the weagles

2010 Weeping Eagles: Help Choose History’s Worst Political Twitterers!

ReTwat to your followers.
Did you help America choose the very worst Washington Post op-idiot? That was so patriotic of you, to help choose the very special winners of the First Annual Inaugural 2010 Wonkette Weeping Eagle Awards — the Weagles™! Now it’s time to get dirty and pick the worst of the worst from the worst form of media ever: Political people, on the Twitter!

Wonkette requests that you actually click the actual Twitter account next to each nominee’s name — which will open in a new window — so you can truly experience the buttload of awful these people and their banal thoughts bring to Twitter.

This year’s Weagle Award nominees for History’s Worst Political Twitterer also makes history by featuring two generations of mind-numbingly stupid, self-obsessed Twitter Users. See if you can find the two nominees who share a last name and a complete lack of personal shame:

[poll id="7"]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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89 comments

  1. Hallux Valgus

    After the tragic defeat of Richard Cohen, I’m not sure that I believe in democracy any more.

  2. WickedWitch

    Come on, Ed just made fun of some guy reading Romney’s book on the beach. That should make him cool!

  3. Katydid

    Again with the complicated. are we going with the biggest shitbag, the biggest shitbag who twitters, or the shittiest twitters?

    “Chuck’s” twats are incomprehensible, and now my head hurts. Thanks, Wonkette.

  4. m_supercomputer

    I had to go with John McCain – they’re all pretty awful, but only one responded to Snooki about “the Situation” around tanning machine taxes. That’s too offensively awful to ignore.

  5. Prommie

    That lineup, thats pretty much a perfect example of the banality of evil. Or the evil of banality, something like that.

  6. Katydid

    Never mind. It’s Meghan all the way. She tweets Things The World Does Not Need To Know:

    “…can’t believe after all the time, and columns and tattoos….there are still some morons out there thinking I’m gonna change or want to.”

    “I forgot how much I love Courtney Love until I watched her Vh1 Behind The Music, I totally used to put sparkles in my hair like her circa 98.”

    Who raised this self-absorbed jagoff?

  7. x111e7thst

    Dipshit McGoo wins this one for his incedibly annoying twats about the Pigbirdflu vaccine. What will it take to make this festering pustule go away?

  8. ttommyunger

    I have to go with ttommyunger. I have known this dickwad for nearly seventy years and I can testify honestly that he is a total waste of carbon elements and space. Anyone who pays ANY attention to his brain-droppings is a total loser, I promise you. ANONYMOUS

  9. SayItWithWookies

    Ugh — Fred Thompson hands-down. But John McCain gets an honorable mention for somehow making his links non-links — there’s a special kind of technological illiteracy going on there.

  10. user-of-owls

    Elected ruminant Chuck Grassley FTW!

    p.s.

    Pete Hoekstra just tweeted, “Left off Wonkette ballot. Now I know what it feels like to be an ethnic Uzbek in Kyrgystan.”

  11. personman

    How is Sarah Palin not on this list. WRITE IN!

    Or is she getting a lifetime achievement Weagle?

  12. FMA

    Can’t get the reply thing to work. Surfeit, the grifter isn’t on the list because she’s a hall of fame twat and is therefore ineligible.

  13. WhatTheHeck

    Oh, I’m sure there are far worse twatters just waiting to be discovered by Wonkett. But those will do nicely for now.

  14. Katydid

    [re=610869]JMP[/re]: Aargh. If you straight men are not voting for Megs because she tweeted her big ass tits (and, no, I didn’t forget the hyphen), I call SEXISM at the Wonkette. Personally, her big ass tits didn’t do a damn thing for me.

  15. harry palmer

    I tried to click but Twitter, like these twats, is “over capacity.” So I voted for Meg’s tits.

  16. Manos: Hands of Fate

    What about Steve “I tweet about all the wild animals I shoot in my house with handguns” King?

  17. Prommie

    [re=610883]Katydid[/re]: They did nothing for me, either, they looked kinda sloppy. The word “pert” does not spring to mind, is what I am saying, unlike your doggie’s ears, those are pert.

  18. slappypaddy

    cats catch, toy with, kill and eat that which twitters. that any adult human in a position of responsibility would waste even a nanosecond twittering or tweeting or twatting or whatever it’s called does not necessarily make said adult humans edible or even worth batting about in sport. it makes them merely exemplars of a wealthy and decadent culture whose people are no longer capable of any sort of sound judgment. give the weagle to all of them, see if they can eat it or fashion it into shelter.

  19. Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    I’m going to have to run down to the ACORN bureau and let them tell me who to vote for–just like I do for irl ‘lections. I can’t possibly pick the worst out of these FIVE AND A HALF CANDIDATES ALAN! jk, McCain gets my drunken vote.

