• May 26, 2012

Will U.S. Trade Hot Russian Spies For Whatever U.S. Spies?

by Ken Layne  

The Spy Who Friended Me.We’ve heard on a Numbers Station (the Internet) that Washington and Moscow are about to trade spies back and forth, proving again to the world that post-Cold War secret agent work is a joke. (The real spying is done over the Internet, using “hackers” and “the band Phish” and other deeply unseemly technologies.) The question remains, however: Will the American spies traded for the captured dumb-but-hot Russian spies be equally as hot? Does the CIA have some weird eugenics program that makes the kind of attractive Americans who could pass for Europeans or whatever?

In other words, Why have we failed to post 30 pictures of the “Facebook Spy” and getting a million page views, from slovenly perverts who can’t even imagine a land (Russia/South America/Everywhere Else) where normal people are attractive?

Also, the Russian scientist convicted of spying and supposedly being traded for some of these Yuppie “HGTV” spies caught on the U.S. East Coast being yuppies? He’s been serving part of a 15-year sentence at a prison camp “near the Arctic Circle.” So, they still do that, in Putin’s Russia. [Los Angeles Times]

{ 50 comments }

weejee July 7, 2010 at 3:26 pm

Ken the vote clickies on yer earlier post for CongressSleaze are deader than Kim Philby.

chascates July 7, 2010 at 3:28 pm

Based on the past 10 years I’d have to guess our spies are just as dumb but probably not as hot. Now that’s something An Coulter and Laura Ingraham can do for their country. Leave it and blend into Russia or Chechnya or whatever the hell those places are called these days.

JMP July 7, 2010 at 3:29 pm

Some of these spies are fairly hot, yeah, but the hottest Russian spy is still Scarlett Johannson.

Doglessliberal July 7, 2010 at 3:31 pm

She looks about 13 years old in this picture. It is quite creepy.

Radiotherapy July 7, 2010 at 3:32 pm

Nice cigarette!

RPolanski July 7, 2010 at 3:36 pm

I trade you Maxwell Smart and Agent 86 for Boris & Natasha? Da?

nappyduggs July 7, 2010 at 3:36 pm

Seriously, unless America gets it together with a similar decades long program of stringency, deprivation, and vodka, we can’t consistently produce the same type of mail-order ass that they do in the eastern bloc.

Overindulgence, insipidity, and Bud Light Lime ain’t gonna cut it.

USA!1!1 USA!111!!

Mild Midwesterner July 7, 2010 at 3:37 pm

Her head is huge in that picture. To quote Stuart Mackenzie: “It’s like an orange on a toothpick… That’s a huge noggin’… It’s a virtual planetoid… Has it’s own weather system… I’m not kidding, that [spy]‘s head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Now that was offside, wasn’t it? [She]‘ll be crying [her]self to sleep tonight, on [her] huge pillow.”

captqitn July 7, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Needs moar nood.

WhatTheHeck July 7, 2010 at 3:40 pm

And who wouldn’t want to be in a sleeper cell with her?

Jim89048 July 7, 2010 at 3:42 pm

Oh PLEASE let me interrogate this one before throwing her back!

One Yield Regular July 7, 2010 at 3:45 pm

I have a feeling this may be excellent therapy for helping me finally get over the trauma of that scene in “From Russia With Love” (novel version) when Rosa Klebb enters the room wearing an orange nightie.

mumblyjoe July 7, 2010 at 3:46 pm

In other words, Why have we failed to post 30 pictures of the “Facebook Spy” and getting a million page views, from slovenly perverts who can’t even imagine a land (Russia/South America/Everywhere Else) where normal people are attractive?

Don’t you want my pageviews, Wonkette? Why must you demean me in terms that, while certainly a perfectly apt description of the depressing half-life that I lead, nevertheless hurt feelings?

GOPCrusher July 7, 2010 at 3:51 pm

Nice looking face, but damn girl, eat a sammich or something. The malnutrition look is so 90′s.

Gorillionaire July 7, 2010 at 3:57 pm

She looks like she is relaxing while her video uploads to XHamster.

Chuckie Jesus July 7, 2010 at 4:05 pm

I don’t get it. Babeski here looks like that girl who played the ship’s engineer on Firefly in all her other pictures. This one looks like a City Paper ad for a no-tell gentlemen’s club.

Kaylee! Say it ain’t so!

Rev. Peter Lemonjello July 7, 2010 at 4:11 pm

If Wonkette decides to whore out for America’s page views, it should be done tastefully….lifetime coupons for McDonalds. Or the inevitable pic of Justin Bieber’s vagina.

BarackMyWorld July 7, 2010 at 4:15 pm

I’d sure like to “de” her “tante.”

OzoneTom July 7, 2010 at 4:27 pm

D@%n — I’d managed to avoid seeing any of her “Hot Pix” until now.

Now I have to go find the others…

bearbait July 7, 2010 at 4:44 pm

Red hair, sexy, kinky, first name Anna, last name starts with “C”…

If her middle name is Marie, Wonkette should bring her on!

TGY July 7, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Serious alt-text win.

Actually, some places ‘near the Arctic Circle’ can be quite nice. Greenland, for instance. Haha, ‘green’. Kidders.

SayItWithWookies July 7, 2010 at 5:48 pm

Will the American spies traded for the captured dumb-but-hot Russian spies be equally as hot? Does the CIA have some weird eugenics program that makes the kind of attractive Americans who could pass for Europeans or whatever?

The reason all those hot young things poured out of Russia was the Russian economy — any woman cute enough to get her face in a mail-order brides catalog did so, since the next best job was getting kidnapped by a Bulgarian pimp. That’s the answer to the first question. And as to the second question, we’re about to have such a program.

