt[/re]: Jesus!!!!! Too early to type.
SayItWithWookies: sorry We missed you as there would have been much bowing and scraping (I know that contact lens is around here somewhere)
So is it too late to nominate Josh Green for turning the whole Lebron James thing somehow into a story about the political backlash against Obama?
http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/10/07/the-political-meaning-of-lebrons-move/59420/
I mean, come on for fuck’s sake.
[re=614216]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Yes, I was there, and Arielle’s a doll but I couldn’t quite whack up the ginger (not a Newell reference) to propose marriage, so I guess she’s still available.
Looks like fun! Did everyone dress in a furrie to match their avatar? Oh, too hot?
Did they relax the dress code because of the heat?
At least some wiseacre could’ve worn a tux t-shirt.
Speaking of wiseacres, you couldn’t give some sort of Lifetime Achievement Award or something to Ana Marie Cox?
I hear Estus Tirkle is doing a documentary on the evening.
Boy, Weigel’s really enjoying his 15 minutes of fame, to the extent of 1200 whole words. However, any article which begins “I hailed the cab outside the offices of The Huffington Post…” has to be considered suspect. Unless said “office” is Arianna’s Beverly Hills guest house.
:: scans list of winners ::
:: sobs into a pint of Chunky Monkey ::
:: contemplates posting picture of hoo-hoo on Hot Air to regain relevance ::
I’ve always thought J Fruh was kinda hot, what with being a ginger and married (mmm, forbidden fruit). Now I can picture B Frisch as the meat in a Newell/Fruh ginger sub.
[re=614295]Malketeer[/re]: Baby steps, just send the picture of hoo-hoo to me, first.
And oh yah, also, you Wonkette peoples, except for the scrumptious Arielle, why, you’re just a bunch of young smart-ass nerds, is what you are. Jesus, my life is empty.
Still bummed I couldn’t make this. Looking forward to video.
When I played in a dumb indie rock band, the chick that was our “manager” had some strict rules and one of them was “never ever ever wear shorts onstage”. Now I understand.
:: circular bars :: circular arguments :: circularly shaped teatarders :: circular arguments :: circular bars :: circular arguments :: circularly shaped teatarders :: circular arguments …..
Agree with [re=614200]Jim89048[/re], Steve King whipped Michele Bachmann’s ass 2:1 in the on-line version of the votes. Ken, did you ever work for the d-rats in Chicago?
Steve King, Steve King, Steve King!!!!
Can you have another party again soon? I missed the one on July 7th–I was in the middle of some “activity” at a Route 1 motel with Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter. We were going to come to Sully’s, but, well, ah, we lost track of the time after downing a couple of bottles of Jack Daniels and tequila.
[re=614205]Okie Dokie Dog[/re]: Thats better. I thought it was “to be”.
This was a missed opportunity. Breitbart would have shown up, got into a fight where his shrill voice would have sounded extra gay, and ended up drunk and cruising the busboys. And how does Arielle get away with flouncing about so fresh-faced and innocent, knowing what degraded and sick perverts those other two dudes are (I didn’t bother to look at what there names were)?
[re=614295]Malketeer[/re]: It’s called a “hoo-hah” you stupid cunt.
[re=614530]Mr Blifil[/re]: Dammit, LOL’d at the workplace over that one. Awkward silence ensued.
[re=614194]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I think all those wires and stuff have something to do with the Wonkette special FX for the evening festivities, kinda like in the original Peter Pan with Mary Martin.
[re=614203]Okie Dokie Dog[/re]: Pink Elephants. I quit drinking 23 years ago because of Pink Elephants. Now I have to START again because of Pink Elephants. WTF.
[re=614211]dijetlo[/re]: Historical Note: Liz Cheney was extruded from Dick Cheney’s ass hole. Liz was the “father” who actually snowballed the Devil’s cum up his anus. Hope this clears things up for everybody!
But, really, why can’t the replies follow the posts so it all makes sense, w/out scrolling all over the fuckin’ page to locate the originator?
[re=614862]Barrelhse[/re]: correction: LYNN was the father. Hope this clears things up- I can be such a Liz sometimes. I mean dick.
Someone needs to console the Irish Catholics over at FOX. Hannity, O’Reilly, Coulter, Buchannon, Kelly and Father Shitdick.
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