Yesterday Barry Obama’s tanning tax went into effect across the land, adding 10% to the cost of every tan. Why are we getting this tax again? Oh right, because Obama’s already tanned and doesn’t have to pay for his golden brown. Also, he ObamaCares about you getting cancer. But he doesn’t care at all about the nation’s tanning salon owners–who now face the death of their American dreams/“genocide.”
In cosmopolitan Lincoln, Neb. yesterday, an angry mob of Orange-Americans stormed the state Capitol to protest how demanding an extra dime for every $1 spent on tanning will destroy what’s left of the U.S. economy. According to the Associated Press, “slightly tanned” Gov. Dave Heineman promised he will destroy ObamaCare by burning it up with UV rays shot from his eyes. And state senator and “cattle feeder” Ken Schilz proudly announced, “I am Ken Schilz and I do tan!” while showing off his “rich bronze skin.” (Schilz’s cattle also tan.)
Some tanners also showed up to the riot in Lincoln holding signs that asked, “WWJD? What Would JerseyShore Do?” Let’s keep this question in mind from now on as we go about our lives, what do you say.
Did you know that nobody even consulted the tanners, before imposing this cancerous tax on cancer-making? Jodi Garrett, owner of Maya Tan in Greenville, S.C., told her local CBS news station that she didn’t even get an Evite inviting her to participate in the new tax program:
She says, “No formal notices have been sent to any salons in the United States about the tan tax. I heard it from a client.”
Garrett then showed the teevee reporter a wrinkled photocopy of the U.S. Constitution hanging on her wall (a Teabagger gave it to her at Glenn Beck Bingo last Tuesday) and pointed to the 14th Amendment, which clearly states that tanning bed operators are a “protected class.”
Meanwhile, conversations like this one in Triad, NC, are taking place in tanning salons across the nation AT THIS VERY MOMENT:
“You do realize it’s going to be a dollar ten today?” asks Tonya Bowles, the owner of Aah-Som-Rays tanning salon in Greensboro.
“A dollar ten?” asks customer Julie Tesh.
“Because of the tan tax.”
“Oh, eww!”
Not everybody in America’s tanning underground is all “eww!” about the new tax, though. People who get their moms to pay for tans aren’t affected by the new tax, so they don’t really give a shit. (Sometimes dads will chip in for tanning, too, just to stop the kids from complaining about having to look so pasty.)
But most Americans probably agree with the Indoor Tanning Association, which wants to Repeal the Tanning Tax!, and folks like Beach Bum Tanning CEO James Oliver–who calls the 10% tax “a for-profit industrial genocide, which is going to wipe us out at the hands of the dermatological industry.” Why do the dermatologists hate cancer? [Wall Street Journal/AP/WSPA.com/
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Geogre Hamilton threw a hissy fit when he heard the news.
But I thought these people wanted to deport all the brown folks…
This is a genocide I can get behind.
John McCain and Snooki are planning their joint March on Washington for Orange Rights right now.
Yeah, less than 10% of folks use tanning parlors, and tanning turns out to be addictive… like stupidity… so I kind of think this is going to be another Sarah Palin/TEA Party: it will be famous because it’s famous.
If we all get very quiet and chuckle to ourselves at these future handbags and pleatherettes, perhaps we can make it go away. I have a bad feeling, though, that this has “Today Show” written all over it.
“Why don’t we just put a sales tax on milk and bread? That’s fair!”
What’s hialrious is in the photos accompanying the AP article, it shows all the tanning “salon” owners huddled in the shade. Who wants skin cancer for free when you can pay money for it and have it delivered to you in quick, intense bursts? And “dermatological industry”? WTF is that?
Some people in this country are too stupid for words. Where’s the exit?
Just another example of a violation of the 14th Amendment by Socialists. I say we roll up our Crotch Towels, wrap them around our head and march in the the street Nekid. Yeah that’ll show ‘em.
That is the single greatest photo of Orange Bohener evar!
First they came for the tanners, and I said nothing.
This wouldn’t be a problem if white people knew their place – protected under layers of SPF 50.
