SHE AIN'T NO HUMAN BEING  12:39 pm July 6, 2010

Elizabeth Windsor Returns To Scene Of Her 9/11 Crimes

by Josh Fruhlinger

War criminal and war criminal-erNobody educated denies that the 9/11 attacks were planned at the highest levels at Buckingham Palace. It’s well-known that the Teutonic clan that has run the once-great British nation ever since the bloodless coup of the “Hanoverian Succession” (with the Aryan bloodline reinforced by Queen Victoria’s marriage to a Germanic princeling) will stop at nothing to crush all enemies in its path, and if that means perpetrating murder and mayhem in a great city of a supposed ally, then so be it. The results — Western influence reinforced in former British colony Iraq, and Britain’s greatest defeat avenged in Afghanistan — no doubt caused sinister cackling throughout the whole rotten Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg dynasty. But who would have thought that Elizabeth Windsor, the head of this pack of murderers, would have the nerve to show up at Ground Zero, to gloat?

Apparently feeling cocky because the nasty socialists have been kicked out of 10 Downing Street, “Queen” Elizabeth will be making a brief jaunt south from her Canadian military colony in order to honor those British subjects who died as collateral damage in the 9/11 attacks. She will then address the U.N., as she is a well-known proponent of One World Government (One World Government with her as its secret but all-powerful leader).

However, no fancy New York City hotel will be able to claim that “Queen Elizabeth slept here”! Once she gives her orders to the assembled stooges at the United Nations, she will flee back to her own territory. This is because if she sleeps in any country that she is not the Queen of, she loses her magic powers. Also, she is broke!

Taking such a short trip is hardly the only way the royal family is cutting back expenses this year. Queen Elizabeth has decreased her spending by $4 million in the past year, according to a new report released by the palace. The British government gave $57.8 million in taxpayer dollars this year to support the royal family. The monarchy costs each British citizen 94 cents.

Alan Reid, keeper of the privy purse, said Monday that the queen and other royals are cutting costs and postponing essential maintenance on the palace, because they are “acutely aware of the difficult economic climate.”

“You don’t really realize that the queen is going around Buckingham Palace turning off the lights, having fewer staff and in the winter turning the heating down,” [Majesty magazine editor-in-chief Ingrid] Seward said Monday. “She sometimes even writes letters in her very old fur coat.”

Just hanging out in her freezing cold palace, wrapped in a coat made from fur that George IV personally tore off of a still-living bear … and biding her time. [AFP/ABC]

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thehelveticascenario July 6, 2010 at 12:42 pm

She needs to keep warm, what with being a cold-blooded lizard person and all.

SpenceRedux July 6, 2010 at 12:45 pm

Been reading David Ickes again, eh, Frouchlinger?

Troubledog July 6, 2010 at 12:46 pm

That’s a jaunty hat.

user-of-owls July 6, 2010 at 12:47 pm

I’m trying to imagine a chit-chat conversation at some dreary cocktail reception where one guy asks, “So what do you do?” and the other guy responds, “Oh, I’m keeper of the privy purse.”

What’s confounding me is what guy one says/does in response.

Jim89048 July 6, 2010 at 12:47 pm
user-of-owls July 6, 2010 at 12:48 pm

The dead giveaway on her complicity was that the airliners used in the attack were called ‘aeroplanes.’

azw88 July 6, 2010 at 12:49 pm

any article that talks about the queen and uses the word beaver is ok by me!

Fox n Fiends July 6, 2010 at 12:49 pm

I read all about this from books I got…. AT THE LIBRARY!!

Johnny Zhivago July 6, 2010 at 12:49 pm

Correction: the British are SUBJECTS, not citizens.

El Pinche July 6, 2010 at 12:49 pm

I’ll never forgive Liz and Britain for giving us the Gallagher brothers .

fictional character July 6, 2010 at 12:50 pm

‘shortly after this photo was taken, dick cheney and queen elizabeth attempted to retake the suez canal.’

Autochthon July 6, 2010 at 12:50 pm

What has she got in that purse?

Clancy_Pants July 6, 2010 at 12:50 pm

Does she wear a crown under that hat? It would fit.

the problem child July 6, 2010 at 12:50 pm

She also took out the power grid in Toronto yesterday, just to stay in practice for her imminent resurgence as our Queen of the Damned!

Potater July 6, 2010 at 12:51 pm

Poor, poor Elizabeth. Forced to parade around her 700-room royal mansion to turn off the lights, and forced to write letters by candlelight in nothing but a full length mink coat. Truly she understands the blight of the downtrodden.

Aflac Shrugged July 6, 2010 at 12:52 pm

She doesn’t need any money from the Privy Purse for her palaces. She’ll just call in her markers from the Pope, the Gettys, the Rothschilds and whoever inherited KFC from Colonel Sanders after he went tits up.

populucious July 6, 2010 at 1:00 pm

[re=612274]Autochthon[/re]: 3 handkerchiefs given to her by her dear Nazi husband Phil, embroidered with her “behind closed door” name “Liz”; half a roll of Tums, left over from her last trip to India; some dried out sticks of gum which, as a grandmother, she is obliged to carry with her at all times; The Royal Smelling Salts; a picture of Diana’s crash site which she carries with her wherever she goes and pulls out whenever she needs a chuckle; a Luger P08 pistol, just in case.

mumblyjoe July 6, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Pshaw, since when are octogenarian heads of state and hellscapishly unseasonable 100+ degree weather a recipe for anything other than awesome?

