Teabaggers Get Another State Republican Party To Approve a Crazy Platform

  really good ideas

Leading the way into the Land of Crazy.This weekend the Idaho Republican Party held their state convention, so of course Teabaggers showed up in their tinfoil hats and messed with the party platform, just like in Maine. What exciting new ideas does the Idaho GOP now support? Repealing the 17th Amendment (the direct election of U.S. senators) and getting rid of paper money so that everything can be purchased in precious metals, among other things. Oh, and also there may be a loyalty pledge that forces all Republican candidates to say they will support these principles.

“Let free Idahoans pay taxes, and other fees due to the State, County and City in silver and or gold in any form. Payments to City, County, or State employees requested to be paid in silver and or gold, Will be complied with.”

This only applies to “free” Idahoans, not slaves, to be clear. Yes, this section is actually in their platform. I hope Idahoans didn’t send all their old horse jewelry / metal truck nutz to Cash4Gold!

TPM dug up more:

The platform also called for marriage to be limited to a “naturally born” man and woman, going the extra mile beyond conventional gay marriage bans and making sure to exclude transgendered folks, as well.

Is that what “naturally born” means? Couldn’t this also be used to keep illegal immigrants or Barack Obama (an illegal immigrant) from marrying in Idaho? HOPEFULLY.

That said, there are some places that the state GOP wouldn’t go — they rejected a call for the state to establish its own independent volunteer militia, separate from federal control. The reason: It would cost too much.

FOR NOW it costs too much. Soon Idaho will get rid of its paper money and will be awash in real money (Jane Seymour heart necklaces) to pay its soldiers.

[TPM / Idaho Reporter]

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117 comments

  1. bfstevie

    Naturally born? Perhaps they want to disenfranchise all those C-Section and artificial insemination welfare queen commie babies.

  2. chascates

    So instead of paying for a $400 property tax bill with a check you’ll have to cut up your ounce of gold and hand it over to the bar keep (tax collector) to be weighed?

    I can now see why everyone will be carrying weapons in Idaho. To protect them from unnaturally-born mens or womens.

  3. joezoo

    I tried to pay my teevee bill with Jane Seymour heart necklaces, but those Obamar goons at the cable company turned me away! (How do I watch my programs now??)

  4. BlueStateLiberal

    Where’s the amendment that allows people to pay in chickens? Also, paying in gold and silver isn’t as easy as it seems, there are different grades, and you have to have a jeweler onsite to see if that crap QVC sold you 10 years ago is really gold (it probably isn’t).

  5. Princess Sparkle Pony

    How many Jan Seymour heart necklaces make a Lladro clown figurine? I was never good with finances.

  6. Upthruster

    Remember when crazy Idahoan meant people like Sen. Larry “Wide Stance” Craig?

    Oh, those were the days.

  7. AnnieGetYourFun

    The only thing more shocking than the fact that anyone could be this stupid is that it took Idahoans this long to get the crazy organized.

  8. SmutBoffin

    The Stuef-jokes interspersed in there are all good, but kinda unnecessary. This document is a giant hahafunny in itself.

    Now I’m off to pay for stamps with this hempen rope and molasses, just like the Founders intended.

  9. thehelveticascenario

    None from his mother’s womb untimely ripp’d shall marry in the land of Idaho.

  10. JMP

    Do the teabaggers ever actually think? (Answer: no). Gold and silver are just like paper money; they have no real inherent value, but only are worth money because everybody says they are.

    So is the natural born rule going to ban marriage for anyone who was from his mother’s womb untimely ripp’d?

  11. Geogre

    Someone has a lot of Goldline “gold coin denominations” and wants to make good on them.

  12. masterdebater

    Anyone can see that this is just an attack on invetro-americans, because everyone can see the common sense in lugging around a bunch of gold and silver to pay for shit. I mean, what’s up with these commie back cards anyway?

  13. SayItWithWookies

    It’s great that the teabaggers are empowering the common people by — um — not letting them vote for their senator. And maybe at last we can do something about that scurrilous 17th Amendment, the root of all our problems. If I had a dime for every time direct election of our Senate eroded democracy and freedom, I’d have — let’s see — oh, you get the idea. Nothing. I’d have nothing. But that’s not the point. Also, Alvin Green.

