Oh, I'll spend your money wisely, you betcha!From the perspective of your Wonkette, Michael Steele has been an extremely effective RNC chair, as he has supplied us with a near-endless stream of mockable things to write posts about. But those who actually care about the health of the Republican Party are starting to question how well he’s actually doing his job (getting Republicans elected, raising money in the service of getting Republicans elected, not actively embarrassing the Republican Party, and so forth). That’s why a whisper campaign has begun about a better candidate for this important task … a universally beloved team player who works hard and succeeds at whatever she does. YES OBVIOUSLY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT SARAH PALIN PLEASE GOD LET THIS HAPPEN OH IT WILL BE SO AWESOME WE CANNOT STAND IT.

Michael Steele’s latest troubles came because he committed the worst sin a Republican can commit, by not wanting people to be killed in wars all the time. According to CBS, the trusted news source that brought you Everybody Loves Raymond, this is much worse than his usual lesbian bondage club antics, and now there’s “talk in GOP circles” that the new RNC chair should be everyone’s favorite quitter Sarah Palin. Why would anyone conceive of such a thing? CBS News Senior White House Correspondent Bill Plante, who apparently has “inside sources” thanks to his shoe-leather reporting skills, says that our snowbilly grifter is “the star of the Republican Party. She’s the top endorser, top fundraiser — and now could be the party’s top dog.” It is true that the main job of the RNC chair is to raise money, and lord knows Sarah Palin is good at “raising” huge gobs of cash, for her own personal use. But it is also the job of the RNC chair to not make a continual spectacle and object of fun of him- or herself, so, you know, there’s that.

So who could these idiots in “GOP circles” be? Our bet, based on absolutely zero inside information of any sort, is that one is Bill Kristol, who always been in love with Sarah Palin, always, and who is one of the most prominent people to call on Steele to resign in the wake of the recent unpleasantness. America will submit to Kristol’s Palin-love, one way or another, do you understand? It will.

On the other hand, reporters from the Washington Post, a publication that has not once produced a successful CSI spinoff, believe that Michael Steele will keep his job, at least until his term is up, after the November elections, because removing him would be controversial and distracting, even though having him in charge means that the Republicans will not do as well as they could have in the midterms. Anyway, most big GOP donors have already written Steele off and now give their cash to other groups, like the Haley Barbour-headed Republican Governors Association. (Rich Republicans trust a fat, well-connected, avuncular southerner with their money more than a mouthy black man — who could have guessed?)

You know whose name does not appear once in the Post story? Sarah Palin’s. That’s because putting her in charge of the RNC would be fucking insane. Let’s hope it happens! [CBS/WP]

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  1. This truly would be a gift from God. By the way…the picture above is my favorite SP photo. It shows her at her dingbattery best.

  2. It wouldn’t be insane, she’d just be a puppet head, and Freedom Works or some other front group would do the real work. She’ll take the job for 10% of the haul, plus bendy straws. If there’s a god of comedy, this will happen.

  3. “But those who actually care about the health of the Republican Party are starting to question how well he’s actually doing his job”

    The irony here is that Steele’s efforts to pin the Afghan war on Obama is right out of the Republican play book. Republican politicians have a long history of looking their bovine constituents right in the eye and telling them that up is down “and you gotta trust me cause I’m a cracker just like you.” Obviously Steele is at something of a disadvantage trying to play that card.

  4. Unfortunately, having Palin in the chair would by definitiion embarrass the GOP. Snowbilly would introduce a whole new fundraising paradigm “1$ for the Party, 2$ for Me. 1$ for the Party, $2 for…etc etc”. “GOP” will become “Grifter’s Own Payday”

  5. CBS news? Hmmm…this sounds like one of Couric’s infamous payback practical jokes…You know she’s just itching to slap that bitch down…(with apologies to all the legitimate bitches out there).

  6. In one respect, tapping Palin for RNC chair would be a good for the Republican leadership, because it would prevent her from running in 2012 and make more room for candidates who stood a chance of winning a general election. On the other, the money spent on lesbian bondage clubs would be nothing compared to what Sarah would do once she can take the committee credit cards.