  20. Radiotherapy

    This is just like you libs to shove aside the obvious winner here. That is her plan! It won’t be so easy in 2013 when we’re eating Mooseburger Helper® and the suede denim secret police are taking your laptops.
    Dismiss now, pay later.

  21. carlgt1

    well at least Meghan McCain tweeted her huge knockers – which is the most useful thing a Repug has done.

  22. JMP

    [re=610883]Katydid[/re]: Then I am sexist I suppose. But I also don’t think she deserves it because, while dumb, she does have much more reasonable positions and doesn’t seem to really belong in the Republican party except congenitally; and everyone else here either has or had real power in government or the media, while she doesn’t and so her idiocy is less offensive.

  23. Katydid

    [re=610890]Prommie[/re]: You know the old saying: If the nips don’t point to God when you’re 25, it’s all downhill from here.

  24. MarieDeGournay

    I voted for John McCain because his twats emphasis just how low someone will go so they can keep their seat of privlege. It would be hilarious if it just wasn’t so fucking sad.

  25. harry palmer

    [re=610899]carlgt1[/re]: “Meghan McCain tweeted her huge knockers”

    Yes, but alas, they looked like someone’s cellulite-y ass.

  26. Cape Clod

    [re=610854]Katydid[/re]: agreed on Grassley. Walnuts and Foghorn sound like they dictate their tweets to someone who knows what their doing. Grassley’s tweets give the impression that he’s composing them with his own old, trembling hands.

  27. Prommie

    [re=610904]Katydid[/re]: It helps if the nips can point in a well-defined direction, as well, as opposed to occupying an entire hemisphere.


  28. Post author
    Ken Layne

    [re=610874]personman[/re]: (and “Surfeit O’Hubris” and etc.): Does anybody read the words, at all, ever? Title of the award is The “Most Awful Political-Person Twitter (Not Including All-Time Lamer Champion Sarah Palin, Who Is Mostly On Facebook Anyway)”

    And yes, that twat-bird is a Tweagle.

  29. The Little Rock

    [re=610874]personman[/re]: She has already nailed down both the “foreign policy expertise through proximity” and “facebook retorts to the lame stream media” categories. The eagle weeps for than just the dingbat grifter. We must spread the tears.

  30. Rev. Peter Lemonjello

    Dipshit Mcgoo ftw. I cannot read any of his twittarrhea without imagining it being read via those truly terrifying muppets at the Country Bear Jamboree.

  31. facehead

    “To Tweet or Not to Tweet, that is the question!”

    –M. Mccain.

    I’ll admit to being mildy charmed by this person, and impressed by her breasts, which is largely why she needs to shit or get off the twitter. She’s ruining her life on this thing, so either tweet your twat now or just give the whole thing up.

  32. fromhils

    I thought it was the world cup that broke the twitter today but now I know its all the wonkettes going to the twitter to read and vote accordingly

  33. ArugulaTeleprompterz

    No Steve Forbes? Ater tap-dancing on the still lukewarm corpse of Robert Byrd? He should at least get honorable mention, just for that one tweet.

  34. uncletravelingmatt

    I clicked, but just got a picture of a drowsy whale. Clearly a sign that Fred Thompson is the President of Twitter.

  35. JMP

    [re=610927]Katydid[/re]: Oh, I know. But there just is something hypnotic about Meghan’s breast tweet, even as a man who’s normally more a fan of smaller-average breasts.

  36. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=610858]Prommie[/re]: That lineup, thats pretty much a perfect example of the banality of evil. Or the evil of banality, something like that.

    Howabout “the banality of banality”? I’m going with that.

  37. Cicada

    Grassley’s tweets once forced (yes forced) me to rhyme his name with “assley”. That can never be forgiven.

  38. doxastic

    While shallow, Meg McCabe’s is at least in full sentences. Nothing is more embarrassing than a grown man, a Senator no less, using lazy text-speak. CHUCK.

  39. bhosp

    What is Megs even doing on that list? Remember that time she showed us her tits? That was awesome!

  40. assistant/atlas

    Hey, does everybody remember that time that Meghan McCain was relevant? That seemed like a simpler time.

  41. a_pink_poodle

    I can’t read any of this! Literally, I can’t read any of it! It’s like “lif 4 @ hurpdurp wi biz lulz” or some sort of legal short form.

  42. BlueStateLiberal

    I’m going to go with the chalk, Chuck, just because he is such a douche and writes like a shit-faced eighth grader.

  43. the problem child

    “Ill keep wrking to make the publics business public.”

    Chuck, the only conceivable reason to leave out letters and apostrophes is that you have something important to say that is pushing past the 140 character limit. You are not 1) saying anything important 2) running out of characters in which to say it. Therefore, your twatter is simply illiterate.

  44. weejee

    [re=610854]Katydid[/re]:

    Grassley’s twats are ever clear, particularly if you’ve been spending considerable time down-by one of them Iowa ethanol stills. ‘Scusies, I gotta up-chuck vote for Chuck.

