Polar Bear fetishist Al Gore took a break from saving the world in 2006 to allegedly tell a masseuse to melt his iceberg.- Actual literate person, Greer Mansfield, joins the Wonkette staff to review Glenn Beck’s new chick-lit novel.
- Fresh from dumping the lovely Campbell Brown, CNN lowers its standards and acquires a new piece of ass, two in fact! Many more Pulitzers are in store for this conservative squawk-box and disgraced part-time Slate columnist.
- Speaking of Pulitzers, our own Ayn Rand comic strip series has yet to be nominated, why won’t they take our award-bait?
- General McChrystal had a pretty fun week being fired.
- Obama and Russian President Medvedev practiced their socialism by splitting an order of fries in Arlington, Virginia.
- Bristol Palin is on a television show, The Secret Life of the American Teenager! But when will Tripp appear on Toddlers and Tiaras?
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Late night post!!! My night owl gimlet-eyes couldn’t believe it! Dag, I just dropped my new iPhone 4 in the in the hot tub. It’s OK everybody, I still have my Jitterbug.
No mention of the week’s big story? Not a hand-job whore melts blue balls Gore. Nope, It’s Sarah Palin smokes pot. Sarah Palin smokes pot.
I’d like to see Ayn Rand sit Bristol Palin down and explain to her that she should’ve had an abortion since that would free her from being enslaved to a man’s will or the necessities of caring for a child. Then, as Sarah Palin steps in (have you ever seen a Bristol interview where Sarah doesn’t step in from the sidelines and grab the reporter by the lapels until it’s all about Mama Grizzly?) and argues that Jesus loves all babies, and Rand explains, with an expression of snooty tolerance, that Jesus’ mythical sacrifice of himself for all the rest of mankind was an act of sheer stupidity and other-centeredness meant only to lull the individual into thinking there’s something noble about dying so that some greater inorganic form of corruption can live.
Okay, have to go work on that time machine now — this is too good not to happen.
So many new people, (Curmudgeon, Greer, Dudes) it’s time to change the background color. (cadetblue1 #98F5FF ?)
Also, change the Wonkette lady at the top, she left for …MSNBC(?).. a while ago.
Just ask the Comics Curmudgeon to call up the Ziggy dude and have him whip something up.
You’re Welcome.
[re=607086]Radiotherapy[/re]: She’s got hookworms too.
Don’t tease the Panther.
[re=607090]user-of-owls[/re]: : Oh,…. she smokes “medical” marijuana. Her base will buy that. Fuck, they bought everything else,
Dr. Owls, not to question your parasitology skills, but don’t you think cysticercosis is a more likely diagnosis for our favorite grifter? I mean hookworm is usually asymptomatic, maybe some anemia, but, the infection is easily curable with a few doses of anti-parasiticals. Whereas cysticercosis, or tapeworm, causes devastating intracranial lesions that often require surgery and chemotherapy to cure. It certainly would explain the vacuous, seizure-ridden, dementia she spits out..
[re=607087]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yo,,,,,,,Yo Ma.
[re=607087]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Damn, the last half of that first paragraph wasn’t even a complete sentence. If I had actually completed that thought, the period would’ve been a comma and it would’ve continued with something like, “we would watch her execute a complete tautological isolation as she sealed off the irritating idea in a series of calcified layers of hormonal excretion so dense that it would be sold as precious jewelry.” Anyway, this is good wine.
Chick lit?!?! Not hardly. The post you linked to explicitly says there’s no sex. Chick lit has tons of sex, but with tons of words too so we can claim it’s not porn. We read it for the storylines the way you menfolk read Playboy for the articles.
(Note: Not me though, I save myself the time and just go right for the porn.)
I first thought that Greer fellow was a lady. Tant pis. Still a bit of a whore for linking to Layne/Amazon and some novel about a character with the unlikely moniker of Larry Jonestowne (supposed to conjure up cold turkey in Guyana or what?)
[re=607096]legalize everything[/re]: Read it for the Saul Alinsky quotes. As every scrotum worshiping Teatard will tell you, we liberals are the mindless slaves of Saul Alinsky, so it might be wise to figure out who the hell that was.
Actual literate person … joins the Wonkette staff
This is the day that elitist Wonkette became too big for its bitches!
….britches.
OOO, this may just be the next sneezing baby panda,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umPEvYi39pU&feature=popular
[re=607090]user-of-owls[/re]: Things frequently found together: hookworms and trailer trash?
Or because you get hookworm from running around in shit?
[re=607094]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It was complete and brilliant enough for me. I’ll see what I can do about getting you a ride on a TARDIS.
How does a Palin qualify to be on a “Secret” Life of Anything? I know more intimate details about these people than I do about my own family. Crikey, why not give Katie Couric a jingle and get the butt-cam fired up?
[re=607123]Malketeer[/re]: She’s qualified to be on the “Secret Life of the American TEABAGGER” HAR HAR HAR
[re=607093]Radiotherapy[/re]: You may really be on to something there!
Ol’ platyhelminthes cysts have been used for ages as diet pills. Maybe the Wonkette scoop-of-the-year on breast implants was just Ms. Sarah chubbin’ up a bit on great airport/airline fud and she needed to go on a diet.
This may deserve a flashing blue light special. PALIN HAS TAPEWORM TUNNELS IN HER BRAIN.
[re=607115]x111e7thst[/re]: [re=607093]Radiotherapy[/re]:
“Tonight on Wild Kingdom, Marlin Perkins presents ‘The Dangerous Poop-eaters of Alaska.’ Don’t miss it!”
