HA HA BITE ME  10:18 am June 22, 2010

Gov’t Employee Stanley McChrystal Gripes About His Bosses

by Josh Fruhlinger

Don't you touch me, you gay liberal homosexualThe biggest story in the political universe this morning (other than Tim James’ concession, natch) comes to us courtesy of Rolling Stone magazine, which is apparently still being published! One of their dogged reporters was taken off the crucial Third Eye Blind beat to go to Afghanistan and hang out with the upper echelons of the officer corps there, only to discover that these he-man military guys liked to make fun of the recently elected liberal administration! Find out what extremely rude thing they said about Joe Biden — Joe Biden! We thought every last living human loved Joe Biden! — after the jump.

Here are the mean things McChrystal and his posse of war-fighters said and did, as excerpted by the liberal media: they said Obama was “uncomfortable and intimidated” during a meeting with a bunch of generals; they called National Security Advisor James Jones a “clown” who is “stuck in 1985″; they called Richard Holbrooke, the administration’s Afghan-Pakistan envoy, a “wounded animal” and “dangerous,” because he might get fired soon; they don’t think much of Karl Eikenberry, the ambassador to Kabul; they referred to the prospect of meeting with a French government official as “fucking gay”; and when someone brought up Joe Biden, McChrystal said “Are you asking me about Vice President Biden? Who’s that?” and then one of his aides said “Biden? Did you say ‘Bite me?’” HA HA GET IT BECAUSE IT SORT OF RHYMES!

Here’s what they don’t do: disagree on any substantive policy or war-fighting issues, really! It seems to mostly be just a big workplace clash of personalities, except the “workplace” is a nightmarish war zone where thousands of people are dying and maybe we should be acting like fucking grown-ups, especially when talking on the record to reporters at national magazines. Anyway, Barry is pretty pissed because this all makes him look wimpy so McChrystal is flying back to DC right now to be extensively yelled at and/or fired.

But hey, at least Rolling Stone comes out looking pretty great in all this, right? Pageview bonanza! Uh, except, as our soul mates at The Awl point out, the article isn’t on Rolling Stone’s website because Jann Wenner hates and fears the Internet, and the actual paper magazine isn’t on newsstands yet, and probably won’t be until everyone has lost interest in this story! (The Politico had a PDF version up at one point, but had to take it down; The Awl has a fair use excerpt.) If you want to enjoy Rolling Stone’s fine reporting today, check out this article about the death of Slipknot’s bassist instead. [NYT/WP]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 77 comments }

Katydid June 22, 2010 at 10:27 am

What some people won’t do to get their pitcher on the cover of the Rolling Stone.

BlueStateLiberal June 22, 2010 at 10:27 am

Aren’t most workplaces “nighmarish war zones” when you think about it? BTW, nice alt-text!

TheGryphon June 22, 2010 at 10:28 am

What is “slipknot”? Is it some sort of bondage code word? Bcs if not, has no place in story.

Katydid June 22, 2010 at 10:29 am

[re=603793]Katydid[/re]: “Won’t do?” Will do! Why did I write that, goddammit.

snideinplainsight June 22, 2010 at 10:29 am

It would be so awesome if Barry subjected him to military discipline!! Maybe he could make him climb a greased pole, or do twenty pushups, or walk around the hard with his backpack on, in the rain!

What? ‘Fire him’? That doesn’t sound like half as much fun to me! Does it to you?

snideinplainsight June 22, 2010 at 10:30 am

Also, that should be

“Don’t you touch me, you gay liberal homosexual, Sir!”

Prommie June 22, 2010 at 10:33 am

Nobody could have predicted that Army Generals can be arrogant assholes who occasionally need to be put in their fucking place by a Democratic president that they think they can push around. Somebody give Hopey McUnicorn a Truman biography, please, and maybe a McArthur biography, or better yet, someone email him links to the Wiki pages.

bfstevie June 22, 2010 at 10:34 am

No matter how awesome the article may be it won’t come close to what Dr. Thompson would have done with it. Like the part where the general takes ibogaine. HST was the Jim Newell of the Rolling Stone. Except not a ginger.

x111e7thst June 22, 2010 at 10:36 am

[re=603793]Katydid[/re]: I got a freaky ole lady name a cocaine Katy.
(sorry sorry couldn’t resist)

FlownOver June 22, 2010 at 10:39 am

[re=603797]snideinplainsight[/re]: Was that “walk around the yard,” or “walk around hard?” Because either one would be a hoot if there’s video.

