U.S. Senate candidate Alvin Greene (D-Universe) has come under investigation from the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division (SLED), a fake-sounding state agency, to find out how he came up with the $10,440 filing fee he needed to run for the Democratic nomination for Senate. The agency will “use a new state law that allows the agency to issue an administrative subpoena to financial institutions,” so apparently they believe Alvin Greene uses financial institutions, like some sort of Confucian.
When SLED realizes the universe provided Greene the $10,440 because he did not ask for it or desire it, the agency will realize its ignorance of The Way and kindly advise Jim DeMint to discontinue his ill-conceived attempt to defeat Alvin Greene in this election. Then SLED will return to its previous and correct form as a device that provides children simple wintertime enjoyment. [The State]
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I’m sure that the ACLU or some similar organization could just as easily investigate why in the hell it costs $10,440 to run for “public” office. Perhaps Mr. J. Crow could lead the investigation.
Having recently completed a semester studying Chinese philosophy, I just want to say that these pieces are fucking incredible. No jokes, just, thank you so much, especially for not focusing on Hua-Yen Buddhism (aka mindfuck city) instead.
This guy is like Lennie from Of Mice and Men.
of course they’re called SLED. is there anything MORE racist than winter sports?
Could the source of Greene’s filing fee be hush money from two time adultress Nikki Haley or better yet Lindsey Graham?
[re=607752]chascates[/re]: Best headline in The Onions “Our Dumb Century”, from some time in the 30s: Mouse crushed to death by petting, nation asks Roosevelt to “tell them again about the rabbits”
I really hope this poor guy gets to have the debate he wants so bad
Funny that the most infuriating thing about this man for the established pols is that he is pretty much exactly what he says he is.
The SLED is symbolic of South Carolina’s lost carefree childhood, the last time the state was truly happy before it became a workaholic state, driven to succeed by any means necessary.
However, that childhood included slavery, so your mileage may vary.
The sled that can be ridden is not the true SLED, the Way that can be followed is not the true Way.
As you can see from the alt-text, SLED (SCLED?) will find his in the Republic of South Carolina Eagle Bank United Depository, and then they can sue to get his “public defender” money back.
Isn’t SCLED a far better and more accurate name? SLED just sounds kind of… slippery
Greene was clearly using a jedi mind trick, convincing the election board clerk to accept a bus pass in place of the 10 grand.
Surely, he could just sell one of his welfare queen Cadillacs to afford the filing fee.
[re=607753]iantenna[/re]: Jim DeMint? But that’s a tougher acronym to flesh out, I suppose.
[re=607756]PabaBritannica[/re]: Oh, hell yes. I would love to see the smirking condescension of Jim DeMint is sure to lead with become the national face of the GOP for the 2010 election.
Greene’s worst nightmare — a SLED-hammer with a badge.
there is confucian among the palmetto way.
… No, no, this is great!
See, this way, they can reinstate political party control and make a Black man pay for it.
Everybody wins!
He truly treads the Way who finds without seeking. Unless he finds a lot of money while he’s on unemployment, and then there’s an investigation.
Wu Wei, m’fers…
Look into the eyes of the tiger, baby.
Alvin Greene is to politics what the polar bear is to LOST.
Rosebud……..
Rosebud Kane is the director of SLED. I saw Alvin on MSNBC and he could barely form a coherent sentence. Wherever they found of this ringer to run for office, it surely wasn’t anywhere near a school or college.
Needs moor Othello references.
Here’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. Let’s say it turns out he just plain got the $10,000 from his parents. Is that legal?
Is it Southcarolina or should the acronym be SCLED? And why do they hate Scleds?
[re=607756]PabaBritannica[/re]: “I really hope this poor guy gets to have the debate he wants so bad”
If everything checks out, I agree. Do you really get the impression of sincerity here?
[re=607757]Terry[/re]: “Funny that the most infuriating thing about this man for the established pols is that he is pretty much exactly what he says he is.”
I’m willing to believe that he is if the investigations come up with nothing, but there are very reasonable questions to be asked that he has not answered, or given very suspicious answers to for someone that’s supposed to be energized. He sounds in interviews more like a kid that’s been forced by his parents to join a club, not someone who ever wanted to run for state office and “deal” with other people.
[re=607755]samsuncle[/re]: In these dificult economic times, an unemployed man of color cannot afford to disassemble chiffarobes for well-off Sikh-American persons of ovary for free, if you know what I mean, and I think you know that I mean furious sweaty gasping crotch-slamming betwixt persons of incompatible social milieus, for filing fees.
the TSA should probably put him on the no-fly list too, just to be safe ‘n all.
[re=607912]CthuNHu[/re]: chaffarobes + betwixt + milieus = Comedy
Its going to be funny when Greene gets elected Senator, and SLED doesn’t get any of that sweet, sweet pork he’ll be sending home.
Obviously ACORN and prostitutes are involved in this. This I know for certain.
[re=607751]Zadig[/re]: [re=607804]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Mssr. Steuf has got it all wrong. Brother Greene is obviously a Jainian. In fact, he’s the long prophesied 25th Jina.
[re=607836]facehead[/re]: He gets shot by a cracker in the first episode?
I still can’t get over that this was the exact same state party that wouldn’t let colbert run for prez because he wasn’t a serious candidate.
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