  7. Steele will not step down. Republicans never step down. See: Sanford, Ensign, Vitter. They will pretend that none of this ever happened and give all their millions they’ve hoarded in middle class tax payer money to KKKarl Rove’s shadow piglet group. The end.

  8. It’s great, because Sarah Palin is certainly not known for anything remotely resembling abusing her position to get hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of perqs from the RNC, specifically. So nothing could possibly go wrong!

  9. I count two flag lapel pins, one lacquered blood necklace, a grizzly claw or something hanging off of an ear, and a self-promotion button (or name tag – not sure). I’m trying really hard not to imagine all the other stuff that must be in Snowbilly’s jewelry trunk.

  10. The real issue for Bill Kristol is which political path leads the Palins most directly to financial destitution thus forcing them to sell the sure-to-exist sex tapes in order to maintain their haute-hillbilly lifestyle.

  11. Bill Kristol only loves Sarah because of repressed and severe penis envy. She showed it to him one time in Wasilla to win him over a few years ago and he’s never gotten over it. Seems her clit is bigger than his dick, not surprising in either case. In any event, formalities aside, Palin and Limbaugh run the Republican Party, make no mistake. McConnell, Boehner, Barbour and the like and play with the money, but they are just butt-boys.

  12. I don’t think the RNC chair is allowed to speak for a fee, and for Palin, that would cut off her main “milking it for all its worth” revenue stream, so no way would she do it. Unless demand is drying up, then she could parlay the RNC gig into renewed notoriety, get her speaking fees back into 6-figures, and then quit to go on tour again.

  13. Steele is a lot of things, but he’s not a quitter. They’ll drag him from that position kicking and screaming.

    Palin would, however, be an inspired choice. She would finally drive the few old style Republicans ( the few left with brains) out of the party and firmly into being Independents. The staff at the RNC would have to find a way to limit her ability to spend, or she’ll run through their budget faster than a sailor on shore leave.

    Please, please, please, let the RNC make her the chair! This would be hilarious.

  14. [re=612792]freakishlystrong[/re]: Now, I think you’re forgetting one Republican who did voluntarily step down, not for scandal but for profit, hm what was the name again…

    Also, Craig and Foley did quit; so wanting gay sex is still ickier than hooker diaper sex.

  15. …all y’all’s makin’ me come in my pants this morning…babble spass as chair of the implosion party is a waking wet dream…

  16. She’ll be in hours after Rove’s ShadowRNC leaves too many fingerprints on some major murder victim and they need the chaos for a distraction. Otherwise, I can’t see it because god doesn’t love us that much.

  17. They’re giving money to the Goebbels of the GOP: Rove. He has created a corporation that allows Republicans to give “past the legal limit” thanks to Citizens United.

    Good News, Everybody! Club for Growth and Club for Men and Club for Growing Men will not be the only Major Players in determining what the dufus in the barber shop says, what the goofus in the Shoney’s says, and what your crazy relative forwards to you as “from someone who really knows. it will change you’re life.”

    However, Scott Simon also has a big throbbing love of SarahPAC.

  18. [re=612802]Prommie[/re]: Steele got in trouble for speaking for money, but it didn’t stop him. He also went on a book tour, which annoyed every member of the GOP who was interested in the party’s appearance of not profiting from politics. Which is why you probably didn’t hear about it.

  19. [re=612811]slappypaddy[/re]: [re=612815]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: These things would not be a problem if you guys just didn’t wear pants.

  20. C’mon, folks, the elephant in the room is that Michael Steele is pretty much the LONE black Republican. Remember, he knocked off some goober from below the Mason-Dixon line in the battle for the RNC chairmanship because the dumb hillbilly belonged to an all-white country club. There’s no way Steele is the RNC chair if Obama is not elected. But just as the dumbasses of the GOP thought elevating a brain-addled snowbilly female to the ticket would lure Hillary Clinton supporters, so too they thought having a black man fronting the party would show people of color that Republicans really love them.

