oh for god's sake

Massage Lady Accuses Al Gore of Sex Groping, In Portland Hotel, In 2006

Yuck.Really? Did Al Gore try to get some 54-year-old masseuse gal to massage his dingus at a Portland hotel where he was staying to give a Climate Change speech, and when the woman showed no interest did he then get angry and demand she have sex with him? Is Al Gore supposed to be the new Kobe Bryant? MAYBE NOT. This was apparently reported and then un-reported to Oregon police back in 2006, and then the woman reportedly refused to meet with the police, twice, and the lawyer canceled meetings with the cops, and then (magically) after Al and Tipper Gore announced they were separating a few weeks ago, this masseuse went back to the police and asked for a copy of her original statement to, of course, give to the National Enquirer.

WHY IS EVERYBODY SO GROSS STOP IT.

From the AP retelling of the police report and the tabloid article:

In a transcript of the interview released by police, the massage therapist said she had an appointment with “Mr. Stone” at 10:30 p.m. but the hotel’s front desk told her he wouldn’t be available until 11 p.m. When she knocked on the door, Al Gore opened it, and when she asked what she should call him, he replied to “Call me Al,” the woman told police.

She said she was doing requested abdominal work on Gore when he started to moan and demanded she go lower.

Sponsored Video

“I was shocked, and I did not massage beyond what is considered a safe, nonsexual area of the abdomen,” she said. “He further insisted and acted angry, becoming verbally sharp and loud.

And now, according to the Enquirer, the Portland DA is supposedly saying there is “the possibility of a criminal prosecution.”

Gore’s people have no comment.

But here’s the actual statement from the Portland district attorney, in its entirety:

In late 2006 and January 2007 this office was briefed by the Portland Police Bureau on allegations that were brought to it by an attorney representing a woman who alleged unwanted sexual contact by Al Gore. We were told the woman was not willing to be interviewed by the Portland Police Bureau and did not want a criminal investigation to proceed.

About a year after this event, our office was aware that a public records request from the media regarding this matter had been granted by the Portland Police Bureau.

Today our office was notified by the Portland Police Bureau that further investigation of this matter had been conducted by it in 2009 and we were provided with the reports from that further investigation.

If the complainant and the Portland Police Bureau wish to pursue the possibility of a criminal prosecution, additional investigation by the Bureau will be necessary and will be discussed with the Portland Police Bureau.

Michael D. Schrunk, District Attorney

If there’s nothing to this, the Enquirer has lost all the hard-won Journamalism Credibility it got for busting the John Edwards thing open when nobody else would go after it.

Remember that “Obama banged some lady somewhere a few years ago” story that the Enquirer backed off from, a few months ago, after trying to get another John Edwards-style scoop? Two of those in a row will probably mean we don’t have to check the Enquirer anymore.

But if there is something to it, then it’s just more gross behavior from the super-rich gross people who either rule over the nation or make gazillions telling the nation to stop farting because it is killing the planet. (Those are the talking points for AM radio tomorrow. You’re welcome!) [National Enquirer/Salon]

Related

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

90 comments

  1. obfuscator

    i’m currently reading a book called “easy riders, raging bulls”. it’s about the new hollywood movement of the late 60′s. EVERY famous director/actor/producer from that era(altman, scorsese, coppola, beatty, bogdanovich etc.) were all horribly disgusting failures when it came to monogamy. i guess the lesson here is that powerful egomaniacs in all walks of life have a really hard time keeping their dicks in their pants. ugh.

  2. Mad Brahms

    [re=605389]imissopus[/re]: If it was a man, it would be a tragic story of repression and closetness (especially considering that Tipper isn’t exactly a catch in the open-mindedness department). It would still be sort of gross and inexcusable (grow some balls and divorce!), but superior to this icky-yet-hetero “happy ending” sleezefest.

  3. Escape Goat Nation

    I found this particular post relatively easy to masturbate to.

    Glenn Beck: Go fuck yourself! USA USA USA! Also

  4. user-of-owls

    [re=605391]Will work for shoes[/re]:

    and I did not massage beyond what is considered a safe, nonsexual area of the abdomen,” she said

    So what the hell is on those pants, tar balls?