This photo. It cannot be topped. All other photos should give up. They have lost.
The Oompla-Loompa lobby is hard at work, as we speak, working to overturn this socialistic tax. Their effort is led by their hired lackey, John the Boner .
Enough of this Socialist, Communist, Taxation without Permission! What next? A tax on Booze, Cigarettes? This will not stand!
Actual comments from some of the articles, and I got them without looking past the first handful on any of them; it’s things like this that make me hate humanity:
“seriously…….isnt this really a tax on white people? who else tans? Pelosi removed the tax on elective cosmetic surgery and orchestrated the white people tax as a substitution.”
“If you think about it, the vast majority of people who go to tanning booths are white. I think the administrations intent is quite clear. Combine that with the results of the voter intimidation case against the New Black Panther party and one has to ask themselves what is going on.”
“Are all you people blind, or just too worried about being called a racist to mention the obvious, this tax is a clear assault on white, middle class people that enjoy getting tanned. Blacks don’t tan, and the majority supported Obama. Wait until this thug comes up with an idea to tax non-union workers, that’s next.
If this was a tax on a product that only blacks used, you’d hear the magical race card loud and clear. This tax is RACIST against white middle class citizens, who likely didn’t vote for this loser anyway.”
“Seems to me that this is, most likely, a tax on young white people. I’m beginning to think that 0-boMao might just be a racist.”
[re=610808]Geogre[/re]: Yeah, there are enough taxes on stupidity alrready — like the lottery, for instance. That’s a regressive tax on stupidity. And why are we doing whatever the dermatologists are telling us to do? Is this administration in the pocket of Big Skin? We need answers!
That picture absofuckinglutely made my day.
Ummm…by that dude’s logic then if we came up with a cure for cancer, that would wipe out all the oncologists so cancer is good??
Between the Oompa-Loompas and the Chocolate DC feature, all I can think about is chocolate. Let’s see, “WWJD?” Coffee with Godiva or straight to the Dirty Monkeys?
Probably Dirty Monkeys. Problem solved! Thanks Lauri.
Wait until this thug comes up with an idea to tax non-union workers, that’s next.
WTF? Actually, that’s an idea I can get behing. It would force employers to allow employees to unionize and that would be a major improvement.
Best photo ever.
Yeah, yeah, screech all you want, teabaggers, DC politicians can pass this with impunity in the “Chocolate City.” And you have to love how this is all Obama’s fault, even though he studiously avoided interfering when the lobbyists were writing this bill.
“Omaha tanning salon workers Corrine Orth and Sadie Schantz attended the protest Thursday and said they normally get just two or three cancellations a day from customers scheduled to use tanning beds. On Wednesday, 30 people called to cancel scheduled tanning sessions, Orth said, and at least 15 did so on Monday.”
It’s been a beautiful, sunny 85 degrees for the past couple weeks in Omaha. Not to let logic get in the way of an outstanding foot stomping, but I’ll bet the sunshining weather had more to do with the tanning bed cancellations Ms Orth recieved than this tax.
Why are people paying Ameros to tan indoors in the summer? In the South?
I live in Floriduh, where tanning salons abound, I’ve never understood it, and have known actual humans who use them. I’ve always asked them; “why don’t you just go outside for an hour”? I really don’t get it. Just GO OUTSIDE. Until Obamer starts taxing the socialist sun, of course.
[re=610822]JMP[/re]: Jesus H. Tittyfucking Christ.
Jamie Oliver tans? But he still looks so British!
[re=610844]freakishlystrong[/re]: Ditto here in dessicated beige southern Nevaduh.
[re=610844]freakishlystrong[/re]: I’ve been forced to live in the Southland for several years now, and being outside in the humidity (stupidity?)for any length of time is extremely uncomfortable. That and the alligators. And the rednecks.
Why does the government want to take away pale skinned people’s right to damage their skin? What’s next? A mandate requiring SPF 50 sun block for anyone lighter than El Presidente?
