The New York Times‘ Sunday magazine has a lengthy profile on Lindsey Graham this weekend entitled “This Year’s Maverick,” because that is a word that still means something to the NYT Magazine, or perhaps they are making a joke. To be fair, some of this profile is about how Graham is concerned about immigration and likes to talk to Obama a lot. But the other part, of course, is all the little details of Graham’s sad no-homo life.
Here is when the question you are legally obligated to pester Lindsey Graham with when you meet him is asked:
During a South Carolina Tea Party rally this spring, one speaker created an uproar by postulating that Graham supported a guest-worker program out of fear that the Democrats might otherwise expose his homosexuality. (Graham smirked when I brought this up. “Like maybe I’m having a clandestine affair with Ricky Martin,” he said. “I know it’s really gonna upset a lot of gay men — I’m sure hundreds of ’em are gonna be jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge — but I ain’t available. I ain’t gay. Sorry.”)
Yeah, Lindsey Graham, the problem is not that gay men and gay Ricky Martin are throwing themselves at you and want to kill themselves because they can’t have you. The problem is you think this is the problem because you won’t allow yourself to be gay and so you only think of gay men in terms of your sex fantasies, in which they are all going crazy for you, allegedly. What happens when you suppress stuff?
“I’ve got to find some way to let some steam out,” he said. “Find a safety valve. You know what I mean? I’ve been thinking about that all morning.”
Things like that.
There are lots of choice details and quotes in here. “I don’t have a life” is a good one. “I’ve never been a Luke Skywalker. I’m a much more calculating guy than that” is another good quote of him not having a life. The fact that Graham only got a “800 combined score” on the SAT is fun. And that he loves Chick-fil-A “except when dieting” and sweetish alcoholic beverages like the almond schnapps he orders in the story.
Then there’s this:
The row house on Capitol Hill that Graham purchased in 1998 is sparsely adorned, says a friend, “with early college-reject furniture” that was in fact left behind by the previous owner. It took months for Graham to realize that someone had stolen a TV of his, since it was in his kitchen, which he never uses. Bachelorhood would appear to have chosen Lindsey Graham, rather than the other way around.
Yes. None of this is the other way around. [NYT]
{ 95 comments }
Maverick = Bottom
“ain’t” is a double negative.
So “almond schnapps” is his safe word?
umm LINDSEY graham?? what a ghey bro
Lindsey Graham: [on tape] Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!
LG: [out loud] Nothing wrong with that.
LG: [on tape] I’ve been in politics for a while but I just can’t seem to jam enough pork into spending bills.
LG: [out loud] Context…
LG: [on tape] I wouldn’t mind kissing that man between the cheeks.
Narrator: And he realizes there IS something distinct about the way he speaks.
LG: [out loud] Lindsey… you blow hard!
I have a video here with indisputable proof that Lindsey Graham is not gay:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
Totally off the gay topic, but how exactly did he know that it took him months to realize the tv was stolen? Couldn’t it have been stolen the night before?
Something’s not adding up in this story, and I think it needs to be investigated – a la Ken Starr…
[re=610426]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Dude, please…the man is a US Senator. Power Bottom.
Almond schnapps?
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
“I’ve got to find some way to let some steam out,” he said. “Find a safety valve. You know what I mean?”
Scat daddy.
But is he Team Edward or Team Jacob? Or Team Scott Brown.? Methinks the latter.
He’s not gay, but you’d be pretty confused too if you were a boy named Lindsay. Awe who am I kidding, he’s gayer than a lisping, rainbow colored unicorn named Larry Craig.
Today we learned that Lindsey Graham is not now, nor has he ever been, Luke Skywalker.
Lindsey Graham, confirmed bachelor.
[re=610430]The Sea Farmer[/re]: But it rhymes with taint, so there’s that.
all this other way around stuff is making me dizzy
A combined 800 on his SAT? How did he get into college? Oh wait, BA & JD from the University of South Carolina.