  5. ImBarb

    She saved her pants as evidence? What a whore hoarder! I can just see Gloria Allred, scratching and sniffing as she’s drinking Red Bull tonight, ordering things from the Big and Tall Whore store with her anticipated lawyer’s fee from this “client” I am sure that Gloria’s sophisticated palate can differentiate between funky trucker spunk and that of a former Vice President’s.

    Lady, take your $75.00 that the National Enquirer paid you and invest in a roll of quarters and get thee to a laundromat! Four year-old mummified pants only look good on a four-year-old mummy, duh!

    I don’t believe for a second that this person saw Al Gore’s wiener four years ago. Look at his gut! This man hasn’t seen his own wiener since Mastodons pranced across the Earth. I won’t believe it until Bat Boy has a Biore` pore perfect strip with some of Gore’s baby batter on it. Then again, if he tried to tip you with a second party check from the Nobel Peace Prize committee’s endorsement……

  6. sati demise

    So, she only gives a jack off to guys that are not married?
    I gather she wants a second chance now Al is getting divorced.

  7. Dolmance

    I served with Al in Vietnam. I remember when I drove down to Virginia with my girlfriend to see him where he was vacationing with Tipper. We hadn’t seen each other for a few years and during the dinner Tipper was unusually quiet. Whenever she spoke, she seemed frightened.

    Anyway, to make a long story short, Al got drunk and ended up savagely kicking Tipper in the vagina. I pushed him out of the room and calmed him down, telling him about this really great group therapy session for vets in his home town. Meanwhile, my girlfriend sat with Tipper as she wept uncontrollably and when she asked her if Al had ever done anything like that before, she said, “Often enough.”

  8. SayItWithWookies

    Great — now Al will be going on a world tour with a PowerPoint presentation of how he’s innocent. I wanna know more about Al Gore’s sex life like I wanna know more about David Schwimmer’s nasal whine in “Woss Wuvs Wachel” or whateverthefuck it was called. Thanks, National fucking Enquirer — I’m going to go find a compassionate vegetarian chick in a HazMat suit to give me a bath in a sinkfull of Dawn now.

  9. Escape Goat Nation

    “So, she only gives a jack off to guys that are not married?”

    Yes, she’s a Lady.

  10. Radiotherapy

    Poor tipper, that’s what he is! His Al Gore rhythm was just off. He couldn’t beat Dubya Fuck, so he beat his wife.
    Now, where did I put those earthquake insurance papers.

  11. Escape Goat Nation

    Al Gore: Sex Attack.
    Al Gore. Sex Attack.
    Al Gore? Sex Attack!
    Al Gore! Sex Attack!
    Al Gore. Sex Attack?

  12. Sleeves

    [re=605416]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: I’ve almost got it…nope. Nope: Kristin Gore going Hohenzollern on him. No magical explanations accepted. I can’t get my imagination around “Sex Attack.”

    (I’ve always admired Al Gore for loving Tipper…couldn’t help having an opinion about that, and all the presumption it requires. Possibly necessary event: PMRC advocating against “supposed subliminal backmasking in records.”)

  13. facehead

    Al Gore: Did you have to go to school for this?

    Lady: Yes, I did.

    Al Gore: I bet you went to the “erectoral college.”

    Lady: …

  14. Sleeves

    ecirp a fo lleh a tahw. ecirp a fo lleh a tahw hoO! rehtaf ym fo ynoga eht ot derapmoc retnilps a tub saw ssorc eht no niap ruoY. regnirbmrots kcab nruT! ton si )eton niloiv(…emit tub elbisrever si cisum ehT. eldeen ruoy niur thgim uoy ,tuo hctaW. sdrawkcab drocer eht gniyalp er’uoy. on hO.

  15. gurukalehuru

    Now, I’m in my mid-50s and no great prize myself, but there’s one thing I don’t understand.
    If you’ve got the money and the power, why wouldn’t you go for someone who’s young and hot? Does this woman seriously expect us to believe that she, at 50+, is driving her clients crazy with desire? Haven’t seen a picture yet, but so far I’m pretty skeptical.

