Oh, you’ve read a quote from Rand Paul saying the unemployed should stop complaining and get a job already? The Louisville Courier-Journal sees that and raises you a “here’s a whole bunch of quotes of Rand Paul saying crazy things about random government regulations and stuff Republicans hold dearly.” Certainly there are a lot of things in this bargain bin of Rand Paul wisdom. For example, he is against housing discrimination laws because what if there’s a “church, bed-and-breakfast or retirement neighborhood that doesn’t want noisy children”? And he doesn’t really care for the Americans with Disabilities Act, because can’t you just force the disabled to work on the ground floor instead of installing an elevator? But the best stuff is him trying to overcome the slavery of ophthalmologists and saying stuff that will anger Republicans.
Zealously advocating for free-market economics, he also has criticized private health insurance, saying it keeps patents from negotiating lower prices with their doctors.
“We need to get insurance of out of the way and let the consumer interact with their doctor the way they did basically before World War II,” he said on Kentucky Educational Television’s Kentucky Tonight on Dec. 2, 2002.
What?
Noting that “computers are half the price they were 10 years ago,” Paul said, “Why does capitalism work for computers and not for health care? It is because you have a third-party system paying for the health care, and not the patient.”
Oh, okay. We need to haggle with our doctors! “Sir, you’ve got burns all over your body. We need to operate immediately.” “Sure, I bet you need to operate, doc. I’ll tell you what: I’ll give you my Kia Sportage if you give me a boob job.” “But sir, the burns –” “I SAID I WANT A BOOB JOB AND I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU ANYTHING MORE THAN MY SPORTAGE.”
But the lack of chicken barter and haggling is not the worst part of modern medicine. It is the government trying to ENSLAVE Rand Paul and his staff:
Speaking at a town-hall meeting on the subject in Lexington on Nov. 14, 2009, he said, “I think you don’t have a right to happiness — you have the right to the pursuit of happiness … if you think you have the right to health care, you are saying basically that I am your slave. I provide health care. … My staff and technicians provide it. … If you have a right to health care, then you have a right to their labor.”
Rand Paul will also make fans of conservatives in this article:
“As conservatives,” he said, “we say that throwing more money at a problem doesn’t always fix it. But then all the sudden, we lose our brains and say, a billion dollars here, a trillion dollars there to Halliburton. We keep spending with no restraint. … We need to recognize as Republicans that we can’t give a blank check to the military.”
Oh, that was probably just a misquote! Rand Paul can’t really hate the military—
In the same interview, he said, “I think torture is always wrong” and that “our country should have a higher ideal than that.”
Yeah but, he at least supports the troops and knows that terrorists are 100% Satan? Rand Paul says Americans “need to figure out what is going on with terrorism and why they attack us.”
At least Rand Paul protects the sanctity of toilet privacy: “When I built my first house, the government … was even interested in what kind of toilets I had in my house.”
Ahhhhh, there we go. YES, GET THE GOVERNMENT OUT OF OUR TOILETS! YOU SAID IT, RAND! [Courier-Journal]
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And he expected a honeymoon from the press?
Before WWII, quacks openly advertised on radio and in public to sell you miracle cures and innovative surgical techniques like replacing your stomach with a goat stomach, demanded fees that were four times what the average worker made in a year, let their patients die while they ran off to the next town, and it was all “legal”. So yeah absolutely that’s the ideal we are hitting for there Rand.
“Kentucky Educational Television’s Kentucky Tonight.”
Haha.
I feel his pain. I’m po’d today because the state tax commission has decided that my local Indian smoke shop can no longer give my dogs a biscuit when I toodle up to the drive thru to pick up some taxed to the moon smokes and some socialist French Zig-Zags. Is there nothing that gubmint can’t screw with?
Why won’t the government allow Rand Paul to install a Chinese drywall toilet that bypasses the communist public sewer system to dump directly into the local reservoir? Fascism, that’s why.
Too bad for Rand his handlers didn’t realize that, while they got him to shut up and stop saying batshit insane things to the press, he’d left plenty of insane statements (and like, two or good but anti-Republican orthodoxy) behind him that really aren’t that hard to dig up.
[re=604103]Gorillionaire[/re]: They didn’t need no stinkin board certification either!
You know what they call the stupidest person in a medical school class????
….doctor.
I wouldn’t send my neighbors cat to a specialist who isn’t board-certified, see how that plays out in your free-market dystopia.
In before $64,000 Pentagon toilet reference.
