RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  2:27 pm July 1, 2010

John Boehner Too Busy Being Orange To Do Much Else

by Riley Waggaman

  • Elana Kagan is “okay” as far as Harvard lesbians go, but most Americans would rather have an empathetic Supreme Court Justice, someone who knows deep down inside that ripping bong should be legal. [Matt Yglesias]
  • Get totally pumped for RedState Gathering 2010, because this year it will be held in Austin, Texas — “rubbing in the noses of the hippies our support for Arizona.” Eh, Google Earth it just to make sure, but Austin, Texas, is in Texas? [RedState]
  • John Boehner is a lazy boozesack, according to hundreds of Republican lawmakers interviewed by Joe Scarborough. [Think Progress/Raw Story]
  • A new Rasmussen poll shows that 57% of voters think Hillary Clinton is qualified to be president, but only 30% of voters think she is president. [Weekly Standard]
  • Four cities — Charlotte, Cleveland, Minneapolis and St. Louis — are trying to outmaneuver each other to clinch the 2012 Democratic Convention. Will Cleveland throw in LeBron James to sweeten the deal? Only time and political favors will tell. [The Caucus]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 37 comments }

FMA July 1, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Well, at least for one weekend, it’ll be pretty easy to keep Austin weird.

Hooray For Anything July 1, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Well, if voters seem to think Hillary is more qualified to be President, then maybe they should have said something about that when it came time for that whole voting thing.

bago July 1, 2010 at 2:37 pm

RedState: The Gathering.

fictional character July 1, 2010 at 2:38 pm

what are ‘charlotte and three cities i have no interest in visiting,’ alex.

PsycGirl July 1, 2010 at 2:41 pm

The RedStaters were confused because Kansas City isn’t in Kansas.

chascates July 1, 2010 at 2:42 pm

We will contact you with a special super-secret reservations link for the hotel once the site is up.

Are they afraid we Austin hippies will have Leslie hang out at their hotel or put LSD in the ice machines?

Not bad ideas come to think of it.

JMP July 1, 2010 at 2:43 pm

A bunch of PUMA-types have emerged from the woodwork to claim these polls mean that Dems were stupid for nominating Obama instead of the white lady. Yes, because if she was President the cratering economy and continuing non-end of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars wouldn’t have any effect on her approval rating.

Boehner shouldn’t deny his boozing; instead he should embrace it for the ready-made excuse. “Oh, that thing about the finance industry being an ant, I was drunk, didn’t really mean it.”

The Democrats really want one of the country’s dullest cities for their convention, I see.

SayItWithWookies July 1, 2010 at 2:44 pm

Wait — so in the Assmussen poll last week, 51% found Obama qualified to be president — yet the Weekly Standard decides to display the poll numbers from 2007, where the then-Senator Obama got 20%. Nice ham-handed misrepresentation there, WS.
In other news, Assmussen has polled at 23% of the population thinking they’re fit to conduct a poll.

Roger Williams hates your ways July 1, 2010 at 2:48 pm

[re=610219]fictional character[/re]: Charlotte better than the Twin Cities? No sir.

x111e7thst July 1, 2010 at 2:50 pm

[re=610224]chascates[/re]: I would happily pay for LSD yet have trouble finding any of decent quality. You propose wasting it like this?

TGY July 1, 2010 at 2:50 pm

They’ll be rolled by the Hippies of Austen within 15 minutes of exiting the Greyhound from Idaho.

JMP July 1, 2010 at 2:51 pm

I do want to apologize to Boner for all the jokes about his alleged excessive tanning; it looks like the orange skin is from alcohol-induced liver disease, not a tan.

[re=610224]chascates[/re]: Erick also promised a surprise for “particular person who must remain nameless because well . . . the surprise is for him and for you guys too.” Um, if any famous Austen area liberals are reading this, it might be a good idea to either pack heat or get out of town on Sept. 17.

FMA July 1, 2010 at 2:53 pm

[re=610224]chascates[/re]: Let’s see, Red Staters on acid. They’d be babbling incoherently, seeing things that aren’t there, living in a delusional world, cowering in a corner in a paranoid paralysis, screaming nonsense at innocent bystanders…Hmmmm…Would anybody be able to tell the difference?

arclight July 1, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Boehner? Drunk? Really? You don’t say!

steverino247 July 1, 2010 at 2:57 pm

Austin has almost nothing to do with the rest of the state of Texas so far as stereotypical stuff is concerned. Yeah, it will be hot and a bit muggy, but the food’s great and the atmosphere is not redneck at all. Should be an interesting clash of cultures when Redstaters show up expecting the locals to act like how they think Texans act and they don’t.