    $arah Palin won’t take the RNC job even if offered. She is, above all, lazy. Reports from speech after speech she delivers –at six figures a pop– note that she is ill-prepared, uninformed on issues that might be of interest to the audience, and often are just plain wrong, as her gaffe on where Ronald Reagan attended college most recently proved. This is the mark of someone who flat doesn’t give a shit as long as she cashes a check.

  21. I almost feel sorry for all those who vote Republican just because they want to keep their taxes low so they can afford the private school bills for their kids. I said almost.

  22. [re=612789]ManchuCandidate[/re]:
    “The only winners in a Sarah Palin run GOP will be Neiman Marcus and comedy.”
    Add to that list the grateful Democratic Party…

  23. [re=612820]ella[/re]: If a vuvuzela and a dentist drill had a baby and it learned to talk from watching beauty pageants in the midwest, that would be her voice for me. She makes me wish all Rs and Ss were silent throughout the English language.

  24. [re=612826]Bordo[/re]: This is the mark of someone who flat doesn’t give a shit as long as she cashes a check.

    This, 1000 times, forever.

  25. If she took over now, she’d only have to serve half a term. But she’d probably quit early anyway. Part of the withdrawl method that’s worked so well for her and Bristol, who is now a tv star. QED.

  26. Nothing says “I’m not part of the entrenched political system” like being head of the Republican Party.

    Tea partiers will be able to count on her to not let their voices be heard in the corridors (and lobbies) of power as one of their own, an “outsider”, assumes the mantle of powerlessness.

  27. Have you ever noticed how Sarah Palin dresses like those evil women, Angelica Huston and Anette Benning, in “The Grifters?”

    I have a theory. Listening to Sarah Palin can literally cause brain cancer.

  28. Give her the chair!

    Think of all the comedians who will then be gainfully employed. And all of her speeches will be broadcast on Comedy Central.

  29. The biggest disappointment of Kristol’s life has been his inability to entice an attractive shicksa to submit to a Kristolian schtupping. Time is running out, but with Palin there is hope.

  30. I hear that Dr. Lawyer, Oily Tits, errr Orley Taitx, needs a job. Mebbe she could work with Sarah to acheive humorous nirvana.

  31. [re=612826]Bordo[/re]: “Remember, he knocked off some goober from below the Mason-Dixon line in the battle for the RNC chairmanship because the dumb hillbilly belonged to an all-white country club.”

    And now that he’s chair of the RNC, Steele can also join an all-white country club.

    Board Certified by Rand Paul.

  32. I’m skeptical. Taking the position would make her beholden to laws, people and facts. She can’t exist in that sort of enviornment.

  33. [re=612901]Jim89048[/re]: Don’t be silly. She has her name written on her hand: “hi i’m sarah – low taxes, freedom = good – milk, eggs, pop tarts”

  34. [re=612877]just pixels[/re]: If Harvard graduated Bill Kristol can make millions railing against the Ivy League Crowd then Palin can make a go at being just one of the rednecks from the head of the party. Reality does not apply here … what are you thinking??

  35. Can she use the same “speech” she uses at all of her paycheck personal appearances for the past year? That would be a requirement.

  36. [re=612877]just pixels[/re]: Heck, Michael Steele did say that, repeatedly. “Who’s the ‘Republican establishment’? I don’t know! I just work here!”

  37. [re=612797]ttommyunger[/re]: Limbaugh and Palin lead the Republican rank and file. But the GOP is still run by a small cadre of fat cats, and they ain’t about to hand the purse strings to Snowbilly. They gambled on Steele and lost. Next time around they’ll be looking for a Haley Barbour clone, somebody they can trust to stay on message yet still keep the rubes believing the GOP is as dumb as they are.

  38. I hope she doesn’t get the gig as RNC chair. I would prefer that she position herself for a Presidential run in 2012. Her soul-crushing defeat in either the primaries or the general election would be that much sweeter.

  39. If this happens, we should trademark the entire U.S. Government, set up hidden cameras, and sell overseas rights to “America, the Reality Show.”

    It’d be a huge global hit, ending our budget problems forever.