  14. Prommie

    Well hell, what is going on here, just a few months ago, we all thought the “mainstream” republicans hated the Teabaggers, feared they would undermine the regular GOP candidates and such. Now today, the senior GOP house member goes full Teabagger in an interview, threatening revolution against the socialists, accusing Obama of “overreacting” to the financial crisis and to the gulf oil spill. He went complete, batshit teatard.

    What a fucking fall its gonna be. If the Republiteabaggers don’t take the House and Senate, I think they might actually start a shooting war, they are getting crazier by the minute.

  15. thehelveticascenario

    Why won’t they let us pay in mithril? What do they have against Hobbit-Americans?

  16. Ducksworthy

    I fear the stupid has got to this reporter. Probably laughing and blowing his nose so hard his typing suffered so he ended up writing…”they are allowed to send the party chairman an a list of which planks they disagree with and why the feel that way.”

  17. WarAndG

    The Teabagistan constitution

    Article 1. Worship one God (you know Jesus, better git right with him)
    Article 2. No butt sex (mostly)
    Article 3. The state will enforce that all pregnancies must reach full term
    Article 4. No taxes will be levied (except billions for machines that kill brown people for corporate gain)
    Article 5. A big fence will be maintained between us and them unless we need to fight them.
    Article 6. Corporate profits first (Except on Sundays)
    Article lucky number 7. You’re on your own mutha fucka, I got mine! (Unless the above articles supercede…)

  18. GOPCrusher

    Actually, the Idaho idea of taxes can only be paid in precious metals has been around as long, if not longer than the Alaskan Seperatist Movement.
    Go to any gun show and I guarantee you that when you return to your vehicle, a pamphlet will be under your windshield wiper informing you of the fact that the Constitution of America is clear on this fact.

  19. masterdebater

    [re=608764]masterdebater[/re]: “bank cards”…again, the public school system screws up a perfectly good joke.

  20. slowuncle

    I used to be like all of you mean & spiteful Liberals when it came to hatin’ on Idaho. That all changed when I became a Napoleon Dynamite fan. I now see the state in a completely different (shall we say ‘tolerant’?) light. It’s so easy to be mean: why don’t you just stop, take a deep breath and let go of your smug intolerance?

    I hope to soon take a trip to Preston, ID, which is where the movie that changed my life was filmed.
    Anyone wanna go with me?

  21. tribbzthesquidz

    [re=608760]JMP[/re]: Once they’re finished devaluing gold and silver they’ll have to implement a barter system. It’s back to basics: well water, outhouses, witch hunting, you name it.

  22. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I, for one, am in agreement with the Idaho Republican Parties Wide Stand Plank.

    Just as long as all public toilets except gold shavings for service.

    Glen Beck must be in a ball, weeping to himself, he is so happy that someone is taking him seriously.

  23. chascates

    They ;still can beat the 2010 Texas GOP platform:

    The GOP there has voted on a platform that would ban oral and anal sex. It also would give jail sentences to anyone who issues a marriage license to a same-sex couple (even though such licenses are already invalid in the state). Texas Republicans also want to ban strip clubs and “all pornography.”
    n addition to this, the Texas GOP seeks to end the state’s lottery, which provides millions in funding to public education; restrict citizenship to children born in the United States whose parents are citizens; end federal sponsorship of pre-kindergarten schools; impose a jail sentence on any illegal immigrant in the state; shut down all day-labor centers; cut off all bilingual education after a student’s fourth year in a U.S. public school; legalize corporal punishment in public schools; mandate that evolution and global warming be “taught as challengeable scientific theory”; and demand that Congress evict the United Nations from U.S. soil and end American membership in the global body.

  24. RED

    Dear Mrs. Jone: Your 2011 real estate taxes are seriously overdue. You must remit three knives, one fork, and a demitasse spoon by return mail or we will be forced to take your natural firstborn son.

  25. JMP

    [re=608762]Geogre[/re]: Even Glenn Beck probably never realized his viewers would be so stupid that his shilling for those guys would end up influencing state party platforms.

