You know what’s awful? That mineral-management whatzit agency that let BP crap oil all over the Gulf of Mexico forever. How can America best change its dangerous, corrupt mining policies? And what was it called, again? Jesus doesn’t anybody remember anything in this country? No? Well, anyway, to change the subject, have you heard about America’s great new Interior Department department dedicated to the careful and prudent regulation of offshore drilling, which has always been illegal in America? Let’s tour this nation’s finest regulatory agency, which was created by Jacques Cousteau some three centuries ago!
Reuters reports this afternoon:
The U.S. Minerals and Management Service, the troubled regulator that has been blamed for failing to adequately police the drilling industry ahead of the Gulf oil spill, will change its name, the Interior Department said on Monday.
Interior Secretary Ken Salazar signed am order renaming the agency the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management, Regulation and Enforcement, or the Bureau of Ocean Energy.
YES. America is back. But why has no-one told the actual MMS to shut down its 1997 website and become this new Fish-Friendly Environmental Nonprofit? [Reuters/WSJ]
{ 71 comments }
boemre?
[re=603511]ladymacbeth[/re]: Better than idea one, “Bureau of Oceans.”
Have they considered renaming it “Palestine”?
In the most recent issue of Time Magazine, I saw a picture of Ken Salazar where he appears to be blowing somebody a kiss. I haven’t slept right since.
But employees still enjoy cocaine and prostitutes, yes?
[re=603521]HedonismBot[/re]: Some Wonketteer who is teh funnee-er than me needs to take this and run with it. I’ll be disappointed if this doesn’t happen.
Ken Salazar is whitewashing something? Shocking.
The former head of MMS, Liz Birnbaum, abruptly resigned last
month in the wake of criticism of the agency’s lax oversight of
the Deepwater Horizon rig and overall offshore drilling.
Great – another first time jobless claim … Obama is taking our jerbs!
BoOEMREotBoOE has a nice ring to it. Will they still sponsor hookers and blow?
[re=603524]HedonismBot[/re]: And I think I just found the subject for my very first Blingee!! Too bad I’m at work right now and don’t have time…
They could have just left the “Regulation” and “Enforcement” part out.
This new department will be headed by Geert Wilders, who will be renamed Liz Birnbaum II.
[re=603527]Poisoned Rationality[/re]: I thought Liz Becton was in charge. I know I’ve seen her name in these pages.
[re=603527]Poisoned Rationality[/re]: In my state at least, you can’t get unemployment benefits if you quit your job. Oh well, I’m sure some nice lobbying firm will be there to help her get back on her feet.
I think FUBAR works, somehow.
Bureau of Bending Over And Taking It Up My Oil-Stained Wazoo. But the acronym is useless.
I only give a fuck if the new name means they can wholesale fire all those MMS assholes and hire ones that aren’t fucked up, cranked out and snorting on toasters.
[re=603533]qwerty42[/re]: Don’t Call Her Liz!!!!
http://wonkette.com/409300/more-super-mean-liz-becton-e-mails/
Ha. This is like when they changed the name of RSPA to “PHMSA.” Boo!
Department of Avian & Mammalian Lubrication?
[re=603520]mumblyjoe[/re]: Win.
Asshole that I am, I can still acknowledge Excellence.
Yes, because this always works so well when private corporations change their names; it’s great for the government to follow.
[re=603511]ladymacbeth[/re]: They’ll just use the Bureau of Ocean Energy, or BOE. The new director, Michael Bromwich according to the article, will be called the Face of BOE.
Istanbul is now Constantinople
[re=603548]Radiotherapy[/re]: Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Pretty lofty title for people whose style of management, regulation, and enforcement is head down/ass up.
Chief Brody is comin’ back to shoot all these fuckers. “Smile, you sonavabitch!”
[re=603544]JMP[/re]: Way to toss in the obscure Dr. Who reference.
My first blingee!
http://bln.gs/b/1vdwdw
KFC was Kentucky Fried, Jays chips used to be Japs, and O’shit Energy was once the agency that put the final nail in Louisiana’s coffin.
