DRILL JUDGEY DRILL  2:29 pm June 22, 2010

Hooray! We Can All Go Deep-Water Drill the Gulf Of Mexico Again!

by Jack Stuef

PUT UP A HEADLINE, PUT UP A HEADLINEJUDGE BLOCK DEE-WATER DRILLING MORATIORIUM, say the Associated Presses, all grammatical-like. That’s right! Rand Paul 1, Statists 0. U.S. District Judge Martin Feldman in New Orleans decided New Orleans has not had enough trouble. “What we need, folks, is more oil spills up in here,” he probably said, though who knows because BREAKING NEWS. So if you want to drill for stuff, don’t listen to the Interior Department or the President, listen to this judge in Louisiana. Just maybe try to be careful when you’re drilling. There’s a lot of oil about, so it’s kind of hard to see what you’re doing in there. [AP]

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N8Ma June 22, 2010 at 2:31 pm

Wait, isn’t this also the US District judge that wrote Coptic Light and Rothko Chapel? Boo!

Spike June 22, 2010 at 2:34 pm

Friggin’ activist judges.

chascates June 22, 2010 at 2:34 pm

Should be ‘Jedge block de Water Drillin’ Thang’

user-of-owls June 22, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Calm down. He left intact the moratorium on Ay, Bee and Cee Water Drilling.

awesome dude June 22, 2010 at 2:36 pm

So, a lady Judge, who is also a liberal married, had an oil platform named after her, which will have a moratorium on drilling. Also.

actor212 June 22, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Because, you know, nothing says “energy” like watching oil company executives blanche before Congress.

bureaucrap June 22, 2010 at 2:41 pm

I loved Marty Feldman in “Young Frankenstein” and “Silent Movie.” Now, not so much.

bago June 22, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Judge! Block! It’s all in the mind!
If you wanna test me, I’m sure you’ll find.
The things I’ll teach ya, are sure to beat ya.
So step right up and get a lesson from teacher now!

Jerk Cade June 22, 2010 at 2:42 pm

A P niffin gloo

Gratuitous World June 22, 2010 at 2:42 pm

4th of July plans back on. Fuck yeah!

JMP June 22, 2010 at 2:45 pm

Hey, there’s no proof the other drilling poses any threat; I mean, it’s not like this disaster has exposed that at least one oil company has been seriously cutting corners on safety to save money, or that the regulatory agency that’s supposed to be ensuring the drillers obey regulations has been stacked with industry insiders who have ignored safety violations for the past ten years.

BOOBIES! June 22, 2010 at 2:47 pm

Judge Feldman has fantasies of Sarah Palin begging him to drill baby, drill while rolling naked in a puddle of crude.

One Yield Regular June 22, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Breaking news! Judge Dee, Magistrate of Poo-yang, orders capital punishment by slow-slicing of Gulf!

SayItWithWookies June 22, 2010 at 2:50 pm

Thank goodness an astute judge finally realized that the problem with our handbasket was that it wasn’t getting us to hell fast enough. Now let’s unbuckle our seatbelts, crack open a beer and start texting.

Snarkalicious June 22, 2010 at 2:52 pm

What do you mean? Jimmy’s chicken died, so this chicken might die if I keep fucking it? But me and Jimmy use the same kinda condom, so I call bullshit. Besides, there’s a great deal of world demand for fucked chicken. Trotskyite.

actor212 June 22, 2010 at 2:52 pm

This Judge Dee…any relation to Rick?

azw88 June 22, 2010 at 2:53 pm

he’s think, why not, it’s already fucked up, what else could go wrong!

Tim June 22, 2010 at 2:53 pm

[re=604146]Gratuitous World[/re]: Hell yes. This 4th, I’ll be making several Bacon Bomb Pork Explosions (see youtube) to celebrate this decision. New Orleans is back!!!

FormerDCite June 22, 2010 at 2:54 pm

This being Louisiana, I wonder what we would find if we were to check Judge Feldman’s freezer. A few bundles of Benjamins wrapped in foil with a thank you note from big oil perhaps?

x111e7thst June 22, 2010 at 2:54 pm

[re=604132]awesome dude[/re]: Sounds good I guess, but what does it mean?

weejee June 22, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Judge Martin Leach-Cross Feldman was appointed by Ronbo the Rainbow back in the time of the Ollie North promised land. Any of you Cajuns know what/who the fuck a Leach-Cross is?

I Heart Accuracy June 22, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Yeah well it can’t really get any worse, so fuck it!

