DAVID VITTER'S AMERICA  10:45 am June 23, 2010

David Vitter’s Beloved Drunken Aide Slashes Girlfriends

by Ken Layne

Diaperman David Vitter is still a Senator, in America.Remember diaperman David Vitter, the repugnant squeaky-voiced whore-user who most infamously forces his hookers to change his poopy diapers, and also was a client of the DC Madam who then killed herself? Remember? He’s one of the main Republicans in the Senate, still. Well, his taxpayer-funded staffers are just the kind of people you’d expect David Vitter to keep on the payroll as Top Aides for decades, because who else would want violent psychopathic drunken drivers as top Senate staffers?

ABC News has this gross story, about a very special Date Night with Vitter aide Brent Furer, who is regularly arrested for various crimes:

After drinking at a restaurant, the two returned to Furer’s Capitol Hill apartment, the report says. Furer “would not let her leave.” He “pulled on her coat, which caused it to rip,” then “pulled out a knife and stabbed [her] in the hand,” the police report says.

Charging documents allege that Furer became angry when he found phone numbers for other men in her blackberry. He smashed her phone when she tried to call 911, the records say, and he shoved her to the floor when she tried to leave, then held his hand over her mouth and threw her on a bed.

[The woman] told police Furer “uttered the words to her, ‘Do you want to get serious.’” Then, the arrest warrant states, Furer “grabbed an unknown object and held it under her neck. The suspect asked the complainant, ‘Do you want to die?’ The complainant replies and she stated, ‘No, I don’t want to die.’”

Furer’s main job at Vitter’s Senate offices? Working on “women’s issues.” Ha ha, like, do women want to die? Why are they so self-defeating? (The woman needed nine stitches to close up the slash on her chin from Furer’s knife.)

David Vitter and his entire staff should be dropped in a septic tank, and then that septic tank should be blown up with carpet bombs, as a test of America’s strength in this time of National Shame and International Decline. [ABC News via, separately, Wonkette operatives "Dan" and "Danielle"]

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MarieDeGournay June 23, 2010 at 10:51 am

Family values.

JMP June 23, 2010 at 10:51 am

“Women’s issues” means in charge of calling the whores so that Vitter’s personal number won’t show up on their phone bills this time around.

Who would have expected der Furer to be a violent sadist?

mardam422 June 23, 2010 at 10:56 am

You know who else was called Fur(h)er?

Baby who ate the Dingo June 23, 2010 at 10:57 am

Vitter has fired the douche bag for “bad aim:” He should have knifed her in the back, like all good Repubs want to do to un-R.E.A.L. (R.E.A.L.: “Really, Extremely Angry Lunatics”) ‘Murcans.

Deelzebub June 23, 2010 at 10:57 am

His name is seriously Furer (fuhrer), the jokes write themselves.

Let’s go through my contacts list on my cell phone and see how big a whore I am in his eyes. Mike…my brother-in-law, I’m obviously screwing him. Doug…father-in-law, yep him, too. Bob…platonic neighbor friend, or so I claim. Don…an old friend that lives a thousand miles away, clearly an elaborate fuck buddy situation. Dad….must be Daddy my pimp. He was right to stab her, we women just can’t be trusted.

Gratuitous World June 23, 2010 at 10:58 am

kill baby, kill!

Dean Booth June 23, 2010 at 10:59 am

Only her hairdresser knows for sure.

turdsandwich June 23, 2010 at 11:00 am

that’s it. i’m out. no more lobbying–er, “advocacy”–for me. these fuckers can have capitol hill.

facehead June 23, 2010 at 11:02 am

Women …

Monsieur Grumpe June 23, 2010 at 11:03 am

Normal people do not woo the opposite sex with stabby things.

