trademark disputes

Crystal Princess Changes Bookshop Name to Avoid Patriotic Encounters

See you at the Reiki Circle on July 4, ladies.JoAnne Kohler, the proprietor of Salem, Oregon’s Tea Party Bookshop, is changing her business’s name to Tigress Books next month, because she has no time for Real Americans or their “political connotations.” Lately, Real Americans have been coming into her ”wildly independent” literature depot asking for Sarah Palin novels and getting all mad because her store specializes in such things as pagan cookery books and spiritual growth propaganda, plus drumming circles. Um, why did this witchy lady choose such a patriotic name for her store in the first place?

According to her shop’s “About” page, it was for the anarchism:

The historical Boston Tea Party took place December 23rd, 1774. This event inspired our name as it was the first instance where an American populace rose up to protest corporate control of their buying choices. Tea Party Bookshop is a strong advocate of environmental responsibility, fair trade practices, and supporting the local economy. Our store specializes in merchandise that promotes both a healthier you and a healthier environment.

But since Kohler opened her magickal book shoppe, America’s true patriots have taken the Boston Tea Party back. It is their historical moment now, and their brand. According to the trademark clause in the Tea Party’s official Constitution, a tigress like Ms. Kohler is no longer permitted to use it to d/b/a, or else she will have to have conversations with them.

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As she told The Oregonian:

“People would come in and smell incense or see a prayer flag and realize it wasn’t what they were looking for …. It’s hard to quantify how much the tea party affiliation hurt us or how many people came in because of it. We didn’t do exit polls, but anecdotally, I’d say it was a lot.”

Well, at least one woman in this country knows her place. [Tea Party Bookshop/The Oregonian]

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About the author

Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)

View all articles by Lauri Apple

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35 comments

  1. Citizen Kitteh

    Don’t give up that domain! Or demand that the Tea Partiers pay you ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS for it!

  2. bureaucrap

    She just should have divided the bookshop into two. To the right — Sarah Palin bios and “These colors don’t run” magnetic decals. To the left — tofu cookbooks and lesbian sex manuals. That way everyone’s happy. The back parking lot can be used for informal fistfights.

  3. JMP

    What did this woman think she was doing, basing the name of her store on the real historical reasons for the Boston Tea Party, and not the Patriots’ History version where it was all about anger over taxation regardless of representation? She’s not a real American anyway, seeing as she seems to belong to a kooky religion that is not Christianity.

  4. Mumbletypeg

    Ah, memories of indie-bookstore moonlighting amid a mostly ultraconservative populace. No doubt she got fed up with the more piously perplexed ‘baggers coming in asking for concordance bibles “in large print AND compact sized.” Morans.

  5. PsycGirl

    What the hell is a prayer flag? It sounds like something a teabagger would love, not a signal that he/she is in the wrong place.

    I think this lady should sell bumper stickers with the original store name on them. People would buy them (win) and five years from now, others would make fun of those people for having a hippie bookstore sticker on their gas guzzler (win #2).

  6. facehead

    I have a store called “Teabagger’s Dildos and Race War Gear” and had no problems at all.

  7. WadISay

    Does this mean I have to change the name of those things I drop in hot water to produce a beverage every morning to “tigeress bags”?

  8. x111e7thst

    [re=604712]bureaucrap[/re]: Fistfights in the parking lot. Good times. What were we talking about?

  9. chascates

    Anyone who would walk into one of these New Age stores and not know it was Patriot Central is definitely wacked out, which is why they are tea baggers in the first place.

    Gingseng, crystals, incense, yoga mats, and they still couldn’t figure it out.

    And now, thanks to Wonkette, their site is down.

  10. Freedom McAwesomePants

    [re=604715]JMP[/re]: witchery isn’t a religion, stupid. It’s a synonym for lesbian. Gosh…

  11. Cicada

    [re=604717]PsycGirl[/re]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prayer_flag
    I’m pretty sure the teabaggers are only down for prayer flags that have pictures of Jesus on them or something. Which gives me a great idea for a new line of merchandise…
    If there’s one thing to be learned from Sarah Palin, it’s that a teabagger and their money are soon to be parted.