As the ancient Chinese or Mayans or someone once said; Even a broken cock is right twice a day.
Split the difference and give everyone the blood made of little robots like Larry King has. Problem solved.
America is seriously in decline if we can’t get a better class of slave opthalmalogist than Rand Paul.
I can’t believe that party run by crazy dickheads on behalf of crazier dickheads nominated the craziest dickhead to run for the Senate.
Rand Paul doesn’t really exist, he’s just a fever dream of Matt Groening: “What would it look like if Ralph Wiggum grew up and got into politics?”
[re=604113]nonbeliever7[/re]: It’s the Uighurs.
[re=604105]magic titty[/re]: Hey now, I grew up watching Sesame Street and Dr. Who on Kommunist Educational Television. It broadcasts out of Louisville, besieged outpost of regretfully Kentuckian libtards.
I’d like to see just how well negotiating over health insurance for cancer treatment would go as your average doctor has a little bit more leverage on that one. “Oooohhh, so you’ll need chemo for your lung cancer. Okay, I’ll see your house, car, and life savings, and raise you your 18 year old daughter for my indentured servant/love slave…..”
The reason them there doctors are so expensive is cause of all that schoolin’. We should just let anybody be a doctor and let the free marker figure out who the good ones are.
When the government toilet inspector came to my house and he saw the bidet, his head exploded.
Oh Rand, you are so right! Alls I want to do is install my terlit/gun rack/mini-fridge/recliner/rotary-phone in the living room sos I don’t have to miss a minute of my stories, but the damn-ass government won’t let me. THIS IS NOT US AMERICA I CAN BELIEVE IN!
Also you look like if Scott Baio and a wad of Silly Putty with a wig on it had a baby.
Geez, he’s right, I’ll print my own goddamn opthamology diploma right here on my own printer, buy some surgeons’ green T-shirts, and let the free market decide if I can operate on your eyes or not. And comparing commodotities like computers to health care, that is just brilliant. This guy is so nuts he is making Bachman look positively sane.
If you think Republicans are fucked in the head, talk to a Libertarian for an hour. They make Republicans look, considerate,reasonable and thoughtful.
Being Rand Paul is the new black.
[re=604103]Gorillionaire[/re]: Oh, they still do that; the quacks just themselves chiropractors or acupuncturists or other practitioners of alternative “medicine”. Luckily, most insurance won’t pay for that shit.
We need to haggle with our doctors! “Sir, you’ve got burns all over your body. We need to operate immediately.”
“Sure, I bet you need to operate, doc. I’ll tell you what: I’ll give you my Kia Sportage if you give me a boob job.” “But sir, the burns –” “I SAID I WANT A BOOB JOB AND I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU ANYTHING MORE THAN MY SPORTAGE.”Going with Rand’s computer metaphor, I envision this…
“Now, sir, we can offer you full and comprehensive surgery to cover those burns and guarantee a full healing. That’s our Applecare plan. However, we can also offer you the cheapest plan, that will essentially put Neosporin ointment all over your body and have you home by evening, and if you want more, you’re welcome to buy more, but of course, the skin grafts may not take since we’ll be offshoring our work to India and China, and naturally each manufacturer’s specs might get lost in translation, and you might have to reboot your flesh every week or so. Or even daily. We can’t predict such things. But we can promise you that you will have access to the widest possible range of skin types, so we can mix and match your patches to suit your deepest desires.”
[re=604137]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I think we’ll let the market decide that, thank you very much.
Why does he wear scrubs? Are they pajamas?
Ah yes, back in the good old days when the Methods section of every article in JAMA began: Procure several strong men to hold the patient down…
Relax, man.
Libertarians are in favor of slavery. Why not? “If you want to sell yourself as a slave, and I can afford it, then why not?”
Someone needs to ask him how he feels about dog fighting, too. The standard Lieberts believe that it’s all good, clean fun. The same, probably, with trafficking, so long as the person trafficked signed a contract.
See? This is liberty (for the rich), Libertarian style.
“no arts, no letters, and constant danger of want, and the life of man solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short” — Thomas Hobbes on the Libertarian world of natural law.
“I think you don’t have a right to happiness — you have the right to the pursuit of happiness”
And so Rand Paul, no doubt without any awareness, pinpoints the problem with the language of rights which Amartya Sen has been harping about for about 30 years now. Congratulations, Rand: you have the insight of a Marxist brown guy.
Hell, the price of my house is half what it was two years ago. Yay capitalism!!!
[re=604140]actor212[/re]: Nice grafting!