Dashboard_Buddha June 23, 2010 at 11:05 am

So fucking gross.

doxastic June 23, 2010 at 11:12 am

The Fix’s twitter feed was shocked by how rough the ARTICLE was. Sure, being domestically assaulted at knifepoint is a bummer, but getting targeted by the ABC newsteam? Brutal, according to twittering newsbros.

joezoo June 23, 2010 at 11:13 am

“Furer? Damn near killed her!” (This also works with “Vitter.”)

proudgrampa June 23, 2010 at 11:15 am

Swear to God, this fucking country is going berserk.

doxastic June 23, 2010 at 11:16 am

[re=604653]Deelzebub[/re]: also, furor: the state in which a Republican women’s issues advocate finds himself while interacting with women.

JMP June 23, 2010 at 11:19 am

[re=604664]facehead[/re]: Women. Can’t live with them; can’t hold them hostage at knifepoint for hours without getting arrested for kidnapping.

One Yield Regular June 23, 2010 at 11:26 am

My god, is the world completely asleep this morning? This was posted nearly 45 minutes ago, and there’s STILL no “Downfall” parody about it on YouTube?

An Outhouse June 23, 2010 at 11:27 am

I thought the Snowbilly claimed that conservative women were like grizzly bears. I always carry a blade when contemplating sexy time with grizzly bears.

JMP June 23, 2010 at 11:30 am

[re=604696]One Yield Regular[/re]: There are no more Downfall parodies on Youtube. No, really; the production company went after them for copyright infringement.

weejee June 23, 2010 at 11:39 am

Carpet bombs will plug the leach beds leading to back-up, stinky poo, and large honey dipper bills. Use butterfly bombs, they caress with delicate flagellates.

mumblyjoe June 23, 2010 at 11:47 am

[re=604653]Deelzebub[/re]: On the other hand, I only have two lady contacts in my phone that aren’t either a) related to me, b)ladies I’ve boned or c) ladies I’d like to bone some day in the future. Now, not being sexist, I’m not going to assume that women-folk are any different with this stuff than I am. Not that it should matter, either way. People like sexytime, and this means people often have had other sexytime in the past or have given thought to other sexytime in the future.

On the other hand though, I’ve never been knifed by ladies who weren’t related to me, so I also take pains to return that courtesy as well, by not knifing ladies in fits of jealous rage.

Carrabuda June 23, 2010 at 11:54 am

Furer is kaput, per WaPo article here.
The report said Furer eventually pleaded guilty to three misdemeanor charges, including threatening harm and destruction of property, in connection with the altercation with his ex-girlfriend.

Vitter spokesman Joel DiGrado said Vitter’s office was aware of that incident two years ago, and that the aide left the office for several months during that time as the court adjudicated the case, ordering a fine and community service.

But Digrado said Vitter was unaware of any other legal issues until the ABC News report.

BOOBIES! June 23, 2010 at 11:56 am

I am starting the rumor that Brent Furer has a tiny penis and a STD.

chascates June 23, 2010 at 11:57 am

From that ABC link:
“Furer eventually pleaded guilty to three misdemeanor charges, including threatening harm and destruction of property. The assault and weapons charges were dismissed. He was sentenced to 180 days confinement, two years of supervised probation, 40 hours of community service, and treatment for drug and alcohol dependency. After getting a harsh warning from Superior Court Judge Lee Satterfield, his jail term was suspended.”

A black kid with an ounce of weed would do 2 years.

Prommie June 23, 2010 at 11:57 am

This would be the kind of person who says “do you know who I am” a lot, I bet. Such people are tetchy about people failing to respect their authoritai.

Traveler June 23, 2010 at 12:00 pm

[re=604665]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Slow down sme people have to take notes. . .

hoosiermama June 23, 2010 at 12:01 pm

[re=604719]mumblyjoe[/re]: I’ve never been knifed by ladies who weren’t related to me


(I am feeling shouty this week)

Johnny Zhivago June 23, 2010 at 12:08 pm

Like they say, when beauty walks in the door, common sense goes out the window.

mumblyjoe June 23, 2010 at 12:12 pm

[re=604744]hoosiermama[/re]: Specific qualification was specific for a reason. I mean, my sister’s only managed to draw blood once or twice, but.

facehead June 23, 2010 at 12:13 pm

[re=604719]mumblyjoe[/re]: “I’ve never been knifed by ladies who weren’t related to me …”

You must drink a lot of breast milk.

jus_wonderin June 23, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Please, please tell me that I am asleep, this is a nightmare, and I don’t live in a world where photoshop does not exist. Please. Anybody?