  40. [re=612927]El Pinche[/re]: Well, a person who thinks further ahead than the next six months might contemplate the possibility that a RNC-chair stint might solidify her speech price in the years to come, rather than taking the chance that people will be bored with her by 2012. Which pretty much rules her out. How is it that anyone PAYS to hear her speak? She doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about and she has that fingernails-on-chalkboard voice.
    [re=612785]weejee[/re]: I am told that he has a moose Patronus.

  41. Ugh, I don’t even want to hear about Sarah Palin. It seems that Bristol has been working her Keigle exercises and that Johnson boy has issued a public apology for his fibs about the family. Liar, liar, Levis’ on fire!
    Damn, that Kathy Griffin! Can she not keep a man satisfied enough to stay with her and not return to his baby momma?
    Who can we trust now to bring the ugly truth to light?

  42. Oh, and a little advice for you Levi. Now that you are back in the family you might want it to be well known that you plan to feed a bite of all of your meals to TriG first. Then there’s only a 75% chance that Sarah will poison you. I wouldn’t put Munchausen by proxy past Sarah if it will get a few more of her books out of her garage and onto coffee tables all over America.

  43. Sensational Sarah Palin is too much a rebel & free spirit to impose discipline on a fractious Republican Party. Mistress Michele Bachmann, however, could & would crack the whip & blister some buns.

  44. I think Sarah and Michelle should share the job and wear a lot of tight black latex, because Sarah’s days as a hottie are fading fast. Sources tell me her uterus is prolapsed and flapping around her thighs. This is why she appealed to John McCain.

  45. Oh, Wonkette, how fickle you are. I remember when you had the throbbing vapors for the sexiest GILF alive, and we were there with you!

    I remember when you started to question her sanity, but we were there with you!

    And now? Now you turn on your former crush like a Presa Canario on a veal-clad postal worker.

    Is…is nothing sacred?

  46. You guys have lots of fun as Michael Steele’s expense, but you unfairly malign him by omitting mention of his most important accomplishments. In so doing, you misinform your audience. Steele may be the greatest GOP chairman since Lee “Big Tent” Atwater. Let’s lift the big flap to see some of Steele’s secret plan that has brought the party from the pits to a potential victory in November.

    The second graf of the RNC’s bio on him begins, “A self-described ‘Lincoln Republican,’ Mr. Steele earned a place in history . . .” Steele’s Log Cabin ties are the least of it.
    Steele took over the GOP after a divisive contest following the party’s drubbing in the 2008 elections left Democrats running the House, the Senate and the White House.
    Beyond issues like the errant war in Iraq, the spectres of U.S. troops and hired sadists torturing prisoners, W’s failures to respond to Hurricane Katrina and the nationwide economic collapse, the party had an almost visceral image problem.

    The Dems had Obama, a metrosexual cosmopolitan cross of Joe Sixpack and Bill Cosby, but with great abs and the White House. The GOP had . . . no one else, really. Sen. John McCain had lost the support of party elders by proving himself unreliable on issues ranging from taking liberties with the Geneva Conventions on torture to taking campaign gifts from bailout-seeking bankers. Sen. Trent Lott (R-Central Casting) had a mouth problem. The other well-known national Republican figures were Larry Craig and Mark Foley, who had their own problems keeping zipped.

    Reluctantly, on the sixth ballot, after a bitterly divisive campaign, the Republican National Committee gave the chairmanship to Steele. His previous experience was in running the Maryland Lieutenant Governor’s office and his own campaign for the U.S. Senate, which was crushed by repeated waves of Oreos thrown from audiences across Maryland.

