THAT'S EXACTLY WHERE HER HEAD IS  4:38 pm June 25, 2010

Jan Brewer Is Closely Watching the Rectums of Illegal Immigrants

by Jack Stuef

Sniff sniff.We have a new candidate for America’s Next Top Mexican Sociophysiologist. America’s Governor, Jan Brewer of Arizona, said today that a “majority of the illegal trespassers that are coming into the state of Arizona” are drug mules. “There’s strong information to us that they come as illegal people wanting to come to work. Then they are accosted and they become subjects of the drug cartel,” Brewer said, having a lot of experience with this rectal stuff. Things are getting very hard for Mexicans. Soon they will not be able to dig into the United States, their only method of crossing the border, because there will be an underground electric fence. But also all of them are constantly getting drugs stuck up their butts?

Mexicans should try covering their asses, because this is a serious problem. Can’t they just poop out the drugs, you ask? Heh, you sure have lived a sheltered life, haven’t you? Drugs, once stuck up your ass, turn your brain into a DRUG BRAIN. All you can think about is getting the drugs in your ass to the drug unloading site and getting your ass reloaded again in Mexico. You stop thinking about getting a job ever again. That’s why it’s a totally valid and funny joke when conservatives say Messicans are lazy.

THIS is why Jan Brewer and Arizona have passed their immigration law. They just care so, so much about Mexicans’ sore rectums and want to do ANYTHING they can do to help soothe those asses. [AP]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 84 comments }

freeradical June 25, 2010 at 4:47 pm

“There’s strong information to us…”??? WTF does that even mean? Oh, that she’s a wrinkly old racist cracker, that’s what. And I’ll bet NO ONE wants to shove anything up her butt.

azw88 June 25, 2010 at 4:50 pm

takes an ass to know an ass… just sayin

Snarkalicious June 25, 2010 at 4:51 pm

See, that’s why we have to legalize. Recently my heroin gives me e-coli.

MarieDeGournay June 25, 2010 at 4:53 pm

She just wants a taste of that sweet anal smack.

SayItWithWookies June 25, 2010 at 4:54 pm

Also most of those illegals have hot tubs and Cadillacs. That whole hardworking-impoverished-with-a-family-of-eight-to-feed thing is a front.

Doglessliberal June 25, 2010 at 4:55 pm

Well, see here’s the dilemma. we care deeply about the sore rectums of Messicans, and so want to prevent them from coming to our land; but, on the other hand, we need someone to pick strawberries and wallow in methyl bromide and you sure as hell cannot expose God-fearing Americans to that shit, you know?
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=127910253

Radiotherapy June 25, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Way to get crackin’ there Jan. We need Board Certified Proctologists on the border, NOW. Anal *wink*, *wink*.

And all this concern about these poor immigrant’s rectums will ultimately have a positive impact on their health. With all the probing and colonoscopies they will certainly have lower colon cancer death rates. And if we find some tumors they can go back to Mexico for all of their surgery, chemotherapy, and radiotherapy. Right? I mean we can just jettison them out of our overpriced, highly litigious health care system, Right?

JMP June 25, 2010 at 4:58 pm

I’m no drug cartel has ever thought of employing American citizens, preferably white folks who are more likely to get waved through by customs, to act as drug mules.

user-of-owls June 25, 2010 at 5:08 pm

Disculpame por ser una ‘puta de comentario’…but in an earlier post I provided a detailed politimetric analysis of the consequences associated with an underground fence. Read more about it!

http://wonkette.com/416294/rand-paul-wants-to-build-1-billion-electric-underground-fence-to-keep-out-mexican-gophers#comment-606727

Way Cool Larry June 25, 2010 at 5:10 pm

Do gay men make better drug mules? Enquiring minds need to know!

Way Cool Larry June 25, 2010 at 5:15 pm

America’s Next Top Messican-hating Psychopath.
/fixed

GOPCrusher June 25, 2010 at 5:15 pm

What ever happened to the good old days, when you would get two hippies to drive a van made out of pot across the border?

sezme June 25, 2010 at 5:17 pm

The only people trying to stick things up Mexicans’ bungholes is (wait for it) Republican politicians. For freedom.

