Joe Biden Is Extremely Optimistic About Everything

  it's morning in america
  • That Joe Biden can't help his foolish optimismJoe Biden is in Iraq, and he is pretty sure that, once the U.S.’s “combat mission” ends (some might say this mission will be “accomplished”) on August 31st, people will acknowledge it as a victory for America, and for the Obama administration. Joe Biden also said that the midterms will not be a “debacle” for the Democrats, that what’s-his-name will beat Rand Paul, and that Harry Reid has a 55 percent chance of beating some lunatic who wants to shut down Social Security and kill Harry Reid with a gun. Then Biden started rambling on about the Easter Rising in Ireland, which we guess means that Democratic candidates will all be killed after briefly seizing control of the main Washington post office, only to finally get their own country five years later, after a nasty civil war. [Politico/Politico]
  • Are you a lonely person who gets super-excited when credit card offers arrive at your house on Saturday morning? Well, the Post Office might have some bad news for you. [NYT]
  • Israel’s prime minister is about to arrive in the U.S. for a meeting with President Obama that will surely solve all problems in the Middle East, forever. [BBC]
  • If you live in the D.C. area, try not to go outside, as it will be ungodly hot. If you simply must leave your air-conditioned dwelling, avoid breathing, as the local atmosphere will be extremely foul. [AP]
  • The Supreme Court will decide whether it’s OK for the State of Georgia to execute a guy who lost much of his state-funded defense teams because the state government couldn’t afford them anymore. [NYT]

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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39 comments

  1. WadISay

    Could someone on the East Coast please stagger over to their computer and remind Limbaugh, Beck and Hannity about what they said concerning global warming during the snowstorm last winter? Thx.

  2. ttommyunger

    Joe Biden has had some really bad breaks in life and come through like a Champion. For that I admire him. For being the “kept man” of Corporate Delaware, not so much. Point in fact, I’m not sure how bright he is, really; but I’m hoping for the best.

  3. Geogre

    “Government couldn’t afford them” is only sort of true. The government could afford the prosecution, could afford the cops, because that’s law and order, but defense is more of that “weak on crime” stuff, and statewide offices in Georgia are decided on the most insane stuff.

    Take John Oxendine (please). His cartoon ads that leaked have already been figures of fun. John Oxendine is a front runner for the GOP, and his initial motto was, “Protect the Second!” From? From them, of course! He’s in favor of the loaded guns in bars, for example, because that’s protecting the 2nd. GA has cut its public defender program… out. If the “activist liberals” on the USC decide that capital cases require representation, then they’re weak on crime, too.

  4. Terry

    There is an old urban legend from pre-AC days that says the British classified their Washington Embassy as a tropical posting. On a day like this, you could actually imagine that to be true. I didn’t walk to work so much as swim.

  5. the problem child

    [re=612012]WadISay[/re]: Clearly, Washington just needs more air conditioning. Outdoor air conditioning.

  6. weejee

    Josh, good gravy a Politico linky first thing?? Big stupid me clicked the clickie. Now I’m going to have to spend half the morning scrubbing Politico dust bunnies dust rhinos cooties from my chips and microprocessor.

  7. the problem child

    [re=612015]Terry[/re]: Wasn’t the return of malaria to D.C. reported recently? Sounds tropical to me.

  8. rafflesinc

    [re=612014]Geogre[/re]: Load up on the popcorn. Think of the lulz to be had when the USC pumps up the 2nd amendment while watering down the 4th amendment. Oh sure you can carry that ak-47 anywhere but be prepared to be stopped and questioned by police.

  9. charlesdegoal

    “…the defendant, Jamie R. Weis, should have accepted the new lawyers to help solve the state’s budget impasse”
    The defendant is unwilling to do his part to cut government expenses so he may be executed. However, the state would save even more money by releasing him and such other defendants as it determines cost too much to detain, defend, execute, etc.

  10. ManchuCandidate

    Who is happy about getting mail? All my mail is generally of the unpleasant variety. Tax assessments, bills, bills, bills, bills, bills etc. You would have to be pretty pathetic to… oh hi grandma… what do you mean I never write or call? Just cause we sent you to that retirement home doesn’t mean we don’t love you, but rather we find you annoying and… no you can’t guilt me… no, I’m not going to see you this weekend cause I have plans… tell me about my plans? No… I’ll see you at Xmas. Bye. What was I saying? Oh yeah, people who find junk mail a sign that someone loves them are annoying.

    As for the Supremes, I’m guessing it’s going to be thumbs down although I suspect that when the executee yells “Those of us about to die, we salute you!” that he will be saluting with one finger.

  11. JMP

    It’s early in the morning and already horrific here; just the two-block walk from the train to the office had me drenched. Supposed to go up to 101 and super-humid today; thank science for AC.

    Considering how awful mail is on Saturday, when the normal guy must have off and I’m constantly getting stuff for people with somewhat similar addresses, I won’t miss it.

  12. V572625694

    As you push squishy blobs of air out of your way walking to the bus stop, all you we-live-in-the-Capitol-of-the-World-or-at-least-its-immediately-adjacent-suburbs geosnobs can at least take comfort in the fact that it might snow 17″ this winter. On the average, the weather in DC is great!

  13. freakishlystrong

    [re=612012]WadISay[/re]:

    Could someone on the East Coast please stagger over to their computer and remind Limbaugh, Beck and Hannity about what they said concerning global warming during the snowstorm last winter? Thx.