BeWoot July 7, 2010 at 5:58 pm

Mmm. Skinny spy pussy.

mumblyjoe July 7, 2010 at 6:08 pm

[re=613235]Chuckie Jesus[/re]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ml_u7L8qnQA

rocktonsammy July 7, 2010 at 6:34 pm

Col.Hogan never trusted the Russian female spies and neither do I.

Dahlink.

ManchuCandidate July 7, 2010 at 6:35 pm
Extemporanus July 7, 2010 at 6:45 pm

Y KANT TORI SPIE?

CthuNHu July 7, 2010 at 7:31 pm

[re=613197]Doglessliberal[/re]: Well, they had to figure out some way to penetrate conservative think tanks.

Her husband probably looks like Justin Bieber.

NYNYNY July 7, 2010 at 7:43 pm

I missed the last few covers of the Post? Is that a pic of our American spy? The russian married to a brit red head girl is a ton cuter. This one looks like Miley Cyrus, 4 years ago, minus 25 lbs. Ick. Probably smells like herrings and russian cigarettes.

Beanball July 7, 2010 at 11:13 pm

I think The Exiled has the best pix on this spy stuff. Srsly.

w00t!

Oh hell to the no July 7, 2010 at 11:59 pm

Why do all of her pictures look like they’re shopped? Her head is far too big for her body.

Oh hell to the no July 8, 2010 at 12:01 am

[re=613408]NYNYNY[/re]: This is her. You can tell from her sexytime photos on Gawker. He arms and everything look out of proportion.

Long Form Def Certificate July 8, 2010 at 12:30 am

[re=613197]Doglessliberal[/re]: Ron Wood is aroused.

Weeping Jesus July 8, 2010 at 2:53 am

[re=613463]Oh hell to the no[/re]: It’s the first stage of the spy swap. They trade her head, we get the body of a girl with an eating disorder and implants.

zhubajie July 8, 2010 at 5:37 am

TheExiled.com has a topless photo.

Darth Mario July 8, 2010 at 7:27 am

finally boobies!

Hagar7 July 8, 2010 at 9:11 am

[re=613486]Weeping Jesus[/re]: Who looks like she smells like vodka barf and dirty hair, so I’m not understanding the wherefore of all the w00t.

Idlerat July 8, 2010 at 9:56 am

The first time Wonkette has ever made me sick.

This is a photo of a severely anorexic teenager.

I could “have a sense of humor about” about everything except her anorexia and her age, but that really takes the fun out of your slave fantasies, the smoking, etc.

Bye, Wonkette. F*ck you.

Idlerat July 8, 2010 at 9:57 am

This is a photo of a severely anorexic teenager.

Obviously.

Bye, Wonkette.

KilgoreTrout_XL July 8, 2010 at 10:07 am

Idlerat, are you leaving or something?

libwakman July 8, 2010 at 10:44 am

I do believe I spy her tittaes. My brain is making a top-secret report to my Willie-Whacker as we speak.

libwakman July 8, 2010 at 10:51 am

“The first time Wonkette has ever made me sick.

This is a photo of a severely anorexic teenager.

I could “have a sense of humor about” about everything except her anorexia and her age, but that really takes the fun out of your slave fantasies, the smoking, etc.

Bye, Wonkette. F*ck you.”
Idlerat: Don’t let the the keyboard slide up your ass on the way out.

DangerousLiberal July 8, 2010 at 3:23 pm

[re=613559]Idlerat[/re]: You wouldn’t know what “severe” anorexia looked if it was standing right in front of you, dumbass. Compare with this: http://jurnaluluneifete.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/anorexia-nervosa-duard_dot_com1.jpg

If you were so concerned with real anorexia and the problems it causes, you’d never have posted something so incredibly ignorant. Have a nice day.

GreyPanter July 8, 2010 at 4:39 pm

[re=613559]Idlerat[/re]:
The first time Wonkette has ever made me sick.
This is a photo of a severely anorexic teenager.
I could “have a sense of humor about” about everything except her anorexia and her age, but that really takes the fun out of your slave fantasies, the smoking, etc.
Bye, Wonkette. F*ck you.”

Idlerat, we hardly knew ye. We can tell from your comment that you are gay and fat, however. That is fine with me, I mean the gay part, but you seem uncomfortable with it.

zhubajie July 8, 2010 at 7:04 pm

[re=613351]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It’ll have to be with places like Nigeria where they like their women fat.

ladymacbeth July 8, 2010 at 9:33 pm

[re=613556]Idlerat[/re]: i’m sorry who are you?

also, not an anorexic body. pretty clearly not an anorexic body so pretty clearly you have issues.

but then again, who are you?

Neilist July 9, 2010 at 4:21 am

Not young enough.

Not fresh enough.

Not small enough.

Not choirboyish en . . .

Oh.

Sorry. Just going down my Christian Brothers/Dominican Checklist of Sexual Attractors . . . .

notarobot July 9, 2010 at 3:29 pm

Wait, was that her trying to hail a cab after the gay pride parade?

elizabeth3166 July 12, 2010 at 1:11 pm

I think that these Russian spies are sent by the U.S. government itself… By the way I found a website that give you prizes for your opinions and 4 play games here is the topic about this:
http://opinion.ezwingame.com/topics/did-the-spy-swap-send-a-bad-message

elizabeth3166 July 12, 2010 at 1:13 pm

I think that these Russian spies are sent by the U.S. government itself… By the way I found a website that give you prizes for your opinions and 4 play games here is the topic about this:..
http://opinion.ezwingame.com/topics/did-the-spy-swap-send-a-bad-message

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