Prommie June 22, 2010 at 10:39 am

[re=603802]bfstevie[/re]: Ibogaine? That was The Man From Maine, Ed Muskie.

norbizness June 22, 2010 at 10:39 am

“Just because I’m a resentful jerkoff who’s at incompetent at everything apart from covering up the death of Pat Tillman, you wanna FIRE me?”

Baldar T Flagass June 22, 2010 at 10:40 am

“Your mission is to proceed up to Nung river in a Navy
patrol boat. Pick up General McChrystal’s path at Nu Mung Ba,
follow it, learn what you can along the way. When you find
the general infiltrate his team by whatever means available and
terminate the general’s command.”

Prommie June 22, 2010 at 10:41 am

It was so gay when the French won our little “revolution” for us, too.

slappypaddy June 22, 2010 at 10:42 am

it’s time to start bringing troops home from afghanistan. it’ll be a top-down operation, starting with stanley. he is to be assigned to spend more time with his family (assuming he has one). it will be a permanent assignment, nothing too taxing for an old soldier who has traveled his one bridge too far.

everybody wants to be a fucking celebrity anymore. whatever happened to shutting up and doing the job?

harry palmer June 22, 2010 at 10:43 am

Like with the banking fiasco, Barry defers to assholes who created the mess and hate his guts. Great recipe for success!

bfstevie June 22, 2010 at 10:45 am

[re=603805]Prommie[/re]: Muskie took it. Thompson reported it. For decades after the Thompson reference I could find almost nothing about ibogaine anywhere. In the years before the intertubes I used to search the medical databases. You don’t have, any ibogaine, do you? Sure do wish we had some now.

bfstevie June 22, 2010 at 10:46 am

[re=603805]Prommie[/re]: Have I mentioned lately that I am in awe of you?

MarieDeGournay June 22, 2010 at 10:46 am

Bonehead. Oh, sorry. General Bonehead.

chaste everywhere June 22, 2010 at 10:48 am

” . . . and the actual paper magazine isn’t on newsstands yet, and probably won’t be until everyone has lost interest in this story!”

Which makes this story different from every other story in the history of Rolling Stone how, exactly?

SayItWithWookies June 22, 2010 at 10:49 am

Some generals have been assholes for so long that they can’t pass up the opportunity even when it’s not in their best interests — and the military has clearly been dragging their feet when it comes to working with President Obama — a year to study the repercussions of DADT repeal? Come the hell on. Never leaving Iraq? Bullshit — Barry’s gotta tell them forget your hope that some evil shit will be elected in 2012 and do what the fuck I tell you to do. Period.

Potater June 22, 2010 at 10:49 am

[re=603797]snideinplainsight[/re]: I read greased pole, twenty, and walk around the hard. I need a ciggy.

Buzz Feedback June 22, 2010 at 10:54 am

Tim James is available.

lochnessmonster June 22, 2010 at 10:55 am

Why is Iceland always sticking it’s nose in our military? If it hadn’t been for that demon volcanoe spewing ash into the air, they wouldn’t have been stuck in Germany going on drinking binges with the reporter.

snideinplainsight June 22, 2010 at 10:57 am

[re=603819]Potater[/re]: yard – walking around the yard, I meant. The greased pole is a reference to the thing they do with freshman at Annapolis, for some reason was deemed to be too dangerous this year and there was a big fussing among the alumni about it. If you live around DC, you hear these kinds of things -

harry palmer June 22, 2010 at 10:58 am

[re=603818]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “Barry’s gotta tell them forget your hope that some evil shit will be elected in 2012 and do what the fuck I tell you to do. Period.”

Like Betrayus (and in the fine tradition of MacArthur)they’re a bunch of whiny prima donnas who think they know better than their elected superiors (particularly when they didn’t vote for them) and only defer to them when forced to. But aside from that, they’re all about duty and honor.

V572625694 June 22, 2010 at 10:59 am

McCrystal-Meth’s apology is a classic of the non-apology-apology mode:

“‘I extend my sincerest apology for this profile,’ McChrystal said in a statement issued Tuesday morning. ‘It was a mistake reflecting poor judgment and it should have never happened.’”

So, the profile was a mistake resulting from someone’s poor judgment, possibly Jann Wenner’s, but apparently not General I-Got-a-Tongue-Bath-on-60-Minutes. And all the trash he talked was apparently sincere, because he didn’t retract a word of it.