[re=604144]vag[/re]: Rand Paul not sleep! Rand Paul always vigiliant for your rites! Rand Paul SMASH rules!
[re=604164]Radiotherapy[/re]: Hey! I’m no grifter! I beat that rap!
Oh..you said grafting…*whew*
You charge how much? Well I think I’ll take my mangled arm and my business elsewhere thank you very much. Good day sir. I SAID GOOD DAY.
And can I get a couple pints of blood in a carry out bag?
[re=604103]Gorillionaire[/re]: The real miracle cure was implantation of goat testicles. There was a doctor who kept a herd of goats so you could pick which one’s balls you wanted. He became very rich and ran for governor of Kansas, or something like that. I wonder what Rand’s position is on the efficacy of goat testicle implantation for the treatment of glaucoma?
All I’m getting from this is that if I want to install an open pit toilet directly over Rand Paul’s head, he shouldn’t object even if I’d be violating the local building code.
[re=604140]actor212[/re]: Of course, after getting Applecare skin grafts, the patients all look identical and turn into insufferable douchebags.
One of the reasons computers are cheaper now is because quality assurance costs are low. Even the best hardware vendors ship tons of defective units, because it’s cheaper to deal with the small subset of customers who bother doing an RMA than it is to improve QA standards.
The US has pretty high standards, both government-imposed and voluntary, for medical care. We also believe that when some butcher maims or kills a patient through carelessness, that doctor should pay. If you want to know what Rnad Pual’s libertarian medical paradise looks like, imagine a patient dying of sepsis in some filthy discount clinic in the Caribbean – forever. And in the United States, also.
Actually I did just haggle with my dentist and got 2 x-rays for the price of one. Of course, I’m old and pathetic.
Just when it appears Democrats are going to lose every political race in the country, Republicans coming riding to the rescue with candidates (see also: Angle, Sharron) that make Ralph Nader look electable.
Why won’t the government let us shit in a hole kinda like we did before WW2?
[re=604189]Fuck Toad[/re]: They’re also not built to last like they once were. I still have my old Commodore 64 from childhood, and the damn thing still works; while any modern computer eventually just dies.
maybe rand should go back to wearing no pants to distract from the stupidity…
His blimp is starting to pop.
[re=604160]Toonces[/re]: Then you’ll be getting a great deal on those chemo treatments.
“Noting that “computers are half the price they were 10 years ago,” Paul said, “Why does capitalism work for computers and not for health care? It is because you have a third-party system paying for the health care, and not the patient.” ”
And yet, no matter how stupid the argument, libertarians will parrot this shit for centuries to come.
Sorry dude, I don’t want a 15 year old foxconn employee operating on my heart.
He bad-mouthed Halliburton? I’m sure that Dick Cheney is sitting in his secret underground lair plotting the demise of one Dr. Rand Paul by sharks with lasers on their heads.
Hi Jack,
I see you have made good use of ALL-CAPS and italics. Have you not discovered boldface?
More importantly, WHY NOT ALL THREE AT THE SAME TIME?
-Your friend the Sharkster
If the computer companies take over health care, can we put Microsoft Customer Service in charge of the Complaints window? Who’s Wendell Berry endorsing? Will Kentucky learn how to spell opthamlogolist by November 2nd?
Gosh it’s interesting to live in interesting times.
Apartments shouldn’t have to rent to people with kids? You try telling that to Everett True.
Total excuse just to link to the best comic strip ever.
[re=604117]user-of-owls[/re]: “What would it be like if Ralph Wiggum grew up and got into politics?” – Comment of the freaking year!
Don’t enslave me, bro!
Never, ever thought the Courier-Journal would do anything worthwhile. They mostly prefer to cover Rick Pitino’s abortion sex scandals, so this is really something.
Love how Wonkette’s (writer + commenters) total inability to pigeonhole Rand Paul equals total inability to make coherent jokes about him.
Total dumbass part of the comment re civil rights/housing is that there are bans on kids in all kinds of settings. Fucking Sun City and every other crappy Del Webb development wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for being able to kick out the kiddies (and anyone else not 55+ or sleeping with someone who is). Plenty of “adults only” properties too, as long as they don’t take Section 8 vouchers.
If you are going to attack civil rights laws, actually knowing their scope helps. Well, if you actually give a shit about reality, rather than making it up as you go along.
[re=604295]vkladchik[/re]: “ove how Wonkette’s (writer + commenters) total inability to pigeonhole Rand Paul equals total inability to make coherent jokes about him.”