  12. WhatTheHeck

    Look here, Tigress, wicken lady, when I am admitted into hades, I don’t want to see angelic harps, wings, babies and golden retriever puppies.
    I want to see Wall Street bankers an such. Don’t confuse me.

  13. germansteel

    I always thought the Tea Party bookstore of choice for Teabaggers was Wal-Mart anyway.

  14. SayItWithWookies

    Even worse, that radical humanist atheist Thomas Paine is going to have to change his name so as not to be confused with the coservative Christian Libertarian Thomas Paine we’ve all come to know through Glenn Beck et. al. The teabaggers own that brand too.

  15. doxastic

    [re=604736]facehead[/re]: I dunno…I saw “The Battle for Algiers.” Maybe they’re just using the proven tactic of making the other side THINK that they have won, only to lull them into a false sense of security as they build a complex insurgency. The pregnant lady just “going to a game?” Little do you know, the baby is a soccer ball, and just when you least expect it (say, several hours after the game has “ended”), GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLL!

  16. doxastic

    [re=604733]Cicada[/re]: Maybe teabaggers wouldn’t feel so taxed to death if they didn’t spend so much disposable income on Kenneth Gladney memorial plates and crocheted Newt Gingrich toilet covers.

  17. PsycGirl

    [re=604733]Cicada[/re]: Aha, I see, another culture’s spiritual practice being taken over adopted by New Age practitioners. What a surprise.

  18. Gorillionaire

    She should have pretended to throw an extra evil super dramatic lesbian curse on each teabagger as they exited the shop. Then have a shill selling “Jesus Water” to get rid of the curse. Profit!

  19. rmjag

    she is the mlk of salem oregon . leave her alone . anyway , if she is a lesbian , i doubts she likes getting teabagged since it involves scrotum . and high school boys . and pro football players . and republicans ……..

  20. comicbookguy

    Now where will I buy my “Ladies of the Michigan Militia” pinup calendars?

    American revolution was all about a tea tax. Nothing more. Also.

  21. Lascauxcaveman

    Five will get you ten that she sells my all time favorite bumper sticker:

    “Sorry I missed church. I’ve been busy practicing witchcraft and being a lesbian.”

  22. Icecycle

    Yeah well.
    Same thing happened to my wife.
    She was using “Teaqueen@whatever” as an email address and of a sudden.
    Was drawn to the dark side.
    Now she is sitting in a small room knitting a damn death star while listening to Darth Limbaugh.
    “Magic is dangerous, M’cay?”

  23. Mad Farmer Manifest

    The TeaBagger protests don’t even happen in Portland anymore. They tried to do one in Lake Oswego (a rich suburb of P-Town, a.k.a. Lake No-Negro), but only 100 or so baggers showed. She must have had every TeaBagger in Salem come in, all 25 of them. Disconcerting!

    Turthfully, I’d change the name, too. I wouldn’t want to be associated with those bratty man-children either.

  24. donner_froh

    [re=604753]doxastic[/re]: I knew there had to be a simpler reason than Landon Donovan finally scoring. “The Battle of Algiers” scenario makes much more sense.

  25. assistant/atlas

    Maybe libruls do suck at capitalism. Why wouldn’t you just start selling Sarah Palin books and calendars and tchotckes and crap? Take the money from the teabaggers and then use it to fund a big…uh, Wiccan…uh…whatever witches use their money on. Or donate it to the Environmental Defense Fund or something?

  26. ladymacbeth

    i was trapped in salem OR for three months last spring (earning filthy lucre for my late unlamented employment opportunity) – in fact very near the offended bookseller. it’s a fun wiggy little town with lots of geese, aging hippies, crafty soap stores and a big ass prison.

    baggers should be banned.

    though i guess that is nearly always redundent.

Comments are closed.