Sweet guy! He’d better keep his eyes peeled for “errant” HELLFIRE missiles. It’s easy to make a mistake with those things!

FlownOver June 22, 2010 at 11:00 am

Read all about it here.

V572625694 June 22, 2010 at 11:01 am

[re=603818]SayItWithWookies[/re]: As with Clinton, Barry would’ve benefited from six months active duty as a reservist, where he might’ve gotten a better understanding of what “commander-in-chief” means. Yes they threaten to quit if you slap their wrists. But there’re a hundred more in line behind ‘em, each more ambitious and ready to toady than the last.

PsycGirl June 22, 2010 at 11:03 am

[re=603817]chaste everywhere[/re]: Rolling Stone is working on reducing that problem by putting pix of an almost-naked-but-for-”machine guns” Lady Gaga

ManchuCandidate June 22, 2010 at 11:03 am

McChrystal has a lot of ‘splaining to do. The type of folks who usually end up as staff officers aka general ball handlers and pooper scoopers are usually the ultra ambitious bitchy anal chameleon types who take on the characteristics of their dear leader.

WadISay June 22, 2010 at 11:03 am

If McChrystal brings the same genius to warfighting as he does to his personal PR and staff management, we’re all screwed.

nappyduggs June 22, 2010 at 11:05 am

It is difficult to impress a man who drinks only rainwater, distilled water, or pure grain alcohol.

you didn't ask, but June 22, 2010 at 11:05 am

Leave Barry *alone*! (sniff!)

[re=603809]slappypaddy[/re]: everybody wants to be a fucking celebrity anymore. whatever happened to shutting up and doing the job?

Also, stop being a fucking douche whiney baby, too. Stoicism, motherfucker: “…the Stoics presented their philosophy as a way of life, and they thought that the best indication of an individual’s philosophy was not what a person said but how he behaved.” (Wiki)

[re=603806]norbizness[/re]: word!

McDuff June 22, 2010 at 11:05 am

“One aide calls Jim Jones, a retired four-star general and veteran of the Cold War, a ‘clown’ who remains ‘stuck in 1985.’”

Don’t these young whipper-snapper Captains know who was President in 1985? Ronald Wilson Reagan, PBUH, that’s who. Have they no respect for Jones, a man who stood just feet away from St. Ronald on several occassions? Isn’t the Republican Party trying to return the entire Nation to the party’s 1985 glory days? Could I go on for another three paragraphs asking loaded questions like Fox News? You betcha, also!!!

PsycGirl June 22, 2010 at 11:08 am

[re=603828]PsycGirl[/re]: on the cover, that is.

actor212 June 22, 2010 at 11:10 am

McChrystal looks the part of a tight-assed Army general. Perhaps his late-night warm showers with Rumsfeld paid off.

gjdodger June 22, 2010 at 11:11 am

“McChrystal. Hit the showers. Rahm is waiting.”

notreallyhelping June 22, 2010 at 11:12 am

“Uh…General, we’ve…uh…reconsidered your talents, and have found an assignment that we feel better suits your skill sets. Do you, by chance, speak any Korean?”

harry palmer June 22, 2010 at 11:14 am

[re=603827]V572625694[/re]: Any politician who hasn’t served either has an inferiority complex about it, or is viewed by the military as their inferior, or both in our military-glorifying culture. I don’t think Obama needs a better understanding of what “commander-in-chief” means, just the balls to pull rank on his “advisors,” and deal vigorously with insubordination. Then, as you say, most of these toadying authoritarians will get in line tout de suite. But Barry only makes real threats to the Jonas brothers.

user-of-owls June 22, 2010 at 11:15 am

[re=603807]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: Great, now all I can think of is Rahm whispering in Barry’s ear:
He’s out there operating without any decent restraint, totally beyond the pale of any acceptable human conduct. And he is still in the field commanding troops.

SayItWithWookies June 22, 2010 at 11:16 am

[re=603825]V572625694[/re]: No, that someone who f*cked up is apparently the PR guy who arranged the interview. He resigned. That’s accountability among the mandarins for you.

TGY June 22, 2010 at 11:18 am

It seems to mostly be just a big workplace clash of personalities

Never have so few ranted so much about so little. So stupidly.