Go Gamecocks!
Doesn’t he have a boyfriend? Like, I remember reading somewhere that he got a Republican running for mayor (or something) in Columbia to tone down the homophobic attacks on his lesbian opponent because she and him double-dated.
“Mmm…cum.”
Almond schnapps? Is that legal?
This Year’s Maverick=His turn to wear the chaps and nothing else.
[re=610434]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “I just blue myself.”
Many proud South Carolinians have weightier measures on their minds than Light Loafered Senators. From Today’s TheState:
The S.C. Conservative Action Council held a State House rally last Saturday, asking the Legislature to let state voters choose where the flag [Rebel] flies. “They need to get it through their heads that many millions of modern Southerners are still proud, un-brainwashed, Reconstruction-proof and absolutely unbending in their heritage defense,” the group wrote on its blog.
[re=610439]Dave J.[/re]: Two schnapps up…heeeyyy!
It’s raining men, alright…from the Golden Gate bridge!
*rimjob*
Almond schnapps? Really? That’s almost an “7″ on the Belgian Endive scale. It may be too trashy to be elitist, but it’s too weird not to be. I can’t believe Politico isn’t all over this.
If Lindsay had never gone into politics, he would have run one of those psuedo antique shops that sets up in the touristy parts of Charleston, and his business partner would have been his mother.
No one drinks almond schnapps except 15-year olds when it’s the only thing left to steal out of their parents’ liquor cabinet.
Like maybe I’m having a clandestine affair with Ricky Martin,” he said. “I know it’s really gonna upset a lot of gay men — I’m sure hundreds of ’em are gonna be jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge — but I ain’t available. I ain’t gay. Sorry.”
Lindsey Graham, America’s favorite Southern Cracker.
Old Southern senator says he’s not gay but A) has heard of Ricky Martin and B) knows he’s gay. Yup, sure.
[re=610442]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: Team Aaron Schock.
As another man named Lindsey once sang, “Been so long since I held you / I’ve forgotten what love is for.”
Only he wasn’t talking about Ricky Martin.
“I think I’m in trouble,” indeed.
Lindsey’s not gay, but the guy he felches is.
Almond schnapps is not gay. If Lindsey had said, “Sure. I like a little COCK TAIL every now and then” with a knowing wink, then he might appear to be a little “queer”, if by “queer” we mean he likes “dick”, if by “dick” we mean man-penis.
Seems like he was warming himself up to say “I ain’t gay. Sorry.” (…for that bullshit). All these over-the-top qualifiers before the lie: dating Ricky Martin, hundreds of men jumping off the bridge, I aiin’t available.” Any/all of these things could be true and he could still be fucking dudes. He could also choose to be celebate for a bit so he’s not being an easy target like L Craig was. Then he could *technically* not be gay (-fucking). Or some other such bullshit (Clinton didn’t have sex he got a blowjob rationale, etc.).
That teabagger blackmail shit is interesting. You know Bush and co was doing that shit to keep folks voting the way he wanted them too (how could those slimeballs not know about Craig and Foley) so the new bigots figure the Dems are doing it too. The teabaggers don’t realize they’re the extreme intolerant assholes, not everyone else.
To demonstrate, If Lindsey is or ain’t gay, whatev. I still can’t stand the fuck.
Can he even spell SAT?
Oh, then there’s this one: “I offer myself as a bridge, and I take a beating for that, and I get rewarded for that. It’s a business.” If you want all double-entendres and no action, methinks Lindsey’s the go-to guy in the Senate.
If he’s gone this far without it, he should probably stick to what he’s doing.
Almonds have cyanide in them, just like the gas the Nazis used. In addition, schnapps is probably a German word. Since all Nazis are gay, Lindsey Graham is gay. QED.
Looking forward to eavesdropping on his senatorial chats with Alvin Greene. “You’re kind of a big fella, aren’t you?” “Yup.”