    [re=608767]SayItWithWookies[/re]: As bad as our geriatric Senate is, it’s a haven of sanity compared to most state legislatures, which are filled with the corrupt, morons, and corrupt morons. Having them go back to selecting Senators would make things even worse.

  26. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=608750]Princess Sparkle Pony[/re]: Oh, thank you! I couldn’t possibly have done better than that.

    [re=608780]slowuncle[/re]: HAHAHAHA! Aw, that was funny, too! Thanks!

  27. Troubledog

    Let’s see, if you have a heavily armed citizen walking around with a lot of gold and no way to elect a Senator, you’re either a white guy in Idaho or a DC gangbanger.

  28. One Yield Regular

    Naturally born? Why, let the Teapublican Party of Idaho n’er vanquished be, until Great Birnam wood to high Dunsinane hill shall come against them!

  29. x111e7thst

    [re=608788]chascates[/re]: Why do these Repukes and other Teatards hate almost all forms of fun?
    No oral, no anal, no porn and no titty bars? Wtf kind of life would one have left?

  30. chascates

    [re=608806]x111e7thst[/re]: Wasn’t H.L. Mencken who said that fundamentalists were afraid that somewhere, someone was enjoying themselves?

  31. you didn't ask, but

    [re=608806]x111e7thst[/re]: and this is why this shit is not actually going anywhere in Texas.[re=608790]RED[/re]: fucking hilarious[re=608767]SayItWithWookies[/re]: and this is why this shit will never get any real traction.

    Nothing worse than stupid fucking self-righteous people.

  32. Prommie

    [re=608812]chascates[/re]: That was his definition of “puritanism,” The sneaking suspicion that somewhere, someone, was having fun.

  33. pub_option

    [re=608806]x111e7thst[/re]: Point taken, they want to make Idaho as boring as Utah on a Sunday. Maybe they will be voting for Mittens for president.

  34. Troubledog

    Also, there is apparently a second market of arbitrage on the new currency already! Thanks to the forward thinking folks at Ex Boyfriend Jewelery

    Kay Jewelers’s Jane Seymour “Open Heart” Necklace & Pendants …
    Mar 31, 2010 … I got it from my exboyfriend as a birthday present. I believe he paid a little over $500 for it. Will take $250 obo.

  35. Brick Oven Bill

    Do not underestimate the Teabagger. Not only have we accomplished the aforementioned tasks, we are also responsible for electing the Democratic Senate candidate from the State of South Carolina.

    We are everywhere. Nananananana.

  36. Mad Farmer Manifest

    Ah yes, the 17th. The Senate was a millionaires’ club so we got direct election of Senators. Now it is a club to SERVE billionaires, and this is too indirect. Repeal the 17th!

    Good job, my fellow Idahoans. I salute your willingness to take a bad joke way too far.

  37. chascates

    [re=608817]Prommie[/re]: Ah, yes. And they seem to be increasing in number from his day.

  38. rocktonsammy

    By using shiny metals for currency, won’t Trig and his danged mom be more distracted?

  39. Cmoney

    “The Idaho Commissioner of Scales reminds free Idahoans to be mindful of gusting winds when paying with gold dust for products and services.”

  40. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=608821]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: Oh, please, like you can take credit for that clusterfuck.

  41. legalize everything

    I’ve been beaten to the MacBeth reference, but I do have this:

    Everyone must take the Idaho Loyalty Pledge. Except don’t let Barry Obama take it; that’s the whole point. That will prove he’s a communist because he didn’t take the Loyalty Pledge.

  42. Maus

    [re=608772]Prommie[/re]: “Well hell, what is going on here, just a few months ago, we all thought the “mainstream” republicans hated the Teabaggers, feared they would undermine the regular GOP candidates and such.”

    What happened is the “mainstream” republicans tested the waters and found that Ds and Rs would continue to enjoy their private cigar club meets even if they went full wingnut at public events. The old boys protect their own.

  43. TGY

    Aluminum used to be a precious metal, and certainly was back when the Constitution was written. How many empties do I owe in taxes? Bud lite, of course.