  45. Suds McKenzie

    [re=610855]m_supercomputer[/re]: even though it wasn’t really him (couldn’t post something on Twit without making a plane fall from the sky), you make a compelling point and have my vote.

  46. Come here a minute

    I have a nomination for one of the Weagle awards: The Weeping Colbeagle — Politician with lamest neologism. The all time classic, of course, is “truthiness”, but the reason for the award is to use the word “Colbeagle” and generate some lamestream webhittiness.

  47. Extemporanus

    What the hell?! When I clicked on this post, my vote had already been cast for Grassley! No one else even uses this ‘puter but me!

    Uh-oh, this can only mean one thing…

    CHUCK GRAZZLEE iz in my base killing my v0tez!! OH NOES HALP!!1

  48. Extemporanus

    [re=611090]Extemporanus[/re]: Now I can vote again?! STOP IT CHUCK I AM NO NAIL!!

  49. ella

    [re=610861]Katydid[/re]: That columns and tattoos tweet of Meghan’s nearly did me in too. She’s just full of tweets like that:

    “choose to believe in your own myth, your own glamour, your own spell, a young woman who does this, has everything” -Francesca Lia Block

    They’re all awful and Ed Henry’s is nothing more than 140-character press releases, but my vote has to go to the self-absorbed chick who put the “me” in Meghan.

  50. user-of-owls

    [re=610871]user-of-owls[/re]: [re=611111]Extemporanus[/re]: See what happens when you leave Hoekstra off the ballot?

  51. Capitol Hillbilly

    If we vote for McCain, do we get a bumper sticker that says, “Don’t blame me I voted for McCain” ??

  52. Mad Brahms

    Tough choices! Our dear Meghan is the most innocuous of them, vapid though she may be. My vote goes to the man who puts the “ass” in “Grassley”

  53. Sharkey

    I wish I could see the look on Meghan’s face when she sees this page! She probably categorically ignores us though.

  54. The Silver Fox

    Ed Henry. But it’s not him really, it’s me. I’m just projecting my hatred of Jake “Whisky Tango Foxtrot” Tapper onto him.

  55. sati demise

    [re=610997]doxastic[/re]: Exactly!
    god what a bore.
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  56. Rotundo

    Chuckles wins this one. Megs’ bewbs were lovely, but Chuckles and Walnuts! were more revealing about the twits behind the tweets. Chuckles wins for being a genuine corn-fed Iowan Asshole, eclipsed in grandeur and majesty only by Rep. King. Death to all Racoonian-American House Squatters!

  57. sati demise

    [re=611090]Extemporanus[/re]: Chuck the ass in Grassley
    no one that boring should ever get media of any kind
    I am bored just thinking about him

  58. Zorg

    [re=610855]m_supercomputer[/re]: The Snooki tweet put him over the finish line, you betcha.

  59. thebeatgoeson

    I think Foghorn Leghorn’s snarky jokes are the most awfullest twits or twats or whatever. Especially if you imagine him actually speaking the words

  60. Geogre

    They’re all bad, but only one managed to Twat his replies before the original comments were made and during the State of the Union. Only one managed to use the Magic Twatter to have a long, gooey romance with “sensible health care reform that I will never vote for.”

    There can only be one. Oh, the others are incoherent, have their moments of incohate babbling, but one has managed to be an early adopter, a boaster, and a pinhead. That man is Chuck Grassley’s legislative staff.

  61. Geogre

    Alexander Pope, on one of the candidates:
    “A Juno of majestic size
    With cow-like udders and ox-like eyes.”

    I.e. bodacious tatas, with gravity assist, are not much of a qualification. Wiggling the teeters and then demanding that everyone stop looking, though, takes some serious duncery.

  62. loupgarou

    I say Fred Thompson, with his perverse combination of dipshittery and firm conviction that he’s a serious character.

    Honorable mention to the less well-known @Terrypooch for inspired crazy, incoherence, and hysteria.

  63. ImBarb

    I am not going to vote until I see Meghan McCain and Bristol Palin in a white cotton panty tickle fight together.

  64. imissopus

    plenty of women in politics out there repressing their personality and sexuality, just could never bring myself to do that, not starting now

    You go on with your bad self, Megs! What else has your therapist been telling you?

    Grassley FTW. A dipshit young’un like Megs is expected to tweet this kind of crap.

  65. Geogre

    [re=611581]imissopus[/re]:

    Megs’s Hooters shot was expressing (I guess, since it’s not “repressing”) personality and sexuality. That’s cool. She’s “expressing” them on stage, internationally, as porn, with an actual conscious action necessary to do it — not some “Oh, I felt like dressing flirty this morning, and you saw me” but “I stood on my head and positioned the camera and held the book and pressed the shutter, and then I put it on my Friendster.”

    She really is a Republican: she has the straw man argument down cold. Caught being inappropriate, she argues against an entirely different charge.

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