Actually, it’s entirely possible that he ISN’T gay; that would explain why, when I see Linds on teevee, my gaydar doesn’t so much “go off” as try to climb out of my face and claw hims image to death.
Were they trying to avoid saying Amaretto? Even so, I’m not seeing it. Used furniture?? Please…
Waggaman! Get your ass to the hill and ask Senator Graham for a Cher impression. We need this shit solved STAT.
800 SAT combined score?!? What community college did he drop out of?
Well, he never qualified it with “not that there’s anything wrong with that”, so I assume he is.
O/T, Presidential scholars name Bush as the worst president of the modern era, one of the five worst of all time. The Repubs should react well to this.
Shouldn’t you, you know, actually vote for legislation that goes against your party before being called a “Maverick”? Working on a bill with the opposing party and then bailing on it before the actual bill is voted on is more “gutless” than “Maverick.”
[re=610435]facehead[/re]:
Hm. Nope. Not clicking that link.
[re=610519]Katydid[/re]: Sorry to be off-topic again, but Obama was ranked 15th, and St. Ronnie fell from 16th to 18th. And I stand corrected: Repubs would be furious if the rightwing media picks up the story, which it won’t. I’ll stop interrupting now.
That’s why the lady is a tramp~
[re=610520]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I think of him as a sort of judas goat whose job it is to lead the Democratic caucus from compromise to compromise until the bill in question is watered down past all recognition. At which point he bails.
Me and Lindsey have something in common. I’ve never been much of a Luke Skywalker either. I’m more of a Ponda Baba, because “I don’t like you either.” http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ponda_Baba
[re=610519]Katydid[/re]: There’s something screwy about those results. Bush is listed as only the 2nd most unintellectual President.
[re=610426]Buzz Feedback[/re]: maverick = a big fat bucking bottom . and wild , ( think bachman , palin , babs bush , her son etc .) blech
Why does everyone call him gay? Just because he doesn’t talk about his social life and is an aging bachelor who’s never seemed particularly interested in marrying, and has a lisp, and seems remarkably intelligent for a South Carolinian, and knows Ricky Martin just came out, and uses really gay hand gestures and thinks gay men want him doesn’t mean…oh. Oh wait. Yeah, I guess all that probably does mean he’s ghey.
Finally, an honest elected official from South Carolina that ain’t fucking nobody.
[re=610538]assistant/atlas[/re]:
Plus the haircut. It screams “Florist”.
Fox Breaking News:
Lindsey Graham (D) South Carolina, apologizes to media for not being gay.
[re=610538]assistant/atlas[/re]: i don’t want him . i want his money .
[re=610523]Katydid[/re]: http://2004.georgewbush.org/bios/yale-transcript.asp
The Gentleman’s C.
[re=610519]Katydid[/re]: The American Historical Association voted on this years ago. The only ones who didn’t go for “worst president ever” went for “worst since Millard Fillmore” instead.
OT; Dems here in NC are running one of the best ads evah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWrgmT_Vl7Q&feature=player_embedded
[re=610549]zhubajie[/re]:
Who, I believe, is actually related to GWB through his mother. Or was that Franklin Pierce? Some other terrible president. It’s hard to keep them straight.
Worth it for the headline alone.
[re=610551]Oldskool[/re]: good one. too bad it isn’t politicians being covdred by oil
[re=610558]trondant[/re]: That was hot.
There is a definite chemistry between Graham and Kagan. If I may translate the subtext of their cheerful banter,
Graham: Please, Please, Please, will you be my fag hag?
Kagan: No.
Yeah, but now you don’t have to experience that Mike Huckabee “ick” factor when you close your eyes and visualize Lindsay Graham having sex. Now you can close your eyes and visualize him naked and covered in oil with an erection for totally heterosexual purposes.
Hey, let’s try it right now! Close your eyes and think about Lindsay Graham AND Mike Huckabee naked with erections, both of them scampering across a hotel room to jump on two naked females. No “ick” factor there, right? How cool is that?