    Consider what he’s accomplished in ginning up the image of these Republicans —

    Sen. David Vitter of Louisiana, who was embedded with New Orleans whores and found on the client list of the “DC Madam”;
    Rep. Vito Fossella of Staten Island, who valued family values so highly he had two families: one with a wife and three kids in New York, and one with a mistress and a three-year-old in Alexandria;
    Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, who in one very swell foop managed to sleep with one of his staffers, cuckhold a top aide and cheat on his wife, and is now under DoJ investigation for subsequent payouts to some of the players;
    Gov. Mark “Don’t Cry for Me, Appalachia” Sanford of South Carolina, who falsely told his staff he was hiking for six days while he was off to a tryst with his “soul-mate” in Argentina; and,
    Rep. Mark Souder of Indiana, a leading GOP advocate of family values and abstinence education, whose hypocrisy came to light after he announced that he would resign because he had been having an affair with the videographer with whom he had produced a video extolling sexual abstinence.

    Steele’s secret plan, which may have parts yet to unfold before the November elections, was brilliant! The full details of how he managed to get all these guys to make such political sacrifices for the greater good of the party, and how he managed to keep it secret, must await his memoirs. But some of it is apparent already.

    You can’t buy publicity like this. This was earned media, free of charge, worth millions to the cash-strapped GOP! Even if the party’s coffers had been full, it would have looked silly taking out ads saying something like, “Republicans! Now doing it with women! Who are grown-ups! We’re just like Democrats!”

    The Steele trap mined all the publicity that could be gleaned from these affairs, leaving the DNC scrambling. Despite conceding that Republicans generally dress better, Dems had been making inroads with the gay vote ever since persuading New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey to announce that he was bi. Yet a GOP double-hammer soon fell. Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL), chairman of House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children, got caught sending sexually explicit IMs to teenage guys in the House page program. And before that page could be turned, Sen. Larry “Wide Stance” Craig (R-ID) got busted by a vice cop in an airport bathroom, allegedly for lewd foot-tapping.

    In only a year, Steele has turned this all around, leaving his party poised to get out the votes of enthusiastic bigoted Americans and hipocrites this November, and leaving Dems fired down.

  47. I think Sarah is the perfect anti-foil to faux intellects posting on this thread, in that she elucidates the inherent intellectual shortcomings of liberals. If ever they have proven they swallow any crap THEIR side (the MSM) throws at them, this is the time. She has been set up in every vindictive way possible, yet has survived it. She’s the definitive example of the Gloria Gainer hit from the eighties.

    Hell, even Elvis’ of the fifties, at least a portion of one that goes:

    “You can knock me down, step on my face
    Slander my name all over the place”

    Aye, tear her down from limb to limb
    But look out chumps, ’cause she will W-I-N.

    (Oh, yes…she WILL survive…and the libs hate it with an unholy passion. She is their worst nightmare…something they would give anything for…an attractive, articulate, young politician with charm, poise and the “IT” factor in spades!)

  48. [re=614198]southernshade[/re]: The “faux intellects” can be spotted by use of song lyrics to make their “faux” points. Like that lame-o awesome just pixels with his Palin-as-Evita “Don’t Cry for Me” citation.

  49. Grizzly Teats would be a great chair for the RNC. While everyone else is running around screwin’ and abortin’, she would be saving all humankind!

  50. [re=614198]southernshade[/re]:Southernshade- I think the soundtrack to Gone With The Wind would be a good one too. Holding a couple of rhubarb stalks in the air, cursing her fate, I Shall Nevah Be Elected Agin!, etc, etc.
    Other soundtracks?

  51. Wow, summershade. Lots of big words.I’m particularly captivated by “elucidates.” Reminds me of people who use “utilize” to make themselves sound smart, but all of us smarties are giggling ’cause the cool kids know “use” is easier, simpler, and “utilize” sounds pretentious and stupid.
    As for your notion that she is some bright star that makes us envious, as exemplified by. ummmm…dead guy who had a narcotics habit and was sort of a moron… Well, as the old liberal saying goes — nothing fixes stupid.

  52. Please Jesus, Buddha, Allah, (I love you all!), please give her this job! She is the gift that keeps giving. And yes ‘snowbilly grifter’ has now replaced ‘caribou barbie’ for me.

  53. [re=614198]southernshade[/re]: Sure ‘elucidates’ is good use of your thesaurus, but can you explain ‘anti-foil’? You know like as in ‘anti-foil to faux intellectuals’? I sure as heck hate them ‘faux intellectuals’.

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