WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE  10:25 am June 23, 2010

Internatonal Jewish Conspiracy Hires Abramoff To Market Pizza

by Josh Fruhlinger

Sharp dressed menschJack Abramoff! Remember that guy? Corrupt lobbyist something something Congressman A something something Filipina sex slaves blah blah golf junkets yadda yadda yadda WHATEVER, you can Google this business yourself, what do we look like, your personal political scandal historians? We’re all about the future, not the past, and in the future, Jack Abramoff, who just got out of jail, will be selling pizza to the Jews.

Baltimore Sun columnist Dan Rodericks has this crusade he’s on for employers to hire more ex-felons, because literally everyone in Baltimore is a dangerous, violent criminal. One business owner who took this mission to heart is Ron Rosenbluth, who picked up a wayward Abramoff at the prison gates and put him to work at his Baltimore-area kosher pizzeria. In addition to a long history of scumbaggery and the undermining of democracy, Abramoff also owned a DC kosher restaurant, so he is good at marketing this stuff, apparently! (Though we doubt that pizza — even kosher pizza — requires much more marketing than “SHIT MAN IT IS PIZZA EAT IT WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY IT IS TASTY AND CHEAP, AND THIS KIND DOESN’T VIOLATE ANY OF THE CONFUSING RULES IN LEVITICUS, PROBABLY.”)

Anyway, how did dangerous criminal Jack Abramoff get this fancy job?

“We’re all Jews, we’re all on the same team,” said Mr. Rosenbluth. “I’m more than happy to help a fellow Jew in any way I can.”

Wait, what, this networking among The Tribe thing actually works? DEAR HARVEY WEINSTEIN: Your Wonkette morning editor is of Hebraic extraction. Please “take one for the team” and provide him with a cushy movie job post haste. He is willing to commit a white collar crime, first! [Baltimore Jewish Times, photo via Indianz.com]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 26 comments }

Katydid June 23, 2010 at 10:28 am

Dear Mr. Abramoff: Let my people go, you goddammed putz.

slappypaddy June 23, 2010 at 10:28 am

sometimes they play softball, sometimes they play hardball.

thefrontpage June 23, 2010 at 10:28 am

What if Jack Abramoff and Bernie Madoff were put in the same jail cell at the same prison!

That would be fun.

madtowngooner June 23, 2010 at 10:31 am

Omar coming

ManchuCandidate June 23, 2010 at 10:31 am

Him?

From one tribe to another and the cycle of life continues. Let’s hope that Rosenbluth doesn’t regret it like the other tribes do.

Katydid June 23, 2010 at 10:33 am

Oh, and brilliant shit like this won’t fuel any international Jew conspiracies, so it’s all good.

JMP June 23, 2010 at 10:34 am

Now I suddenly feel like moving to Baltimore; getting bribes to order my pizza from a specific shop should help my finances.

Jim89048 June 23, 2010 at 10:35 am

Almost didn’t recognize him without the hat!

yo Jack! Gimme a large pie, extra kosher sausage and cheese, dawg!

Capitol Hillbilly June 23, 2010 at 10:39 am

Nice to see that a hard-working goniff can still catch a break.

Katydid June 23, 2010 at 10:43 am

O/T McChrystal’s left the WH, Obama’s going to speak at the White House after 11:35 meeting with Rahm and others. Fire his ass, Barry!

AngryBlakGuy June 23, 2010 at 10:50 am

…somewhere, Anne Coulter is turning in her grave…wait, she isnt dead yet?! Shame!

MarieDeGournay June 23, 2010 at 10:53 am

I’ll have the gefilte pie.

AngryBlakGuy June 23, 2010 at 10:54 am

…do you guys think that as a blakk man if I changed my last name to “Swartz” I would have a better chance at getting work? JEW CONSPIRACY + AFFIRMATIVE ACTION = WIN!!!

facehead June 23, 2010 at 10:56 am

Jews and Pizza can co-exist peacefully, but only in Brooklyn.

Monsieur Grumpe June 23, 2010 at 10:57 am

Everything I know about Baltimore I learned from John Water’s movies.

Joshua Norton June 23, 2010 at 11:02 am

Kosher pizza? Oy, vat a shander! Made with a special matzo crust for Passover. Also

McDuff June 23, 2010 at 11:09 am

“Fruhlinger” is a Tribal name? Just sounds German to me, but then I had a professor in college named Stein who was a German-American Lutheran minister. Come to think of it, however, Dr. Stein did have some suspicious Hollywood connections — that was his house the Columbian drug gang shot up in Chuck Norris movie “Code of Silence.”

mardam422 June 23, 2010 at 11:13 am

“We’re all Jews, we’re all on the same team,” said Mr. Rosenbluth. “I’m more than happy to help a felon Jew in any way I can.” There, fixed.

Read more at Wonkette: http://wonkette.com/416230/intl-jewish-conspiracy-hires-abramoff-to-market-pizza#more-416230#ixzz0rgo0oABU

Josh Fruhlinger June 23, 2010 at 11:16 am

[re=604675]McDuff[/re]: Most “Jewish” names are just German words, ya know (Goldberg = Gold Mountain, Stein = Stone), etc., because many of the Ashkenazim came from German-speaking Mittleuropa. I’m not sure if there’s anyone, Jew or goy, named “Fruhlinger” who wasn’t a descendent of my great-grandfather and his four brothers, who lived in Hungary before fleeing to various greener pastures (New York, Buenos Aires, and, uh, rural Western Pennsylvania, for some reason). But, yeah, they were Jewish. I’m guessing their father made the name up in the mid-1800s, when the Hapsburg Jews were emancipated and had to come up with gentile-style surnames (before that they just used patronymics).

edgydrifter June 23, 2010 at 11:26 am

I’ve participated in a gen-u-ine seder AND I’ve played with a dreidel, so I want my taste of the action too. Will trade pork consumption for easy money.

chascates June 23, 2010 at 11:47 am

Kosher pizza means the rabbi kills the pig, right?

McDuff June 23, 2010 at 11:51 am

[re=604683]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Snark/off: You’re exactly right — that’s why I’ve never understood how you could tell someone was Jewish just by their name, they all just sound German to me. But growing up German-American in a sea of German-Americans in N.W. Ohio, one does live a bit of a sheltered life.

Snark/on: My Warncke, Gerkin, Roehrig, and Huber ancestors thank you for your reply, but the Irish-Catholic Ansberrys now don’t want anything to do with you. Good day, sir!

Geogre June 23, 2010 at 11:55 am

Disney shuttered Miramax. So much for Tribal loyalty.

Freedom McAwesomePants June 23, 2010 at 12:13 pm

[re=604622]thefrontpage[/re]: It would be like the Odd Couple, except for the Aryan Brotherhood rape scenes.

chaste everywhere June 23, 2010 at 1:00 pm

I thought Jews only eat Chinese.

[re=604646]MarieDeGournay[/re]: Oh, you know, that thing I say every time I Reply to you.

Freedom McAwesomePants: So . . . “American History Odd”? “The X Couple”?

Zorg June 23, 2010 at 1:11 pm

“We’re all on the same team.” — That’s just what Yitzhak Rabin was going to say to Yigal Amir before… uhm… you know.

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