WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Alvin Greene Interview

Reporters who have made the pilgrimage to the humble home of South Carolina Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate Alvin Greene have noted how often his phone rings. And how often he answers it, even for members of the general public. You , yes you , after doing a simple Google search, can talk to a major party nominee for U.S. Senate. It's just a small part of the political revolution that is Alvin Greene. Now your Wonkette has called him, and we have recorded the interview, and you can listen to it.

But please do not listen to it. Your writer called Alvin Greene for the past few days, but he was not able to get through. He gave up. He lost faith, that quickly , in our country's political messiah. What a cynic! And when he surprisingly got through to Mr. Greene today, he was a complete asshole and couldn't get past his assholishness to ask any important questions, such as about the Dao. Snark has no place when one is talking to great men.

What you need to know from this interview:

• Alvin Greene made a website! 

• He wouldn't say how he made a website, but it has something to do with  wei wu wei . 

• Alvin Greene will move to D.C. after he wins the election, because he cares about the people. He will return humbly to his monastic life in South Carolina on the weekends and during breaks.

• He is not thinking about the presidency yet (nor should he, as it will come to him through the Dao naturally). He thinks Obama is doing "okay."

• Jack Stuef is an asshole.

There you go! You know what? Do listen to this interview. And remark on what a pale comparison of a human being your Wonkette writer is to a wise, generous man like Alvin Greene.