    They’d just deny it. You could show them a tape of them saying it, and they would flat out deny saying it. And get away with it. These assholes are never discredited. Fucking Dan Senor was all over the Sunday shows as a “foreign policy expert”.

  14. mumblyjoe

    Are you a lonely person who gets super-excited when credit card offers arrive at your house on Saturday morning?

    Oh Wonkette, you know me so well.

  15. Terry

    [re=612016]the problem child[/re]:

    Out in some of the desert western States, you see these devices that spray a mist. People walk under them, are refreshed and the water immediately evaporates from skin and clothes. A friend from out west wondered why we don’t have more of those things on the East Coast (National Zoo has them). Well, because we have high humidity a lot of the time and if you spray water on people they are refreshed for a few seconds, then are just hot and wet.

  16. Numbat Dundee

    Things fall apart/
    The centre will not hold.

    That man’s days were spent/
    In ignorant good will/
    His nights in argument/
    Until his voice grew shrill.

  17. Potater

    [re=612012]WadISay[/re]: Dearest, you say that like any of them need “evidence” to form their opinions. They know global warming is fake *in their hearts*

  18. ella

    [re=612015]Terry[/re]: The DC summers are the reason for the August break in Congress. Between the heat and the mosquitoes having a real fun time in the Tiber Creek (paved over, becoming Constitution Avenue), it was pretty unbearable. Biden probably went to Iraq just to get away from the heat.

  19. Geogre

    [re=612031]Numbat Dundee[/re]: (Different poet)
    A voice from the East:
    And the Wind shall say/
    Here were decent, godless people, their only monument/
    The ashphalt road, and a thousand lost golf balls.

  20. Doglessliberal

    [re=612028]Terry[/re]: I wish it were tropical. We, in Alexandria, have not had rain in a month, except one brief t-storm that just bounced off the hard earth. I am having to water my garden (at 5 am before it would make little magnifying glasses for the sun and fry the plants) every other day to keep the plants nominally alive. No rain predicted except some more scattered t-storms for 10 days at least. I could deal with heat and humidity if we’d at least get afternoon storms. We live in a desert lately.

  21. freakishlystrong

    [re=612035]Doglessliberal[/re]: Until this weekend, that’s how it’s been in Floriduh. 97 degrees, drenching humidity and not a cloud in the sky in the “heat of the day”. Which is, well..all day. Anything that didn’t make it, I threw away, I just couldn’t water any more.

  22. Terry

    [re=612035]Doglessliberal[/re]:

    Yeah, the water from that rainstorm turned to steam as it hit the pavement.

  23. Limeylizzie

    I adore Joey Biden he was taking to Mrs Greenspan on her show yesterday ad he said, speaking of Hopey, ” He is always open to change , that’s why I love him,man”.

  24. gertrudis

    [re=612028]Terry[/re]: The Park Service has portable misters they bring out on the Mall during big summer fiestas. They’re an important part of our alcohol-free 4th of July fun.

    I really miss the winter. I even miss the sub-zero chill from Pres. Obama’s inauguration 2 winters ago. But thinking about it makes me feel cooler, or maybe that’s nostalgic.

  25. Real DC Native

    I’m just going to hang out in that igloo that whats-his-name built for Al Gore to live in.

  26. S.Luggo

    Hey, Georgia death-penalty inmate. No money for a lawyer? Well, boo-fucking-hoo. Get a job.

  27. JMP

    [re=612039]gertrudis[/re]: As bad as this heat is, I’d still rather have it than the extreme cold, especially when coupled with snow. At least the heat has some benefits, like the lack of much clothing on some people (only certain people; it’s a big negative on others).

  28. MarieDeGournay

    Well considering their recent decisions, they’ll probably say throw the switch because he’s poor and thus undeservering of mercy.

  29. hockeymom

    Wouldn’t it be great if Joe Biden’s world was the real world? And this other world was just a bad dream? It would be kind of like the Matrix or Dallas, only with more hair plugs.

  30. Katydid

    The ad probably is an appeal to the baggers; the asshole Hugh Hewitt told them not to buy GM in order to hurt Obama, and they’re afraid he has an impact.

    But I really take issue with the Post asserting as fact, “It isn’t difficult to see why Chrysler would want to aim an ad at the tea party set. Its demographic — older, more conservative Americans — overlaps with a significant segment of Chrysler’s traditional customer base. Many of those potential buyers were not pleased that the Detroit automaker received more than $7 billion in federal bailout money last year.” They have no proof of that, no real data to back it up. God, I hate the Washington Post, what a piece of shit.

  31. proudgrampa

    [re=612022]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I KNOW the people at Publishers Clearing House love me! I get mail from them all the time… I would be heartbroken if I couldn’t get my missives from them on a Saturday.

  32. Jim89048

    [re=612028]Terry[/re]: Those misters work pretty well. However, a lot of the desert southwest has extremely hard water, lots of mineral content, and if it gets on your glasses it leaves spots. I don’t mind spots on my skin or clothes, but not on my Clubmasters!

  33. Malketeer

    How much more proof do you libtards need that global warming is a hoax??? You seem to be overlooking that Al Gore is getting divorced. And didn’t Bill Clinton something something? What about when Jimmy Carter personally crashed all those helicopters in the desert??? How much clearer could it be?

    We try and try, but there’s just no reaching you people. It’s like the logic part of your brain is missing.

    Hugs,
    Shelly

  34. steverino247

    [re=612048]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: Well, it’s too hot to yell “Fredericksburg!” more than once before getting back in the car here at Gettysburg.

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