Gawd that photo is horrifying.

imissopus June 23, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Well she obviously wanted it, what with going to his apartment and all.

Did anyone note the picture of this douche next to the story? He looks like one of those dudes who gets arrested for luring little boys into his van for sexytime. Or as Republicans call them: Republicans.

Sue June 23, 2010 at 12:54 pm

And, okay, he pled guilty to this knife attack in 2008 and he was Vitter’s staffer on “women’s issues” AFTER that. Tho, thankfully, Vitter was “concerned” about the incident. But yet, he was only fired/resigned after this story broke. I agree, into the septic tank with the lot of them.

mercure June 23, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Why can’t somebody just round up all the Republicans in Washington, stuff them into a sack and drown them in the nearby pond?

WIDTAP June 23, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Ah a Senate Staff ID. Always a great get-out-of-your-PTSD-counseling-and-meds free card.

But of course, six stiches under the chin and who know how many on the hand are no sin when you’re one of The Chosen Republicans.

GOPCrusher June 23, 2010 at 1:06 pm

The fact that there are people that still want David Vitter to represent them in the Senate, gives me a sad.

McDuff June 23, 2010 at 1:17 pm

[re=604761]facehead[/re]: Point, game, match.

SayItWithWookies June 23, 2010 at 1:25 pm

Those who have had encounters with Furer told ABC News that his presence on Vitter’s payroll raised serious questions about the senator’s judgment.

Yeah, Vitter seemed so rational, honest and forthcoming in the past — I’m sure this changes many peoples’ opinions of him.

Geogre June 23, 2010 at 1:25 pm

I have finally figured it out. Listen up: Republicans are Internet trolls.

No, really!

Ok: what do trolls do? The atheist trolls go to Christian groups to shout. The conservative trolls go to liberal sites to shout. The misogynist trolls go to feminist sites to shout. Nationalist trolls go to the pro-national sites of their “enemies” and shout. Gun trolls go to gun control sites and shout. Trolls go to the subjects they most hate and then spit, hiss, and throw feces.

So, Vitter’s misogynistic, rapist boy is working on “women’s issues” because he hates women. Mark Foley was working on “stopping child pornography” because he was against stopping child pornography. This goes back to James Watt, who was at Interior because he believed in paving the wilderness and flattening mountains. (Actually, he was weirder than that, but the point stands.)

Darkness June 23, 2010 at 2:48 pm

[re=604681]proudgrampa[/re]: Damn good thing we have the republicans to lead the way. Otherwise, we might wander, lost and delusional, back into a functioning society.

Dean Booth June 23, 2010 at 3:08 pm

[re=604737]chascates[/re]: You’re absolutely right. Punishment is only for the small people.

Accordion-o-rama June 23, 2010 at 5:04 pm

Shame, Furer was an aide Vitter could Depend upon.

Cap'nPookie June 23, 2010 at 5:05 pm

I say we use them to plug the Deepwater Horizon hole.

desertwind June 23, 2010 at 5:08 pm

The Bent Frueher & Diaper Man to the rescue!

Surely they’ve got strong desire to plug the damn hole.

Minnie Mean June 23, 2010 at 5:57 pm

I think it was Alice Cooper who pointed out that only women bleed.

NYNYNY June 23, 2010 at 8:07 pm

I tried to post this on Vitter’s facebook wall, it didn’t immediately appear. I guess they look these things over first. His profile pic is funny, he’s standing in a lake doing this half scowl, half smile and you can see the outline of the diaper under his pants.

foog June 24, 2010 at 1:10 am
foog June 24, 2010 at 1:12 am

shit. I meant to link to this one!


zhubajie June 24, 2010 at 8:15 am

[re=604699]An Outhouse[/re]: So what DOES the Abomination of Palination say about this?

thefrontpage June 24, 2010 at 10:15 am

Forget McEmerald and Patereeasureaus.

This is the top story of the week.

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