Oh hey, it’s libertarian titty-baby vkladchik who seems to think Rand Paul is anything other than a bog-standard Republican with slightly more stick-to-itiveness than usual.
[re=604295]vkladchik[/re]: Yes, he’s so hard to pigeonhole, being a typical libertarian, and moronic, racist, misogynistic, arrogant and out of touch with reality in the same exact way as every single other libertarian asshole in the country.
[re=604295]vkladchik[/re]: How about “Fucking dipshit.” That enough of a pigeonhole for you?
[re=604312]JMP[/re]: He’s even closer to the teabaggery GOP than his father is. I mean, I’m sure vlad hasn’t been on this site for very long, but we’ve been making fun of Paulentologists for what, three years now? I think he’s still fussy from when people made fun of him for being “brave” by supporting the neocon/libertarian effort to draw Mohammad. He’s risking his life EVERY DAY for you, out there in the trenches of some Christopher Hitchens fansite.
He makes me haz a geighdar.
I just realized that “Rand Paul” must be named after Ayn Rand. Clearly, I’m a little slow on the uptake. God, people have to be careful what they name their children. My first will be named “Empathy.”
[re=604312]JMP[/re]: And that can’t be his real hair.
[re=604323]pinko-commie[/re]: He’s not, no matter how much his father and him idealize the dame.
[re=604133]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: let the free market decide if I can operate on your eyes or not
The smart consumer will try one eyeball first. If that works out OK, you can operate on the other one.
[re=604295]vkladchik[/re]: How about “crazy person who makes no sense?” There’s your Rand boy in a pigeonhole.
[re=604330]artpepper[/re]: I’m disappointed at the lack of imagination here. The free market provides for as many fresh, unadulterated organs as there are underclass. The organ trade will be “regulated” through contract and personal responsibility.
[re=604122]doxastic[/re]: I, too, appreciate public broadcasting’s safe harbor for liberal minds in retard states. I’m paying $75 to sit in the front row of the OKC broadcast of “Wait, Wait” just to be with the other 5 or 6 dozen liberals who live in the Dust Bowl.
I hope KOSU doesn’t lose their shirt on this one.
[re=604323]pinko-commie[/re]: His full name is Randal Howard Paul, so I prefer to think he was named after one of the Three Stooges.
Chaste everywhere: you commented: “Will Kentucky learn how to spell opthamlogolist (sic) by November 2nd? Your Zen sense of humor is subtle, but effective. Ahem, the correct spelling of Herr Paul’s profession is: “opthalmologist”. Also, We don’t need no stinkin’ birth certificate! AND: We don’t need no stinkin’ board certificate! We are Libertarians, AKA right-wing anarchists. Just fund the military to keep our wealth safe AND fund the cops to keep our wealth safe. We are all in this alone!
we should let barbers practice medicine again. then you could go for a quick haircut and a prostate exam.
[re=604375]Justin Time[/re]: Libertarians are pro-private security. So it’s fuck you, keep MY wealth safe.
[re=604295]vkladchik[/re]: You again? Your ideas are still uninteresting and I still do not wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
I don’t think murder should be illegal. If somebody does something I don’t like, I should be allowed to kill them. That way people would only do good things all the time. And it is important for my freedoms, also.
And, Rand: you are not a slave, dipshit. You are an employee. You have the right to quit and go home if you don’t like it. On the other hand, if your provider takes my money then I damn sure have a right to your labor — just like I have the right to a snow-cone, an adjustable crescent wrench, or anything else I FUCKING PAY FOR. Oh no, but it would threaten your preshuss freedoms if you couldn’t just cancel a policy or deny coverage whenever you feel like it.
Come to think about it, what is it with all the Libertarians who think because they have some ultra-specialized profession, they owe nothing to society other than continuing to eat, breathe, and shit? Fuck you eye-poker, you can pay your dues like the rest of us.
[re=604375]Justin Time[/re]: ophthalmologist
Also shocking is that Rand is a lying sack of shit. The government didn’t him about his dumbass toilet. Those sort of questions are not routinely asked of every household, and they are used to assess whether and to what extent people are living in poverty or in areas that don’t have commie utilities. The gubmint really doesn’t care that he makes busts of the the other Rand out of his own effluvia.
[re=604295]vkladchik[/re]: How’s this: you make a coherent comment, and we’ll make a coherent joke about it. Still waiting.
Pigeonholing will be made illegal if the Gays are allowed to marry!
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