Alvin Greene Mania has swept Britain! Today The Guardian has their very own profile of one British reporter’s pilgrimage to the hovel of South Carolina Daoist monk Alvin Greene. It is accompanied by a nice photo of Greene talking on the phone with your Wonkette (probably) while he’s writing koans with a simple pencil. The big news in this story is that Alvin Greene has an enigmatic and wise solution “for jobs”—making Alvin Greene action (inaction) figures. It is an incredible quote.
“Another thing we can do for jobs is make toys of me, especially for the holidays. Little dolls. Me. Like maybe little action dolls. Me in an army uniform, air force uniform, and me in my suit. They can make toys of me and my vehicle, especially for the holidays and Christmas for the kids. That’s something that would create jobs. So you see I think out of the box like that. It’s not something a typical person would bring up. That’s something that could happen, that makes sense. It’s not a joke.”
“But Alvin Greene has no vehicle. He doesn’t drive. He stays home all day,” you say. Sure, he has no car. His vehicle is The Way.
“But surely The Way cannot be accurately depicted in plastic,” you say. You are correct. The Way cannot be depicted in any form. When the master tells us to make a child’s toy version of The Way in this hypothetical situation, he shows us the absurdity of our materialistic, object-based lives.
We do not survive or thrive only on how many things we possess, just as a child does not receive its sustenance from a beloved toy.
And it is just as absurd to make an action figure for a “super hero” or other revered figure as it is to make one for a simple man like Alvin Greene.
Nature is complete because it does not serve itself.
I leave feeling as baffled as when I arrived….Next stop will be the main election in November in which he will face Jim DeMint, the Republican senator who will deploy all the firepower of an incumbent. Greene will be outgunned, outwitted and humiliated. He will lose in a landslide.
Now where have I heard that before?
Exactly. You are a modern-day Alexis de Tocqueville, British guy. [The Guardian]
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This is simply breathtaking. I am speechless and humbled.
“Now where have I heard that before?”
No seriously, what he is talking about? Where *have* we heard that before but it didn’t happen?
[re=612996]rafflesinc[/re]: I think Kim Jong Il has been trying to base North Korea’s economy on a similar theory for some time.
Methinks a certain Britisher (Welshman probably the sheepy smell gives it away) is still felling some sour grapes over the Regrettable Insurrection (I’m talking about the “World Cup Match” of course).
The dolls are awesome. You ask it a question and pull the string. The string winds in slowly and you get 20 seconds of silence followed by, “Yes.”
Not sure this is funny anymore.
I don’t care what he says about dolls and shit, he’s still saner than Jim DeMint, ferchrissakes.
Today, we are all Alvin Greene toymakers.
[re=613006]TheGryphon[/re]: Oh I see. It’s that dry British wit again.
You cannot go against Alvin
because if you do
go against Alvin
that’s part of Alvin, too.
Alvin Greene is really Tracy Morgan, isn’t it?
There is no path to victory.
Victory is the path.
Victorious warriors win first, then show up to see what happens.
Defeated warriors first show up, then try to win.
He who would defeat Tao warrior Alvin would only defeat himself.
There is no Alvin vehicle, for Alvin is the immovable master of the Way.
Today, we are all Alvin Greene, even Albert Haynesworth is Alvin Greene.
[re=613008]V572625694[/re]: [re=613028]The Church of Realism[/re]: Any day now, I expect him to rip off his mask to reveal Andy Kaufman.
Alvin and his Chip Monks have to be called “action figures” because they can’t get the heads to bobble. The problem with DeMint is that he can’t get his head to stop bobbling. This may be the defining issue of the campaign.
In my town there is a raincoat under a tree;
In the sun there is a cloud containing the sea;
In the sea there is a whale without any eyes;
In the whale there’s Alvin Greene without his raincoat.
Such is the way of The Way.
[re=613008]V572625694[/re]: Not sure it ever was.
At best, the ex-soldier/accused sex offender’s a PTSD-suffering, Asperger-afflicted, Bubba Blue-doppelgängering, deluded dimwit — at worst, he’s all that and some Republican rat fucker’s suck poppet du jour.
While I do appreciate Jack’s heroic efforts to elevate the subject matter to something more profound, all the Daoisms in the world ain’t gonna keep ol’ Ghost Dawg’s meandering path from ending abruptly, badly, and in a decidely un-”HAHA!” kinda way.
Action Figure? Gotta be a 5am door-buster at Kmart on Black Friday. Black Friday? Did I just say that?
[re=613039]gjdodger[/re]: Between this race and hosting The Glenn Beck show, Kaufman is one busy fucker.
Just as Alvin Greene wins races without running, his Action Figures will be enjoyed without action; there will be none of that articulation or poseability that the kids might like, it will instead be just a statue. In other words, it’ll be made by Todd MacFarlane Toys.
(This joke to be gotten by probably 1% of readers).
Two words: anatomically correct.
[re=613047]SayItWithWookies[/re]: In another country, with another name
Maybe journalists are different, maybe they’re insane.
[re=613007]comicbookguy[/re]: A+
Miracles!
Toys! Cute, li’l toys!
If any of your kids start telling you the dolls want them to do things, believe them.
zen nothing, this is the new Diabolical Party Candidate.
[re=613068]JMP[/re]: So, it’s going to come with 500 cool looking accessories which don’t actually fit onto the figure at all?
Master can not slip.
Alvin Greene has figurines,
perfect kung-fu grip.
Until we get the factory up and running, here’s an Alvin Greene action figure to hold you over:
http://comicbooth.com/images/alvin_greene_toy.jpg
[re=613325]Dean Booth[/re]: The Alvin Greene Inaction Figure: Like any true Democrat, it folds under pressure!
(Exceptional work, Mr. Booth.)
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