  44. Joshua Norton

    Next up – repeal ALL the amendments, except the 2nd one. Make that one mandatory.

    They keep digging up ideas that were shot down when Grant was still president. But I know they know better because they keep carrying on about Obama being a ni**er.

  45. Gorillionaire

    [re=608821]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: Look, everybody, Brick Oven is practically standing on a hill top wearing a butt plug and a swastika armband trying to get someone to notice him. Won’t someone please give him the attention he so craves, it is all he ever wanted.

  46. Joshua Norton

    The platform also called for marriage to be limited to a “naturally born” man and woman

    Who are naturally some kind of relative.

  47. BklynIlluminati

    Anyone call Guinness yet? This has to be the world’s record for insanity combined with stupidity all in one place at the same time and on paper!!!1111

  48. JMP

    [re=608826]chascates[/re]: Not so much that they’ve been increasing as that they’ve gotten a lot louder. Back in the day, people were regularly condemned for fucking, there were laws against “fornication” (hell, some states still have laws against couples living together on the books; how’s that for ridiculous), birth control and abortion, gay people were so deeply in the closet that most could pretend they didn’t exist, and movies showed married couples sleeping in twin beds.

    Since the late 60s & early 70s, with the sexual revolution and the Warren Court, though, they’ve been losing, and are trying to take control and force repression on everyone else again. Good luck with that, though, in a country where 95% of all people have sex before going through their silly little ceremony (and the statistics don’t distinguish between self-righteous prudes and hopeless nerds).

  49. Come here a minute

    I don’t want no “Caesareans” destroying the sanctity of my American marriage!

  50. Maus

    [re=608856]Come here a minute[/re]: Conservatives are big on the “don’t trust medicine, frontier is better” racket, and with homeschooling making a huge return I can see them going the waterbirthing route en masse.

  51. actor212

    [re=608821]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: How can you underestimate that which is less than zero?

  52. Guppy06

    17th Amendment: Have you looked at the Senate lately? Ditch the elections and try something new, maybe lottery/conscription.

    Gold and silver payment: “In any form?” The Constitution says it has to be gold or silver coin! Communists! Don’t know if Larry Craig belongs on the head or tail of said coin.

    Marriage: Between a man and a woman, like a brother and a sister! Are inbreds counted as “transgendered?”

    Militia: Gotta love GOPer logic. Independent state guard to guard against Canada? Too expensive. Globe-spanning federal military to bomb random brown people? A vital expense! I guess foreign wars are only worthwhile if it’s blue state money being spent.


  53. Post author
    Jack Stuef

    [re=608741]madtowngooner[/re]: Just realized I forgot to make a Macbeth joke. DAMN.

    [re=608823]Schmegeg[/re]: Oh, there. You win.

  54. Sparky McGruff

    [re=608750]Princess Sparkle Pony[/re]: More importantly, how many TruckNutz for a heart necklace? And, now that I’ve put those two items in the same sentence, where can I find solid gold necknutz?

  55. Jim89048

    I was actually planning on a trip through Idaho on my way to Montana this summer, but my trunk isn’t big enough to haul as much gold as I’ll probably need for gas.

  56. Escape Goat Nation

    [re=608821]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: “Do not underestimate the Teabagger. Not only have we accomplished the aforementioned tasks”

    Cutting your own throats out of spite is not really an accomplishment.

  57. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Fortunately, these are extremists who have no influence over the GOP. Wait, they changed wut?

  58. comicbookguy

    Forget the rock salt, send gold to your senator as a protest! To make it easier, send the gold to me and I’ll pass it along with your strongly worded message about freedom.

    Glenn Beck, Goldline, Tea Party… it’s all coming together nicely isn’t it.

    And yes, militias are too expensive. We’ll just have to trust the feds not to trample on our rights. Concentrate on the gold first. We’ll get around to the militia later if there’s time.

  59. Snarkalicious

    [re=608852]Zorg[/re]: No, no. It’s better if he rolls into Boise claiming to love everybody because of a movie the populace there likely hates even more than I do. They have loggers up there who are real handy like with a Stihl. And don’t tell me I need to watch it again. I already did, and its still bullshit.