[re=610844]freakishlystrong[/re]: I was thinking “go outside” as well and then remember that it would require these fat fucks to get up off the couch. We need another skreed from Ken about walking and fresh air.
[re=610822]JMP[/re]: These people don’t get it. They should only worry if the tax has a negative effect on them, like, having to pay a tax to vote.
This is a victory for big Pharma-tan.
I am developing an educational program to sell to Teabaggers and other NOBAMACARE tax protesters which will explain in detail how they can legally avoid paying this awful socialist tax. It will be a DVD showing people sitting at the lake, at the beach or in their back yards tanning for free. It will retail for $99.95. If you order 3 or more copies, I’ll throw in a bottle of sunscreen and a pair of TRUCKNUTZ for free.
[re=610822]JMP[/re]: Of course black people don’t tan; they don’t have skin. Duh.
[re=610837]BlueStateLiberal[/re]:
Right? It is the holy grail of post photos: an image which needs absolutely no alt-text.
[re=610844]freakishlystrong[/re]: I live at the beach in a state a bit north of you, and I worked at a tanning salon in college (actually a fun place to work – we got free tans, but with the typical redhead complexion, I’d just take naps in the off beds while on the clock). We would get tourists, who came to spend a week at the beach, coming in to tan. That never made any sense to me.
The tanning bed does NOTHING that the sun doesn’t do, it just does it in 20 minutes instead of an hour. But most of these people spend between $50 and $130 a bottle for tanning lotion that’s supposed to accelerate your tan (and sometimes works, when they add fake tanner to it). Is a 10% tax on tanning packages such as one month of unlimited tanning for $35 going to make that big a difference?
I do wonder what kind of parents not only allow, but pay for and thereby encourage, their fifteen-year-old’s tanning salon visits every month.
Oh, Jersey parents; that makes sense.
[re=610884]Pandy[/re]: Have you met any of these tannaholics? I’d be shocked if any of them vote.
Orange people have gathered their armies and begun their revolution — Holland just won!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HONK HONK!
Just when I thought CAFOs couldn’t be grosser.
I guess the same idiots who use tanning beds also use treadmills.
Why not take a walk outside? No status, I suppose.
[re=611103]bamaboy[/re]: Hey, I use a treadmill. Sometimes (like when it is 20 below with a foot of new snow) you just don’t want to go outside.
Back in the olden days, we used to have to go outside to get our skin cancer. You damn kids! And get off my lawn!
These colors don’t peel!
[re=610843]Katydid[/re]: Ah, yes, why do they tan indoors in the South, in summer?
Well, I could go all Marxist and mumble “standards of beauty = wealth, so one must look like a life of leisure outdoors,” but I am actually related to people with names like “Doodle.” They go to tanning salons in the summer in the south because a tan done with the actual sun in the south is too dark. It looks like a worker’s tan. The perfect tan is the yachtsman’s tan.
Also, of course, it’s the same reason people drive and circle 20 minutes for a parking space right by the door of their gym… so they can go inside to get some exercise on a treadmill.
It’s a vice tax, obviously. Like taxes on cigarettes and booze. Of course, the awesome thing to do would be to have the vice taxes pay for the inevitable healthcare costs they incur (like skin cancer, lung cancer, etc.) but I’m sure that would be asking too much.
Next we need taxes on toupees and elevator shoes.
They can shut the hell up about a 10% tax. I just paid $11 for a pack of cigarettes FUCK YOU VERY MUCH!
Pick your poison, pay your taxes.
What would Zonker Harris do?
[re=610843]Katydid[/re]: Hello!!! but, they are, sad to say. People/mammals do dumb things… it’s genetic.
I personally think Zonker Harris would laugh/try to make some funds off this situation! — (to sesme).
Happy Fourth of July to all Wonketteers! (who OF COURSE!! know that we gained our freedom from George III of Germany!! or wherever…. Jesus! what is our educationers teachin’ them chilluns nowadays!! they needs to be homescholeded!! Can I get a amen??? Sistah Sarah?? Sistah Sharron??? anybody ???)
I like how all of the Nebraskan Orange People are hiding in the shadows.
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