We Will Keep Having Primaries Until You People Get It Right

  it's morning in america
  • He endorsed her! (Non-sexually.)Are you sick of primaries yet? Yes? Too bad! There are several more of them today! Sex maniac Nikki Haley will probably win, after Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin turned her into a proxy for America, by fighting for her love. Also, a black conservative will probably beat Strom Thurmond’s son; a lesbian is running against Utah’s sole Democratic congressman, because he hates health care; and a couple of super-boring people are running for the Democratic nomination for North Carolina Senate. [NPR/WP/CBS/CSM]
  • Gays pissed that they still can’t get married or serve openly in the military ought to console themselves with the fact that they can take time off from work to take care of their partner’s sick kid. By allowing them to do this, Obama is ruining America, say the usual predictable jackasses. [WP]
  • Citizens of Fremont, Nebraska, will be packing their own meat, now that they’ve voted to kick out all the illegal immigrants, who are the primary employees for the town’s main industry. [AP]
  • Health insurers had better not use the recently passed (but not yet implemented) health care reform law to raise premiums, or the government will be really pissed! [NYT]
  • Congress is going to take an extra week to go kiss voters’ asses and, more importantly, not pass new laws that will enrage said voters. [WP]

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

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29 comments

  1. V572625694

    The government will be pissed about increased premiums until such time as The Lords of Hartford issue a ukase banning such behavior, on penalty of immediate policy cancellation. Problem solved!

  2. x111e7thst

    I’ve been happily packing my own meat since I was in my early teens. Never even thought of hiring an illegal to do it for me.

  3. JoeCool BigPecker

    They’re all super boring, possible exception is black you spoke of. Gettin’ fuckin’ jiggy with it mannnn

  4. RoscoePColtraine

    I find the whole notion of gay people having kids ludicrous. Come on, how is that even possible? Must have stolen them!

  5. mumblyjoe

    OT, but I’m sad that we missed the other major happening this Morning In America, which is that General McCrystal apparently gave an interview with Rolling Stone where he talked smack about everyone, ever, and so is probably going to get canned for being a douche. No, seriously, this is like The Major Controversy of The Morning. Unforunately, prominent coverage is on The Politico.

  6. norbizness

    [re=603766]mumblyjoe[/re]: In the words of an Absolutely Fabulous character, McChrystal is emaciated… like his BRAIN. But don’t worry, the important thing is that if you give him 1.2 million troops and an indefinite commitment, Afghanistan could be one gigantic strip mall by the turn of the 22nd century.

  7. Geogre

    [re=603766]mumblyjoe[/re]: One can turn to the BBC for coverage.

    McCrystal is apologizing profusely. However, the US is now, apparently, fighting for tribal identity in Afghanistan, and no one signed up for that. When the president of the country doesn’t believe in a federal structure or a centralized government (just centralized power), it’s bad doo doo.

    We have to wait for Patraeus to speak. He was elevated and shuffled in the last days of W. to be an insurance policy against any change in policy. So far, it’s working. Neocon foreign adventures 4ever!

    (And I actually supported being in Afghanistan.)

  8. TGY

    [re=603781]Geogre[/re]: Yes, I heard that on BBC. Also, that he’s being recalled to Washington for some serious pantsing. Sad that the BBC, Foreign Devils That They Are, cover us better than we cover ourselves.

  9. Katydid

    On the insurance, my mom has a pension with, ah, hell, I’ll just say it, Heinz, and they just fucked their retirees on their health insurance big-time by blaming the health care bill, and it’s a load of shit. Why do I doubt the attorney general of Pennsylvania gives a fuck?

  10. Potater

    The wingnut argument against the quee’rents makes perfect sense: “Gay families having kids denies those kids the right to a family.” Everyone knows two dads would be pig disgusting: stinky, smelly, messy housekeeping and doubleheaders of little league — outrageous. And two moms: can you imagine the poor kinder trapped with TWO Jewish mothers? It’s good that we’re rescuing these kids from awful two-parent homes and keeping them safe in overcapacity orphanages that our lobbyists have massively underfunded! Rat dicks, also too.

  11. S.Luggo

    Next, another example of MSM reportorial bias against a certain Southern state’s (soon to be) new fornicator-in-chief. http://tinyurl.com/3x6kssv

    You’ve read the article, now stop frowning. At least the quid-pro-quo didn’t concern the furious juncture of man and lady parts in some tacky, Las Vegas Motel 6 before next morning’s pancake-and-sausage prayer breakfast at a Christian conference, if you‘ll excuse the unintended metaphor.

    And please consider this before you judge: there’s the cultural issue. In impoverished third world countries such a financial transaction by a local legislator would be considered traditional and very, very acceptable. I’m talking about SC, not the Indian Subcontinent, you jerks. There it’s merely against the law.

  12. tribbzthesquidz

    [re=603792]Potater[/re]: Wangnutz really like to focus on the “ick” factor. They just can’t imagine “gay” in any context but their own, which is to masturbate to hot prairie squid fantasies, then feel guilty about it and repress repress repress. To have people be honest about any kind of normal, functional, consensual, and just everyday sexuality is unthinkable to these boobz. Oh, and think of the children. How will they go on knowing their parental figz have lives?

  13. mcc

    In addition to the primaries today, by the way, there is an Actual Election in part of California, specifically Senate District 15. It is to replace some guy who is retiring and most people do not seem to know it is happening, possibly because governor Arnold scheduled it at the most confusing time possible, right after the other election. If you live anywhere near the California coast you should check to see if you live in SD15, because it stretches from Santa Cruz like halfway down the state. If so you have an election today. The choices are like some gay dude named John Liard vs a homophobic oil executive. This is literally the only information I know about the election because I do not live in SD15 and so all I know is what was on the script EQCA handed me.

  14. desertwind

    Re the Nebraska town’s new anti-brown law.

    Not included: The meat packin’ plants, which are outside of the city limits in unincorporated county land. Plus, home care & part-time home labor (ie babysitters, housekeepers, construction & yardmen)

    They want their labor, of course, but just don’t want to live among ‘em.

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