  60. Maus

    [re=608901]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: “Fortunately, these are extremists who have no influence over the GOP. Wait, they changed wut?”

    Nothing changed, they’ve been co-opted for months now.

  61. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    [re=608912]Maus[/re]: Speak louder! I can’t hear you with all this government gold stuffed in my orifices.

  62. Bordo

    When will we hear from the South Carolina GOP? The loons in Texas and Idaho are getting a big head start. The crackers down there in gooberland need to get their shit together or risk losing their status as the nation’s stupidest state.

  63. chascates

    Speaking of the current plague of wackiness:

    Last Friday, Kentucky GOP Senate candidate Rand Paul attended a meeting of the Christian Homeschool Educators of Kentucky (CHEK), where he gave a speech promoting homeschooling and fielded questions from the audience. At one point, a questioner asked Paul about his personal faith and how old he thought the planet was. Paul responded by saying that he forgot to say he “was only taking easy questions,” provoking laughter from the CHEK crowd, and then said he would “have to pass on that one”.
    Later in the question-and-answer period, Paul explained to a questioner who asked about his views on separation of church and state that he does think “church really should be separate from the government,” but added that he thinks “you could have prayer in public schools.”

  64. Escape Goat Nation

    Oddly enough, I was informed by a Tea Bagger today that,
    “The tea party is a one issue group, that issue is stop the out of control spending!”

    Yeah ok, I get it. You hate Obama. You hate everything he says and everything he does.
    You hate everything he doesn’t say and everything he doesn’t do. You hate everything that you think he might do.

    That’s fine, I have no problem with your little, I hate Obama Hootenannies.

    But for the love of fucking God could you stop lying to everyone about what you are doing, why you are doing it and who the driving force behind it is?

    I swear to God I’m going to puke the next time I hear a Tea Bagger say this to a reporter or say this to me:

    The Tea Party is a collection from all walks of life. We are a purely grassroots organization. We’re not just Republicans, Libertarians, and Independents. We are well represented by many many Liberals and Democrats that share our principles. Our members represent every color of the rainbow and every Religious affiliation and denomination. Although we may have many ideological differences, the one thing we have in common is the singular goal of alerting our nation to the out of control spending. This isn’t just about Hussein Obama, we were just as upset with President George W. Bush.

    Quit your fucking lying.

  65. lumpenprole

    [re=608844]Gorillionaire[/re]:
    Just get him talking about the Jews and it’s like listening to Paul Harvey while reloading whippets.

  66. Jim89048

    Just how big a militia does Idaho need, anyway? What’ve they got, like 40 miles of international border to defend?
    Wait, you say that’s NOT why they see a need for a militia?

  67. OzoneTom

    So corporation-persons can’t marry?

    Seriously, my parents couldn’t marry in Boise in the 50′s — they had to scoot over to Ontario, Oregon for the nuptials.

  68. mrpuma2u

    [re=608844]Gorillionaire[/re]: Clearly thick as a brick Bill didn’t get attention from mom in the formative years, hence his current condition. It’s called therapy billy, look into it.

  69. just pixels

    Idaho construction companies shall use “Bible Engineering”.
    Idaho hospitals shall practice “Bible Medicine”.
    Idaho ho’s shall take gold and silver in payment.

  70. Maus

    [re=608931]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Ungh, that speech makes me retch. They all universally regurgitate it, even my mother.

  71. oldguy

    Gee – that Constitution thing is neat. Article 1 Section 10, the “No state shall … make any Thing but gold and silver Coin a Tender in Payment of Debts,” bit is also the “No State shall, without the Consent of Congress, lay any duty of Tonnage, keep Troops, or Ships of War in time of Peace…” But I suppose we are at war, so it’s ok. And we need those 2nd Amendment remedies since the guvmint ain’t listnen to the voters.

  72. Tommmcatt

    [re=608750]Princess Sparkle Pony[/re]:

    Well welll well…look who finally rolls in…

  73. comicbookguy

    Why no resolution against FEMA internment camps? Do they support them? And no vow to fight the one world socialist government usurpers? Kind of a let down.