SlouchingTowardsWasilla June 25, 2010 at 5:18 pm

Jan doesn’t seem to know much about how easy it is to get drugs across the border. Actually, Jan doesn’t seem to know much.

Lucidamente June 25, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Everybody knows that Mexican rectums take jobs American rectums won’t do (though I hear Dave Weigel’s is available).

Mahousu June 25, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Looks like the joke is on the drug mules. According to insane news site The European Union Times, Obama is giving large sections of Arizona back to Mexico. So now the mules will come all this distance, only to find they are still in Mexico!

Plus, they will have to do more zippers!

ManchuCandidate June 25, 2010 at 5:25 pm

What? What? In the butt!!

zhubajie June 25, 2010 at 5:28 pm

[re=606891]Mahousu[/re]: That might actually be a good idea! Give them Utah and Texas, too. The rest of us can be happy.

GOPCrusher June 25, 2010 at 5:29 pm

You know, if this Arizona Anti-Browns Law is so harmless, why are they working so hard to defend it?

UncleTom June 25, 2010 at 5:30 pm

More evidence that all Republicans are closet gays…their endless obsession with people putting things in their hiney.

zhubajie June 25, 2010 at 5:33 pm

So she mows her own lawn, etc.?

JMP June 25, 2010 at 5:34 pm

[re=606897]zhubajie[/re]: We’re keeping California, though. Maybe New Mexico; maybe.

Snarkalicious June 25, 2010 at 5:36 pm

Today we are all powdery assholes.

Zorg June 25, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Rectum, Governor Brewer? Why, it damn near killed ‘em! Bad-a-bing, bad-a-boom…

snideinplainsight June 25, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Marsha Marsha Marsha!

FlownOver June 25, 2010 at 5:39 pm

A comparatively rare case of anus envy.

Sharkey June 25, 2010 at 5:54 pm

[re=606855]freeradical[/re]: I’d like to stick a chainsaw up her butt.

Surfeit O'Hubris June 25, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Today we all have rectums packed with drugs. Or at least, I do.

Noonan June 25, 2010 at 6:12 pm

Jeff Green did not travel.

chascates June 25, 2010 at 6:23 pm

How do you think all of those crystals get to Sedona?

Toomush Infermashun June 25, 2010 at 6:25 pm

Drugs in their butts
Drugs in their butts
Walkin around with
Drugs in their butts….

sorry…

Norbert June 25, 2010 at 6:29 pm

Brewer is right about the anal smuggling — but it’s not drugs they’re bringing, it’s Hezbollah terrorists all scrunched up and wriggling around in there. see TPM — I would post a link but it’s Friday at 6:26 so fuck it.

Barrelhse June 25, 2010 at 6:37 pm

Rectum? I’ll say it rectum- blew him all to hell.

Anyway, Today we are all Rectums.

norbizness June 25, 2010 at 6:42 pm

I liked her better after she got her face stretched out in Brazil.

MarieDeGournay June 25, 2010 at 6:53 pm

[re=606947]norbizness[/re]: *snerk*

oldsparky June 25, 2010 at 6:55 pm

“What’s this, a hundred dollar bill? I get to keep this if I’m puttin’ stuff in people’s butts?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07P538K83iU

Beowoof June 25, 2010 at 7:06 pm

[re=606867]Doglessliberal[/re]: Jan believes the only berriers these guys are picking are dingle berries.

Jan also sounds experienced taking it in the ass.

Neoyorquino June 25, 2010 at 7:08 pm

Jan’s no mule. There’s no room, with her head firmly wedged in her ass. Well, that and all those undigested cheeseburgers. I swear, in Arizona, it’s considered your patriotic duty to eat your own weight in beef each week.

