Bristol Palin Is the Yo-Yo Ma of Acting Or Something

  the voice of her generation

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ROBOT? I CAN BLINK. I AM NOT A ROBOT. I AM A TEEN MOM WHO IS YO-YO MA.On July 5th Bristol Palin will make her big-time Hollywood acting debut on America’s favorite and valuesiest television network, ABC Family, but everyone is so excited to have this wonderful gift of acting genius that a clip has been released to give us a taste of her sublime performance. In it, we see Bristol confront a fellow teenage mom at music camp with the fact that Bristol KNOWS HER SECRET and wants her to join Bristol Palin’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

WE’RE ALL TEEN MOMS AND MUSICIANS WE’RE ALL TEEN MOMS AND MUSICIANS JOIN BRISTOL PALIN’S BAND HAR HAR FRENCH HORN JOKE HAR HAR BRISTOL PALIN LEAVE NOW BRISTOL PALIN KILL BRISTOL PALIN KILL.

It is so good of Bristol Palin to educate us about teen moms and their need to learn important life skills such as playing the cello, but is it too dangerous to have her act for us? The whole country is going to die of starvation watching this glorious clip over and over. [THR]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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