What a beautiful site they have! When I first saw it, my immediate reaction was that a masterpiece like this could only be created by FrontPage. But no, srsly, no professional government agency would actually create a website in FrontPage, would they? A quick look at the source confirmed it: yup, made in FrontPage 2003.
Onward and upward!
/OT threadjack
This just in–our ol’ fren’, Meg the Anonymous Lobbist, has gone legit. Check it out:
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/06/joe-lieberman-and-the-myth-of-the-internet-kill-switch.php?ref=fpb
Ooooh, they even have the obligatory “kid’s page”, all done up in Comic Sans! Cutting edge!
While we’re at it, we should rename the Defense Department the Department of War, the Treasury Department the Department of Debt, and the Health and Human Services Department the Department of Fuck the Poors. The Agriculture Department should be renamed the Agribusiness Department and the State Department the Department of Hillary Department. This would honor Confucius’ doctrine of the Rectification of Names, which is the First Step in reforming society.
Well, I for one am glad my hard-earned tax dollars are going to pay for this useless name change. How much is this going to cost us? Doesn’t matter, it’s worth it!!!
It worked for Blackwater, right?
[re=603572]Aurelio[/re]: I’m sure renaming the MMS will have the same effect as the “Shell Shock -> Combat Fatigue -> Post Traumatic Stress Disorder -> PTSD” name-change progression so well satirized by George Carlin.
Most excellent I Ching-ing. Also.
From the MMS page at http://www.gomr.mms.gov/homepg/regulate/environ/deepenv.html:
“Gulf Of Mexico Region | Environmental Studies Program
“Additional information on deepwater-related issues will enhance MMS environmental analyses and assist in management of this lesser known area.”
You mean, “additional information” like FLAMING WRECKAGE AND A GUSHING HOLE OF POISON AND DEATH?
F***ing oiltards.
[re=603577]alzronnie[/re]: Apparently, quite well.
[re=603572]Aurelio[/re]: When proprieties and music do not flourish, punishments will not be properly awarded”. So am I to understand that Tony Hayward is going to escape the long prison term he so richly merits because of teen agers sexting and Lady Gaga?
This will never end as long as Corporate America sees nature as board-feet of lumber, tons of mineral ore, and cubic feet of oil/natural gas. They’ll stop at nothing to quantify that which can not and should not be quantified. Their wet dream is to make our natural world only be available for viewing at the local IMAX.
George Carlin was right. This planet will become a stinking, smoking ball of shit.
Tony Podesta, brother of John, likely funder of this blog, through George, is a lobbyist for British Petroleum.
The odds of an inside job have been raised to 2.2:1.
[re=603589]x111e7thst[/re]: I find the fact that “Tony Hayward”, “sexting” and “Lady Gaga” were all used in the same sentence to be very disturbing.
[re=603570]PickneyPinchback[/re]: That’s not the kid’s page, that’s the page for members of congress.
They wanted to go with Bureau of Oceans Regulation and Energy but it didn’t go over too well…
[re=603520]mumblyjoe[/re]: THIS IS NOT A NEW IDEA!!!!!
[re=603544]JMP[/re]: ha! the face of boe reveal made me cry.
Philip Morris Companies Inc changed their name to the Altria Group, Inc.
Which made their cigarettes sweeter and healthier.
They should check with the good folks at Enron and AIG to see if this idea has worked out before.
[re=603572]Aurelio[/re]: Wasn’t the Defense Department once called the War Department? (checks Wikipedia) Whoops, no, it was called the Department of War from 1789 to 1947. So to be fair, you’re just talking about giving it back the original name.
[re=603596]Servo[/re]: Amen.
And we have always been at war with Eurasia, right?
You know, sometimes in the morning I wake up with a serious boemre.
So now we have birthers, truthers, and…oilers? Yah Ken, tell us, is it Tony Podesta signin’ yer checks? HENNGHH?
Maybe the Republicans will like ACORN if they just change their name to TRUCKNUTZ.
