Three whole weeks ago, star of stage and screen Tim James submitted himself to the approval of the Alabama Republican electorate, along with two other, lesser candidates. Did it make sense to them? Nobody could tell! James and some dude named “Bentley” were almost tied for second and the right to go a run-off. But last night, after spending $200,000 on a recount, James finally gave up, meaning that there will be no more hilarious ads in which he walks around his palatial home and asks if things make sense to us — and even the videos we knew and loved have been disappeared, by Stalin.
Tim James was pretty much “The Al Gore of Alabama 2010″ in that he was only a few hundred votes behind the other guy and he refused to concede because it might actually turn out that he won! But then, after a recount, he didn’t, really, so he quit in disgust. This repugnant behavior — using the legal process in place to ensure that election results are fair — obviously alienated Alabamians, as this extremely sarcastic letter to the editor of the Montgomery Advertiser, from “Freddy Kreps” of Montgomery, demonstrates:
I thought you were a businessman, Tim James. You spent $200,000 for a recount and you still lost by more votes than originally, 167 to now more than 200. I put this in plain English instead of the percentage you described it by.
Remember, if you are ever elected to office you will no longer be a businessman. You then become a politician.
Next time take the results as they are. Makes sense to me. How about you?
Ouch! James refused to endorse either of the guys who beat him, which presumably means we won’t see any lunatic endorsement YouTubes in James’ signature style. That’s too bad, because the man’s greatest contribution to human culture was really in the realm of innovative short films. In his honor, we planned to repost here his masterpiece, “Tort Reform.” The weird pauses, the shy downward glances followed by uncomfortably direct eye contact — all his signature stylistic tics are there. And then, just when you think, “Oh my God, we’ve faded to black and we didn’t even get a ‘Does it to you’” — pow! Just before the clip ends, he gives us what we want.
But the video was taken down from YouTube literally as we were typing this; it was available five minutes ago and now, poof! Gone! Why does someone (Tim James? Google? Nobama?) want us to forget this glorious chapter in American filmmaking? [Montgomery Advertiser]
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This is almost as good: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ahdmnIF0TA
In Alabama politics, taking on the powerful child molestor lobby can be bad for your career. We can only hope more heroic bussinessman like James keep up the fight.
Meanwhile, his hot blonde wife is out in the bard with Dale…
Come back to me, my love.
“167″ and “200″ are English. Percentages are Mexican.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ahdmnIF0TA&NR=1
With subtitles!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WkMcxTm9po]
With subtitles:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WkMcxTm9po
Oh, great. The Illuminati-Bilderberg-Nazi-Trilateral Commission nexus finally figured out how to work the YouTubes. It’s just a matter of time before they understand Google AdSense and Twitter, and then it’s all over. FEMA camps and whatnot.
Quick, one of you computer genius types invent a new kind of teevee remote control or 3D porn simulator, something that will keep them busy until after 2012.
Maybe he just wants to be sure he is available when the call comes asking whether he would be interested in Pete Orszag’s job.
[re=603750]Bostoprov[/re]: The odd pauses, camera angles etc are explained in your video! He admits midawy through it that he’s being boufed by a capitalist! “Maybe it’s the businessman in me …”
now he can go back to sucking dicks at the glory holes on I-95…oh come on…you know anyone that crazy is on the down low.
Tim can’t make no endorsements ’cause he is taking the job as press secretary for General Stanley McChrystal.
Aw, his acting was so Method! In fact, a regular Methodist.
“I won’t be out George-Wallaced again!”
-Tim James
[re=603769]martinette[/re]: A Method Man, if you will.
I just feel sorry for the puppies he’s going to kick and the servants he’s going to beat in the upcoming days.
The sun is gone, but there is still a light. Comedy Character Young Boozer is still alive.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppvsFz9ef2M
“Funny name, serious candidate”
I just hope for everyone’s sake that dinner in the James household will be ready on time and cooked the way he likes it.