Scarab June 25, 2010 at 7:15 pm

Most Arizona governors are racists.

rmjag June 25, 2010 at 7:24 pm

[re=606855]freeradical[/re]: the other reason why no one wants to stuff things ( ie penis )up her wrinkly butt is all the teeth down there snapping away – as also her wrinkly c–t

snoidoid June 25, 2010 at 7:26 pm

If she truly believes that, then I guess the few Mexicans who really are carrying drugs are carrying them straight to the governor’s mansion, where Brewer “disposes” of them.

rmjag June 25, 2010 at 7:28 pm

[re=606947]norbizness[/re]: too bad it snapped back ……………..

user-of-owls June 25, 2010 at 7:36 pm

[re=606970]rmjag[/re]: She has a wrinkly Connecticut?

rmjag June 25, 2010 at 7:37 pm

The romney clan emigrated to mexico and then emigrated back to the usa ( utah ). generations of drug mules . AND they all have big asses – and large families . has no one done the math on this ?

Rotundo June 25, 2010 at 7:51 pm

When I read this, it reminded me of the old story about Aristotle Onassis asking Maria Callas to examine his ass to check his hemorrhoids and blasting a fart in her face as she drew close to look. Made me smile imagining the guv getting two nostrils jam packed with frijole fog.

TheWaltonFirm June 25, 2010 at 7:57 pm

I hate to be serious in these comments, but Brewer, as crazy/hatefull/paranoid as she is, has said nothing ass-related. The term “drug mule” would most commonly refer to someone carying drugs with them, like, in a convenient shoulder bag for instance, and would only refer to carrying drugs anally in an extremely rare case. I get that the right wing anal fixation is a solid recurring source of humor, but maybe Wonkette is reaching a little far to make the connection on this one?

rmjag June 25, 2010 at 7:57 pm

[re=606977]user-of-owls[/re]: my bad . i meant cunt . with nasty snapping teeth .

rmjag June 25, 2010 at 8:01 pm

[re=606983]Rotundo[/re]: might he have done that to jackie as well ? we all know she died way too soon ‘for some reason’ …

Cmoney June 25, 2010 at 8:08 pm

“There’s strong information to us…” With lie-on-the-fly phrasing of this high quality I suspect that Brewer is channeling the Great Communicator.

rmjag June 25, 2010 at 8:08 pm

[re=606986]TheWaltonFirm[/re]: i ‘hate’ to be ‘fatuous’ but … oh no i don’t . ‘kidding’

Roflcopter June 25, 2010 at 8:14 pm

this site and the comments in it are akin to walking into a public restroom, looking around and announcing “there is nothing good to eat in here!”.

Really, I thought FARK had some seriously small liberal minded retards in it, but you people take the cake.
I live in an AZ border town and can tell you first hand– YES THEY ALL HAVE DRUGS. How do you think they make their start up money once they are on this side? Figure it out Einsteins.

rmjag June 25, 2010 at 8:31 pm

[re=606999]Roflcopter[/re]: so , uh , duh , einstein , uh , who buys the , uh drugs , and uh , creates the uh demand ? drug mules don’t get the real money . they get pocket change and a promise not to kill their families , possibly . do uh , white american folks ever smuggle drugs , aside from the c.i.a ? ever ? commonly ?

rmjag June 25, 2010 at 8:34 pm

[re=606999]Roflcopter[/re]: almost forgot , einstein , unlike most ppl at wonkette , i will bet that you yourself could find plenty to eat in a public restroom . latrine . jan brewers ass …….

Cmoney June 25, 2010 at 8:37 pm

[re=606999]Roflcopter[/re]: But, but, FARK is for winos. And, then there’s horrible Gawker! However, I acknowledge that the floor of a public restroom can get slippery on a Friday night. It’s the price you pay for not having to “audition” for some flunky blog editor in order to be allowed to post a comment.

Rotundo June 25, 2010 at 8:45 pm

[re=606990]rmjag[/re]: It sounds like it was one of Ari’s’ favorite tricks, so I would imagine that the dignified former first lady got the “Greek Sinus Cure” as well. as for the border hoppers having drugs, quelle fucking suprise! who the fuck is taking pesos in Arizona and how else are they gonna make a buck? If they want to have fewer people dropping in, they have to start jailing the assholes that hire illegals (fines do not work, fear of prison rape is a strong motivator) and the demand will drop and fewer folks will come. If a few plant managers, HR managers, restaurant owners and construction company owners got a year or two in the slammer for hiring them, I’d bet they would be doing a much better job of checking the background of the folks they hire.