Unfortunately, the Real Merikins are too stupid to realize that they’ve been bought and silenced with cheap energy and gadgets.
there’s a precedent for this bullshit. the federal home loan bank board was dissolved by poppa bush after the savings and loan crisis. by “dissolved” i meant, renamed. a group of fhlb employees went to lunch and watched bush announce the new oversight agency. the employees returned to work and found that the were now the office of thrift supervision. fast forward a couple of decades and… the office of thrift supervision is implicated in failing to adequately regulate aig, specifically the whole credit default swap thingy.
I feel sorry for the poor bastards who were mid-to-nothing level and schlubbed their way through this job and tried to do things right and were obviously ignored (maybe there aren’t any left, who knows) and now have to tell people who they work for. Anyway, in sympathy for them, I’d rename MMS the Agency for Strategic Offshore Oil and Gas Extraction, or A StOOGE. They can enjoy seeing that on everybody’s business card.
Well, this is certainly Change I can Believe in. Meanwhile, BP and others shall go forth unfettered to squeeze oil out of Uranus.
I like the new name. Ocean Energy. Makes me think of Sealab and tambourines.
Why was Deepwater Horizon flying under the flag of the Marshall Islands, BTW? Oh yeah, cause they don’t give a fuck, and cause MMS was high.
[re=603625]obfuscator[/re]: Righto, as usual. Charles Keating was the proto-repto-Repug who professed gubment hatred yet had no compunction to bleed it dry. What do you think was Walnut’s more heinous crime: Keating or Palin?
Brick Oven Bill is making me yearn for the ginger that gets the previous ginger’s banhammer.
[re=603641]Radiotherapy[/re]: civics 101 for rich assholes: use your resources and influence to amass wealth at the expense of 99.9999994% of the populace.
palin is the correct answer.
[re=603523]chascates[/re]: But only if they are provided by the Oil Industry, since that guarantees quality. You don’t want any employees missing work due to a STD or fiberglass mixed in with the coke.
[re=603663]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: uncut colombian booger-sugar + light sweet crude = the smoothest high gw ever experienced.
The MMS web master is a little too tweaked right now. As soon as he gets out of his Exxon contact and comes down, he’ll go back through the Helloworld.htm training and use Front Page to make the changes you request.
Think of all the jobs created! Why they’ll have to change the signage on buildings, letterhead, and their website.
[re=603668]obfuscator[/re]: Sounds even better than the “brown brown” beloved of mercenaries from the ex-commblock and African child soldiers.
[re=603641]Radiotherapy[/re]: remember when Joe the Plumber came along and then we found out his name was Wurtzelbacher, and then we found out there was a Wurtzelbacher who was involved in the Keating Five thing, yet nobody ever thought to ask Herr Plumber if he was somehow related? Good times, good times.
[re=603609]sezme[/re]: It’s true! Dudes been cold naming things Palestine for at least, like, five years now.
[re=603724]Mr Blifil[/re]: Actually, a number of inquiring minds did ask and found that:
“Joe Wurzelbacher — the Ohio plumber who became an instant celebrity when John McCain mentioned him 24 times during the final debate with Barack Obama — is a fake. He isn’t even a licensed plumber, according to the National Enquirer. … McCain’s Joe the Plumber is actually the son of Robert Wurzelbacher, who is Charles Keating’s son-in-law, according to the Enquirer.
You may remember Charles Keating from the previous savings and loan crisis in 1989. He was the head of Lincoln Savings and Loan, which collapsed in 1989 at a cost of over $3 billion to the federal government. More than 23,000 shareholders were defrauded and elderly customers lost their life savings.”
http://www.examiner.com/x-264-Celebrity-News-Examiner~y2008m10d17-Joe-the-Plumber-is-a-fake-hes-related-to-the-Keating-Five-scandal-John-McCains-asterisk
http://nemrits.com/gallery/pic/20100612100831
And all you libtards thought prayer wouldn’t fix the problem.
Whose snarking now, libtards!
[re=603572]Aurelio[/re]: Win of the entire fucking week.
Comments on this entry are closed.