Zadig July 1, 2010 at 2:59 pm

[re=610217]bago[/re]: Their deck of choice is, of course, a white weenie build.

gjdodger July 1, 2010 at 3:01 pm

With his support of Arizona’s “You look furrin to me” law, Tony LaRussa has essentially caused St. Louis’ convention bid to crater.

GOPCrusher July 1, 2010 at 3:04 pm

Redstaters in Austin is pretty hilarious. The only city in the United States that could surpass it for irony would be San Francisco.

Terry July 1, 2010 at 3:10 pm

[re=610234]Roger Williams hates your ways[/re]:

In the winter is sure is.

GOPCrusher July 1, 2010 at 3:12 pm

John Boehner walks into a bar and orders six shots of tequila. The bartender asks “What are you celebrating?” Boehner says “My first blowjob!” The bartender says “Well, in that case, here’s a couple more on the house.” John Boehner says “No thanks. If six don’t get the taste out of mouth, I doubt a couple more will.”

Katydid July 1, 2010 at 3:14 pm

From a redstate comment about possibly moving their meeting to Phoenix: “Austin is exactly where you need to be. The pathetic liberals think they own it and it’s precisely where conservatives need to set up shop! Right in enemy camp where you “ub their nose in the huge conservative presence down here.”

“Enemy camp?” They really aren’t over the war, are they? They’ve just changed the sticky labels on the little plastic pieces a little.

Hooray For Anything July 1, 2010 at 3:14 pm

Go figure- an overly-tanned, cocktail drinking chain smoker would not be a hard worker. Then again, how hard does a Republican have to work? It’s not like you have to read policy papers or follow the news or have an understanding of evolution to be a Republican.

no_u July 1, 2010 at 3:20 pm

I’m pretty sure Austin’s response will be a resounding “meh”.

Jim89048 July 1, 2010 at 3:22 pm

[re=610277]Katydid[/re]: Austin was also in the running for rushbo’s corporate offices. For the same reasons. Gross.

chascates July 1, 2010 at 3:25 pm

[re=610236]x111e7thst[/re], [re=610244]FMA[/re]: I’ve often daydreamed of getting a good dose of acid into Limbaugh, Rove, Beck and some others just to see if they would be assaulted and changed by the magnitude of their own evil. It is possible it would give them ideas of greater deviltry so I’d better keep my sacraments to myself.

sati demise July 1, 2010 at 3:26 pm

Any city represented by rentboy.com will do, of course.

An Outhouse July 1, 2010 at 3:39 pm

When I want to support my local economy, I drive to the next city over and buy shit from chain stores there.

JMP July 1, 2010 at 3:40 pm

[re=610289]chascates[/re]: So would acid effect Rushbo more than his regular Oxycontin dosage?

chascates July 1, 2010 at 3:46 pm

[re=610315]JMP[/re]: I imagine use of oxy would tone down the LSD quite a bit so probably 4-5 hits would be a good starting point for El Fatso. Aw, make it 10 for good measure.

FMA July 1, 2010 at 3:46 pm

[re=610289]chascates[/re]: We’re talking consciousness expansion so essentially you’d be expanding a poisoned consciousness or three. Rove would probably wind up on Fox eating babies. Wait. That’s what he does now.

Barrelhse July 1, 2010 at 3:59 pm

[re=610236]x111e7thst[/re]: psst…try the ice machine in the lobby..

Dolmance July 1, 2010 at 4:19 pm

Boehner says he suffers from a medical condition that mimics a heavy boozer with a shot liver, which is the reason his skin is all orangy. But it has nothing to do with his drinking. It’s just an unfortunate liver disorder that most usually hits people who are degenerate alcoholics.

I believe him when he says his liver is fucked up. But Hell, I’d eat it.

crunk4jesus July 1, 2010 at 4:32 pm

While there may be some hippies in Austin, none of them have ever heard of Arizona.

rocktonsammy July 1, 2010 at 4:42 pm

If Charlotte is in South Carolina, then yes.

Pandy July 1, 2010 at 4:53 pm

[re=610284]Jim89048[/re]: Probably because he is popular with the crowd that is moving there from out of state. There seems to be a certain group that likes the “party” image but not the “liberal” image. I say in five years Austin will be more like a suburb of Dallas.

legalize everything July 1, 2010 at 5:57 pm

[re=610277]Katydid[/re]: So their military strategy is to bring a few thousand wingnuts into an entire city of libtards. Was Russia not available for an invasion this winter?
I like our odds in this war.

BarackMyWorld July 1, 2010 at 6:25 pm

[re=610228]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The articles headline said “Voters Say Hillary More Qualified for President than Obama” when the poll itself never actually made any such comparison (more voters said she was qualified, rather than voters saying she was more qualified), especially when the two polls asked different things and the two number they were claiming were similar were 51% and 20%.

I’m sure this was an accidental omission on their part, and not an attempt to mislead their readers.

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