Radiotherapy June 22, 2010 at 2:57 pm

Is this just not the separation of powers? Like oil and water.

Scarab June 22, 2010 at 2:59 pm

[re=604162]actor212[/re]: No, Cool Mo.

weejee June 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

[re=604170]weejee[/re]: Neverminds. A Leach-Cross is a Jabba the Hook.

Freedom McAwesomePants June 22, 2010 at 3:02 pm

Gosh everyone’s just so silly with this. It’s just oil, people. Hey, basic eluhmentry syence – oil and water don’t mix. Just let it all float to the top and we can skin it off like the skin of day old pudding. Or we could just set it all on fire and it’ll burn away and the fire will die once it reaches the water again. This ain’t brain syence, this ain’t rocket surgery.

torera June 22, 2010 at 3:06 pm

Why was the break-the-moratorium argument about jobs-jobs-jobs (at least as I heard it reported) when there are still 3600 oil and gas wells pumping away in the gulf… moratorium was only on NEW DEEP=WATER drilling. Who’s keeping all those roustabouts captive on shore that they can’t work?

Prommie June 22, 2010 at 3:07 pm

Its a political win-win for Obama.

Hey kids, gather round, gramps is gonna tell ya a story. Gramps was once worked for the City Attorney for some towns and for some zoning and planning boards and school boards. Gramps would give the mayors, counsel-members, and board members advice on what was legal, and what was illegal, and what applications should, under the law, be approved, and which should be denied. And gramps has to tell ya, that your city counsel members, and your mayors, and your board members, they would pay the attorney’s advice no heed whatsoever, and would merrily violate the law, and either allow a popular proposal, or deny an unpopular proposal, even when doing so was blatantly contrary to the law.

Its a game called “pass the buck” or “blame the judiciary.” These politicians know they are acting wrongly, but they also know that their victims will immediately appeal to the courts and the court will reverse the decision. But the politicians can stand before the public and tell the people “we tried to do what you wanted, but those damned courts and those damned activist judges . . .”

So, Benincasa, did you know that gramps here is an eminent personage, well versed in the ways of the world, adept at manipulating the levers of power? Power, they say, is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

user-of-owls June 22, 2010 at 3:10 pm

[re=604184]Freedom McAwesomePants[/re]:
This ain’t brain syence, this ain’t rocket surgery.

This ain’t no Mud Club. Or CBGB’s. This ain’t no foolin’ around.

mumblyjoe June 22, 2010 at 3:13 pm
Prommie June 22, 2010 at 3:15 pm

And everyone, its time to stop worrying and learn to love the oil. They aren’t gonna do shit to stop the leak until October or so, when they finish the releif wells. All they are doing now is a dog and pony show. So, at 100,000 barrels a day, there is gonna be another, say, 10,000,000 barrels spilled before they shut it down, right, 100 X 100,000 = 10 million, times 55 gallons, thats what, a jazillion?

I recomend drinking heavily, it works for me. For the hangovers, use WC Fields’ hangover remedy: On the hour, every hour, take 1/8th ounce of vermouth, mixed over ice with 2 or 3, hell, make it 4, ounces of gin. Garnish with an odd number of olives.

Way Cool Larry June 22, 2010 at 3:17 pm

so how many shares of BP does the Honorable Judge Feldman own???

JMP June 22, 2010 at 3:30 pm

Actually, it is good to see that Feldman has gotten over Haim’s death and gone back to work again. Who knew he’d be able to make it as a federal judge?

Oblios Cap June 22, 2010 at 3:33 pm


*sniff* I loves a story with a happy ending…

I Heart Accuracy June 22, 2010 at 3:35 pm

[re=604163]azw88[/re]: aarrgh!! a faster cynic you.

TGY June 22, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Oily red states.

GOPCrusher June 22, 2010 at 3:49 pm

Mary Landrieu summed it up best last weekend. Half the people of Louisiana make their money from fishing in the Gulf, the other half make their money from Oil. Pretty sad statement.

OzoneTom June 22, 2010 at 3:54 pm

[re=604167]FormerDCite[/re], [re=604204]Way Cool Larry[/re]: Actually he owns quite a few shares of the company that owned the drilling rig and I’m sure that they would like to drill more blowouts with their remaining equipment.