[re=607086]Radiotherapy[/re]: No mention of the week’s big story? … It’s Sarah Palin smokes pot. Sarah Palin smokes pot.
I think this is the only way I could ever like this woman, be at a BBQ party, at their house, Sarah’s stoned, Todd’s stoned, the older kids are all (secretly) stoned. Mooseburgers and walrus steaks on the grill, a galvanized tub full of Alaska Amber and Coronas on ice. Some hippy music from the 60′s on the stereo. Warm, sunny Alaska summer afternoon out on the back deck. Beautiful, puffy white clouds floating above.
Me with a videocam, filming prodigious bong hits and the laughter, the horsing around, the merriment…
[re=607136]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: There is only one way I could love her: anally.
Your fantasy Palin seemed within plausibility til you mentioned the Coronas, why does your fantasy hate the troops and love mexican commie beverages?
[re=607093]Radiotherapy[/re]: You’re on to something here!! It ‘splains a lot!!
Several
yearsweeks ago, our Wonkette had the scoop of the century about the Sarah’s instant boobage.Well ‘ol platyhelminthes cysts have been used for diet pills for ever and ever. Boobgate may have been chubgate, and Sarah went to the diet pills.
This might deserve the blue light special – PALIN HAS TAPEWORM TUNNELS IN HER BRAIN.
Guys, my city’s rioting.
Guys? Hello? Toronto, burning, and getting worse.
They’re burning police cruisers and looting stores and, oh God, they’ve breached the security fence.
Seriously guys?
Isn’t this on CNN in the US?
Nope?
Talking about a lunar eclipse and that guy who set a record for lowest voice?
Gotcha.
[re=607147]mattbolt[/re]: Well go throw a couple rocks for me. I’d be there myself if I had money. Though maybe if I had money I’d feel less like throwing stuff.
Breaking News: The U.S. Eliminated From “World Cup” By A Bunch Of Bloody Wogs.
I blame America’s First Black President: Bill Clinton.
He was there. We lost. Case closed.
[re=607147]mattbolt[/re]: Layne has sent Riley and Laurie over in the Wonkette-mobile to sort things out.
Isn’t “Glen Beck novel” one of those . . .:::whatdayacall it?:::: oxymoron thingies?
Also: I’ve done a lot of weird things in my life. (The statute of limitations has run on most.) I can imagine myself doing a lot more weird things.
Reading any “book” by Glen Beck, however, is not within the realm of my imagination.
Praise Jesus.
[re=607138]facehead[/re]: Well, I like Corona.
What’s more to the point, white trash types like Corona as a “party” beer, a special occasion, “upscale” imported beer for when you want to impress your friends and Natty Light just won’t do. Shove that li’l chunk of lime down the neck of the bottle so it can’t be recycled, just as a FU to the greenies, etc.
[re=607138]facehead[/re]: “There is only one way I could love her: anally.”
I used to feel the same way. But by now, it would have to be me watching Mooselini done anally by a bear.
A well hung bear.
In a bad mood.
Oh, and a headboard on the bed studded with spikes.
Poison spikes.
Electrified to 100,000 volts.
(Oh, and I get the video rights to sell to “Animal Planet.”)
Oh, and the bear would have to have ursine AIDS/HIV.
[re=607151]Neilist[/re]: Mick Jagger was there too. But he spent all his time taking pictures of himself so I doubt his presence mattered.
[re=607147]mattbolt[/re]: Anarchists being naughty at trade conferences is so 1999. You needs to get someone respectable, like your Tories, doing something nasty to get on the teevee now. Can you round some up, dress ‘em up in kilts and herringbone, load ‘em up on Molson, and then have them throw bangers and mash at the Mounties? Then you’ll get ewe esse teevee.
[re=607156]Neilist[/re]: The bear may be a tapeworm vector.
[re=607158]weejee[/re]: PALIN HAS TAPEWORM TUNNELS IN HER BRAIN…ACQUIRED FROM WOLVES, AND SHE SMOKES MEDICAL MARIJUANA TO CONTROL SYMPTOMS.
http://www.msdsonline.com/CustomerSupport/Disease-MSDS/MSDSEchinococcusGranulosus
[re=607162]Radiotherapy[/re]: “The bear may be a tapeworm vector.”
No, no, the bear was cross-bred with praying mantis. So that at the climax of the ursine HIV electro-shock nail spike sex, the mantis-bear bites off Mooselini’s head and eats it.
(Gesh. Do I have to think of EVERYTHING?)
[re=607163]Neilist[/re]: There’s only one plausible explanation. Palin, after years of thinking too hard while bent over, has contracted a rare tapewormhole, a tiny interdimensional portal from which no intelligent thought may escape.
[re=607147]mattbolt[/re]: But it’s a very friendly, polite riot, for the most part.
[re=607162]Radiotherapy[/re]: [re=607163]Neilist[/re]: [re=607166]facehead[/re]:
She’s got hookworms too. Whole family’s got ‘em.
[re=607185]user-of-owls[/re]: That comment is offensive to hookworms everywhere.
No self-respecting hookworm would infect that — even were she not a fellow parasite.
[re=607153]Neilist[/re]: Try oxyMormon.
[re=607230]Jim89048[/re]: Don’t be stupid.
“OxyMormons” are those little angelic, blonde/blue-eyed Salt Lake City Choirboys that Rush Limbaugh blows.
Pursuant to a prescription from his treating physician, of course.
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