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Sharp dressed menschJack Abramoff! Remember that guy? Corrupt lobbyist something something Congressman A something something Filipina sex slaves blah blah golf junkets yadda yadda yadda WHATEVER, you can Google this business yourself, what do we look like, your personal political scandal historians? We’re all about the future, not the past, and in the future, Jack Abramoff, who just got out of jail, will be selling pizza to the Jews.

Baltimore Sun columnist Dan Rodericks has this crusade he’s on for employers to hire more ex-felons, because literally everyone in Baltimore is a dangerous, violent criminal. One business owner who took this mission to heart is Ron Rosenbluth, who picked up a wayward Abramoff at the prison gates and put him to work at his Baltimore-area kosher pizzeria. In addition to a long history of scumbaggery and the undermining of democracy, Abramoff also owned a DC kosher restaurant, so he is good at marketing this stuff, apparently! (Though we doubt that pizza — even kosher pizza — requires much more marketing than “SHIT MAN IT IS PIZZA EAT IT WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY IT IS TASTY AND CHEAP, AND THIS KIND DOESN’T VIOLATE ANY OF THE CONFUSING RULES IN LEVITICUS, PROBABLY.”)

Anyway, how did dangerous criminal Jack Abramoff get this fancy job?

“We’re all Jews, we’re all on the same team,” said Mr. Rosenbluth. “I’m more than happy to help a fellow Jew in any way I can.”

Wait, what, this networking among The Tribe thing actually works? DEAR HARVEY WEINSTEIN: Your Wonkette morning editor is of Hebraic extraction. Please “take one for the team” and provide him with a cushy movie job post haste. He is willing to commit a white collar crime, first! [Baltimore Jewish Times, photo via]

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