BARACK OBAMA  1:27 pm June 23, 2010

HaHa David Petraeus Won’t Be Running For President In 2012 Now

by Ken Layne

DRUDGE DRUDGE DRUDGE PALIN PALIN PALIN FACEBOOK FACEBOOK FACEBOOKBarack Obama has supposedly chosen David Petraeus as new commander of the U.S. forces in Afghanistan, even though John McCain made Petraeus faint last week at the Capitol. So no David Petraeus for President in 2012. This has been a Wonkette 2012 Update. [AP]

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chascates June 23, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Patraeus had better start carrying around those ammonia capsules to combat his fainting spells. The Taint of Afghanistan marches on!

ManchuCandidate June 23, 2010 at 1:32 pm

RW wingnut bleating about how like this is Truman vs MacArthur and how McCrystal will be like MacArthur and run for preznit and will win the GOPer nomination… Eisenhower won in 1952? What?

populucious June 23, 2010 at 1:33 pm

It’s morning in America!

An Outhouse June 23, 2010 at 1:34 pm

So Obama sent McCrystal-Meth to see Donald Trump??

YOU’RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TGY June 23, 2010 at 1:35 pm

Wait, but how can he do that? It would be a step down for Petraeus from CENTCOM. Unless it’s just until a replacement can be found.

Vulpes82 June 23, 2010 at 1:36 pm

[re=604887]chascates[/re]: Don’t forget the fainting couch! He might also want to loosen those corset stays.

Suds McKenzie June 23, 2010 at 1:36 pm

I thought Patraeus was already in charge of a war, wait, … which war is this again, … how may wars are there?

Is this good news for John McCain?

I haz a faint\confused.

chascates June 23, 2010 at 1:37 pm

[re=604895]TGY[/re]: It’s like two spankings for the price of one!

JMP June 23, 2010 at 1:37 pm

But doesn’t he already have one war to not win already?

Buzz Feedback June 23, 2010 at 1:38 pm

I was hoping WALNUTS would go back on active duty and take over.

JMP June 23, 2010 at 1:39 pm

[re=604889]ManchuCandidate[/re]: He’ll be just as successful as McClellan in 1864. Hmm notice that insubordinate fired generals have all been Mcs or Macs; see this proves the Irish can’t be trusted.

chascates June 23, 2010 at 1:39 pm

You don’t go to war with the generals you wish you had; you go to war with the generals those assholes Bush and Rumsfeld didn’t run off.

SayItWithWookies June 23, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Does the general know he’s going to be drinking Buckler and virgin daquiris until this mess is over? At least he has some incentive to win, at least.

Nerdalicious June 23, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Thanks for your Jack Nicholson bit…hilarious & so very true.

chascates June 23, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Someone just came out in a brown suit and said something into the microphone. Who the hell wears a brown suit?

Slattenpat June 23, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Watch, Obama is going to let Petraeus “capture” Osama bin Laden (after he is released from the U.S. prison in cave #378 in Pakistan) just to spite General McMeth.

chascates June 23, 2010 at 1:43 pm


Nerdalicious June 23, 2010 at 1:43 pm


Slattenpat June 23, 2010 at 1:47 pm

CHAIN OF COMMAND! Ever heard of it, Stanley?

madtowngooner June 23, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Biden to McChrystal: Bite Me

steverino247 June 23, 2010 at 1:50 pm

[re=604907]chascates[/re]: Sad, but true. Those generals told Rumsfeld, et al., that such wars shouldn’t be started because you can’t win them. One of them, Eric Shinseki, is now in charge of the VA and trying to get the disabled from those wars the services they need. That has to be a really painful job for Shinseki, knowing he spends his day cleaning up the human wreckage of unnecessary wars he could not prevent. My wife and Iraq War Vet son met him at an event and said he looks sad, but dedicated to the task.

chascates June 23, 2010 at 1:54 pm

[re=604923]steverino247[/re]: I think Shinseki and the others who retired rather than go into the Middle East for a frat boy’s prank are the real patriots. The ones who fell on their sword rather than be part of a fool’s errand.

Suds McKenzie June 23, 2010 at 2:06 pm

[re=604904]Buzz Feedback[/re]: He would somehow find a way to crash Afghanistan into an Ocean.

RobPetrified June 23, 2010 at 2:49 pm

With apologies to Mat Greining and all the Simpsons writers:
“Dr. Zaius,“Petraeus”

Ape: Help, the human’s about to escape.
Troy: Get your paws off me, you dirty ape.
Ape: [gasping] He can talk!

Apes: [in unison, rythmed] He can talk
He can talk
He can talk
He can talk
He can talk
He can talk

Troy: [singing] I can siiiiiing!

[funky beat of "Rock Me Amadeus" starts playing]

Female Nurse Ape: Ooh, help me General Petraeus!
Apes: [in unison] General Petraeus, General Petraeus
Gen. Petraeus, Gen. Petraeus, Gen. Petraeus
Gen. Petraeus Gen.Petraeus
Oh… Gen. Petraeus
Ape: Gen. Petraeus, Gen. Petraeus.

Troy: What’s wrong with me?
Petraeus: I think you’re crazy.
Troy: Want a second opinion.
Petraeus: You’re also lazy.

Apes: [in unison] Gen Petraeus Gen Petraeus
Gen Petraeus Gen Petraeus
Gen Petraeus Gen Petraeus Gen Petraeus

[one ape starts breakdancing]

Oh… Gen DPetraeus
Ape: Gen Petraeus Gen Petraeus.

Troy: Can I play the piano anymore?
Petraeusaius: Of course you can.
Troy: Well I couldn’t before!

[plays piano]

“You’ll Never Make a Monkey Out of Me”

Troy: [singing] I hate every ape I see
From chimpan-a to chimpan-zee
No, you’ll never make a monkey out of me

Oh my God, I was wrong
It was Earth all along

You’ve finally made a monkey
Apes: Yes, we’ve finally made a monkey
Troy: Yes, you’ve finally made a monkey out of me
Apes: Yes, we’ve finally made a monkey out of you

Troy: I love you, General Petraeus!

Bearbloke June 23, 2010 at 5:43 pm

[re=604905]JMP[/re]: “…the Irish can’t be trusted.” And thus is summed up the history of Australia!

engulfedinflames June 23, 2010 at 5:45 pm

Declare victory (or peace with honor) and go home.

Jukesgrrl June 23, 2010 at 9:11 pm

Hey, Patraeus, be an American and eat a sandwich. Preferably one prepared by TGIF.

zhubajie June 24, 2010 at 7:50 am

[re=604913]Slattenpat[/re]: O. bin L. is running a felafel stand in DC. Ahmedinejad told the truth and no one believed him!

zhubajie June 24, 2010 at 7:56 am

Guys, gals, you knew all along Petomane would not run! Bible-Spice is pre-destined to win! Lead the US into total disaster for 8 years! She will be the Yeltsin of the USA! G-d, the divine practical joker, told me so!

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