PlanetWingnuta June 22, 2010 at 11:22 am

Is Obama saying in that pic, “look at this hand…if you fuck up one more time…i will snap your bony neck Chicago Style…got me?”

bitchincamaro June 22, 2010 at 11:25 am

[re=603806]norbizness[/re]: Excellent.

Oldskool June 22, 2010 at 11:26 am

This will only turn out right if the Genral holds a news conference tomorrow sporting a black eye and shaky voice with Barry standing behind him, cig dangling from his mouth.

weejee June 22, 2010 at 11:28 am

[re=603841]SayItWithWookies[/re]: That’s why McChrystal hired Tim James. Makes sense to Stan, how about you?

Prommie June 22, 2010 at 11:29 am

[re=603814]bfstevie[/re]: I love you too.

Geogre June 22, 2010 at 11:34 am

Ah, generals acting like macho dickheads. That always plays well.

Acting like partisan, macho dickheads is even better, and chauvinistic (French word: true story) partisan, macho dickheads is simply the best. Now he’s going to be all Zen warrior as he auditions for the cross he’s been building for himself. His friends from the last administration will be sure that he’s comfortable, well fed, and transported in first class style while on tour while on it.

See North, Ollie.

McDuff June 22, 2010 at 11:34 am

Nome, Alaska, News-Herald, July 7, 2010:

Nome’s Joint Command Weather Station Gets New Leader — Gen. Stanley McChrystal arrived in Nome late last night with little ceremoney to take command of the 5-person military weather station located next to the Nome community dump. McChrystal, recently U.S. commander in Afghanistan, had no comment on his new assignment.

Former governor Sarah Palin, commenting via Twitter from her temporary home in Iowa, welcomed McChrystal to Alaska and “hoped he’d get the change to shoot some wolves from a helicopter” while he was in “our great, energy-producing State of Alaska, but with no oil on our fish, ya know, also.”

chaste everywhere June 22, 2010 at 11:45 am

[re=603834]PsycGirl[/re]: I’m doing everything in my power (which is almost nothing) to control my quivering.

Panquake June 22, 2010 at 11:49 am

It’s almost as if the generals know where the real power is, and who the real boss is.

……….

snideinplainsight June 22, 2010 at 11:50 am

Lucky for the General, the NYTimes references an article today highlighting the avantages of being a castratti;

“The peasant and laboring classes—particularly in rural areas—were often faced with no means of subsistence. In a society where the church provided an immense amount of employment, [singing] was a very good means to make a living. [Castrated boys] did pretty well as compared to siblings who had nothing,” [etc.]

snideinplainsight June 22, 2010 at 11:51 am

Barry: “See, I’ll keep them right in this desk drawer, next to Saddam’s pistol.”

Panquake June 22, 2010 at 11:52 am

Remember when the generals were poor unheard victims of Bush-Cheney?

norbizness June 22, 2010 at 11:56 am

[re=603881]Panquake[/re]: Lockheed?

Mista Eko June 22, 2010 at 11:59 am

A guy in the military called the French effeminate?

Fucking fire this asshole.

Pandy June 22, 2010 at 12:07 pm

[re=603838]harry palmer[/re]: Our last president didn’t really either but he got their respect.

Come here a minute June 22, 2010 at 12:08 pm

Yes, please extensively fire McASStle. (Wow — I can do it too — that was fun!)

Katydid June 22, 2010 at 12:10 pm

[re=603814]bfstevie[/re]: Hands off, Prommie’s mine! Prommie’s stalking Sara Benincasa, and I’m stalking Prommie. This will turn out well.

thefrontpage June 22, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Why on earth would a military commander in Afghsnistan give an interview to Rolling Stone magazine?

Why would a top military commander criticize the President of the United States, who is your Commander in Chief—who is your boss, literally?

Why would anyone in any military office anywhere give an interview on anything to Rolling Stone–that’s not a cut at Rolling Stone, which is a great magazine, but actually a compliment. Because Rolling Stone is a liberal left magazine which is very criticial, rightfully so, of all things military, and which asks critical, hard-hitting questions about the military, and which has a good, solid history of hard-hitting questions, interviews and stories about the military.

Really–are military commander so hard up for attention that they have to stupidly mouth off to a rock magazine?

People: Just how stupid, just how incredibly ignorant, and just how dumb can you all be?

The only answer for all of this is just plain STUPIDITY.