Who would WANT to have sex with Lindsey Graham, anyway?
OT, Mel Gibson said unpleasant things, again,
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/01/mel-gibsons-new-racist-ra_n_632602.html
almond schnapps?? Uckkk. That sounds so gross. I think that makes him not gay…but who the fuck who drink something called almond schnapps? Just drink almond extract and be done with it. Barf.
[re=610569]facehead[/re]: I saw that. At least he’s a ‘good Christian’.
Lindsey Gayrham = ZOMG teh Ghey!
[re=610479]Oblios Cap[/re]: dear lindsay , you are not sexy . you are not wanted . so don’t be sorry , just go away ……..
[re=610569]facehead[/re]: mel has his fantasies of packs of n….rs raping white women , and lindsey has something similar , except he’s the white woman …… oh those two !
[re=610497]imissopus[/re]: Shoeless Lindsay Graham would respond, “Can you spell filibuster?”
[re=610565]Dolmance[/re]: The ability to picture Lindsey Graham have sex could be hindered by the fact Lindsey Graham could very well never actually had sex.
[re=610551]Oldskool[/re]: That is freaking brilliant!
lindsay graham’s theme song. for realz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BizgfMLMuZg
[re=610434]ManchuCandidate[/re]: i’m madly in love with you
[re=610551]Oldskool[/re]: Clever.
[re=610559]finallyhappy[/re]: [re=610584]Litlebritdifrnt[/re]: [re=610601]facehead[/re]: It’s so good I wonder if it was made to work in other states too.
[re=610577]rmjag[/re]: Oh how the sight of the many negroes with their vast manhoods has overcome Missy Graham with the vapors! Oooh the vapors! Someone get out the smelling salts, kind sir!
[re=610485]PickneyPinchback[/re]: Schock’s definitely seen (at least) one up-close, to repeat myself.
Does Charlie Crist’s wife have a sister? That would solve everything.
[re=610438]Snarkalicious[/re]: Lindsey tries to top from the bottom – the worst kind of sub. His domme has slacked off – s/he needs to humiliate him, kick his ass, and good. This objective can be partially reached by forcing him to watch his own C-Span appearances a la Clockwork Orange and read Wonkette.
I suppose we are similarly to believe that he is not some sort of crazed sex poodle.
[re=610692]MsQuasimodo[/re]: lindsey may be the chronic recipient of some good old fashioned face-sitting by the kenyan water polo team . i mean , look at his face – it didnt get like that by itself ….rahm may have ‘helped’ too , from time to time , when lindsey got too pissy . to shut him up etc ….
[re=610571]NYNYNY[/re]: Almond Schnapps: When Amaretto is just too damned expensive.
[re=610519]Katydid[/re]: It’s funny that they claim Bush wasn’t a REAL Republiklan when mentioning the astronomical deficits and general economic disaster that he left the country with, but call him a BAD President, they are quick to defend him.
The stupid, it burns.
Bottom line (pun intended), it makes no difference whether he’s gay or not; I mean, look at him! Really! No gender is attracted to that!
Solterón.
[re=610981]crcombine[/re]: no gender attracted to lindsey ? well that would rule out animals and vegetables . what about minerals ?
[re=610447]edgydrifter[/re]: And by “confirmed”, we mean PRIESTS! Nothing like a slap to the face while kneeling at the altar to remind one of duty. Hey, where in Almond Hell is my teevee?
i’d love to see the washington redskins use him as a urinal , like his fellow republicans do . judas goat in a hoop skirt .
rmjag: No, probably not minerals, either. There’s nothing faintly magnetic about him.
[re=611247]crcombine[/re]: animal , vegetable , minerals . that’s everything in the known universe . that leaves just him and sarah palin to get together . and …. ohmygodwhatafuckingnightmare!!!ahahaha
Comments on this entry are closed.