  16. druranium

    [re=605413]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yep, the terrifying sounds of Al Gore moaning “GO LOOOOWER” will now proceed to haunt me as I go to sleep. Goddamn it, why did I read this before bed?

  17. GayInMaine

    So when do the Senator that wears diapers and the thrice divorced former Speaker and the ex-congressman that likes little boys and the newly again married ex-drug addict radio host and the other ex-drug addict tv host with the magic Mormon underwear come out to talk about how this is the end of family values as we know them?

  18. Geogre

    I do not believe this.

    Al Gore was fat in 2006 and therefore he could not have been up to anything bad.

  19. finallyhappy

    [re=605403]ImBarb[/re]: Gloria Allred, Elena Kagen’s mom and I all went to the same girls (public) high school – but at different times. Gloria came to the reunion last year. This means nothing of course but I wanted to say it.

  20. Geogre

    [re=605441]GayInMaine[/re]: Your scenario is intriguing, but…

    I can promise you, given the fact that satire is impossible with Republicans, tonight or tomorrow the prostitute-hiring toe sucker consultant will be on Fox with that theme. The man on psychiatric medications will talk about it, probably, if he can take a break from talking about how he is the messiah and will be speaking in DC on the anniversary of MLK’s speech and wants a bigger crowd. The Miss America who went to Stanford and now claims that she has to look up words like “ignoramus” on Wikipedia to find out what they mean (“Do lobotomies hurt?” “Have a cookie!”) will talk about it, if she stops talking about how she is just like being president. A large group of divorced people, many with former or current substance problems, will agree and also talk about how terrible it would be to expect an erotic massage from a masseuse.

    David Vitter’s aid will not be mentioned.

  21. PsycGirl

    The words “Al Gore Sex Attack” should never be strung together in that order in any phrase or sentence.
    I suppose it is plausible that Al Gore would have moaned “Go lower”. You’d think a sex attack might involve more explicit wording but whatever.
    So ultimately the woman demanded….a retraction?

  22. Lazy Media

    [re=605428]gurukalehuru[/re]: If you’re on a road trip and send out for a hand job, you don’t get to pick how they look. And you assume the picture on the ad in the local alternative weekly is a lie. It’s possible that Al tried to order up a “sensual” massage and mistakenly hired a legit massage therapist, and the “sex attack” ensued. I’m not going to assume that’s true just because the “evidence” passed the high journamalistic standards of the National Enquirer. Basing their story on a police report makes them pretty much libel proof, since Al’s a public figure; doesn’t matter if the police report is based on big fat lies.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if the criminal investigation doesn’t wind up involving Miss Magik Fingers for filing a false report and/or trying to extort money from Al.

  23. PsycGirl

    Oh yeah…the woman says she was “shocked” when he asked her to “go lower”. Really, lady? You go to strange people’s hotel rooms and massage them and you’ve NEVER been asked for a happy ending before? It never crossed your mind that someone might connect “massage” and “hand job” given the public (pubic?) perception? I could understand being annoyed or disgusted but shocked?

  24. boatapple

    Yuck. When did big men become so pitiful? We were a great country when LBJ used to wake up his summer interns in their beds and say “Move over, this is your President.”

  25. Geogre

    So, she fled.
    She saved her pants as evidence.

    This for urine stains?

    Never mind. I really do not want to know why she saved her pants. I will assume that she saved her pants by a CPR.

  26. Chuckie Jesus

    I’d touch Algore’s dinghy for a tenner, and have my husband sell the high quality video to TMZ for a mint. I don’t care if it’ll ruin my reputation, I’ve got bills to pay!

    Ugly girls need to pay the rent, too, y’all.

  27. MMS

    Guilty.

    Al Gore is about the right age to make an allusion to Paul Simon lyrics when hitting on women.

  28. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=605437]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: Yeah, she said he asked her something about his ice cap and she THOUGHT he was asking for sex.

