TRADEMARK DISPUTES  11:33 am June 23, 2010

Crystal Princess Changes Bookshop Name to Avoid Patriotic Encounters

by Lauri Apple

See you at the Reiki Circle on July 4, ladies.JoAnne Kohler, the proprietor of Salem, Oregon’s Tea Party Bookshop, is changing her business’s name to Tigress Books next month, because she has no time for Real Americans or their “political connotations.” Lately, Real Americans have been coming into her ”wildly independent” literature depot asking for Sarah Palin novels and getting all mad because her store specializes in such things as pagan cookery books and spiritual growth propaganda, plus drumming circles. Um, why did this witchy lady choose such a patriotic name for her store in the first place?

According to her shop’s “About” page, it was for the anarchism:

The historical Boston Tea Party took place December 23rd, 1774. This event inspired our name as it was the first instance where an American populace rose up to protest corporate control of their buying choices. Tea Party Bookshop is a strong advocate of environmental responsibility, fair trade practices, and supporting the local economy. Our store specializes in merchandise that promotes both a healthier you and a healthier environment.

But since Kohler opened her magickal book shoppe, America’s true patriots have taken the Boston Tea Party back. It is their historical moment now, and their brand. According to the trademark clause in the Tea Party’s official Constitution, a tigress like Ms. Kohler is no longer permitted to use it to d/b/a, or else she will have to have conversations with them.

As she told The Oregonian:

“People would come in and smell incense or see a prayer flag and realize it wasn’t what they were looking for …. It’s hard to quantify how much the tea party affiliation hurt us or how many people came in because of it. We didn’t do exit polls, but anecdotally, I’d say it was a lot.”

Well, at least one woman in this country knows her place. [Tea Party Bookshop/The Oregonian]

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Citizen Kitteh June 23, 2010 at 11:39 am

Don’t give up that domain! Or demand that the Tea Partiers pay you ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS for it!

Gratuitous World June 23, 2010 at 11:40 am

“The Overton Window Into the Region’s Best Microbrews”

bureaucrap June 23, 2010 at 11:41 am

She just should have divided the bookshop into two. To the right — Sarah Palin bios and “These colors don’t run” magnetic decals. To the left — tofu cookbooks and lesbian sex manuals. That way everyone’s happy. The back parking lot can be used for informal fistfights.

JMP June 23, 2010 at 11:43 am

What did this woman think she was doing, basing the name of her store on the real historical reasons for the Boston Tea Party, and not the Patriots’ History version where it was all about anger over taxation regardless of representation? She’s not a real American anyway, seeing as she seems to belong to a kooky religion that is not Christianity.

Mumbletypeg June 23, 2010 at 11:44 am

Ah, memories of indie-bookstore moonlighting amid a mostly ultraconservative populace. No doubt she got fed up with the more piously perplexed ‘baggers coming in asking for concordance bibles “in large print AND compact sized.” Morans.

PsycGirl June 23, 2010 at 11:47 am

What the hell is a prayer flag? It sounds like something a teabagger would love, not a signal that he/she is in the wrong place.

I think this lady should sell bumper stickers with the original store name on them. People would buy them (win) and five years from now, others would make fun of those people for having a hippie bookstore sticker on their gas guzzler (win #2).

facehead June 23, 2010 at 11:47 am

I have a store called “Teabagger’s Dildos and Race War Gear” and had no problems at all.

WadISay June 23, 2010 at 11:48 am

Does this mean I have to change the name of those things I drop in hot water to produce a beverage every morning to “tigeress bags”?

x111e7thst June 23, 2010 at 11:49 am

[re=604712]bureaucrap[/re]: Fistfights in the parking lot. Good times. What were we talking about?

chascates June 23, 2010 at 11:51 am

Anyone who would walk into one of these New Age stores and not know it was Patriot Central is definitely wacked out, which is why they are tea baggers in the first place.

Gingseng, crystals, incense, yoga mats, and they still couldn’t figure it out.

And now, thanks to Wonkette, their site is down.

Freedom McAwesomePants June 23, 2010 at 11:52 am

[re=604715]JMP[/re]: witchery isn’t a religion, stupid. It’s a synonym for lesbian. Gosh…

Mahousu June 23, 2010 at 11:53 am

Thank goodness she didn’t change the name to the PUMA Bookshop.

Cicada June 23, 2010 at 11:54 am

I’m pretty sure the teabaggers are only down for prayer flags that have pictures of Jesus on them or something. Which gives me a great idea for a new line of merchandise…
If there’s one thing to be learned from Sarah Palin, it’s that a teabagger and their money are soon to be parted.

facehead June 23, 2010 at 11:56 am


Monsieur Grumpe June 23, 2010 at 11:57 am

Would it hurt her to stock a few Ronald Reagan calendars?

just pixels June 23, 2010 at 12:00 pm

You’d think “bookshop” in the name would keep most of the TP’ers away.

