Catholic Priest Sex Scandal Mysteriously Does Not Involve Child Molestation

This is unbelievable: What kind of a Catholic priest ARE you if your sex scandals are just a bunch of lame missionary gay butt sex? You'd better spice it up with a drug ring or something ... oh, larceny? Okay, then, larceny it is.

To many of his supporters, the Rev. Kevin Gray is a humble servant of God who helped those in need, sacrificed for his flock and preached the Gospel at Sacred Heart Church in sermons described as soul-touching. But police say a months-long criminal investigation has revealed the 64-year-old Gray was leading an extravagant double life that his parishioners never knew about.

That secret life included male escorts hired in New York, $200,000 in restaurant bills — including dinners at Tavern on the Green — and hotel stays in the lap of Manhattan luxury, expenses amassed by Gray and paid for with the church's money, police say.

The grand total for all of this super-gay cavorting? $1.3 million. Not only that, but he told his poor, poor parishioners that the reason he was gone all the time was that he was away battling cancer, but unless the cancer was named "Caleb" or "Tchad," and the "battling" was some sort of incredibly saucy role-playing game, it's safe to say that this guy is unfit to be giving Moral Guidance to anyone, due to the Stealing and the Lying -- there are some sort of "Commandments" against those.  Anyway, if he's convicted, it looks like he could be going to jail for up to 20 years.

But this is all soProtestant.You know? George Rekers did the whole "running away with male escorts" thing several months ago, and he did it better . Right this very minute, thousands of homosexuals are in airports around the world, making dirty jokes about "lifting each others' luggage," knowingly foreshadowing the gratuitous boning they will partake in when they reach Ibiza or Oklahoma or wherever it is gays go, and they have George Rekers to thank for that!

Father Kevin, on the other hand, is a just a tard who stole from sweet old Catholic grandmothers in Connecticut, and they intended for that money to go to teach the Rhythm Method to poor women in Africa, dammit, and now look what you've done, Father Kevin, now look what you've done! 

This is the lamest Catholic sex scandal ever. [ Republican-American / Gawker ]