Sacanagem June 22, 2010 at 3:55 pm

[re=604204]Way Cool Larry[/re]: Silly cynical liberal, you thought you’d make a funny about a judge having conflicts of interest. Guess what, bucky?


tribbzthesquidz June 22, 2010 at 4:01 pm

[re=604202]Prommie[/re]: Aye, the drinking here increases as the spill estimates increase. Have to toast the end of the food chain etc. etc..

chascates June 22, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Judge Who Struck Down Moratorium Has Owned Transocean Stock


RoscoeWild June 22, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Palin policy prevails & promises prosperity. Drill, baby, drill.

chaste everywhere June 22, 2010 at 4:16 pm

[re=604202]Prommie[/re]: [re=604240]tribbzthesquidz[/re]:
Winston Churchill’s Martini Recipe: six parts gin, bottle of dry vermouth, cocktail olive. Shake gin in a cocktail shaker with cracked ice. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass and look at the bottle of vermouth. Garnish with olive.

Thanks to superhuman does of happy pills I’m not allowed to do more than look at the bottle of gin as well as the bottle of vermouth. But experienced drinkers assure me that Winnie knew a thing or two about a thing or two.

ALIVE! June 22, 2010 at 4:17 pm

Welcome to our Dee-Water Drill. Notice there’s no “p” in it….

Prommie June 22, 2010 at 4:30 pm

[re=604252]chaste everywhere[/re]: yes, I think tonight I will crush the ice, its better that way, than with the whole cubes. Hendrdicks, everyone, drink Hendricks gin.

Radiotherapy June 22, 2010 at 4:32 pm

[re=604202]Prommie[/re]: Oilgadro’s Number. 6.023 X 10 to the 23rd.
per the hangover: lots of water during and after…. oh and Dilaudid helps too. {BTW;WTF ever happened to Quaaludes?}

Prommie June 22, 2010 at 4:41 pm

[re=604268]Radiotherapy[/re]: I hear things, I hear things, people talk, I hear ‘ludes are back, among city hipsters, thats what I hear. I’d be interested, yes, I would, they are the ultimate “fuck you up” drug, when what you want is complete, utter, staggering incoherence, and you are so innured to alcohol intoxication that you’d shut down your liver if you tried to get that drunk, you want ‘ludes.

weejee June 22, 2010 at 4:47 pm

[re=604268]Radiotherapy[/re]: ‘Ludes is chillin’ out in some hayseed town in Californy. Lives next door to someone name of Layne.

jetjaguar June 22, 2010 at 5:09 pm


Radiotherapy June 22, 2010 at 5:10 pm

25+ years ago I saw a friend drive a car onto a porch — alcohol and ludes, like oil and water, do not mix. But ludes are component of Dr. Radio’s ultimate hangover cure. Interesting though, they just disappeared, uberconspiracy, or what. Roche 714 just don’t grow on trees, I guess. We will stayed tuned.

One Yield Regular June 22, 2010 at 5:12 pm

[re=604265]Prommie[/re]: Please don’t ever stop commenting on Wonkette, please, or I may be forced to make your next martini with 1 part Popov vodka to 6 parts sweet vermouth.

Radiotherapy June 22, 2010 at 5:30 pm

[re=604265]Prommie[/re]: Fuck yeah, I just got turned onto Hendricks 6 months ago. For the discriminating, kinda like Wonkette.

populucious June 22, 2010 at 5:43 pm

[re=604151]JMP[/re]: Yeah, obviously, I mean, all the other companies have SAFETY PLANS, people. They’ll show them to you. They’re in binders and everything! And I mean, just because their SAFETY PLANS are nearly identical to BP’s SAFETY PLAN, as if, maybe, they all went to the same “Safety Plans ‘R Us” warehouse to get them, it’s just, well it’s just CYNICISM, Progressive Liberal Biased CYNICISM to suppose these SAFETY PLANS, in the Binders with the Indexes and Pie Charts and everything, wont keep us all TOTALLY SAFE.

lionboy June 22, 2010 at 6:24 pm

Judge he block da dee water drillin’
Daylight come and me wanna go home
Hey Mr. Tallyman, tally me some oil spill
Daylight come and me wanna go home

plowman June 22, 2010 at 7:24 pm

Hah, ha, ha, you expected a Lousiana judge to do something contrary to the powers that be? What do you call such innocent earnestness? Is fucking idiot chumps too strong?

jus_wonderin June 23, 2010 at 6:44 am

[re=604276]Prommie[/re]: hangover remedy

Thank you. Thank you so much. All these years of suffering through the mornings after. And to think my MD said “Just stop drinking.” Ef that!

And for that La Judge…eat me gooface!!

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