Since never, that’s when.

freakishlystrong July 6, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Looks like another annus horribilis for Liz…

Lazy Media July 6, 2010 at 1:03 pm

[re=612274]Autochthon[/re]: Pack of English Ovals, novelty police box lighter, condoms, lube.

Monsieur Grumpe July 6, 2010 at 1:03 pm

Does Lyndon Larouche know about this?

Prommie July 6, 2010 at 1:04 pm

Whats she doing there with the Anus Horribilis?

SayItWithWookies July 6, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Of course she writes letters in her very old fur coat. But since it’s summer, she has to go into her fur vault, which is kept at a steady 58 degrees Fahrenheit — because you don’t want your ermines to get too hot. The cost-cutting bit? That’s that she doesn’t crank the a/c down to 58 anymore (that’s like eleven degrees in Limey) in the whole palace when she wants to do this.

Joehoya July 6, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee beady eyes! And that smug look on his face, “Oh, you’re gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!”

anonymousryan July 6, 2010 at 1:15 pm

You’ll never live like common people
You’ll never do what common people do
You’ll never fail like common people
You’ll never watch your life slide out of view, and dance and drink and screw
Because there’s nothing else to do.
Sing along with the common people, sing along and it might just get you thru’
Laugh along with the common people
Laugh along even though they’re laughing at you and the stupid things that you do.
Because you think that poor is cool.
I want to live with common people, I want to live with common people

Brendan M. July 6, 2010 at 1:17 pm

And the Wonkette hiring spree continues with the addition of Kesha Rogers. I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m excited!

Aurelio July 6, 2010 at 1:26 pm

The monarchy costs each British citizen subject 94 cents.

Let us never forget. Rouchies of the world, unite!

Mild Midwesterner July 6, 2010 at 1:40 pm

If I cut my expenses by $4 million, then my expenses would be foughly -$3,990,000.

Simba B July 6, 2010 at 1:46 pm

I’ll just leave this here.

snideinplainsight July 6, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Basically I think nothing is a greater tragedy than the hats that lady wears. Hail Britannia!

ella July 6, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Note to queen: that whole “cutting expenses” thing could work a lot better and save a lot more if you cut some staff from the payroll, kinda like the real world (peasantry) where companies make people do more with less!

I mean, when I read that some of your courtiers are paid more than the prime minister, I plotzed and then redoubled my thanks we do not have a filthy rich, out of touch royal family to support with tax dollars.

Oblios Cap July 6, 2010 at 1:56 pm


I’m sure she’s cut down on somwe of the fancier foods and actually has learned to soft-boil her own eggs, as well. Prince Phillip has taken over the Food Tasters job, also.

Canuck13652 July 6, 2010 at 2:04 pm

Keeping in mind, of course, that for $0.94 the British (and Canadians/Aussies/Kiwis/Various-Caribbean-Islanders) get a head of state that is respected around the world, doesn’t need to show a birth certificate, isn’t accused by half the population of being a half-breed muslin terrorist, who doesn’t show up wearing mom jeans, can string a sentence together in more than one language. . . Just sayin’.

McDuff July 6, 2010 at 2:08 pm

[re=612260]SpenceRedux[/re]: Sounds more like Josh has been reading Lyndon LaRouche again.

iwillsavethispatient July 6, 2010 at 2:10 pm

Surely you mean “She ain’t no human bean”?

[re=612361]Canuck13652[/re]: No, we accuse her of being a German instead.

Fuck Toad July 6, 2010 at 2:14 pm

[re=612361]Canuck13652[/re]: She is the second most well respected parasite in the world, next to the friendly leech.

smellyal8r July 6, 2010 at 2:49 pm

[re=612282]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: It’s always a good day when a post about the Queen leads immediately to a mention of the Pentaverate. Those rotten bastards.

Also, are we sure this isn’t going to just be Dame Helen Mirren in NYC for a sequel?

proudgrampa July 6, 2010 at 2:59 pm

[re=612260]SpenceRedux[/re]: After all, she IS a member of the Babylonian Brotherhood, including such famous reptilians as GHW Bush and Boxcar Willie… Hey, David Icke wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true!

Terry July 6, 2010 at 3:05 pm

“Alan Reid, keeper of the privy purse”

Why does she need a purse specifically for trips to the privy? I thought all you really needed in there was a roll of paper or an old Sears catalog.

GOPCrusher July 6, 2010 at 3:15 pm

[re=612427]proudgrampa[/re]: I LOL’d at Boxcar Willie.

Judas Peckerwood July 6, 2010 at 5:05 pm

[re=612345]ella[/re]: “I plotzed and then redoubled my thanks we do not have a filthy rich, out of touch royal family to support with tax dollars.”

We do, except that we call it “Congress”, there are a lot more of them, they’re even more degenerate, and they’re MUCH, MUCH spendier.

Rotundo July 6, 2010 at 5:34 pm

[re=612361]Canuck13652[/re]: [re=612556]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: Given how Dubya and most congresscritters behave themselves, Her Majesty is the epitome of restraint and dignity. I wish our representatives had a fraction of her dignity.

lawrenceofthedesert July 6, 2010 at 6:11 pm

I hear her haberdasher is three stories tall.

Edywin July 6, 2010 at 6:39 pm

[re=612584]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: ” Queer as uh half-pence in the princes drawin room e was guvnah!”

imissopus July 7, 2010 at 1:06 am

Well helloooooooo!

Der McKampf July 7, 2010 at 4:36 am

In a strange twist of fate, this subject had to move to Germany to become a citizen.

You know where you can shove that cigar Mr Churchill.

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