WhatTheHeck June 23, 2010 at 12:01 pm

Look here, Tigress, wicken lady, when I am admitted into hades, I don’t want to see angelic harps, wings, babies and golden retriever puppies.
I want to see Wall Street bankers an such. Don’t confuse me.

germansteel June 23, 2010 at 12:01 pm

I always thought the Tea Party bookstore of choice for Teabaggers was Wal-Mart anyway.

doxastic June 23, 2010 at 12:02 pm

[re=604712]bureaucrap[/re]: abortions for some, tiny american flags for others!

GOPCrusher June 23, 2010 at 12:03 pm

[re=604712]bureaucrap[/re]: You, good sir, are my hero.

SayItWithWookies June 23, 2010 at 12:07 pm

Even worse, that radical humanist atheist Thomas Paine is going to have to change his name so as not to be confused with the coservative Christian Libertarian Thomas Paine we’ve all come to know through Glenn Beck et. al. The teabaggers own that brand too.

doxastic June 23, 2010 at 12:09 pm

[re=604736]facehead[/re]: I dunno…I saw “The Battle for Algiers.” Maybe they’re just using the proven tactic of making the other side THINK that they have won, only to lull them into a false sense of security as they build a complex insurgency. The pregnant lady just “going to a game?” Little do you know, the baby is a soccer ball, and just when you least expect it (say, several hours after the game has “ended”), GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLL!

doxastic June 23, 2010 at 12:15 pm

[re=604733]Cicada[/re]: Maybe teabaggers wouldn’t feel so taxed to death if they didn’t spend so much disposable income on Kenneth Gladney memorial plates and crocheted Newt Gingrich toilet covers.

PsycGirl June 23, 2010 at 12:16 pm

[re=604733]Cicada[/re]: Aha, I see, another culture’s spiritual practice being taken over adopted by New Age practitioners. What a surprise.

Gorillionaire June 23, 2010 at 12:21 pm

She should have pretended to throw an extra evil super dramatic lesbian curse on each teabagger as they exited the shop. Then have a shill selling “Jesus Water” to get rid of the curse. Profit!

rmjag June 23, 2010 at 12:31 pm

she is the mlk of salem oregon . leave her alone . anyway , if she is a lesbian , i doubts she likes getting teabagged since it involves scrotum . and high school boys . and pro football players . and republicans ……..

comicbookguy June 23, 2010 at 12:33 pm

Now where will I buy my “Ladies of the Michigan Militia” pinup calendars?

American revolution was all about a tea tax. Nothing more. Also.

Lascauxcaveman June 23, 2010 at 12:41 pm

Five will get you ten that she sells my all time favorite bumper sticker:

“Sorry I missed church. I’ve been busy practicing witchcraft and being a lesbian.”

Norbert June 23, 2010 at 1:03 pm

Why not sell those calendars of George W. Bush quotes? Win, win.

Icecycle June 23, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Yeah well.
Same thing happened to my wife.
She was using “Teaqueen@whatever” as an email address and of a sudden.
Was drawn to the dark side.
Now she is sitting in a small room knitting a damn death star while listening to Darth Limbaugh.
“Magic is dangerous, M’cay?”

DC Hates Me June 23, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Some will pay for what other’s pay to avoid.

Mad Farmer Manifest June 23, 2010 at 2:58 pm

The TeaBagger protests don’t even happen in Portland anymore. They tried to do one in Lake Oswego (a rich suburb of P-Town, a.k.a. Lake No-Negro), but only 100 or so baggers showed. She must have had every TeaBagger in Salem come in, all 25 of them. Disconcerting!

Turthfully, I’d change the name, too. I wouldn’t want to be associated with those bratty man-children either.

donner_froh June 23, 2010 at 3:26 pm

[re=604753]doxastic[/re]: I knew there had to be a simpler reason than Landon Donovan finally scoring. “The Battle of Algiers” scenario makes much more sense.

assistant/atlas June 23, 2010 at 5:12 pm

Maybe libruls do suck at capitalism. Why wouldn’t you just start selling Sarah Palin books and calendars and tchotckes and crap? Take the money from the teabaggers and then use it to fund a big…uh, Wiccan…uh…whatever witches use their money on. Or donate it to the Environmental Defense Fund or something?

ladymacbeth June 23, 2010 at 7:57 pm

i was trapped in salem OR for three months last spring (earning filthy lucre for my late unlamented employment opportunity) – in fact very near the offended bookseller. it’s a fun wiggy little town with lots of geese, aging hippies, crafty soap stores and a big ass prison.

baggers should be banned.

though i guess that is nearly always redundent.

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