  29. WindbagCity

    [re=605423]ellemme[/re]: A man walks down the street
    He says why am I soft in the middle now
    Why am I soft in the middle
    The rest of my life is so hard

  30. Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=605452]PsycGirl[/re]: Perhaps she stopped offering the pubic option to new customers.

  31. President Beeblebrox

    I guess it’s triple-Drudge-siren-with-red-bold-underlined-headline time.

    Fox will be insufferable for the next several months. Meanwhile, this will make for some lulzy bits on the Daily Show.

  32. Geogre

    [re=605467]nappyduggs[/re]: In the words of John Dennis (the man who invented literary criticism in English), “A man who would make so vile a pun would not scruple to pick a pocket.”

    Well done!

  33. gjdodger

    [re=605468]WindbagCity[/re]: I grow old, I grow old
    A hooker in Portland wears the bottoms of my trousers rolled

  34. Capitol Hillbilly

    She saved her panties because she “had an accident” when Al Gore answered the door.

  35. Al Gore's Sex Poodle

    Somewhere in South Africa, Bubba is reading this police report with a huge grin, while four potentially pretty, but slightly overweight natives go down on him.

  36. Prommie

    [re=605521]gjdodger[/re]: You should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floor of the Gulf of Mexico.

  37. PortlandSmartAss

    This is a complete load of crap. I’d put money on the case not going forward originally, because her lawyer told her that if she sometimes was turning tricks, she’d not really be very credible. And she’s not credible.

  38. Prommie

    [re=605619]PortlandSmartAss[/re]: I am wondering if she is only shocked, shocked that someone would ask a masseuse for a happy ending, when that someone is rich and famous and potentially vulnerable to a shakedown.

  39. Mr Blifil

    I wish someone would have a reason to save my pants as evidence. Actually I’ve kept a few of my old pairs in case I ever require an emergency stool sample.

  40. Mr Blifil

    [re=605388]obfuscator[/re]: As Chris Rock posited: “Men are as faithful as their options.” Guys in movies have a lot of options. ‘Nuff said. Plus it was the 60s and 70s for god’s sake. That generation thought they practically invented genitalia.

  41. stew

    Is there a picture of the pants? I’ve never seen a nobel prize winner’s genetic goo before.

  42. lumpenprole

    “AL GORE SEX ATTACK!” works well in Engrish. It could be the name of a cigarette vending machine or shoe polish.

  43. Prommie

    [re=605636]Mr Blifil[/re]: Little did they know, genitalia were actually discovered in the late 80s by the Christopher Columbus of sex, Madonna.

    I used to save the panties, as evidence that I actually had sex, which was, without such physical evidence, a highly implausible claim for me to make.

  44. pdiddycornchips

    If this turns out to be bullshit, the judge should allow Al to go back to Portland and donkey punch her.

  45. chascates

    “She saved her pants”? While I realize many massage workers work in the nude is there something here I’m missing? And who believes Al Gore is even capable of moaning?

  46. Decker

    She’s trying to tell us there is “a safe, nonsexual area of the abdomen?”

    YOAR DOON IT RAWNG!

  47. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=605458]MMS[/re]: I actually use this line on women all the time, and I’m only… 32? Or something? I forget.

  48. ja

    but really, who amongst us doesnt love a nice massage?
    saving the whole world is some stressful shit.

  49. ericblair

    I know of another massage therapist who was propositioned by Al Gore; when I first heard the story I had to check whether she was the one in this case(no).

    If this is is his pattern, then I believe it probably happened.

  50. assistant/atlas

    [re=605448]doxastic[/re]: DAMMIT! Now I’m going to have go back to “Michael Steele Urban Onslaught.”

  51. Ryano

    The only Global Warming that isn’t a hoax is the kind emanating from his pants. Ugh. Big, Fat, sweaty, Al Gore. Well if it wasn’t a sexism scandal, it would have been a racist one. After all, his father did vote AGAINST the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…or in his case…the nut.

  52. Failed 2 Menace

    Please let her name be Ruth.
    Please let her name be Ruth.
    Please let her name be Ruth.

    - Prayer of every headline writer everywhere

Comments are closed.