This guy and Dale Peterson (the guy who shoots at campaign-sign stealing hallucinations) only lost their primaries because Alabama
A) is full of liberal pussies
B) is insane as in push around a shopping cart and sleep under a bridge, not as in let these two fruitcakes anywhere near real power
C) Votes for actual facists, not wannabe facists like these clowns
D) has no sense of humor
So now we’re trawling for political coverage in the “Montgomery Advertiser”?
Even the Piggly Wiggly supersaver coupons are 3 weeks out of date in that rag.
More savvy internet rumors show Mr. James teaming up with Mr. Greene and 2 equally generically-surnamed go-getters in a southern political A-Team.
Please try to keep up.
[re=603783]harry palmer[/re]: (C)
[re=603789]Prommie[/re]: Sorry, the purpose of this test was to determine your eligibility to vote. Displaying clear sighted logic as you have here disqualifies you from participation in Alabama politics.
Freddy Kreps needs to write a comedy blog so that I can work less and read political jokes “in plain English” more.
God, that man is hot. Er, *was*.
“does it chew?” (said while watching the defeated candidate writhing face-down on the chancellery rug.)
Loved his song, “Super Freak.”
This fine fellow, and the one with the gay Winchester replica with brass side plates, they are absolute jewels, truly, you could not script such walking stereotypes if you tried, their reality transcends all satire, fiction, imagination itself, its actually hard to believe they are real. But the really fun thing about these advertisements is not what they reveal about these two truculent fucktarded pigfuckers, its what these ads reveal about the voters they were trying to reach. You see, these dudes are representing themselves in these ads in a way they believe will make them look admirable, to the audience of Alabama voters. Assuming that they are not both simply insane, this means that the average Alabama voter LIKES this kind of batshit, strutting belligerent ignorance.
Someone tell me again, why the fuck did we fight them, in 1865? Christ, imagine if we didn’t, they’d still be a third world backwater, which means resorts and vacation homes would be cheap, we could be hiring their lovely young daughters to perform sex acts on us, at prices you would normally have to go to the Phillipines to see, an we citizens of the USA would benefit from living in a far far richer, more civilized, and sane nation than we live in today, a nation which has been dragged down economically by their sorry loser asses, and culturally and politically as well, on account of, well, these two are perfect examples. I suppose there might be a little problem with illegal southerners immigrating to the US and taking all the jobs shovelling shit and such, and who could blame them, after the slave revolt of 1916 and subsequent massacre of almost half the white population. But hey, we could live with that.
[re=603752]Tundra Grifter[/re]: barn! Didn’t mean to go all Shakespeare here…
[re=603863]Tundra Grifter[/re]: Loved “out in the bard,” though I did have a tuff time fitting Dale into the picture.
Why are there so many foreign restaurants here in Alabama? When I’m Governor, Juan’s Taqueria will become John’s Flour Bread Sandwiches.
[re=603851]Prommie[/re]: “and the one with the gay Winchester replica with brass side plates . . . ”
You know, I’m detecting the pernicious influence of that Neilist ASSHOLE . . . .
But I digress.
[re=603892]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: That simply HAS to be a Wonketteer…
I haz a sad. I was really hoping for a redux of the classic Dale Peterson “Goodbye, Cruel World” campaign ad.
[re=603921]Neilist[/re]: OT, but Neilist, you’re probably the only person who could answer this one: In the movie “Utu” Rebel chief Te Wheke is shot by his own side when they realize he will continue fighting to the end regardless of the losses to his people. My impression is that the weapon was a Springfield .45-70 (the only reason I have any notion at all is that I inherited one and it looks a lot like that). Was it really or was the rifle something else? Inquiring minds want to know, for no discernible reason.
Someday we’ll yearn for candidates with the gravitas of a Tim James. With opposition research delving into college term papers, high school yearbook captions, facebook pictures and blog comments, all the good ones stay home watching “QVC”. (Uh oh, now I’m not going to be governor of Alabamy.)
Meh… why is this important? Y’all missed the real story: while they were conducting the re-count the Attorney General (who lost in his own primary, thank you very much) released an opinion saying that the State had no authority to conduct the recount in the first place and that James wouldn’t be on the ballot whether he won or not.
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