Rand Paul Wants To Build $1-Billion Electric Underground Fence To Keep Out Mexican Gophers

Senate candidate Rand Paul has a lot of new, interesting ideas. On the immigration issue, your average Republican would just mumble something about building a fence at the Mexican border. Not Rand Paul! Paul has come up with his own fence idea. Instead of building one above ground, it will be underground , where the Mexicans won't expect it. "Oh look, here's the border, and there's no fence up. Must be a trick! I bet there's an invisible fence here. I shall burrow under the ground so I can get into America and steal its public schools. Wait, what's this?" ZAP! Rand Paul outwitted you, Mexican.

Rand Paul Underground Electric Fence FAQ

 Q: Wait, what if the Mexican decides to cross the border on or above the ground? 

A: They won't. See above. Rand Paul is two steps ahead of Mexican logic.

 Q: At some point, won't the Mexicans figure out they can't get across by burrowing under the border? 

A: No.

 Q: But surely they will find their electrocuted countrymen under the ground and decide not to go that route, right? 

A: No, they will see them and decide that there must be an Aztec curse on the border and that it can't be crossed at all.

 Q: What do immigration experts and border agents think of this plan? 

A: The National Association of Immigration Experts and Border Agents endorses this proposal.

 Q: Who's the National Association of Immigration Experts and Border Agents? 

A: Rand Paul, his wife, his three children, and two glasses of Pepsi.

[ Huffington Post ]