Hopey dont play that game June 25, 2010 at 8:59 pm

Mexicans is smuggling illiteracy to are children so they don’t learn none in pubic schools. Me vote Brewer.

user-of-owls June 25, 2010 at 9:01 pm

[re=607011]Rotundo[/re]: how else are they gonna make a buck?

Well, if they act quick they could make a bundle betting on Germany over England in the next round. According to a psychic octopus, it’s a sure thing.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/world/europe/10420131.stm

Katydid June 25, 2010 at 9:04 pm

[re=606999]Roflcopter[/re]: I live in an AZ border town and can tell you first hand– YES THEY ALL HAVE DRUGS.

ALL OF THEM??? SHIT, MAN, HOW MANY DRUGS DO YOU TAKE?

rmjag June 25, 2010 at 9:27 pm

[re=607011]Rotundo[/re]: fear , prison rape , strong motivator , if u throw in the greek sinus cure , i am in

Poisoned Rationality June 25, 2010 at 9:41 pm

So wait, WE’RE anal-probing the aliens now? Wha?
Man, we should totally let those dudes from Fire in the Sky do the dirty work … damn greys …

Poisoned Rationality June 25, 2010 at 9:46 pm

[re=606999]Roflcopter[/re]: Hey buddy … tap, tap, tap

IfyaknowwhatImean … AndIthinkyado

Mahousu June 25, 2010 at 9:58 pm

[re=606986]TheWaltonFirm[/re]: maybe Wonkette is reaching a little far…
Reaching around, perhaps?

rmjag June 25, 2010 at 10:02 pm

[re=607029]Poisoned Rationality[/re]: [re=607029]Poisoned Rationality[/re]: ya mean you are waiting for the alpha troll to admit he’s a twat ? and he/she is waiting for you to administer the greek sinus cure . stalemate ………………..

rmjag June 25, 2010 at 10:18 pm

[re=607011]Rotundo[/re]: the *formerly* dignified former first lady ….. /fixed

Surfeit O'Hubris June 25, 2010 at 10:36 pm

[re=607016]user-of-owls[/re]: I’m neither psychic nor an octopus and I could tell you that: The English team sucks.

rmjag June 25, 2010 at 10:40 pm

[re=607036]rmjag[/re]: i mean , after a sinus cure like that , how much dignity is left ? it wasn’t her fault though ’cause she didn’t know – she just didn’t know ……………..

the problem child June 25, 2010 at 10:49 pm

[re=606999]Roflcopter[/re]: *Taking your urinal cake and going home.*

WHAT? June 25, 2010 at 11:11 pm

[re=606999]Roflcopter[/re]: “I live in an AZ border town and can tell you first hand– YES THEY ALL HAVE DRUGS. How do you think they make their start up money once they are on this side? Figure it out Einsteins.”

How about I just make something up, instead? Sorry, you have the patent on that.

bloatedwhitetruck June 25, 2010 at 11:59 pm

Well…..I live in Phoenix and it is a well known fact that all the browns colon’s are stuffed with balloons of heroin. It is our right as self-important white people to smack our browns upside the head with our canes and demand they poop a balloon or two. How else do you think we make it through these rancid summers? Gowed with our chins on our chests. Ok, I said it cat is out of the bag.

bloatedwhitetruck June 26, 2010 at 12:05 am

We get our lawns cut for free as well. Also.

rmjag June 26, 2010 at 12:13 am

[re=607053]WHAT?[/re]: if a troll throws a bunch of bigoted stink ass out here then , well , maybe he does have a patent on stink ass . period . anyway , who cares ? any bidding ?

Escape Goat Nation June 26, 2010 at 12:22 am

Get a clue Brewer. They put the dope in balloons for a reason. This is a completely safe method. So find something else to complain about.