  74. oldguy

    [re=608931]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: It’s one of them subliminal messages:
    The Tea Party is a cOllection from all walks of life. We are a purely grassroots organization. We’re not just RepuBlicans, Libertarians, and Independents. We Are well represented by Many mAny Liberals and Democrats that share our prInciples. Our MemberS represent every color of the rAinbow and every Religious affiliatoN and denomInation. AlthouGh we may have many Ideological differences, the one thing we have in common is the sinGular goal of alerting our Nation to the out of control spendinG. This isn’t just about HussEin Obama, we weRe just as upset with President George W. Bush.

  75. Maus

    [re=608986]oldguy[/re]: We’ll talk when they have anything less than Congress’ full consent.

  76. Servo

    G’head and form your militia. I’ll enjoy watching your fat, Mossy Oak-clad asses get reduced to goo by .50-cal rain when you get labeled as terrorists.

    [re=608931]Escape Goat Nation[/re]:
    we were just as upset with President George W. Bush
    So upset, we said absolutely nothing.

  77. gertrudis

    [re=608780]slowuncle[/re]: thanks for standing up to hate! Though I had to leave Idaho at a young age, I have fond memories of the Gem State (NOT the Gold or Silver State). In general, the most intelligent sons of the wealthy/powerful go into the family business, and the stupider/embarrassing ones go into politics. And if you’re too embarrassing to be in state politics you’re banished to Washngton (Sen. Symms, Interior Secretary Kempthorne).

    If Burning Man can run on barter, maybe Idaho can run on precious metals! Though gemstones are a better bet.

  78. crcombine

    What? Nothing about burning witches? Nothing about the legal status of the pot of gold when you catch a leprechan? These people call themselves platform makers? Bah! Humbug, also.

  79. Long Form Def Certificate

    I expect neither more nor less from the state that openly revulsed at the union of Ian Johnson & Christie Popadics.

    If they’re STILL not cool with interracial marriage, can the ‘mos & anyone else expect better?

  80. Joshua Norton

    The only missing from the teabaggers retinue is a pig’s head on a stick. But give them time.

  81. Rocky in Texas said...

    LMAO…

    The guy’s working the scales will eat there lunch!

    Can’t have no Big Gov regulator’s getting in the way of big business fleecing the dumb asses out of there gold and silver nuggets, now can we?

    Glen becky has got to be involved in this scam!

  82. Bearbloke

    [re=608812]chascates[/re]: It’s Good Clean Christian Living, Fellow Patriot – including the times when you’re drinking yourself blind on Gubbmit-tax-free moonshine and beating your wife(s) and raping you daughters and molesting your animals and it’s allright with Jesus ‘cos you go to church (almost)every Sunday – GOD BLESS USA AMERICA!!!!1!!

  83. zhubajie

    ” ‘naturally born’ man and woman”

    Does this include people born by C section?

  84. zhubajie

    [re=608742]chascates[/re]: How do you check to see if your silver ingot is 90% or just 70%? I’ll bet the low quality metal will end up in circulation and the high grade stuff hoarded. (It’s called Gresham’s Law.)

  85. KTHXBAI

    From the token Idaho Wonketeer (living in the tiny blue island of Boise), at least they’re not advocating killing teh gayz yet, although I’m sure if the militia wasn’t oh so pricey there would have been a clause for that.

  86. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=608991]oldguy[/re]: My computer screen is hard to read now because of all the circles I had to draw on there to decode your message, but what I think you said is “Obama is my number one gay fantasy”, right?

  87. Hoplight

    What, nothing about who can inherit property so the second to tenth born sons are left without recourse and join the free militia for free solely for pillaging? Slackers.

  88. Hoplight

    [re=608959]BobTheBuilder[/re]: This stunning lack of useful specificity does indicate that they have already put the lawyers up against the wall. I suppose they have that going for them.

    These guys are the same as the idiots that make batshit tax laws that can’t be implemented then complain about how crazy the forms from the irs are. Duh, dipshits.

  89. boiseblue

    “Welcome to Idaho – Turn back your watch 100 years,” pretty well sums up this place.

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