Mista Eko June 22, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Dear Obama, I wrote you but you still ain’t callin
I left the sattellite feed relay at the bottom
We discussed strategy back in autumn
Those extra troops, I got ‘em
But it still seems like there’s a problem
In the mountain ranges or somethin
Sometimes the guys rejoin the Taliban
Even after we’ve bought em
But anyways, fuck it, what’s up man, how’s your daughters?
My wife and I we know how hard it is to be a father
I got a son, but if i get a girl guess what I’ll call her?
I’m a name her Joan.
Man, about that Rolling Stone thing, I’m sorry
And about that Tillman thing where his unit didn’t want him
I know you hear this every day, but why are there drones in Pakistan?
I even got that underground shit we’re doing with the Waziri clans
I know Biden is funny, but the guy freaks me out, man.
I like what you did with Health Care, that shit was fat.
Anyways, I hope you get this man, just hit me back to chat
Truly yours, Hillary’s Biggest Fan,
This is Stan (McCrystal)

An Outhouse June 22, 2010 at 12:21 pm

[re=603795]TheGryphon[/re]: “What is “slipknot”? ”

A Grateful Dead tune originally on the ‘Blues for Allah’ recording.Yes, the Dead were way a head of their time with the whole allah akbar thing.

CaptWillard June 22, 2010 at 12:27 pm

[re=603807]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: Terminate with extreme prejudice…

hoosiermama June 22, 2010 at 12:32 pm

I got nothing to say about stupid old General Bonehead but let me say this about Rolling Stone: I got a Run D.M.C. totebag from the Walmart that had a free subscription card to Rolling Stone but the card expired already by the time I bought the bag on clearance but I sent the card anyway and those toads better send my DH a free subscription to Rolling Stone anyhow so he can keep up with third eye blind news. That is all.

proudgrampa June 22, 2010 at 12:40 pm

[re=603802]bfstevie[/re]: I agree. Hunter would have had a ball with this.

Done too soon.

Prommie June 22, 2010 at 12:43 pm

[re=603910]Katydid[/re]: I love you too. Let us all retire to one huge bed and form a puppy-pile. As long as everyone but me is female, that is.

Prommie June 22, 2010 at 12:45 pm

That oughta get Benincasa jealous.

populucious June 22, 2010 at 12:47 pm

The worst part of this story is how smug righteous Rolling Stone, already simply drowning in smug righteousness and generally high off its own funk, is going to be after causing all this kerfuffle.

Gorillionaire June 22, 2010 at 1:02 pm

My guess is that wingtard radio today is totally aghast at this insubordination and the intolerable disrespect to the commander in chief. HEE HEE HA HA HO HO.

chascates June 22, 2010 at 1:44 pm

[re=603972]Gorillionaire[/re]: Short-Timer David Obey wants ‘Reckless, Renegade’ McChrystal to resign. That alone will bring out teh crazees. Tonight Glenn Beck will probably have some sort of chalk talk on how this is actually a planned coup to take out the top military brass and have George Soros run the Pentagon. Into the ground.

sati demise June 22, 2010 at 1:55 pm

yea, but McChrystal et al have an excuse since everyone knows no one but the dirty fucking hippies read Rolling Stone Mag.

So they were trying to look all radical an shit, thinking they were reaching out to teh Ozzy Osbourn faction.

[re=603956]populucious[/re]:
except for the fact that Rolling Stone has somehow morphed into one of the best investigative journalism rags in this 21st century

GOPCrusher June 22, 2010 at 2:23 pm

[re=603956]populucious[/re]: Agreed. Rolling Stone is a rag. Over the years I’ve found it best to avoid anything they proclaim as “good”.
But, talking trash about your boss in public, has never proven to be a sound way to career advancement, especially for military personnel.

Chumpatized June 22, 2010 at 3:19 pm

Like a bitchy man-Heather, I bet McChrystal has a slam book under his pillow in the barracks. “Joe Biden smells like cheese!”

Meanwhile, Rolling Stone has put the article online for those who can’t afford, or won’t be seen buying, its magazine: http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/17390/119236

Katydid June 22, 2010 at 4:31 pm

[re=603953]Prommie[/re]: ::looks down::

Yep, I’m female. Puppy pile! I’ll even go a little gay for Sara Benincasa, she’s so hot.

Boethius June 22, 2010 at 10:31 pm

SACRIFICES MILITARY CAREER FOR LADY GAGA TICKETS

AKAM80TheWolf June 23, 2010 at 11:06 am

[re=603953]Prommie[/re]:

That’s racist against gays.

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