JMP June 26, 2010 at 12:32 am

[re=606999]Roflcopter[/re]: Oh my god, all of them? How horrible! My god, the Mexicans are coming; that must make an ignorant racist ass like your feel so scared.

Hey, “Einstein” (I’m supposing you use that as an insult because he was a Jew and people like you just think that’s terrible), read my comment above; the drug dealers have no problems finding citizens – some even white – to ferry drugs across the border; in fact, they prefer them because they’re less likely to get caught. And anyway, drugs should be legalized and undocumented aliens are just innocent people who should not be treated as criminals and you and you KKK comrades are losing.

Lono65 June 26, 2010 at 12:51 am

“Jan Brewer is closely watching the rectums of illegal immigrants”

Aren’t we all? I mean, those senoritas have got some sweet cabooses…you know what I’m sayin’?

SiameseTrainer June 26, 2010 at 1:06 am

Just goes to show, Repoblicans are a lot like hermit crabs the major difference being that instead of looking for the odd bit of beach flotsam, the Repo Party is always looking for another asswhole to inhabit

lawrenceofthedesert June 26, 2010 at 6:06 am

Brewer uses a crock like “there’s strong information to us” and the AP reporter lets her get away with it? Are we now acknowledging the Oracle of Delphi as a legitimate source? The article doesn’t even define the context of the remarks — a press conference? Chance encounter at Ikea? Doing shots in a dive bar? Disembodied voice of the governor heard throughout Phoenix? Instead of inspiring Wonkette jokes, this article is a joke.

Geogre June 26, 2010 at 6:36 am

“Information is coming” is a normal Republican thing. The use of passive voice is a political trick that anyone with experience should see through, and the reporter sure as shootin’ should have asked. I think the reporter knew, though:

Who rented Jan Bruer “Maria Full of Grace?”

(An alternative scenario is that they come here “wanting better lives” and then get accosted by Arizona cops and Joe aRapio and then have to be drug mules.)

libwakman June 26, 2010 at 9:58 am

The Rolfcopter Dickweed’s comment per startup money: The down payment on a mattress that sleeps four in a corner of an already crowded room does not cost as much as the Tums I need to buy to settle my stomach after reading batshitcrazy nonsense similar to what you drool out on your keyboard. Your sheets showing.

Can O Whoopass June 26, 2010 at 12:56 pm

Telegram from Gubbner Brewer to Darth Cheney in the hospital: “I’ll come get it stiff fer ya if you leave me a coupla bil”.

Mad Brahms June 26, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Meanwhile, the UNODC reports that cocaine use in the U.S. is on the decline; the percentage of 12th graders who have tried is now at 3.4%, down from 4.4 in 2007. This information is not “coming”; it’s in.

CanadianBacon June 26, 2010 at 3:10 pm

Okay, so the majority of illegal aliens are drug mules, apparently it doesn’t take a nobel prize in physics to know this. If the majority of illegal aliens are mules why does the governor want to change the laws about children born in the US becoming US citizens? Apparently you have to be a republican governor to believe that two mules will be able to reproduce successfully together.
[re=606999]Roflcopter[/re]: this site and the comments in it are akin to walking into a public restroom, looking around and announcing “there is nothing good to eat in here!”.
I would imagine an acceptable site to you, say The Corner by the National Review would be akin to walking into a fancy restaurant looking around and announcing ” there is no where good to take a shit in here!”

chascates June 26, 2010 at 10:13 pm

Somewhere there’s a Cindy McCain joke in this.

Weeping Jesus June 27, 2010 at 3:32 am

[re=606970]rmjag[/re]: You might be mistaken. Have you seen the condition her “gums” are in?

ImBarb June 28, 2010 at 12:38 am

I live in New Mexico and now I am wondering how many of the brown folks around here had to rent out their starfish to get across the boarder here.
Sarah Palin should stop giving speeches and focus on making more money by hauling dope in her womb. It’s worked out five times for her already. Hell, she’d be a zillionaire, because every time she speaks most of America snorts anyway.

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